Once the lights are out and I am get settled on the floor, I realize just how uncomfortable it is. It’s been a long damn time since I was in the desert, sleeping wherever I could get my head down for a few minutes.
Ainsley doesn’t seem to be comfortable either. I listen to her toss and turn for several minutes before the alcohol catches up with me, and I am able to ignore the protest that my back is lodging about my sleeping accommodations.
My eyes close for what feels like literally seconds before they open again to the sound of Ainsley sitting up on the couch. I hear a whimper—she must have forgotten how difficult it was going to be to sit after the spanking she got.
I start to say something, but before I can, Ainsley drops down to her knees and curls up beside me. I don’t know if I should acknowledge it or not. I listen to her breathe for a few minutes and finally give in. I put my arm around her, and she snuggles in closer. She places her head on my chest, and I stroke her hair until I hear her breathing get shallow.
Fuck, this feels nice. It’s been so long since I’ve had a woman in my arms—even when I was married, my wife usually stayed on her side of the bed.
Is it wrong for me to want to stay trapped in this moment for longer than one night?
That’s madness.
The last thing she needs in her life is someone like me.
I wake up the next morning, and the gorgeous Ainsley is still asleep in my arms. The light has started to come through the windows, and it forms a halo around her beautiful face. She looks like an angel that is too pretty to disturb.
An angel that should be protected and cared for. An angel that should run away from me as fast as she can the instant her eyes open.
I’m nothing but a fucking disaster. She might have some issues, but they pale in comparison to mine. Having a clear head makes me realize that a whole lot better than I did last night.
“Good morning.” Ainsley opens her eyes, and I don’t see one ounce of regret; she lights up my entire fucking office with a beautiful smile.
“Good morning to you to.” I nod and begin to sit up. “Do you drink coffee? I’m going to make some.”
“I prefer Red Bull, but I’ll drink coffee if that is all you have.” She stretches her arms out and shifts to the couch.
“Let me see what I can do.” I have to stand up slow, just to make sure that my back isn’t going to send me straight to the floor again.
The break room has several coffee pots and a rather nice selection of items in the vending area. I start a pot of coffee and look to see what kind of drinks we have, but I don’t see Red Bull. It’s a stretch, but there are several vending areas in the building, and some of them have items that are specifically requested by people on that floor. I decide to go on an expedition while the coffee pot works its magic.
The first two floors are a bust, but when I get down to IT, I see a row of energy drinks. Bingo. I find a Red Bull, pay for it, and head back to the top floor. The coffee pot has filled enough for me to pour a cup, so I return to my office, victorious in my endeavor.
“Found one.” I hold up the Red Bull.
“You’re awesome!” She hops up and takes it from me.
“I would offer some breakfast, but you’re out of luck unless you want junk food.” I set my coffee on my desk and sit on the couch beside her.
“I’m fine.” She pops the top on her Red Bull and takes a sip. “I should probably get back to the hotel and see if my friend bailed on me or not. I didn’t even get a text message from her, so that may not be a good sign.”
“Well, if she thought you got arrested, she might have been afraid the cops had your phone.” I shrug. “I doubt I’d want to incriminate myself with a text message.”
“True.” She nods. “I’m still pissed that she didn’t even come back to check on me.”
“I think it turned out okay.” I give her a playful nudge.
“Yes, it did.” She smiles. “Thank you again for last night. I really enjoyed it.”
“If you enjoyed it, then I don’t think the spanking worked.” I look down and laugh. “It’s supposed to have the opposite effect.”
“It had an effect alright…” She looks away and blushes. “Thank you for not making a big deal out of that either.”
“It was a first for me.” I shrug. “Does that happen to you often when you get … punished?”
“Um, well…” She sips her Red Bull and chews her lip nervously. “Last night was actually the first time I’ve ever been spanked.”
“Oh!” My eyes get wide. “I thought it was something you were into…”
“I’ve always wanted someone to do it, but I’ve never had the chance.” She sighs. “I guess I would need a boyfriend or a steady relationship first; I’ve never had that either.”
“What the hell is wrong with the guys in your generation?” My head snaps back, and I can’t stop my jaw from dropping. “No boyfriend? Ever?”
“I mean, if you want to count the boys in elementary and middle school, I’ve technically had a few, but never anything serious.” She shakes her head. “I went to most of my high school dances with friends instead of dates.”
“Okay, and I ask again—what the hell, no what the fuck is wrong with the guys in your generation?” I stare in disbelief. “If I was younger, holy shit…”
“If you were younger I wouldn’t be interested in you.” She lifts her head slightly, and our eyes meet. “There’s nothing wrong with the guys in my generation. I’m not attracted to them.”
Damn, am I really that blind? That’s why she approached me outside. That’s why she stayed.
“I see…” I take a sip of my coffee. “I’m sure you realize after our conversation last night that there are plenty of options out there better than me.”
“I don’t know if that’s true.” She sighs. “I’m still here, aren’t I?”
“For now.” I nod. “But you’ll be gone soon.”
“What if I came back?” She takes a drink of her Red Bull and puts it down. “All I need to do is get my stuff. It isn't like I owe my friend anything; she totally abandoned me last night.”
I should tell her no. I should push her away now when I have the chance. We shared something, but it hasn’t gone too far—not yet.
I don’t know how to push away the only person who has made me feel like breathing something other than my own misery in so long I barely remember the man I used to be.
“How long are you planning to stay in the city?” I tilt my head inquisitively.
“The room is paid for until Sunday, provided that she didn’t check out and get a refund. I don’t have to be back at work until Monday.” She shrugs. “How long would you like me to stay?”
What a loaded fucking question.
“Let’s find somewhere with better accommodations than my office.” I nod. “My apartment isn’t far from here. I could make dinner for you tonight.”
“Okay.” She smiles and reaches for her phone. “What’s your address?”
I give it to her, along with my phone number. I’ve sealed my fate. One more night with her is practically guaranteed now. Who knows where that will lead, or what it will mean when she has to leave on Sunday morning. I like the way I feel when I’m around her. Her smile is infectious. It makes me feel like a man again, as ridiculous as that sounds in my head.
“I guess I should go.” Ainsley reaches for her purse.
“I’ll walk you to your hotel.” I stand up and use the window as a mirror so I can adjust my shirt.
“You don’t have to. I’ll be fine.” She waves me off.
“I need to stretch my legs anyway.” I motion to the door. “After you. We do need to stop by the break room and check out your hand before we go.”
“It doesn’t really hurt now.” She shrugs.
“Let me take a look at it to be sure.” I walk toward the break room, and she follows me.
Ainsley’s hand looks a lot better this morning, but I take the time to c
lean and put fresh gauze on it to be safe. It doesn’t even look like it’s going to leave a scar.
“All better.” I smile and nod. “Ready to go?”
“Yep.” She picks up her purse and walks to the door.
I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. Ainsley is young enough to be my daughter. Hell, both of my kids are older than she is. This is crazy in every sense of the word. I gave Bram so much shit, and I’m walking in the same damn footsteps. I just don’t want to stop.
I lost my way so long ago, and this is the first time I’ve felt like putting one foot in front of the other, because I know that each step brings me closer to seeing Ainsley again tonight. I should be better than this, but the world has kicked me in the balls so many times that it’s hard to ignore something that is finally going my way. It’s fucking impossible to ignore the gorgeous girl walking beside me.
“See, I told you it wasn’t far.” She motions to her hotel.
“I still feel better seeing that you made it here safe.” I nod.
“I’ll see you tonight.” She turns to me and smiles.
“Yep.” I nod again.
Ainsley walks into the lobby, and I feel an immediate absence when she’s out of sight. I can either beat myself up about this all fucking day or try to enjoy what little time I have left with her.
Maybe this is what I need to jumpstart my entire fucking life. I know I’ve been a sack of shit and treated the people I love like they don’t matter at all. Should I have to suffer until the bitter end because I was a terrible husband and an awful father? I’ve certainly done everything I can to bring myself to that end as fast as possible.
It’s time to open my fucking eyes. I used to be happy once.
I think I want to be that man again.
Chapter Nine
Ainsley
I fell asleep in the arms of a man hot enough to boil me alive with a single glance.
That intensity.
That presence.
His rough exterior is the result of being beaten down so many times that he had to turn to stone or die. He doesn’t hide from his shortfalls. He freely admits all of the things he did wrong, and what his actions cost him.
I wish I could see myself with that much wisdom. I stumble my way through life, making excuses, and when I realize I screwed something up, I swear I won’t do it again—then I do. It’s always been that way. I’m drawn toward the negative perception and flourish in it. I do things that intentionally annoy the people who care about me and drive them crazy.
Lawson makes me want to be different. It’s like looking into the future and seeing what my life will become if everyone simply gives up on me.
Maybe that’s why I feel so drawn to him.
Last night was incredible. I want to cling to that feeling. I want to celebrate it. I finally found someone who checks every mark, and he didn’t reject me. The spanking was everything I wanted and then some—the way he took control, the way he stripped away my limits after dangling that carrot in front of me. I want more.
Before that can happen, I have to deal with Sarah.
I walk into the hotel, take the elevator to the sixth floor, and pull my keycard out of my purse. I have no idea if it will work. It’s possible she took off. I slide the keycard into the door and take a deep breath; it may not even open if she checked out.
But it does.
“Sarah, you fucking bitch!” I walk into the room and see her asleep in the bed.
“What?” She stirs and wipes her eyes.
“You abandoned me!” I throw my purse at Sarah’s bed, and it hits her in the chest. “What the fuck were you thinking?”
“I’m sorry!” She pushes my purse away. “I thought you got arrested!”
“So you just came back to the damn hotel and went to bed?” I grab my bag. “I’m out of here. I’m done.”
“What happened last night? I tried to wait up…” She reaches over and turns on the lamp.
“He’s not an asshole.” I shove all of my stuff in my bag and walk into the bathroom.
“Where have you been?” She stands up and follows me to the bathroom.
“Do you even care?” I sling my stuff from the bathroom counter into my bag and push my way past her.
“Ainsley, talk to me…” She stares at me in confusion.
I don’t respond. I’m too angry. She left me alone in Lawson’s office. She didn’t even bother to text and check up on me. She just went to fucking bed.
I don’t need friends like her.
Sarah sends me a couple of messages when I get to the car, but I don’t even read them. Last night might have been incredible, but things could have happened differently. I could be sitting in a jail cell right now waiting for my mom to get me out.
Not that Sarah would care.
After I drive away from the hotel, it hits me that I have to get ready for a date. I’m still wearing my cheerleader outfit from last night. I need to shower, do my makeup, and I really didn’t bring anything that I would want to wear tonight.
One thing I’ve been careful with is my money. I buy frivolous things, but until I got the handcuffs slapped on my wrist, I saved money with petty shoplifting. I do have a credit card that I’ve tried to save for emergencies, but it looks like I’m going to have to use it.
I drive until I find a cheap motel and pull into the parking lot. It’s skeevy as fuck, but I don’t plan on spending the night. When I walk into the lobby and see that they charge by the hour, I understand exactly what kind of place it is.
“Well, hello there.” A man with long white stringy hair and a toothless smile greets me. “Need a room?”
“Yes, just a couple of hours.” I nod.
“I’d take more than a couple of hours if I had you all to myself.” His smile gets wider, and he laughs.
Gross.
“I just need a room…” I reach into my wallet and pull out my credit card.
“Sorry, cash only.” He points to a sign.
“Oh.” I open my wallet and pull out the money I made from tips during my last shift. “Here, this should cover it.”
“Perfect.” He takes the money and hands me a key. “You can drop the key off with me or leave it in the room.”
I’ll definitely leave it in the room.
I walk to my hotel room, and it’s as disgusting as I imagined, but I won’t be staying long. The shower barely works and doesn’t seem to ever get hot. It’ll have to do. I remove my cheerleader uniform and turn around to look at my ass in the dingy mirror. There’s no evidence of the spanking I got last night. It felt like my ass was going to be sore for a week, but all I have is a little tenderness.
“Maybe he’ll give me another one tonight…” I mutter to myself and then step into the shower.
The shower sucks, but I make do. After I’m done, I put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I want to wear something a lot nicer when I see Lawson again, so I look up a few stores on my phone. I find a couple that look promising and gather up my things.
I feel lucky to be leaving the motel without meeting a serial killer, so I let out a sigh of relief once I’m back on the road. The shower might not have been the best, but it was refreshing.
I drive downtown, do a little shopping, and check the time on my phone—it’s still pretty early. I find a bathroom to change into the new clothes I bought, do my makeup, and get a coffee from a café. I try to make it last as long as possible, but it’s still early when I finish.
Lawson didn’t really say when I should be at his place. I don’t know if he’ll be upset with me for showing up in the middle of the afternoon, but I don’t have anything else to do. I decide to risk it. Truthfully, I just want to see him—I want to talk with him—I want to spend time with him.
It doesn’t take me long to find his apartment building. I take the elevator to his floor and feel an overwhelming sense of joy when I walk up to his door.
I don’t know what tonight has in store for us, but I’m eager to fin
d out.
“Hey…” Lawson opens the door with a smile on his face. “I wasn’t expecting you until later; I haven’t even started dinner yet.”
“Should I come back later?” My eyebrows shoot up.
“Nah, come on in.” He steps back from the door. “I barely had time to clean up. Please excuse the mess.”
“It’s fine.” My smile gets wider, and I walk into his apartment.
Lawson’s apartment looks like a typical bachelor’s pad. The furniture is mismatched, the television is way too big for his living room, and the trash can is full of liquor bottles.
“I don’t know what you like to drink.” He walks into the kitchen. “I bought a couple bottles of wine. There’s a bar cart with plenty of other options.”
“I thought I was going to have to start walking the straight and narrow today.” I walk to the bar cart and look at the selection.
“Why start now?” He laughs. “You look amazing by the way.”
“Thank you.” I look down and blush. “Am I going to be in trouble later if I have a glass of wine?”
“Does it really matter?” He narrows his eyes.
“No.” I kind of hope that will be.
“Red or white?” He motions to the wine.
“Red, I think.” I nod. “I can’t say that I’m a connoisseur.”
“If you hate it, you can always try something else.” He reaches for a corkscrew and opens the wine.
Lawson pours a glass of wine for me and fixes a whiskey for himself. I wouldn’t mind a glass of whiskey, but I’d like to take it slow considering how early I am. Normally, when I visit someone’s place for the first time, I wander around and look at their pictures. Lawson’s walls are bare. He doesn’t even have any of the weird paintings that seem to be hanging in everyone’s house with no real explanation why.
“This is really good.” I nod, sipping my wine. “Thank you.”
“I’m glad you like it.” He walks into the living room and sits. “How did things go with your friend?”
“She was asleep—she went to fucking bed.” I roll my eyes as I sit. “What a bitch.”
Don't Call Me Daddy (Once Upon a Daddy) Page 6
