by Jerilee Kaye
“If something’s wrong, you would tell me, right?” she asked.
He smiled at her. “The woman I love just told me she feels the same way about me. Right now, I’m invincible. I’m the king of the world! Everything is perfect.”
“Justin!” she pinched him on his side.
He pulled her to him and kissed her forehead. “Nothing’s wrong, Adrienne. Everything is just fine.”
***
The next day, Adrienne tried to concentrate on her work. But she stayed anxious. She should be happy. Justin loves her. Everything was perfect. But somehow, she still couldn’t forget that nagging feeling that this bubble she was in would just blow up in her face. That she would lose Justin. Because even though his heart belonged to her… he was still Justin Adams. And his name… belonged to somebody else.
“So, did you talk to him?” Jill asked, sitting on the chair in front of her desk.
“No. I tried to get something out of him. But he wouldn’t talk. He just tells me that I have nothing to worry about.”
Jill stared at her apologetically, not really knowing what to say.
“He finally told me he loves me.”
Jill’s eyes widened. “Wow!” She suppressed a scream. “Then…you have nothing to worry about, Adrienne!”
“I know. But I can see it in his eyes. Something’s bothering him and he doesn’t want to talk about it.”
“Maybe it’s not yet all peachy. Maybe he’s still trying to sort it out. But he loves you. And that’s your assurance. He’s fighting for you.”
Adrienne took a deep breath. “I know. I just hope he wins, though.”
She decided to cook that night. Something special for both Justin and her. She knew that even though he’s happy with her, things still seemed off when it came to his parents. His mother was determined to change his mind and make him fulfill his promise to go through with their arrangement. He loved her. And she knew it must be tough for him to defy his parents.
“Something smells good,” he said when he entered her apartment and found her in the kitchen.
“Hey!” she greeted him. “I hope you’re hungry. Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes.”
He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He gave her a kiss on the neck and looked at what she was cooking.
“Stroganoff?”
“Yes.”
“My favorite,” he said. He kissed the top of her head. “I love you.”
She smiled and turned to him. She reached up and kissed his lips. “I love you, too,” she said. “Now, go wait in the living room, so I can finish this.”
Just after they sat down for dinner and Justin had taken a taste of what she had cooked for him, he stared back at her in awe.
“What?” she asked.
“Wow! You really can cook!” He took another bite. “This is awesome!”
She smiled. “I’m glad you like it.”
“Love it!” he said and ate as if he hasn’t eaten the whole day. And it made Adrienne feel proud and happy.
After she washed the dishes and tidied up the kitchen, she found Justin on the balcony. Lost in his own thoughts, drinking beer and staring into space.
Her heart almost broke. She knew the burden he carried. She promised she wouldn’t pressure him about it, but at that moment, she felt like maybe it’s time for him to share that burden. She realized that it was bad enough that he’s defying his parents’ wishes. He carried the burden of not telling her, too, because he feared he would hurt her or he would lose her. She wanted him to know that she knows. That it was okay. That she trusted him.
She took a deep breath and said, “You don’t have to be strong all the time, you know.”
He turned around to face her. “Hey,” he whispered softly.
“Justin…” She took a step closer to him. “I know…I know what’s bothering you.”
He blinked back at her. “Nothing’s bothering me.”
She raised a brow at him. “Liar,” she said softly and she smiled at him ruefully. “I know you’re engaged, Justin.”
He stared at her. Blood almost draining from his face. She stepped closer to him. “Justin…you don’t have to hide it from me.”
“Adrienne…I’m not engaged.”
“I know you are. Stop pretending that everything is peachy! Like there’s nothing wrong. I know you have a fiancée somewhere and you’re scared to tell me about it.”
He closed his eyes for a moment. He took a deep breath and said, “As far as I’m concerned, I’m not engaged.”
“Justin…please!” She’s getting frustrated. “How could you say that? I know what’s going on with you!”
He groaned softly. “I am not engaged, Adrienne! Because if I was, then you would be wearing a huge rock on your finger!” He sank on the chair and refused to look at her.
Adrienne took a moment to think about what he said and what that meant. Her heart swelled at the thought that if Justin was free to ask somebody to marry him, he would ask her.
She went to him and knelt in front of him, taking his hands in hers.
“Okay. You’re not engaged…by your own free will. Your parents arranged you to be married to some heiress they chose for you. Am I right?”
He gave her a hard look. He squeezed her hands. “How did you know?”
“It doesn’t matter how I knew. But I do. And I know it’s bothering you.”
He shook his head. “It’s not bothering me, Adrienne,” he began in a broken voice “It’s killing me.”
She knew that. But what’s important is his choice. What did he really plan to do about it?
She took a deep breath. “So what’s your plan, Mr. Adams?” she asked. “Because I’m only willing to stand by your side if you say that your choice is…me.”
He released her hands, leaned down and gave her a hard kiss on the lips. Then he said, “What are you talking about, Adrienne? The choice will always be you!” He pulled her up so she could sit on his lap. He drew her closer to him.
They stayed quiet for a while. She rested her head on his shoulder. He gave her a tight squeeze. Then he said, “You don’t know how relieved I am to hear you say that you will stand by me.”
She looked up at him. “Is that what was bothering you?”
He pushed a lock of hair away from her face. “The only thing that’s killing me is the fear of losing you if you found out.”
“I love you, Justin. And I know it wasn’t your choice.”
He took a deep breath. “I’ve already made my choice,” he said. “My parents won’t be happy about it, but there was never a question of ever giving you up for some rich brat I haven’t even met.”
“You haven’t met her?”
He shook his head. “All my life, my mother told me I would marry the daughter of her best friend. Their family had been very good friends with mine. Even our grandfathers were the best of friends. They got it in their heads to join our families and they believed the only way to do that is through marriage. Unfortunately, my mother never had a brother. And the girl’s mother was an only child. So marriage was impossible in their generation. They thought about making me miserable instead.”
“How long have you known?”
He sighed. “Ever since I was boy,” he replied. “I promised my grandfather I would do it. Back then, I thought my Mom’s friend was beautiful. So her daughter couldn’t be that bad. And I didn’t care about those things yet. Even when I became an adult I never found somebody I could fall in love with. So it never bothered me.
“I was raised with this arrangement like it was a part of my system… a part of who I am. And besides, my mother and my father came from that sort of arrangement and they were so in love with each other. It worked out well for them, so I thought, maybe, I would fall for the girl, too.”
Adrienne rested her head on his shoulder as she listened to his story.
“That’s why I never committed to anybody. Because I knew not to become emotionally att
ached. I know every girl I got to be with is just… temporary. In the end I’m still going to marry my mother’s friend’s daughter. So it didn’t matter if I never had a relationship before. What was the point?”
“You were a bachelor for a reason,” she murmured.
He took a deep breath. “Then I saw you one day, in your office. You were beautiful and I was entranced. The fact that you ignored me and didn’t seem interested in me got me fascinated with you even more.”
Adrienne giggled. “That’s your ego talking.”
Justin chuckled. “I always watched you. You didn’t seem interested. I saw you move into this apartment and I got excited because it meant I would get a chance to get your attention.”
“Maybe I presented a challenge, that’s why you were interested in me.”
“Maybe at first. But the more I watched you, the more I got intrigued by you. You were always serious, but I felt like you have a shell that I just had to crack and something even more beautiful would come out. That night at Gypsys, I saw a crack in that shell. So I pursued you. Because I knew that was my only chance.”
Adrienne giggled. “Jamila McBride gave you a chance.”
“That was hilarious. I already knew so much about you, and when you gave me a fake name, I tried so hard not to laugh.”
“I thought you would easily forget me.”
“Now, you know, I won’t,” he said. “I never meant for this to be just a one-night thing. And the more I got to know you… the more drawn I became to you. You have layers in your personality that I find enthralling. You were smart, funny and tough. And I felt privileged that you showed me sides of you that you don’t allow anybody else to see. The fact that I was the guy you gave your virginity to, made me feel like somehow, I did something right in my life to deserve such a special prize.
“Our secret made me live in your world… the world you try so much to hide. After two weeks of being with you, I realized that I was way into you for this thing to be called just a fling. When I saw that guy, Jin Starck, looking interested in you, I felt a pang of jealousy that I never felt before. I became possessive of you. I wanted you all to myself and I didn’t care anymore if I was previously arranged to somebody else. I don’t want her. I want you.”
“Did you tell your parents about this?”
“Yes,” he replied. “Last weekend, I told them that I’m calling off the whole arrangement. They can’t choose my wife for me. I already know who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.”
“How did they take it?”
He sighed. “Badly,” he whispered. “My mother was threatening to disinherit me.”
She pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. “Justin…she couldn’t do that to you, can she?”
He smiled ruefully. “I was hoping she would get it someday. She didn’t know what it was like. She accepted her fate willingly. She was never in love with somebody else when she married my Dad. And then they got to know each other and fell madly in love. So after a few months, it wasn’t a business arrangement anymore.”
“How sure are you that you won’t like this girl, too?” Adrienne asked him.
Justin shook his head. “How could I even like her? I’m already too far in love with you.”
She leaned forward and kissed his lips. Her heart swelled with joy and broke in pain at the same time. She was happy to hear him say he loved her enough to fight for her. But she also knew that he’s sacrificing his family for their love. And a part of her didn’t want that for him.
“What are you going to do now, Justin?”
He smiled at her ruefully. “I can’t live without you now, honey. I won’t. Even if it means I lose everything.”
“Are you ready to do that?”
“Will you stay with me even if I’m not Justin Adams anymore? Even if I make a living bussing tables?”
“You know I will,” she replied. Then she grinned. “Maybe I just might love you even more.”
He stared at her for a while and said, “Then you just made me the happiest man alive, honey.” He leaned forward and gave her a passionate kiss on the lips.
24. Dit is die moeite werd om aan te hou
Afrikaans: Worth Keeping. Worth fighting for.
The next few days were a total bliss. Justin was almost back to his usual, jolly self. They didn’t talk about his marriage arrangement anymore and Adrienne trusted what he said. That his choice was her and he will fight for them.
They stayed together every day. After work, she returned to his apartment. She only came back to her own place to check her voicemail and to get some clothes. Every night they slept with each other, as if they lived together.
One night, they sat together in Justin’s chaise lounge on his balcony, staring at the Manhattan view. Adrienne leaned her back against Justin’s chest as she sat between his legs. She rested her head against his shoulder.
”Do you love me?” Adrienne whispered softly.
“With all my heart, honey,” Justin said and hugged her to him tightly.
“Seriously?” She smiled.
“Seriously,” he whispered and she kissed her temple.
“Justin…if…if you didn’t have me, do you think you would be married by now?” she asked.
Justin sighed. “I don’t know,” he replied. “Usually… they don’t throw you into a wedding ceremony immediately. What happened with my Mom and my Dad…they were introduced to each other, and then my father was told by my grandfather to… get to know his fiancée. They had to spend some time together.
My father had to court my Mom. Woo her so…she won’t feel like she was forced into this fate. And even if they didn’t fall in love, they would at least be friends when they got married.” Justin fell silent for a while. Then he added, “They usually set the wedding a year after the meeting. So, the couple gets like a year of courtship…a year to fall in love. My parents…they got married in six months.”
“Six months? Way ahead of the one-year courting period?”
Justin nodded. “My Dad couldn’t wait. He proposed to my Mom after six months, and she said yes. It was just formality because they were already arranged to be married. And so they did. And here I am! Being made to suffer the same fate.”
“You get one year to make her fall in love with you?” Adrienne asked, her heart tugging inside her chest. She refused to burden Justin with just how much this bothered her.
“Yes. Or at least become her friend, so the arrangement wouldn’t be that bad.”
Adrienne sighed sadly. “She will fall in love with you.”
“Why do you say that?”
She stared up at him, tears shining from her eyes. “Because you’re Justin Adams,” she said glumly. She felt proud of him. But somehow, she couldn’t help worrying even more. “As if the guy who wears the name tag isn’t great enough, the guy underneath is so… so much more worth falling in love with.”
Justin stared at her wearily. “But Justin Adams will never fall in love with her,” he stated. “His heart is already chained to somebody else. He wants no one else in his present or his future.” He paused to take a deep breath. Then he added, “I want you to remember that, Adrienne.” Then his lips descended to hers and he kissed her thoroughly.
Thursday evening, she went into Justin’s apartment from work. He was in the balcony talking on the phone.
“No,” he said. “You can’t make me, Dad!”
She stopped in the living room and listened to him. He had his back on her and he didn’t hear her come in.
“Why are you being so unfair to me?” he asked angrily. “You love Mom! You’re married to your soul mate. Every day of your life, you wake up beside the woman who means the world to you! I found the woman who means the world to me. This is not a game, Dad! I love my girl! I’m going to marry her. And you can disown me all you want, but I won’t change my mind about this!”
He paused for a while. Obviously, his father was saying something on the other side. She saw Justi
n gripping the rails in front of him tightly.
Then he heaved a frustrated sigh. “I’ve done well enough for myself. I don’t need your money. My girlfriend is a simple girl. She doesn’t need to live in your fancy world. And I’m pretty sure I can still give her a comfortable life with my money alone. I’m wealthy enough on my own.”
He paused again. After a few minutes, she heard him say, “Fine! I’ll move out this weekend!” Then he hung up. He took deep breaths and then he punched the rail in front of him.
Adrienne closed her eyes for a moment. She felt his pain. Justin chose her, fought for her. But it came with a great price. His family. And Adrienne knew, unlike hers, Justin’s family was perfect. And they were everything to him before she came along.
She stepped forward and then she hugged him from behind, resting her cheek against his well-sculpted back. He took a deep breath, grabbed one of her hands and kissed it.
“Well, I’m officially disowned by my parents,” he whispered.
He turned around and faced her. Tears welled up in her eyes. She shook her head. “It shouldn’t be like that, Justin. You can still fix this.” Even as she said this, her heart broke for him.
He pushed a lock of hair away from her face. “The only way to fix this is if I leave you for some brat I don’t even know. And that’s not an option for me.”
“But Justin…it’s your family.”
“And on the other hand, Adrienne, it’s you,” he said ruefully. “My life.”
Then he bent down and kissed her lips thoroughly.
“Justin, are you sure you’re making the right choice?”
He sighed against her lips. “I think I am. Because my father just asked me to move out of the house and all I can think about is making love to you right now.”
He cupped his hands on her thighs and lifted her off her feet. She wrapped her legs around his hips and kissed him. He carried her to his bedroom and dropped her on the bed. He took off his shirt and soon they were both screaming each other’s names in the gates of Nirvana.
***
“That did not happen!” Yuan said over lunch on Friday when Adrienne told them what happened to Justin.
