“Damn. Some friend.” He shakes his head.
“I sure know how to pick them.” I sigh. “It was her idea in the first place, and she abandoned me.”
Lawson and I continue talking. It’s as easy to talk to him today as it was last night. I’ve needed this for so long. Actual conversation. A meaningful discussion with someone who seems to hang on every word—like he cares, like it matters to him.
How can someone I just met care this much when everyone else in my life doesn’t? I know my mom loves me and wants the best for me, but I’ve set that bridge on fire so many times she’s almost given up. I keep waiting for the day she finally does while doing nothing to try to rebuild the bridge. Maybe I keep hoping it’ll break, and I’ll find out what the bottom truly feels like.
“So what are you planning to do with the rest of your life?” Lawson reaches for his drink.
“I don’t know.” I sigh. “Right now, I’m waiting tables. Some days I think I should try to get back in school, but I want to make sure I’m fully committed to it. I wasted enough of my mom’s money the first time.”
“What happened?” He takes a sip of his drink and puts it back down.
“I blew off a lot of my classes. I barely did my assignments. I never missed Dr. Grant’s class, though; I had a crush on him.” I look down and try to hide my grin.
“Did you get good grades in that class at least?” He raises an eyebrow.
“God, no. I did worse in that class than I did in some of the ones I skipped.” I shake my head.
“Okay, so school might be a challenge.” He nods. “Unless you just weren’t applying yourself.”
“Hard to say.” I sigh. “I don’t think I’ve ever really tried.”
“You should. I bet you’d be amazing at it if you did.” He takes a sip of his drink and smiles.
I wish I could see myself like that. He may be right, but I have no litmus test to know one way or the other. All I have are a string of failures and a bad track record.
Lawson and I continue talking until we finish our drinks. The wine isn’t hitting me like the whiskey did, but it’s a nice, soothing feeling. I was so amped up after I left the hotel, and so rattled from my trip to the skeevy motel that my shopping trip didn’t do anything to relax me. The wine is finally doing the trick.
“Here you go.” Lawson returns to the living room and hands me my glass of wine.
“Thank you.” Our fingers brush as I take the wine, and I feel a surge of electricity, just like I did last night.
If a single touch can do this, I want so much more…
Chapter Ten
Lawson
I wasn’t prepared for Ainsley to show up so early. I hoped to have dinner on the table and a couple of candles lit when she arrived. That was a nice plan but getting to spend the time with her is better than agonizing over making everything perfect. I don’t think it would have mattered much to her; she seems to enjoy being here.
It’s been so long since I’ve tried to be romantic that it’s amazing I was able to put together a plan in my head. I would have probably screwed up the execution, so maybe it’s better this way.
“Do you want to talk about last night?” I sit down beside Ainsley, a little closer than I did the first time. “We didn’t get to discuss it much this morning.”
“Well, you already know that I liked it…” She bites down on her bottom lip and grins.
“I have a stain on my pants to prove it.” I laugh under my breath.
“Sorry…” Her eyes get a little wider.
“I’m not complaining.” I shake my head. “I just want to make sure I didn’t hurt you; more than you wanted, at least.”
“Not at all.” She smiles. “It was perfect. I really liked it when you said we weren’t going to count anymore. That made it feel real…”
“I could tell you wanted more. You kept confessing, even though you were already in trouble.” I take a sip of my drink and nod. “I was afraid of going too far.”
“You didn’t.” She reaches for her glass of wine. “But there was one thing I liked even more than the spanking…”
“What’s that?” I raise an eyebrow.
“Falling asleep in your arms.” She looks down, and a light blush fills her cheeks. “That probably sounds silly.”
“No, it doesn’t.” I move closer and reach for her hand. “I liked it too.”
Our eyes meet, and I see a hunger in hers. I feel it too. Any hesitations I had about what would happen tonight evaporate in an instant. I’m entranced, like I’m watching someone for a moment, until the taste of her lips pulls me right back to reality.
The kiss is gentle at first, but then I feel her nails dig into my back. I pull her close against me, and our tongues intertwine. A soft little moan begs for more, and I ravage her mouth with my tongue; that makes her moan louder.
There is a fire in my soul that hasn’t burned in ages. My cock throbs in my pants, and all I can think about is how much I want to devour her. I push her against the couch and continue to kiss her, so long that we’re both gasping for air when our lips finally part. I barely have time to catch my breath before she kisses me again.
Goddamn. She wants it as bad as I do, and there’s no fucking way I can resist. I explore her gorgeous curves with my hands, squeeze her tits through her dress, and kiss my way to her neck.
“I’ll be anything you want me to be tonight,” she purrs into my ear. “Naughty cheerleader… Disobedient student… I’ll even call you Daddy…”
“Not that.” I exhale sharply into her ear.
“I would be a very bad girl for my daddy,” she purrs a little louder. “You can make me be good.”
And just like that, I feel the fire burn out.
“Wait…” I lean back. “Ainsley, I don’t like that. I’m kissing you—not a naughty cheerleader, not a disobedient student, and definitely not…”
I can’t even say the words. All I can see in my head is Kiana’s face, and it makes my stomach twist into a knot.
“I’m sorry.” She grimaces.
“I should get started with dinner.” I lift up and pull away.
This is just a fantasy for her. That’s all it is. I thought we were having fun last night because that was where the conversation took us. I was going with the flow. I clearly didn’t see the full picture, and that’s my own damn fault.
I’m a fucking fool.
I should’ve known better.
A girl like her? A guy like me? I was stupid to think it was anything other than a dirty little fantasy. I’ve fucked up so much shit in my life already that I should’ve known the world was getting ready to kick me in the balls again; that is my damn life.
I walk into the kitchen, open the fridge, and toss food on the counter. My heart isn’t even in it anymore. I’m trying not to get angry, but it isn’t working. I pour myself another drink, hit the button on my air purifier, and light up a cigarette.
“I didn’t mean to upset you.” Ainsley walks into the kitchen, and I can see confusion etched on her face.
“It’s fine.” I force myself to smile. “I have to get started with this soon, or we won’t have anything to eat.”
“I am pretty hungry.” She nods. “Maybe I should’ve taken you up on that offer for some junk food this morning.”
“This won’t take long.” I put out my cigarette and turn toward the counter.
Bourbon glazed chicken—my grandmother’s recipe, broccoli sauteed and then fried in a pan with cheese, and a salad to round it out. I really was trying to put my best into this. I knew it was crazy, but I wanted it to be special.
That parade just got rained out.
“I guess I’ll…” Her voice drifts off for a moment. “…Wait in the living room.”
“Okay.” I reply without turning around.
My own head is the worst place for me to be right now. I might as well be taking a bath in poison. It’s just so fucking frustrating, but I can’t be angry at Ainsley;
I’m angry at myself. I should have just let her clean my office and leave. Hell, maybe I should’ve just called the damn cops and avoided it altogether.
I’ve lived my life. I had a family. I owned my own company. I pissed it away, and I don’t deserve a second chance. I promised Ainsley a meal, so I’ll give her that, and then she can be on her way. Maybe she’ll find what she’s looking for someday, but I’m not it.
I stay in the kitchen the entire time the food is cooking, even for the thirty minutes it takes the chicken to cook. I could go into the living room, I could talk to her. I just don’t want to. I avoid it as long as possible, but once the food is on the table, I really don’t have a choice.
“Dinner is ready.” I poke my head into the living room.
“Okay.” She nods and stands.
I’ve lost my appetite entirely, but I need to eat something if I’m going to drown my newfound sorrows in my latest bottle of whiskey. Nothing has really changed. It’s just the same shit as always with a pretty new ribbon attached.
“Salad if you want it.” I motion to the bowl.
“I feel like I really pissed you off.” She sits and looks at me—God, there is hurt in those beautiful emerald green eyes. I hate the sight. “I won’t call you Daddy if you don’t want me to.”
“It’s…” I sigh. “It’s more than that.”
“Can we talk about it? Please? I’ve been looking forward to seeing you since you walked me to my hotel this morning…” She tilts her head slightly.
As much as I hate it, I do owe her that much. She told me how much she struggled with being rejected. I’m a bad enough statistic as it is, and I don’t want to be one of hers.
“I think we’re searching for two very different things here.” I shrug and reach for my glass of whiskey. “I shouldn’t have been looking for anything in the first place.”
“I like you…” She sighs. “I’m sorry if I went too far with the Daddy thing, but I was caught up in the moment.”
“Exactly my point.” I take a drink of my whiskey. “We’re looking for different kinds of moments. I had fun last night, but like I told you then—I wasn’t there with a zombie cheerleader, naughty cheerleader, whatever. I was there with you.”
“I was there with you too…” She picks up her wine and takes a sip.
“Were you? Really?” I narrow my eyes.
“I was.” She looks down. “I don’t know how to explain it exactly. I get in this headspace where I see myself differently, but I’m still the same person.”
“Except that you’re living in a fantasy instead of reality.” I grab the salad and move some to my bowl.
“Is that so bad?” She tilts her head slightly. “Haven’t you wanted to live in a fantasy instead of reality sometimes? I sure as hell have.”
“Reality isn’t going anywhere, no matter how you try to sugar coat it.” I shrug. “Seems pointless. I’d rather have what’s real, even if it’s just a heaping pile of shit; you’ll get used to it eventually.”
Where did that come from? I haven’t gotten used to it at all. I just watch it get piled on and suffocate on the stench of my own failures. I’m a cynical old asshole.
“Maybe you’re right.” She nods. “I’m sorry.”
All the light drains out of her beautiful emerald eyes. They get dim and dull. More proof that I still have a heart beating in my chest, because I don’t like the sight of it. I don’t like knowing that I caused it.
Fuck, I’m so desperate to screw up my life that I’m stomping all over hers. Maybe it’s more than a fantasy; it isn't like she’s ever had anyone to explore it with.
“No.” I sigh and shake my head. “Don’t apologize. I understand what you’re saying. I overreacted.”
“Not if that is how you really feel.” She takes the salad bowl from me.
“Can we try again when we get done with dinner?” I ask.
I see her ponder the question for a moment. I feel like shit for pushing her away. I’ve lived a long enough life to have an open mind. All I’m trying to do is take myself down another road that leads to self-sabotage. It’s still her. It’s still me. It could be us if I’d get the fuck out of my own way.
“If you’re sure.” She nods.
“I am.” I reach over and squeeze her hand. “I have one request, though, and it’s kind of a big one for me.”
“Okay.” She looks up at me.
“Don’t call me Daddy.” I wince. “I—already have a daughter, and that feels weird.”
“Is that the only thing that is off limits?” Some of the light returns to her eyes.
“For now.” I exhale sharply. “Only because I have no idea what you’re going to throw at me next…”
“I’m sure I’m due for another trip to the principal’s office.” She chews on her bottom lip.
“I can work with that.” I nod in agreement. “At least you’re in dress code this time.”
“Am I?” She grins.
“Your dress comes to your knees…” I shrug. “Better than last night.”
“I’m missing one thing from last night.” She leans closer—close enough to purr into my ear. “I’m not wearing any panties…”
I can’t definitely work with that.
If I don’t choke on my food first.
Chapter Eleven
Ainsley
I didn’t even think about the fact Lawson has a daughter when I said I could call him Daddy. I got carried away and nearly brought our date to an abrupt halt. That would be my luck—finally find a guy who doesn’t reject me and ruin it because of my daddy issues. No surprise that I still have some pent-up issues over the first guy to decide he didn’t want a damn thing to do with me.
But Lawson is different. He makes me feel so comfortable that I want to explore my fantasies with him. Not to mention that kiss—it set my entire body on fire.
At least we’re finally back on neutral ground. The stumble is a small price to pay. Every relationship has them. Wait. Relationship? Is that what this is turning into?
This is a date. He cooked for me. He bought wine. I assume the candles sitting on the counter didn’t get lit because I showed up too early. Holy shit. This was supposed to be romantic. It turned into some kind of fantasy when the reality could’ve been amazing on its own.
“This is really good.” I get out of my head long enough to acknowledge how incredible the bourbon glazed chicken is.
“My grandmother would be thrilled to hear that I didn’t totally fuck up her recipe.” He laughs and nods.
“You didn’t. I could eat this every day.” I cut another piece and stab my fork into it.
“If you like this, you should taste one of her desserts.” He reaches for his whiskey. “They’ll give you diabetes before you can even take a bite.”
“I’d love to.” I look down and smile.
The atmosphere seems to be back to where it was before I took a deep dive into my dark side. He’s smiling. He’s laughing. I can’t escape my fantasies, but I do need to learn to live in the moment. This one is incredible.
We have polite conversation for the rest of dinner, and I’m glad that I didn’t eat anything earlier in the day, because wasting a single bite would be a crime.
“Well then, Ms. Andrews.” Lawson’s demeanor changes to the serious expression I saw last night. “I believe you need to go wait for me in my office; it’s the second door on the right at the end of the hall.”
“Yes, sir.” I do my best to hide my grin as I grab my purse.
I’m relieved that our evening isn’t completely derailed. I have no idea what will happen once I leave—once I return to Cedar Grove. All I can do is make sure that I don’t waste the time I have with Lawson. I rarely think that far ahead anyway. Why start now? I can make sure that tonight is special—for both of us this time.
Lawson’s office isn’t anything special. There’s a desk sitting in the middle of it, a couple of chairs, and a laptop. The walls are as bare as the rest of his house
, but there are a couple pictures of his family on the shelf.
Lawson’s daughter is beautiful. Her husband is hot, but I’d choose Lawson any day of the week. There is a picture of his son. They may not be on speaking terms right now, but he still cares enough to have a picture of him in an otherwise barren room.
I pull one of the chairs over and place it in front of Lawson’s desk before taking a seat. I don’t know how long he intends to make me wait, but the suspense builds up the excitement. I probably shouldn’t be left alone to my own devices, because I reach into my purse and pull out a cigarette. If I’m going to be in trouble, I might as well give him a good reason to spank me.
I barely get my cigarette lit before I hear the door start to open.
“Alright, Ms. Andrews. Back in my office again…” He walks in and pauses for a moment as I turn to look at him. “Are you smoking in my office? Really?”
He took the bait.
“Sorry, Principal Brooks…” It’s almost impossible for me not to smile, but I do my best.
“I doubt you are.” He walks over and takes the cigarette from my hand. “But you’re damn sure going to be when I get done with you.”
“Yes, sir.” I look down at the floor.
“It’s bad enough that you cheated on your math test. Now I have to punish you for this too.” He puts the cigarette out in an ashtray on the bookshelf.
Wow, he’s actually getting into it. He came up with that all on his own.
“Am I going to get another spanking?” I pretend to pout.
“Yes, you are, Ms. Andrews.” He nods and sits down. “Come on over here. You know the position pretty well by now.”
“Yes, sir.” I stand and walk around his desk.
My heart is beating wildly in my chest. I had more alcohol last night, so it wasn’t as vivid as it feels right now. The only time my heart has beaten harder in my whole life is when he kissed me— nothing can replicate that feeling, but this is a different kind of euphoria.
Lawson waits as I lean across his lap, and then he guides me into position just like I was last night. His chair sits higher than the couch we were on during my last spanking, so I dangle a little more. I don’t trust my injured hand enough to support my weight, but my other one is able to get a decent grip on the chair.
Don't Call Me Daddy (Once Upon a Daddy) Page 7
