Fragile Wings

by Rebecca S. Buck

  “Well, I appreciate it very much.” Evelyn glanced around her, wondering if Jos was in the cafe today. She had been telling herself it would be a good test of her true feelings, to see Jos and assess her reaction.

  “Dorothy, you forget I’m such a top-hole educator. I’ve been teaching Evie the ways of the world! Which reminds me actually, did you read the book I lent you, Evie?”

  “Which one?” Evelyn asked, trying not to blush.

  “Yes, just what have you been inflicting on the poor girl?” Dorothy looked to Evelyn expectantly.

  “Lilian was kind enough to lend me The Rainbow and Ideal Marriage.”

  “Well, that’s quite a pair, my dear!” Dorothy raised her eyebrows. “Of course, I’m dying to ask what you thought of the last of that list.”

  Evelyn felt her face turning bright red. “It was quite…enlightening…”

  “Well, just don’t think it tells you everything there is to know,” Dorothy said with a knowing smile. “That book is all well and good but it’s awfully concerned with the holy act of marital coitus and not at all concerned with all of the other ways one can enjoy oneself.”

  Evelyn recalled the reference the book had made to “abnormal” acts and wondered what on earth Dorothy was referrring to. A very public cafe did not seem like the place to ask.

  “Of course, the only way to find out is to try it for yourself.” She winked at Evelyn, who sought a response and found none.

  “Oh, Dorothy, you say I’m a corrupting influence, but you’re far worse and you know it.” Lilian looked indignant.

  “And maybe both of us should just let Evie find the way herself.” Dorothy was smiling at Evelyn again. “I’m certain she can find it.”

  “Thank you,” Evelyn replied, hoping the conversation would now move on.

  “I suppose the question is, have you set eyes on anyone who makes your heart beat faster yet, Evie?” Dorothy asked in a light-hearted manner. Evelyn was not sure if she was asking seriously or just to tease.

  “Of course she hasn’t,” Lilian answered before Evelyn could draw breath. “Don’t be absurd, Dorothy, she’s barely met anyone yet.” But Dorothy was not looking at Lilian; she was still maintaining eye contact with Evelyn. Evelyn was convinced Dorothy gleaned something of the truth in that moment, and found herself rather glad. She did not like it being a secret and she did not appreciate Lilian’s assumptions about her. “And here’s our coffee.”

  The waiter approached the table and set down a tray bearing a large coffee pot and three small cups and saucers, plus a jug of cream and a bowl of sugar crystals. The matching items of china were decorated with black triangles on a dark green background, the handles gilded. The rich aroma of the fresh coffee was enticing, and Evelyn breathed it deeply.

  Lilian reached for the coffee pot and poured coffee into all three cups. Dorothy took hers and added a lump of sugar, while Lilian poured cream into the two remainining cups and offered one to Evelyn. She thanked Lilian and took a tentative sip. The coffee was hot and strong, but the cream softed both the taste and the heat. The bitterness was at first jarring but demanded a second taste. Evelyn swallowed it gratefully, enjoying the warmth.

  “Oh, look, there’s Vernon,” Lilian suddenly exclaimed, setting her cup down clumsily. “I simply must tell him about my new song.” She stood up and waved a hand until Vernon noticed her. When he finally did so, Vernon made for their table, coming to stand between Evelyn and Dorothy.

  “Ladies, what a pleasure. And Lilian too.” Vernon made a small, ironic bow. Today he was wearing a suit which was entirely mustard yellow, his cravat dark blue. Extraordinary though he looked, Evelyn could not help but smile. Her eyes were drawn to his face, where she saw the resemblance to Jos. Evelyn thought of Jos again, remembered the way her fingers had felt against her skin, and felt the heat rising inside her again.

  “Vernon, you really are too much.” Lilian pretended to pout but instead seemed quite pleased to be singled out.

  “It’s far better than being not quite enough, don’t you think?” He flashed a brief smile. “How are you all? Dorothy?”

  “I’m quite well, thank you, Vernon. Although I’m not sure your coffee is helping matters.”

  “Never satisfied, Dorothy, dear. That’s why I love you so. It’s a challenge to satisfy a woman like you.”

  “Not one you’ll have the pleasure of taking on either.” Dorothy’s eyes twinkled.

  Unlike Lilian, who seemed flattered and captivated by Vernon, Dorothy seemed to view herself as very much on a par with him and able to hold her own in any conversation. Evelyn much preferred her approach and envied the easy confidence, especially as Vernon turned his attention to her. Those blue eyes, so much like Jos’s, sent a small thrill through her.

  “And Evie? How is London treating you?”

  “Very well, thank you.” There really wasn’t an appropriately witty response to such a simple question.

  “You’ve not yet fallen under any terribly corrupting influences, then? Or felt the urge to flee back to your rural idyll?”

  “Certainly not. I’m not so easily corruptible,” Evelyn retorted.

  “You’d be surprised who is easily corruptible,” Vernon said darkly, “providing you’re in the sway of the right person.” As though he read something in her expression that connected him directly to her emotions, Vernon ran a finger over the back of Evelyn’s neck, unseen to Lilian, though attracting Dorothy’s keen-eyed gaze. Evelyn caught her breath; to be touched in so overtly sensual a manner sent an involuntary shiver of pleasure through her body.

  Dorothy frowned her disapproval. “I don’t think you’ll find it’s your job to corrupt every woman in London,” she said, pointedly.

  Vernon removed his hand from Evelyn’s shoulder but appeared unabashed. “You’re only envious, Dorothy, since I gave up upon realising you’re an unassailable fortress. These days.”

  “What a flattering description.”

  Although she was listening to them, Evelyn was still silent, dumbstruck by the way Vernon’s touch had made her feel. She had no interest in Vernon, yet to be caressed by him, to receive any kind of sensual attention in her current state of mind, was horribly compelling. She began to understand why, in this world, no one waited until they were married to experience such things. If you didn’t have to love the person for the rest of your life, why not enjoy the sensual pleasure with them in the moment?

  “Flattery is all part of my plan.” Vernon turned his attention to Lilian. “You’re quiet, my dear.”

  “Only waiting for you to notice me.” There was an edge of the sullen child in her tone.

  “How could I forget you? You wound me with the very notion.”

  “Well, now that you have noticed me, I can tell you about the new song I have for you. It’s just fabulous.”

  “It sounds delightful. What say you come upstairs for a moment and we play it through on the piano. That’s if Dorothy and Evie can excuse us, of course.”

  “Of course,” Dorothy replied. Evelyn was not certain she liked the idea of being left alone with Dorothy, but she did not seem to have a choice. Lilian drained the last of her coffee and sprang to her feet, taking the bag containing the new sheet music.

  “In that case, ladies, I might see you later. If not, it will be my loss.” Vernon kissed his fingers and blew the kiss towards Dorothy, then repeated the action towards Evelyn. Evelyn copied Dorothy’s response, which was not to respond, regarding him cooly. Vernon smiled and headed towards the back of the room. Lilian followed after him without a word.

  Dorothy sighed. “Well, that’s those two gone for an hour or so. Just watch out for the chandeliers rattling, if you know what I mean.” She sipped her coffee.

  Evelyn looked up at the ceiling, realising there were no chandeliers and entirely unsure what Dorothy was saying. “So Vernon has a piano upstairs as well as down here?”

  “Oh yes, and he plays very well. But it’s not all he plays very well, if
you follow.”

  Evelyn thought she did but did not want to assume. “Vernon’s very charming, isn’t he.”

  Dorothy’s expression hardened. “Oh yes, he is, Evie.” She paused, appearing to consider her next words. “Too charming. Look, Evie, I don’t really know you at all. But you’re in London, you’re looking for new experiences. It’s only natural that Vernon would appeal. He simply doesn’t have the moral compass not to flirt with every woman he meets. And he’s an attractive man. But don’t choose him.”

  “Don’t choose him for what?” Evelyn was startled by this turn in the conversation and yet appreciated Dorothy’s honesty.

  “To be your first new experience. To see if you can experience that ideal marriage but without the marriage part. There are all kinds of reasons not to choose Vernon but the most important is that, ultimately, he doesn’t care. I’m not saying that he’s a bad man, I consider him a good friend. But he’s really the depths of our generation’s degeneration. He just doesn’t care because he doesn’t think caring is important. He believes in experience and pleasure and being the most incorrigible, but he will move on without a thought too. And you don’t want that.”

  “How do you know?” Evelyn did not like the idea that Dorothy thought she knew what Evelyn wanted.

  “Because I know, Evie. You’re not from this world. Until this week I doubt you realised there were people in the world like Vernon. Like any of us, for that matter. And you can be part of this world, but don’t let yourself drown in the cynicism of it. Don’t think you can’t do better than Vernon.” There was a rare passion in Dorothy’s tone.

  “I appreciate you trying to help me,” Evelyn replied. “But I am capable of managing my own life.”

  “I’m not patronising you, Evie. I’m only giving you the benefit of my wisdom. And I’ve seen the way you look at Vernon, and the way he looks at you.”

  “What do you mean, the way he looks at me?” Evelyn found this revelation fascinating.

  “He looks at you as though you’re the next tasty morsel in an endless banquet.”

  “Does he really?” Evelyn tried not to be pleased.

  “Yes. But you don’t want to be consumed, do you?”

  “Of course not.” Evelyn made an attempt to sound disapproving.

  “If you’re not sure, Evie, think about where Lilian is, right at this moment. What exactly do you think she and Vernon are doing?”

  Realisation dawned on Evelyn. “Oh. You mean, Lilian and Vernon are—”

  “Lilian and Vernon are not really anything, but at this moment they’ll be enacting something you read about in that book, or something similar.” Dorothy softened her words with a small smile. “You need to wake up to this world, Evie. Do you want to end up like Lilian? She’s head over heels for him, though she tells herself she’s not. And he does not care one little bit.”

  Evelyn pondered this and wondered why she’d not realised the way Lilian felt about Vernon previously. Then she felt unaccountably compelled to confide further in Dorothy. “I’ve been so innocent and naive, Dorothy. I want it gone, all traces of who I used to be. I want to be part of your world. I feel like I’m behind a window, separate from you all because of the things I haven’t experienced. I don’t want to be the innocent laughing stock or someone you need to look after and protect. I do have those feelings.”

  Dorothy’s eyes registered understanding and sympathy. “Of course you do, darling. And you’ll be very welcome in our world, as you call it. But Vernon isn’t the gatekeeper, much though he’d like to think so.”

  “Why do you keep talking about Vernon?” Evelyn asked at last, realising she’d done nothing to dispell Dorothy’s assumption. “I don’t have any feelings about Vernon. I admit, he flatters me. No one has ever treated me in quite that way before and it has an effect on me. But, even before you told me about Lilian, I was only a little drawn to him.”

  “But when I asked if you’d seen anyone who makes your heart beat faster, I could read the answer all over your face, whatever Lilian has to say about it. Oh good Lord, it’s not James, is it?”

  “No, of course not.” Evelyn was offended Dorothy would suggest it and tried to ignore the nagging anxiety of James’s apparent feelings towards her.

  “Well, that’s a relief. I’d have credited you with very little taste if it’d been him, poor boy that he is. So who is it? Come on, spill the beans, darling. I won’t tell.”

  “Really, it’s no one…” Evelyn began.

  Dorothy did not look convinced. “Oh, there’s someone you’ve noticed, all right. And you’ve not met that many people yet. Let’s see…” Her attention was drawn by someone who had just entered the cafe and was therefore behind Evelyn. “Jos!” Dorothy exclaimed.

  Thinking her secret was discovered, Evelyn flushed, her eyes open wide at the notion of being discovered.

  Dorothy’s quick eyes noticed at once and realisation dawned on her a moment later. Surprise was followed by a broad smile. “Oh, Evie, attagirl,” she said in a quick whisper. “You have impeccable taste. And you’ll hate me for what I’m about to do.” She raised her eyes back to Jos. “Come and join us, Jos. Lilian is demonstrating a new song for Vernon, and I don’t expect they want disturbing for now.”

  “Afternoon, Dorothy. And Evie, lovely to see you in better circumstances.” Jos slid into the seat next to Dorothy, not quite making eye contact with Evelyn. She shrugged her outdoor coat off and sat with an easy slouch. Today, she wore a long-sleeved knitted cardigan, the same shape as a formal man’s jacket, with a white shirt and brown bow tie.

  Evelyn tried not to stare, but once again, she found something extraordinarily compelling about Jos. “Good afternoon, Jos. It’s lovely to see you again,” she managed to say. Her mouth felt dry. She was at once terribly excited at this unexpected opportunity to spend time with Jos and entirely unprepared for the way it made her feel. Suddenly she felt as though she’d actually been drinking gin again, not coffee. Her head spun a little and her heart thudded faster. This was Jos, here, just a couple of feet away from her. A living, breathing woman, towards whom she had dared to admit her own sensual attraction. It was so ludicrous to be almost impossible and yet, as she faced Jos, she could not deny it.

  “We were just discussing Evie’s time in London so far,” Dorothy told Jos, apparently trying to force a conversation from the awkward silence.

  “And are you enjoying London?” Jos asked.

  Evelyn had a impression of Jos as sure of herself but not entirely sure how she would be received. Evelyn wondered if Jos was sometimes greeted with hostility, which seemed awfully unfair. “Oh, very much. It’s a wonderful place. So very different from anything I’ve ever known before.”

  “I can see why it would be. Mayfair especially. Vernon and I grew up in Greenwich. It’s only across the river, of course, but I have to admit that Mayfair still makes me open my eyes a little wider.” Jos looked briefly to Dorothy, as if for confirmation that she spoke the truth.

  “I find it terribly exciting. I discover something new every day.” Evelyn was relieved to talk to someone who seemed to understand how she was feeling, even if their experiences were really not the same. No one else she’d encountered so far had seemed to offer her any empathy at all.

  “There’s nothing like it, is there,” Dorothy interjected. “Something to make the heart race at every turn.”

  Evelyn marvelled how, once again, Dorothy managed to describe her excitement with such a deadpan expression.

  “Dorothy, my dear, you make it sound so very dry and quite the opposite.” Evelyn smiled as Jos expressed just what she was thinking. “I know it’s fashionable to be cynical, but really, you might smile occasionally.”

  This drew a smile from Dorothy. “It’s not that I don’t know how. It just doesn’t always occur to me to deploy those particular muscles.”

  “You really are a marvel, Dorothy Bettany.”

  “I try my best. But let’s not focus on me. How’s t
he theatre?”

  “Oh, just wonderful. It’s pantomime season, of course. So everything is glistening and sparkling and merry.”

  “The theatre?” Evelyn enquired, intrigued.

  “I work in the Royale, on Shaftesbury Aveune. I design the scenery and help with the props. I sometimes manage the stage too,” Jos said.

  “How wonderful!” Evelyn’s image of the theatre was of a mysterious, glamourous world she did not fully understand. She’d been to several plays at the West Coombe town hall and once had been to see a pantomime at the bigger theatre in Plymouth. But the idea of a theatre here, in London, where everyone seemed to be performing in their day-to-day lives, was fascinating.

  “It’s not so exciting when you’re there every day.” Jos shrugged and looked down at the table briefly.

  Evelyn found her modesty compelling. “I think it is,” she said, pleased when Jos looked up and smiled. She held Jos’s gaze for a long moment before losing her nerve and looking away, hoping her blush wasn’t obvious. Jos seemed to see right into her thoughts and feelings. Could Jos possibly understand that something about her had kindled such emotions in Evelyn? Once again she felt herself growing warm, wanting to let Jos know that, if nothing else, she liked her and would like to spend more time with her. But how did one go about such things with a complete stranger, a woman, in this maddening London reality?

  “Well, Evie, you have a lot of time on your hands at the moment and I imagine you’re tiring a little of Lilian’s company. Why don’t you let Jos show you her theatre one day?” Dorothy winked at Evelyn, much to her consternation. She looked to Jos, who looked puzzled briefly but then smiled.

  “I’d be very happy to show you behind the scenes. Any day you like really, although we have matinees on Saturday afternoons, so in the week would be best.”

  “I would like that very much.” Evelyn found she did not feel shy about accepting the offer. “Would tomorrow suit you? I think Lilian is going out on her own in the afternoon and I’m a little tired of reading alone in my room now.”