by Jerilee Kaye
“Is he okay?”
“He tries to look okay. He doesn’t want me to feel bad about it. But I know it’s painful for him,” she said guiltily.
Still, she felt glad about Justin’s choice. She was so happy that he’s willing to sacrifice all that he is, all that he has for her. But Justin’s situation with his family now was no better than hers. And she knew what it was like to have a broken, almost irreparable relationship with family. She couldn’t help asking herself if she did the right thing in not giving him up.
“He really does love you.”
“Yes, but it feels like those ‘you and me against the world’ sagas now. And I know it’s more painful for him than it is for me. I can’t help thinking that maybe I am being too selfish.”
“It’s not about being selfish,” Jill countered. “It’s about being honest about your feelings. You could be saving Justin from a lifetime of misery that this marriage to some rich bitch will cause him.”
“I know that. I know I will do everything that I can to make him happy. But what if she was the right one for him all along and I was just in the way of…destiny.”
“He doesn’t seem like a guy who believes in destiny, Yen,” Yuan said. “He’s always been like somebody who likes to write his own. It’s his choice. The only way you could make the load seem lighter is if you don’t make him regret ever choosing you.”
“I thought arranged marriages are a thing of the past,” Adrienne heaved a frustrated sigh.
“It’s a rich people thing,” Jill responded. “Gives them the kicks.”
“That’s why the rich get richer, sweetie,” Yuan said. “Justin’s parents just want to secure their family’s wealth and gain more.”
“I wonder how she feels,” Adrienne said. “That girl. I wonder if she feels as repulsed about marrying Justin as he is.”
Jill looked at her as if she was out of her mind. “Hello! Have you met your boyfriend? Didn’t you not know, better than the rest of us, that he’s a god? That girl must know who he is and must have been pulling all her influential strings to make this marriage happen.”
“She’s lucky she’s rich!”
“Unfortunately, I’m not,” Adrienne said. “Apparently, I’m not fit to be Mrs. Justin Adams.”
“But you are. Because Justin should be the only judge of that. And he already made it loud and clear that you’re going to be someday.”
Yes, she did hear him tell his father that he would marry her. He hadn’t asked her formally, but if he said it to his Dad and it caused his father to disown him, then he must really mean it.
“Now I understand what Justin’s friend said when I met them. I made him give in to the pull of attraction and made him defy gravity,” Adrienne said. “He was single for a reason. He was already essentially engaged, so what’s the point of having a relationship?”
“But he fell in love with you. So he had to defy his parents’ wishes.”
Adrienne nodded. “I thought that after I broke it off with Troy, things were going to be easy. I didn’t know that a bigger bomb was just about fall on the top of my head.”
Her friends smiled at her apologetically. “Well, his parents have already disowned him and you’re still going strong. So what could be worse than that?”
At that point, she thought her friends were right. The worst of the storm had come and all they needed to do is just ride it out. As long as they’re together, it couldn’t be all that bad. What could be worse than that?
Over the next couple of days, Justin was quiet. Adrienne tried to cheer him up. He would smile and laugh with her, but she could see from his eyes that he was also hurting. And it just hurt Adrienne, too.
One night, they were in bed, locked in each other’s arms. Adrienne stared up and found Justin staring at the ceiling.
“Are you okay?” she asked him.
He looked down at her and smiled. “Yes.”
She propped up on her elbow so she could look into his eyes.
“Justin…I know it must be difficult for you. I’m sorry.”
He caressed her cheek. “It’s not your fault, Adrienne. It’s my parents who aren’t making sense to me. But if I had to make my choice, over and over again, I would still choose you.”
She leaned forward and kissed his lips.
“I wish I can soothe your pain. I know you’re hurting. I know this is difficult for you.”
He drew her to him. “Just be with me, Adrienne. You’re my source of strength. If you weren’t with me now, I don’t think I would find the courage to fight my doomed fate.”
“I was the reason why you are breaking your parents’ hearts right now.”
“Time heals all wounds, honey. Maybe someday, when they see how happy I really am… they would find it in their hearts to forgive me.”
And somehow Adrienne hoped that was true. She couldn’t believe that Justin just gave up the most important thing to him… for her…for their love.
Tears rolled down her cheeks, but she refused to let Justin see it. She wanted to be strong for him. But deep inside, she hurt because she knew, his heart was shattered into a million pieces at this very moment.
25. Pyeonghaeng Segye.
Korean for Parallel World
The next Friday afternoon, when Adrienne got back from work, she found Justin sitting on his balcony. He had his back to her. He seemed lost in his thoughts. He was taking deep breaths and she realized that he was silently crying.
As she watched him, she saw his pain. The pain that he refused to let her see. And her heart broke just a little bit more for him. She realized more than ever how selfish she had been. Justin had to make the tough choice because she refused to let him go. Because she had given him a choice. She fought for him. She could have made it easier for him, but she held on to her claim on him. He chose her. But it became evident that he wasn’t going to be the same man she loved. His happiness would never be complete.
Tears rolled down her cheeks. She wiped them and then she went and knelt in front of him. She took his hands in hers.
His face was tear-stricken, his eyes were red.
“Justin…” she whispered.
He held her cheek and looked into her eyes. “My mother is in the hospital, Adrienne,” he said.
She blinked back at him. “What?”
“She had a car accident yesterday. Apparently, she had been drinking, since the day my father asked me to move out of the house.” Justin spoke in a low voice. “She’d fallen into depression. She wasn’t drunk when she rammed the car into a tree. But her depression led her there. My Mom is not as tough as you are, Adrienne,” he said. “She was a sheltered, rich girl who didn’t go through so much in her life. After my grandfather’s death, this was probably the second instance she felt like somebody she loves abandoned her. She took this worse than I thought.”
“Justin…you have to go home,” she said, not knowing how she found the courage to tell him this.
He blinked back at her. He shook his head. “I’m not going to leave you, Adrienne.”
“Justin…” she whispered softly. “Fix this. Your parents loved you and took care of you all your life. You can’t just walk out on them for a girl you met less than a year ago. If they are making you marry some other girl, then make them understand why you don’t want to, why you can’t. But don’t just walk out on them.
“Just because you’re rich enough by your own right, you’ll show them that you don’t need them anymore. They have been there for you when you were a kid and weren’t strong enough to handle life. Now it’s time you pay them back.”
“Even if they’re asking me to give up my own happiness? My own life?”
“Even if it hurts to be unselfish,” she whispered in a weak voice.
She stared up at him, tears rolling down her cheeks.
“They’re your family, Justin,” she said. “I would give everything to have parents who loved me the same way your parents loved you.”
“Ad
rienne, when I go back to them, they might not let me return to you anymore. You see this… this is emotional blackmail.”
“But she’s still your mother. Do you really want to risk not knowing whether she’s just doing this to make you feel bad about your choice?”
He closed his eyes and they both knew what the right answer to that question was, no matter how badly it hurt.
Then he stared at her again. He took a deep breath. “I love you, Adrienne.”
“And I love you, too, Justin.”
“You know I would fight for you…until the end, right?”
She nodded. “I know. But this time…I don’t want you to.”
“Aren’t you going to fight for me, too?” he asked weakly.
“I did,” she replied. “But I love you too much to do this to you. I love you too much to deprive you of who you were born to be…who you really are. Maybe fate is telling us that I’m not the girl for you.”
“I don’t believe in fate, Adrienne.”
“But I do. And I think fighting it will only make us hurt the people around us.”
He cupped her face in his hands.
“I don’t want to let you go. I don’t want to go back to them.” His voiced sounded broken. Tears welled up in his eyes.
Tears spilled from her eyes, too. “But you have to, Justin. For your family’s sake.”
“I won’t accept this fate, Adrienne. I can’t.”
She stared up at him and gave him a bitter smile. She took a deep breath and mustered all the courage she could to finally do what was right. “But I am letting you go, Justin. So you would be free to take your destiny in your hands.”
“Honey, don’t do this,” he whispered. “You said you love me.”
“And I do. That’s why I’m doing this. Because I don’t want you to hurt anymore. I don’t want to make things difficult for you anymore. I don’t want you to lose the family you have before I even came into your life. I know it’s a tough choice you made. And now…you don’t have to make it anymore. I will make it for you.” She took a deep breath. A whimper escaped from her lips. “Go back to them, Justin. I am no longer claiming you. Because this is the right thing to do.”
Justin shook his head. “If this is right, then why does it feel wrong?”
“Hey.” She smiled at him apologetically. “It’s time you start believing in destiny, Justin. Some things are beyond your control. Don’t pull against gravity. You will only end up hurting yourself and the ones around you. Let’s not be selfish anymore.”
“Adrienne…I don’t think I can love anybody the way I love you now.”
She smiled at him. “I will always love you, Justin.” She whispered the words that became the most painful things she ever said. “You are Justin Adams. You cannot escape that. Deep inside you’re still the same guy I fell in love with. And I know you will always be. But it’s time to embrace your destiny. Even if I cannot be a part of your future.”
He shook his head slightly. “Don’t say that. You are my life. I will never stop loving you. I can’t!” He leaned forward and crushed her lips into his. Adrienne savored that kiss. She knew…they may not have that many kisses left to share.
“But you cannot change who you are. You can’t change who you were born to be. At least…not without hurting the ones you love. And you don’t want that in your future, Justin. If something bad happens to your Mom, do you want to carry the burden of guilt all your life?” Adrienne shook her head slightly. “You don’t. It will change you. It will break you. And I love you way too much to make you suffer for this, Justin. I want you to be happy for the rest of your life.”
“Then don’t let me go,” he pleaded.
“No. The only way you will be happy is if you’re free,” she said and reached forward and wiped his cheeks with her thumbs. “Give this a chance, Justin. Maybe…maybe this is your true happiness, and you’re just repelling it. Maybe she could make you happier than I could. And if she can’t, then at least you tried. And you would still make your parents happy that at least you gave it a chance. If it works, then good for you. If it doesn’t work, then your parents would still have been thankful that you chose them over me.”
“You’re asking me to make a choice that would destroy us both!” His voice became almost angry.
“I’m asking you to make a choice where you have a shot of winning both ways,” she said. Those words are like knives stabbing her heart.
“And if in the end, it still didn’t work?” he asked.
She smiled at him ruefully and then she reached forward and kissed his lips. “Then you come back to me, okay?”
Justin stared back at her for a while. “Are you going to wait for me?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
Justin sighed. “Adrienne, why? Why can’t you just be stubborn and possessive and ask me to go with you to Vegas now and marry me so my parents couldn’t do anything about it anymore? Why do you have to do this?”
She cupped his face in her hands. “Because I don’t want to make things difficult for you. I have nothing to offer you in return, Justin. The only thing that I can do… is make things easy for you. So now, you have two choices. Each gives you a chance to win. I think I just made this less difficult for you.” She tried to smile at him brightly.
Justin shook his head. “No. You just made me realize how right I was about you. You know there’s ninety-nine percent chance I choose the option that I come back to you, right?”
“But you can only do that after you’ve tried the other options that you have,” she said.
Justin sighed in defeat. He took her hands in his and kissed her fingers.
“Adrienne…” he whispered. “You know I love you. Forever…always…you are the only woman who owns this,” he said, bringing her hand to his chest, to where his heart is. Tears were welling up in his eyes again.
He stood up and pulled her up on her feet as well. Then he said, “Let’s…pretend that my parents didn’t take away my free will.”
She nodded.
“I will ask you a question. And I want your honest answer. No conditions, no buts. Just answer me yes or no.”
She nodded again.
Justin stared into her eyes and took a deep breath. “Adrienne Miller…I love you so much. With all of my heart. I want no one else in my life, in my future. I want to spend an eternity with you. I want you to be the mother of all my children.” He paused and with teary eyes, he asked, “Will you marry me?”
Adrienne blinked back at him. If it was real, if they were in the world that wasn’t crazy…that question would have made her jump in joy. But now…it just broke her heart a little bit more. She wanted so much to hear them from Justin and answer them for real.
She stared up at him, tears streaming on her face. “Yes, Justin. I would.”
He smiled at her. But that smile was sad, too. Because they both knew that just might only happen in dreams now. He had a duty to fulfill. And she set him free. But in this hypothetical world, where he asked her a hypothetical question, they allowed themselves to savor a few moments of bliss.
He leaned forward and kissed her lips. Thoroughly. Passionately. He swept her up on her feet and carried her to bed.
Adrienne lost herself in him. Justin lost himself in her. He kissed almost every inch of her skin. He drowned himself in her scent. The room was filled with their moans and their screams. They let their passion consume them and their love to take them to oblivion. They savored these moments…which might as well be their last.
Adrienne woke up early the next day, with a heavy heart. She wrote a letter to Justin. It was the most painful one she had to write. She felt like crying but she willed herself to be strong.
Justin,
In the ideal world, first hour in the morning today, I would pick up the phone, call my friends, and scream at the top of my lungs, “I’m engaged! I’m engaged!”
Then, I would take a shower, hopefully with you. And then I would go to all the maga
zine stands and purchase every bridal magazine I could find. Then I would sit in Starbucks and read each and every one of them, and put sticky neon flags on the pages I would find interesting.
But we’re not in the ideal world. We’re in this crazy, parallel universe. And in this world, the first thing I did when I woke up, is stare at your handsome face…memorize it feature by feature. The second thing I did is kiss your lips. Then I savored your scent and wished I could drown in it forever. Then I put my lips close to your ear and I told you in your sleep, “I love you very much. And it is because I love you that I have to let you go. And if by some miracle you find your way back to me… then I promise you. I will hold on to you… and never let you go anymore.”
I want you to know that I will be okay, Justin. You don’t have to worry about me not being able to get through this. You’ve taught me how to love myself, you taught me how to be stronger.
Don’t think about hurting me by embracing your destiny. If destiny wills you to be happy with her, then know this. I am the happiest person in the world for you. Because I love you, I cannot be selfish with you. And whatever makes you happy, makes me happy.
And now, if by some chance, it doesn’t work out for you, then please come and find me. And when you ask me that question again, you know my answer will still be the same. And I promise I will try my best to make you the happiest husband on Earth.
I will not pray for either of the options to happen. I will leave it up to fate. To destiny. I will only pray for one thing, Justin. Your happiness.
I love you very much, Mr. Adams. Know that you will always be in my heart. I will never forget you. Now…forever… always.
Love,
Adrienne
She left Justin’s apartment with a very heavy heart but somehow, the feeling that she did something right prevented her from breaking down. She believed that the only way they could both be happy is if they set each other free, if Justin made peace with his family.
If someday, they find each other again and Justin is free of his duties, she would take him back, no questions asked. Because in her heart, she knew she could never love anybody as much as she loved him.
