Thin Air

by Storm Constantine

  ‘How long ago?’ Jay asked.

  He wriggled his shoulders in embarrassment. ‘About four weeks ago, a few days after you’d told Gina what you were going to do.’

  ‘Right.’ Jay took a deep breath. ‘For the record, I never told Gina of my plans. She obviously had her own agenda through all this. Perhaps we were both dupes.’

  Gus yawned and laughed bitterly. ‘You could say that.’

  ‘Oh?’

  Gus sat down on the sofa, his hands dangling between his knees. ‘Well, you might as well know. There was a bit of a scene last night. Some woman turned up here accusing Gina of having an affair with her husband.’ He rubbed his face. ‘She was doing the dirty on me. We’re finished.’

  Jay laughed coldly. ‘Poor you.’

  Gus nodded, seemingly oblivious of Jay’s tone. ‘Yeah. The woman who came - it was that Rhys Lorrance’s wife. Can you believe it?’

  Jay contained her reaction, and spoke softly. ‘You’d be surprised to know how much I’d believe.’ She paused. ‘And was Gina having an affair with Lorrance?’

  Gus sneered. ‘She tried to deny it, but I could tell she was lying. She’d had him here. Bitch.’ He looked up at Jay, his expression bewildered.

  Jay thought he looked pathetic. She almost felt sorry for him, but her main concern was the information he’d just given her. ‘What did Gina say about me, Gus?’ Jay asked. ‘How did she convince you I was seeing Dex?’

  Gus’ expression took on a mulish cast. ‘She told me the truth, that’s all.’

  ‘The truth!’ Jay laughed coldly. ‘You still believe that?’

  Gus ran his fingers through his hair. ‘Oh, I don’t know. You were up to something though, Jay, you can’t deny that.’

  ‘I wasn’t,’ she said. ‘Whatever happened was a direct result of Gina’s betrayal and your lack of trust.’

  Gus leaned back on the sofa. ‘Oh, that’s right, blame me.’

  ‘I’m not. I’m just saying it was a result. That’s different.’

  So what happens now?’ he asked. ‘You want to come back?’

  Jay laughed again, this time in incredulity. ‘That’s not why I’m here,’ she said. ‘I just wanted to get everything sorted out.’

  ‘This place is still half mine,’ Gus said.

  Jay nodded, smiling. ‘I could dispute that actually, but I won’t. You wanted me to buy you off, so try this on for size. Give me my half instead. You can have the place.’

  Gus stared at her. ‘You are back with that wanker, aren’t you?’

  ‘That’s none of your business,’ Jay said.

  ‘I knew it!’

  ‘Yeah, you know it,’ Jay said, ‘you know it all, don’t you. What do I care? If you want to think I was seeing Dex before, then believe it. It doesn’t matter to me. You and I weren’t right for each other. Surely you can see that now?’

  Gus sucked his lower lip for a moment, then seemed to crumple inwardly. ‘You came here a couple of nights ago, didn’t you? Gina didn’t want to believe it. Said it was kids that had broken in. But I knew it was you. I’m not that surprised to see you now. You took the car, right?’

  ‘Yes, and now I’ve returned it.’ She threw him the keys. ‘It’s outside.’

  ‘Where have you been?’ He frowned. ‘Jay, it’s been weeks. Your car was found abandoned out in the middle of nowhere. I thought the worst, until Gina explained everything. What possessed you to do a thing like that? Didn’t you consider how people might worry?’

  Jay set her mouth into a sneer. ‘What people? You? Gina? As if you cared!’

  Gus showed her his palms in an open gesture. ‘I know we had an ugly scene. I was wound up, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t concerned about you.’

  Jay sighed and sat down in a chair opposite him. ‘I needed to get away to think about my life,’ she said. ‘It was time for a change all round. I don’t want to fight now, Gus. Gina’s been a cow, obviously, and even now I’m not sure how much of one. I don’t really want to know. In a way, her betrayal did me a favour. I’ve had to sort myself out.’

  Gus shook his head slowly. ‘This has been one weird time.’

  ‘It has. So, anyway, what do you think about my suggestion? Can you buy me out?’

  Gus fixed her with a meaningful stare. ‘Is that what you want?’

  ‘Yes. It is.’

  There was a short silence, then Gus said. ‘I didn’t want any of this to happen, Jay. I was content, then suddenly my whole life was falling apart.’

  Jay didn’t feel capable of comment.

  Jay couldn’t give Gus a contact number, but told him she’d be in touch in a day or so. He wanted to know where she was going, but she wouldn’t tell him. He also asked her if she was going to confront Gina. ‘You just call her and tell her what’s happened,’ Jay said. ‘I’m sure she needs a friend at the moment.’

  Gus began to grumble and swear, but Jay interrupted. ‘Of course, you won’t have seen the papers yet. Lorrance was killed last night.’

  Gus raised his eyebrows. ‘Get away! How?’

  ‘Shot,’ said Jay. ‘He was involved in all kinds of shady business.’

  ‘Who isn’t, in this fucking industry?’ said Gus.

  Jay nodded. ‘True. Still, his death will probably be a great shock to Gina.’

  ‘Well she deserves it,’ Gus said coldly.

  ‘Who are we to judge?’ Jay said.

  She went out into the street, unsure of what she felt about Gina. It was hard to accept someone she’d looked upon as a close friend could have behaved in the way she had. She must have known what Lorrance was doing, even as she offered the hand of comfort and support. What made someone do a thing like that? It was grotesque. Jay strolled down the road to the cafe. She must cast off all the unwanted baggage from her past life. Anything was possible now. Anything.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Samantha Lorrance walked through the bedrooms of her house, deciding what she would keep and what she would sell. Later that morning, an estate agent was coming to value the property. Samantha couldn’t live there anymore. She’d been staying with her old friends in London for a week or so, and now planned to move back there. She had become a very wealthy woman, and could afford to buy somewhere to her taste in the city.

  Mrs Moran was in the kitchen as she had been every morning since Samantha had moved in as a new bride. Samantha could hear the comforting clatter of cutlery and crockery. Perhaps whoever bought this house would keep Mrs Moran, Terry and the gardeners on. Samantha didn’t like to think of them losing their jobs. Strangely enough, letters of sympathy had arrived from several neighbours, women who’d never bothered with Samantha before. I needed you more in the past, Samantha thought as she read the letters. She would reply warmly, because she liked to be polite, but she didn’t really care about them.

  Samantha was eager to leave the house. She had a dinner date with Cherry and two male friends later on. She hoped the estate agent wouldn’t be late. She’d go and have a cup of coffee with Mrs Moran until he arrived. Sometimes, she cried about Rhys, especially at night, but it was just because she felt sorry for him. She didn’t miss him particularly. Being his wife had been like living in an enchanted castle. It hadn’t been real life and she realised now she’d had no deep love for him. She’d thought that marrying him would secure her future, and despite what had happened, it had.

  Samantha came down the stairs. The hall was a horrible place to her now and she always hurried through it. She wasn’t afraid of seeing a ghost, but shied from recalling the sight of her dead husband. She resisted the urge to close her eyes and run blindly for the passage to the kitchen. At the bottom of the stairs, Samantha uttered a short moan of horror. There was something on the floor there, just where Rhys had died. For a moment, she was frozen to the spot. Then she saw that it was just a shadow, cast by someone standing in the living room doorway.

  ‘My God,’ Samantha said. ‘Lacey?’

  ‘Hi.’ Lacey came out from the roo
m and looked up at her step-mother.

  Samantha skipped down the stairs and gave the girl a hug. ‘You poor love. Oh, sweetheart, how are you?’

  ‘I’m fine,’ Lacey said. She kissed Samantha on the cheek and withdrew. ‘And you?’

  ‘Oh, mucking through. It’s been...’ She shrugged. Any words would seem inadequate. ‘You missed the funeral. I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to contact you.’

  ‘I knew about the funeral,’ Lacey said. ‘It’s OK. You know how it was with me and Dad.’

  ‘Come and have a cup of coffee,’ Samantha said firmly, slipping her hand through Lacey’s elbow.

  ‘I will,’ Lacey said, ‘but first, I have to ask you something. It’s very important.’

  Samantha felt uneasy. ‘Well, yes, of course. What is it?’

  ‘The house,’ said Lacey.

  ‘The house?’

  Lacey pushed a few strands of hair from her face. ‘Mmm. This isn’t easy, but it is important. I want to come back here.’

  Samantha frowned. ‘Here? To live?’

  Lacey nodded. ‘Someone has to. I can’t explain, but I need to be here.’

  Samantha sighed. ‘Oh, love, I’m so sorry. I’m putting the house on the market today.’

  ‘Please don’t,’ said Lacey.

  Samantha stared at the girl for a few moments. ‘I can’t live here, Lacey.’

  ‘I know.’ Lacey closed her eyes briefly. ‘Something’s left here, Sam. It can’t be left alone, or passed on to anyone else. It has to be me.’

  Rhys had left his daughter nothing in his will. At the time Samantha had discovered this, she’d wondered what would happen if Lacey ever did make a reappearance. For this reason, she’d been half expecting it. ‘Look, we can come to some arrangement,’ Samantha said. ‘I’m not mean, Lacey. I’ll make sure you get something.’

  ‘No, you don’t understand,’ Lacey said. ‘I don’t want money. I want this house. Remember when I came to you and tried to explain what Dad was into? You wouldn’t listen to me, but now you must know in your heart I was right. You don’t ever want to know what went on here, but it was bad, Sam. Someone has to take that legacy on, do something about it. You don’t know what I’m talking about, really, so how can that someone be you? And strangers don’t deserve to live with what’s here. Could you just sell this place and let that happen? What if the new owners have children? Would that be fair?’

  Samantha paused, uncertain. She felt as if dark wings were closing around her.

  ‘Please don’t make me show you what’s here,’ Lacey said quietly, her face set into an expression of anguish. ‘I can do that, and I really don’t want to, but if you won’t let me have the house, I’ll have no choice but to show you.’

  Samantha thought of numbers appearing in swirling leaves, of shadows that walked to the door of the house. The hall felt incredibly cold. She did not want to know and she did not want to see.

  ‘You’re a good person,’ Lacey said. ‘Please accept what I say. It’s not about money.’

  ‘You couldn’t afford to run a place like this,’ Samantha said. ‘Could you?’

  ‘That’s not your worry. I have my resources.’ The hall echoed with her voice, its walls white and chill.

  Samantha felt a responsibility hanging over her, something she didn’t want. The decision, ultimately, was easily made. Immediately she felt lighter, and giggled. ‘Oh, what the hell. I have more than enough for my needs. Have the house, Lacey, if that’s what you want.’

  Lacey threw her arms around Samantha and hugged her tightly. ‘Thank you. You’ve done the right thing.’

  ‘I don’t envy you,’ Samantha said, leading Lacey from the hall towards the kitchen. ‘This place has a bad feeling.’

  ‘We can change that,’ Lacey said.

  With Jay’s half of the equity in her old flat, she and Dex bought a dilapidated farmhouse in the north of England, to be nearer to Julie. Music was in Dex’s blood; he couldn’t abandon it, but the pieces he composed now were very different to anything he’d done before. Sakrilege fought to keep him, but lost the fight. It was almost as if Dex wasn’t meant to be on that label any more. Zeke Michaels lost his job in a major staff reshuffle after Lorrance’s death. Life, Jay thought, had certainly given him part of what he deserved. She suspected Michaels’ personal life wouldn’t be going too well either.

  Dex signed up with a new company and began to work again. His music had matured, moved on. He would appeal to an older audience now, which was only right because he too was older. The music papers made a meal of his return though and the fan letters came rolling in. Jay thought Dex would be snide about them, but she could tell that he was secretly touched by his old fans’ loyalty. He played a private, acoustic gig for the fan club in London and for the last time sang the songs from the unrecorded album. The audience neither bayed nor howled, but listened silently as if they too were aware there was more to the music than it appeared. At the end of the gig, there was a moment’s almost rapt hesitation, before the entire club exploded into applause, whistles and catcalls. This response moved Jay to tears.

  Jay thought she might write a book at some point, but for the time being was content to renovate her new home, experimenting with the crafts she’d begun to learn in Lestholme. Jem re-established contact with her aunt, but lived with Jay and Dex. She had decided to go to college next year, but until then would help Jay with the house.

  Jay sometimes thought to herself, as she sat in the evenings before the old range in the kitchen, ‘this is the life we always should have had.’ She’d never experienced real contentment before, but even so, was not afraid of losing it. She felt she’d earned what she’d got. In the beginning, she’d considered contacting Gina, just to see whether she could glean the truth from her, but ultimately decided she didn’t want to know. That was all behind her now. Gina’s book came out and was very successful, not really to Jay’s surprise. But the woman who appeared in the Sunday supplement articles to accompany the book’s release was not the one Jay had known. She looked so much older, and a certain fire had gone from her eyes. Jay did not want to feel smug about that, but still couldn’t dispel a slight sense of satisfaction.

  Julie, Kylie and Melanie were now regular presences in Dex’s and Jays’s lives. Dex had offered to buy his sister somewhere else to live, but for some reason, Julie didn’t want to move out of her home. Jay insisted that she at least accept some financial help though and advised Dex on setting up a trust for the children.

  ‘There’s not going to be a winter,’ Jay said once, as Julie was trying to protest about the arrangements. ‘This isn’t crumbs for the bird-table, Julie, but consistent support from family.’

  ‘You can be a right bossy cow, do you know that?’ Julie said, but she was laughing.

  One Sunday afternoon, as Jay, Dex and Jem sat watching an old movie on the TV, the telephone rang. Jay and Dex exchanged a glance. They both confessed afterwards they’d experienced a sense of premonition.

  Jay got up to answer the phone. A voice said, ‘Jay, it’s Lacey Lorrance.’

  Jay had believed Lacey was no longer a part of this world, and to hear her voice was chilling. ‘What do you want?’ Jay asked, unable to keep a slight frostiness from her voice.

  ‘Who is it?’ Dex asked.

  Jay raised a hand to silence him.

  ‘I’m living at Emmertame,’ Lacey said. ‘I’d like to see you.’

  ‘What for?’ Jay demanded.

  ‘To talk.’

  Jay paused. ‘No,’ she said. ‘We’ve let go of the past. Please respect that.’

  Lacey’s voice was urgent, pleading. ‘His own people killed him, Jay. It wasn’t us. Don’t think that. We must talk. You’re important Jay - you, Dex and Jem. What you lived through has made you different, and that difference gives you responsibilities…’

  ‘Lacey, please!’ Jay interrupted. At the mention of that name, she sensed both Dex’s and Jem’s bodies stiffen behind her. ‘You live you
r life the way you see fit, we’ll live ours. That’s it.’

  Jay was prepared to argue more, but found she was listening to a dead line, just silence. Slowly, she replaced the hand-set of the phone.

  ‘They want us,’ Dex said.

  ‘They can’t have us,’ said Jay.

  ‘This might just be the beginning.’ Dex raked his hands through his hair. ‘We know too much. They’re hungry for recruits, Jay.’

  ‘Hush,’ Jay said.

  Jem was curled up like a scared cat in her chair, her eyes wide. ‘Are we safe?’ she murmured.

  ‘Yes,’ Jay said in a low, cold voice. ‘We’re safe. I won’t let anything get to us, not after all we’ve been through. I promise you.’

  Jem smiled uncertainly and Jay reached out to stroke her hair.

  Dex shook his head. ‘I can’t believe that Lorrance girl’s nerve,’ he said.

  ‘She’s obsessed,’ Jay said. ‘We have to deal with obsessive people all the time, Dex. Lacey’s no different. We mustn’t lose sight of that.’

  She walked to the window and looked out at the orchard. Bright yellow leaves skittered among the fallen apples. The sky was dark. ‘Play your games,’ she murmured. ‘Don’t think you can involve us. We’re finished with it.’

  ‘Is there someone out there?’ Jem said, her voice high.

  ‘No.’ Jay closed the curtains over the greying afternoon.