Heartbreak And Past Mistakes

by Chenell Parker

  “What I tell you about that crying shit? You cry more than your sister. Wipe your face and relax. This is exactly why I don’t let you and Armani cook nothing in here. This could have turned out much worse than it did. When I say no cooking, that means the toaster oven too,” Deuce fussed.

  “My mama is gonna whip me,” Baby Blue sniffled.

  “Let me worry about your mama. Y’all go get the cleaning supplies and let’s try to clean up this mess,” Deuce ordered.

  He was livid. Here it was after two in the morning on a school night and his wife still wasn’t home. Baby Blue was dead ass wrong, but he wasn’t even mad at him. If anything, he felt sorry for him and his sister for having a mother like Zina. She had them out at the second line all day Sunday and she still went out later that night. Her kids didn’t have a bed time and Deuce was the one who had to make them go to sleep. Baby Blue would stay up all night on his game and Armani never put her tablet down. It was sad that they were both failing, but Zina didn’t see what the problem was. Baby Blue already had a tutor that came to the house and they just had to hire another one for Armani.

  “Do you want me to sweep the floor Deuce?” Armani asked as they got to work in the kitchen.

  He laughed when he saw the chicken that Baby Blue had put into the toaster over. It looked more like charcoal and it was just as hard.

  “Yeah, you can sweep,” he replied as he tried to wipe the thick black soot from the wall.

  Baby Blue was wiping the counters when Zina walked in with a puzzled look on her face. “What the hell happened in here? What are y’all still doing up at this hour?” Zina questioned.

  She thought she was tripping when she pulled up in her driveway and saw all the lights on. It was after three in the morning, but the front door was wide open. The house had a weird smell mixed with the cleaning supplies that they were using. The look on her husband’s face had Zina ready to turn around and get back into her car.

  “Baby Blue tried to cook chicken and set the house on fire. The whole toaster oven blew up,” Armani embellished dramatically.

  “What! I know the fuck you didn’t try to cook nothing in my house! That damn toaster oven was over two hundred dollars. Go get my paddle Armani!” Zina yelled as she walked up on him.

  Baby Blue looked scared out of his mind as he backed up and stood next to Deuce.

  “Calm down bruh. You ain’t getting no whipping,” Deuce replied calmly.

  “Seriously Deuce! Look at my damn kitchen!” Zina fumed.

  “Don’t come in here with all that noise Zina. I’m really not in the mood,” Deuce replied as he grabbed the garbage bag with the toaster oven and the rest of the trash.

  Zina didn’t like how calm he was but that had been his demeanor for the past few months. As crazy as it may have sounded, she wanted him to argue with her. At least then she would know what he was thinking. Her father always told her that a calm man was a dangerous one. Most people stopped fighting when they felt like there was nothing left for them to fight for.

  “Y’all go get in the bed,” Zina said to her children.

  “Can we stay home from school today? I’m tired,” Armani said with a yawn.

  “Yeah, y’all can stay home,” Zina replied.

  It was almost four in the morning and they usually got up at six to get ready for school. They were going to be too tired to function, so it didn’t make sense for them to even go. Zina looked around the kitchen and shook her head in disgust. The entire wall where the toaster over was would have to be replaced and the kitchen would have to be repainted. Now, she knew why her husband looked so upset and she didn’t even blame him. As usual, she was out in the streets when she should have been home with her family. When Deuce walked back inside, he didn’t even say anything to her. He took off his shirt and went straight to their bedroom. Zina waited a few minutes before she went in there behind him. They had to talk and she was ready to get it over with. She heard the shower water running as soon as she got into the room. Zina removed her clothes and headed in the bathroom to join her man.

  “I’ll call my uncle later on so he can come take a look at the kitchen. I know he won’t charge us much to fix it,” Zina said when she stepped into the shower.

  “It’s cool, I’ll take care of it,” Deuce replied.

  “I’m sorry that I wasn’t here,” Zina said as she tried to hug him. She felt like crying when Deuce moved away from her touch. Zina was trying to make things right, but she could tell that it wasn’t going to be easy.

  “It’s cool,” he repeated nonchalantly.

  “Would you please stop doing that? Damn, I said I was sorry. I hate this new nonchalant attitude that you have now. You act like you don’t even care no more,” Zina argued.

  “It’s not an act baby,” Deuce replied, making her heart sink.

  “Okay Deuce, I get it. I need to chill out with the clubbing and shit. I know I’ve said it before, but I mean it now,” Zina swore.

  “Do whatever you wanna do Zina. You know, the same way you’ve been doing for the past few years.” Deuce shrugged.

  He got out of the shower and left her to her thoughts. Zina knew that he was tired of hearing the same thing because she was tired of saying it. She wasn’t trying to lose her husband but, if she kept doing the same bullshit, she was sure that she would. It was crazy that a lot of people didn’t even know that she was married. She and Deuce’s cousin got into it at the club earlier because a dude said it out loud. He said that Zina was a regular at the club and he didn’t even know that she had a man or kids. His cousin, Sanai, got offended and told Zina how pathetic she thought she was. They almost got into a fight in her husband’s club and Zina knew that would have only made things worse. Crazy thing was, she and Sanai were cool as hell. They often went to Ace’s together or met up there. She got in her feelings about something that someone else said and Zina didn’t understand why.

  When she got out of the shower, Zina prepared to go make things right with her husband. She wrapped a towel around her slender body and went into her bedroom. When she didn’t see Deuce in their bed, she threw on a night gown and went to look for him. Zina felt like shit when she walked into the living room and saw her husband sprawled out on the sofa. She had to get her shit together quick or run the risk of pushing him away altogether. With a heavy heart, Zina went back into the bedroom and hoped that she could get a few hours of sleep.

  When she got up the next day, she realized that she must have been more tired than she thought she was. It was after two that evening when she finally opened her eyes. She got up and went to complete her daily hygiene. While getting dressed, Zina heard voices in the kitchen and she recognized one as her husband’s. She threw on some comfortable clothes and walked out of the room in search of him.

  “I’ll be back tomorrow to finish the job. Make sure you don’t touch anything,” a man who Zina had never seen before said to Deuce. He had on a gray and blue striped shirt with a company logo on front. He had a tool box in his hand as he passed by Zina and nodded his greeting.

  “Thank you. I appreciate it,” Deuce replied while walking him out.

  Zina was surprised to see that the wall where the toaster oven was had been repaired. It wasn’t painted, but it wasn’t the same as it was before.

  “I told you that I was going to call my uncle to do it,” Zina said as she took a seat at the kitchen table.

  “It’s almost three in the afternoon and you’re just now waking up. The shit is already done and you would have just now been calling your uncle to do it. If I want shit done around here, I have to do it myself. The fuck am I even married for if I still feel like I don’t have a wife?” Deuce snapped angrily.

  “Where did that even come from? I wasn’t the one who set the damn wall on fire,” Zina argued.

  “No, but if your stupid ass would have been at home watching your child, he wouldn’t have done it either. Your kids ain’t even here and you don’t even know where they went. You sad as fu
ck man,” Deuce said while shaking his head.

  “I told them that they could stay home from school since you had them up so late,” Zina argued.

  “I had them up late?” Deuce asked incredulously while pointing to himself. “You better be happy that you didn’t come home and find all three of us dead up in this bitch. It’s fucked up that you never even bothered to ask how we were doing. You were more worried about how much the damn toaster oven cost.”

  “Where are they now?” Zina asked him.

  “If you weren’t so hungover, you would have known that they left with your mama,” Deuce answered while shaking his head.

  “I’m sorry, okay?” Zina said, sounding like she was about to cry.

  “You need to get some studio time and make a record. You been singing that same song for years now. Shit, I already know all the lyrics,” Deuce chuckled sarcastically.

  “Why is everything a joke to you? I feel like our marriage is getting worse by the day and I don’t find anything funny!” Zina yelled.

  “Man, fuck this marriage,” Deuce replied.

  “Did you really just say that?” Zina asked in shock.

  “Shit, you’ve been saying it for a minute. I finally get it now though,” Deuce said as he nodded in understanding.

  “When have I ever said some dumb shit like that?” Zina questioned as she stood to her feet.

  “You never said it verbally, but your actions always show it,” Deuce replied as he grabbed his keys from the counter.

  “That is not true. Are you really about to leave in the middle of a serious discussion?” Zina asked him.

  “Yep,” was his monotone reply.

  “Can we talk Deuce, please?” Zina begged.

  “I’m tired of talking Zina. I’m gone,” Deuce said when he walked to the door.

  “What time are you coming back?” Zina ran after him and asked.

  “Whenever I get back,” he replied, right before slamming the door in her face.

  Zina’s legs felt like jelly as she collapsed to the floor and cried. She couldn’t even be mad at how Deuce was handling her because she deserved that and more. Stupid was a word that fit her actions perfectly. There was nothing out there in the streets, but she couldn’t seem to leave that lifestyle alone. Zina had everything that she needed right there under one roof and she still wasn’t satisfied.

  After pulling herself together, Zina got up in search of her phone. She needed someone to talk to and only one person came to mind.

  “Hey cousin,” Kierra said when she answered the phone.

  “I need to talk cousin,” Zina cried into the phone.

  “What’s wrong Zina? Do you need me to leave from work?” Kierra asked worriedly.

  “No, you don’t have to do that. I just needed to talk. I fucked up again and Deuce is mad with me,” Zina said.

  Kierra rolled her eyes up to the sky because that was nothing new. Zina was always calling her with the same shit. She swore that she was done listening to her, but she really didn’t have a choice. Her cousin sounded more broken up than usual and she would never leave her hanging like that. She listened as Zina told her everything that happened that led up to her husband walking out on their discussion. Kierra told her that everyone had a breaking point but Zina never wanted to listen. At one time, she used to be right by her husband’s side doing whatever he needed her to do. Zina used to hold dope, sell it, and hide it if she had to. It was nothing for her to make drop offs or pickups and she always had her husband’s back. Everything changed when Ace got killed and her husband changed more than anything. Deuce wasn’t with the same shit that he was with when they first got married. He had grown up a lot but, sadly, Zina hadn’t.

  “You know I love you, cousin, but I told you to chill out. That man pays all the bills and you barely have a hot meal on the stove for him. That clubbing shit is played out. Only one of his cousins who you hang with have a man and I can see why.”

  “Fuck them hoes. I was about to drop that hoe Sanai at Ace’s last night. Bitch coming at me sideways about some shit that another nigga said,” Zina fumed.

  “See, I already knew that was gonna happen. Them freeloading hoes only hang with you for the free drinks. You be telling Sanai all your business and then you be wondering how Deuce be finding out. They’re jealous and you keep giving them something to talk about,” Kierra said.

  “You were right cousin, but I’m good on them. Shit is getting real at home and I’m falling back from the club scene for a while. I ain’t never heard my nigga say no shit like he said today,” Zina replied.

  “I don’t even wanna know what he said, but that shit obviously got your mind right,” Kierra laughed.

  “It got me all the way right cousin. I’m about to bring my ass to the grocery store and put some food up in this bitch. I’m cooking every day and staying my ass inside. My breath is gonna smell like nothing but my husband’s dick from now on. Shit, I’m about to stop taking that damn shot and try to pop out a baby too. It is not a game,” Zina said, making her laugh even louder.

  “Bitch, I’m weak. Deuce ain’t playing with that ass no more. But, seriously cousin, I think you have the right idea. Get your house in order and fuck everything else,” Kierra replied.

  “What’s understood don’t need to be explained. Let me get out of here cousin. I’ll call you later,” Zina said before she hung up.

  She went to her bedroom and changed into some better clothes. Afterwards, she left out of the house and headed straight to the grocery store. She told her mother to have her kids home early because they were not missing another day of school. Zina was serious about making some changes. She wasn’t about to lose her husband to the streets or another bitch.

  Chapter 9

  Jena looked at her reflection in the mirror and made sure that she didn’t look as bad as she felt. She had barely gotten any sleep the night before and she had Spencer to thank for that. After staying up arguing with him all night, he sent her home with a wet ass and a broken heart. Jena had been begging him to move in with him, but he always turned her down. She stayed over there some nights but that was as far as it went. She hated that she still lived at home with her mother, but she couldn’t afford to pay rent and her car note. The money that she made was decent but she was in debt from all the credit cards that she had. Trying to keep up with other people had her shopping for things that she knew she couldn’t afford.

  Jena was supposed to stay at Spencer’s house last night but things went all the way left. Some random bitch showed up at his house butt ass naked, with the exception of the long trench coat that she had on. Spencer didn’t even try to play it off as he openly flirted with the other woman in her face. Jena went crazy and they ended up arguing. He was tired of the back and forth, so he made her leave. That was nothing new but Jena was no fool. She knew Spencer way better than he thought she did. Instead of going straight home, she made the block and parked on the corner. Just like she assumed, the same woman who had been there before pulled up a few minutes after she left. Jena’s first mind told her to go back and act a fool. The sensible side of her won and she went home and cried herself to sleep. Spencer didn’t even try to call her and she already knew why.

  “Good morning,” the security guard said when Jena entered the building. She was a little earlier than usual but she was hoping to run into Spencer before everyone else came to work.

  “Good morning,” Jena replied with a forced smile.

  “You’re going on the fourth floor, right?” he asked her.

  “Yeah, I am,” she answered.

  “These flowers just came in for Ms. Carter. Can you bring them up there for me?” he requested.

  “Yeah, that’s no problem,” Jena said as she took them from him.

  “Thank you.” He smiled right as the elevator doors closed.

  There was no need for him to thank her because it was her pleasure. For months, Lyric had been getting flowers and gifts delivered to the office. If she was
n’t there to get them herself, Nova was always around to intercept them. Jena was curious as to who the gifts were coming from, but she was about to find out. Although the card was sealed, Jena took it off and stuck it in her front pocket. Once she got up to their floor, she sat the flowers on the floor in front of Lyric’s office door. Once she sat her things down, Jena rushed to the bathroom to get some privacy. Her hand shook as she tore open the envelope so that she could read the card. Jena didn’t know why, but a part of her was thinking that maybe Spencer was the culprit behind all the anonymous gifts. It was clear to anyone with eyes that he still had feelings for his ex but Jena would have died if he was sending her flowers or anything else.

  “Get the fuck outta here! Lyric is fucking Javier!” Jena exclaimed loudly as she covered her mouth in shock.

  She didn’t know why she was so surprised because Lyric was everybody’s type. Javier was fine as fuck and a lot of women at the firm were crushing on him. Jealousy coursed through her veins as she read the long note that was attached to the flowers. Javier was talking like a man in love, making her wonder just how long they had been kicking it. Jena just didn’t understand how one person could have it all. Lyric had the face, body, and everything else that most women only dreamed of. She had a house, a nice car, and a bad ass wardrobe. Men seemed to fall at her feet and Jena just didn’t comprehend why. She and Lyric were friends for years and it had been the same way then too. In her eyes, Lyric had everything that any woman could ever dream of. She didn’t know that love was really the only thing that her former friend wanted and the only thing that she had trouble obtaining.

  After seeing all that she needed to see, Jena ripped the card up into tiny pieces and flushed it down the toilet. She checked her appearance in the mirror one more time before she exited.

  “Hey girl. You’re here earlier than usual,” Sabrina said when Jena walked into the room and over to her cubicle.

  “Yes and so are you,” Jena replied with a smile.

  “Girl, I have to tell you about my night with Tremaine,” Sabrina said as she fanned her face with her hand dramatically.