Walk of Shame Series (Books 1-6)

by Victoria Ashley

  “Yeah, but you’re so fast that I almost missed it.” I begin running as if I can’t keep up with him and throw my arms up. “Throw it to me, bud. Just not too hard.”

  He gets ready to throw it to me but stops. “What happened to your face?” He tilts his head up and looks me over, just now noticing the bruises. “Did you get beat up?”

  I laugh and shake my head. “Nah, I was stronger than the other guy. So maybe he needs milk too. Now throw me the ball.”

  “My daddy is strong too. He beats people up.” He looks sad for a moment. “It’s why he’s never around.”

  My heart fucking breaks for him as he looks down at the ground and drops the ball.

  “Hey. Hey.” I run over and crouch down in front of him. “I’m here if you need me to be, buddy. Your daddy might be busy but I’ll never be too busy for you, alright.”

  He smiles and looks up at me, his eyes filled with excitement. “For really?””

  “For really.” I grab the ball and toss it up in the air before catching it. “Maybe I’ll come around more often and we can hang out. Would you like that?”

  “Yeees!” He jumps up and grabs the ball out of my hand, before running around in a circle again. “Maybe you can come to my mommy’s house. She’s needs a friend too and we can all play!”

  My heart jumps around in my chest at the thought of us all together. “Yes . . . maybe.” I hold my hands out. “Ready?”

  “Ready!”

  I lose track of time while playing ball with Alec and forget about everything else that’s been going on. I’m not sure how much time has gone by, but all that seems to matter right now is the smile on his little face.

  That is until I look up to see Eden watching us from the driveway with a look of pure shock on her face. I was so zoned into playing with Alec that I didn’t even notice her pull up.

  “Eden . . .”

  Holy fuck this is not how I wanted her to find out.

  If there was any chance of her forgiving me for not telling her in the beginning, I’m pretty sure her finding out this way has ruined it . . .

  Eden

  I SWEAR I STOP BREATHING the moment I realize who Alec is playing with in Hannah’s front yard. I’m not even sure how I missed his truck parked across the street, but I guess it’s because I wasn’t even thinking for one second that there’d be a possibility I’d see him here.

  Not at my babysitter’s house of all places.

  Seeing Kash here confuses the hell out of me to the point that I find myself just standing here in a state of shock, watching them laugh and play as if they’re close and have known each other for Alec’s entire life.

  The emotions running through me right now are so damn confusing that I don’t know if I want to scream or cry.

  I’m angry because Kash clearly knows something he didn’t tell me and overwhelmed with happiness at the sight of seeing the two men in my life that I care about the most spending time together.

  I’ve imagined what it would be like when the two finally came face to face and here I am watching them interacting with so much love and happiness as if nothing else in the world matters right now.

  My heart can’t take the confusion. It hurts so damn bad.

  “Eden . . .”

  My heart drops to my stomach the moment Kash looks up, it clear on his face that he feels guilty, for me catching him here with Alec.

  “What is this, Kash?” I take a step closer, trying my best to keep my composure as Alec comes running at me, excited to see me. I pick him up in my arms and force a smile, while glancing over his shoulder at Kash. “What are you doing here with my son?”

  “He’s my friend!” Alec says while jumping out of my arms. “Hunter. See I told you . . .” I watch with my teeth clenched as he rushes over and grabs Kash’s hand, pulling him over to me. “Now we can all play. Mommy likes to play ball too but she’s not as good as you are. We can teach her to be better!”

  Kash flexes his jaw as his gaze meets mine. “I was going to tell you last night. I just didn’t know how to bring it up.”

  “How long?” I question through tight lips, feeling as if my heart’s about to beat out of my chest. “How long have you known?”

  He goes to grab my hand, but I quickly pull it away, unsure of how to act right now. “Don’t,” I growl out. “Don’t touch me.”

  A part of me wants to yell until he tells me the whole truth, while the other part wants to forgive Kash and believe he had good intentions for keeping this from me.

  He looks hurt, but quickly hides it before Alec can catch on to the fact that we’re upset with each other. He’s still talking about baseball and making sound effects so I know he’s not listening to our words, but his eyes catch on to emotions easily. “As soon as you told me your son’s name.”

  I turn away and run my hands over my face, feeling like an idiot. He’s been keeping it from me for longer than I thought. “Why didn’t you tell me then? Dammit, Kash. I can’t believe this right now.”

  “Alec . . .” Hannah appears on the front porch. She gives us both a sad look and motions for Alec to join her. “Come inside and pick out a popsicle. I’ll even let you choose a flavor for me this time.”

  “Okay! I’ll be back and then we can play.” He releases both mine and Kash’s hand and rushes up to the door to Hannah.

  I wait until he’s out of sight before turning back to Kash and losing it. “How the fuck could you do this to me, Kash? Or Hunter . . . whatever your name is. My son. My fucking son. You’ve been spending time with him behind my back, knowing that I wasn’t ready for this. How could you keep this from me?”

  His eyes look intense before he closes them and runs his hands down his face. “I was scared of losing you. That’s why. Fuck!” He grips his hair in frustration, before attempting to touch me again, but I push him away. “I’m sorry.” He throws his arms up, letting me know he won’t touch me if I don’t want him to. “I knew how much you wanted to protect Alec from getting hurt again and I felt that if you knew I’d been spending time with him for a while now that you’d freak out and push me away.” He places his arms back down to his sides. “I’m sorry, Eden. You have no idea how bad it’s been hurting me to keep this shit from you. The last thing I want to do is lie to you. I was a dick and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to somehow make up for it.”

  My heart speeds up as I watch the pain and hurt takes over Kash’s face. I want to forgive him right now. I want to be able to come out and say it’s okay, but I can’t. It’s not. It’s far from okay. “I seriously don’t know what to say right now. I feel betrayed and that’s not something I get over so easily. I need some time, Kash.” My voice comes out harsh. “I’m sorry. I just can’t think straight right now.”

  He leans his head back and tightly closes it eyes. “I’m sorry.” He reaches out and cups my face, closing the distance between our bodies as if he can’t stay away from me right now. “I can’t lose you, Eden. Look at me.” He tilts my chin up until our eyes lock. “The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. That was never my intention and it fucking hurts so damn bad that I did that to you.”

  “You do realize this is one of the worse possible things you could’ve lied to me about, right?” I shake my head and attempt to push his hands away, but he just cups my face again, not giving up. “Kash. You fucking have my son playing ball with you. His favorite thing to do. He only ever does that with family. It’s a family thing and now he’s going to think you’ll always be around for him. What am I supposed to do with that? Huh? Tell me!” I yell the last part, my emotions overwhelming me.

  “Believe that I will be around. That I’m not fucking going anywhere. See that I’m not like that piece of shit who left you both without so much as thinking about how it would hurt you. That’s where we’re different. You and Alec are what matters to me. I could give a shit about myself. But I do care about not having you as mine. I do fucking care about not spending time with Alec ever again. I can’t let
that happen.”

  I close my eyes, finding it so easy to get lost in his touch. It’s almost crazy the way a simple touch from him can unravel me.

  “Mommy!”

  I open my eyes to the sound of Alec’s voice and quickly remove Kash’s hands from my face, before he can begin asking me a bunch of questions that I’m not sure I’m able to answer right now.

  I’m a fucking mess right now and the last thing I need is for Alec to see it.

  “I’ve gotta go. I just . . .” I grab Alec’s hand and begin walking him toward the jeep, trying my hardest not to cry.

  “Where are we going?” Alec asks in a confused voice, while looking back at Kash. “I thought we were going to play with my new baseball.”

  It hurts my heart so damn bad to do this to him. But I need to deal with this situation when I have a clear head.

  There’s three people here I could hurt if I say the wrong thing. I just can’t . . .

  “Mommy took the rest of the day off work so we could visit grandpa at work and he can show you around the houses he’s building. Doesn’t that sound fun?”

  I’m shitty for making this up on the spot, but it’s the only thing that I know will make Alec forget about playing ball and leave without too many questions.

  “But I want to play with Hunter, mommy. Can’t we stay for a while longer?”

  Kash puts on a smile and crouches down in front of him. He’s trying his hardest to be strong but I can see the worry in his eyes. “Sorry, “lil man. I have to get going now.” He rubs the top of his head, before kissing it. “Be good for mommy and drink lots of milk so you can continue to be strong. Always be strong, okay?

  Alec nods. “Okay. I can try . . .”

  “I’ll see you later, buddy.”

  “With pancakes?” Alec smiles up at him, waiting for his answer.

  “Always . . .”

  The ache I feel in my chest is unlike anything else when Alec throws his arms around Kash’s neck and gives him a big hug. He’s squeezing him so tightly that he’s choking him, but it doesn’t seem to bother Kash. “Bye, Hunter!”

  “See ya, buddy.”

  I look back at Kash one last time, because truthfully, I have no idea when I’ll be ready to see him again.

  “I’m here if you ever need me,” he says softly. “And I mean that. Just please don’t walk away.”

  I don’t know what to say to that so I don’t say anything. I just hop in my jeep and take off, hoping with everything in me that I don’t break down and cry in front of Alec.

  That’s exactly why I need to get him to my father so I can have a few minutes to myself and let it all out.

  Kash kept the biggest secret from me that he ever could. Even his excuses might not be enough to ever fix this.

  I have no idea how long it’s going to take me to get over it. If I even can at all . . .

  Eden

  IT’S BEEN TEN DAYS SINCE I discovered Kash had been spending time with Alec behind my back and I have yet to be able to face him or accept his apology yet.

  He’s sent me one text message a day every day since then to check on me, but truthfully, I just don’t know what to say to him. So I haven’t responded to any of them.

  I thought Kash was different. The last thing I was expecting was for him to lie to me and hide something so big. Even if it was only because he was afraid of losing me. He should’ve gave me the chance to figure out how him knowing Alec already would’ve made me feel.

  This is the kind of behavior I’d expect from Knight and I just don’t know what to do with that. Makes me wonder what else he could be hiding from me, although my whole body is telling me he would never hurt me on purpose.

  What makes the whole situation even worse is that Alec’s been asking about Hunter . . . Kash . . . I don’t know what to call him anymore and I hate that.

  After I took some time to calm down last week, I called and talked to Hannah about the situation and she assured me that she just pieced it all together the night I asked her to watch Alec so I could go to the club for a bit. She was just as clueless as I was.

  I didn’t want to punish Hannah for her brother’s mistake so I told her she could continue to watch Alec just as long as Kash doesn’t come by and see him anymore. For now at least.

  “Hey! Can my right shoulder get a little damn attention, please?”

  I pull out of the zone I’m in and focus my attention on my last client for the day. “Yeah, sorry.”

  Squirting more oil into my palms, I move over to the guy’s right shoulder, just now realizing that I’ve spent the last fifteen minutes on the other one, while I was zoning out.

  This client only has five minutes left and I have a feeling, I’ll never see him on my table again after this session.

  The timer goes off faster than I expected, causing the elderly man to groan out his displeasure.

  “Well at least one shoulder will be nice and relaxed. As if my old ass isn’t off balance as it is. Thanks for that.”

  “Sorry. If you want to lay back down I’ll add ten minutes for free. I was zoning out, I admit it, and I apologize.”

  “Don’t have time,” he groans, while sitting up and throwing his sheet off, exposing himself. “Gotta pick my damn wife up from BINGO. I’ll get my ass chewed out if I’m late.”

  “What the hell . . . thanks for the warning.” I cover my face and blindly reach for the door.

  “Well I didn’t get a warning that this massage would suck as much as it did but sometimes life isn’t fair, little girl.”

  I grip the handle and squeeze it, this old fucker beginning to piss me off. I apologized and offered to make up for it. What more does he want? “Fuck you, old man. Take your wrinkly balls and shit attitude and get the hell out of my room.”

  This has the old man laughing behind me as if me being an ass to him amuses him.

  “Something funny, old man?”

  “Yeah . . . finding out you have more balls than most men I deal with on the daily gives this old man something to smile about.” He pauses for a second. “Thanks for that.”

  I feel his hand squeeze my shoulder, before I turn around to see him fully dressed. “See you next week, girl. Leave a spot open for me.”

  Not sure what to say, I just move out of the way and watch with a smile as he leaves my room.

  “Seriously?” I burst into laughter, not sure what the hell just happened.

  I can’t seem to stop laughing, which only proves that my emotions are all over the place right now.

  It takes me about twenty minutes to clean up for the day, before I meet up with Riley at the counter to clock out.

  “You okay, babe?”

  I nod my head and smile when I see she has Haven with her. “She’s getting so big!” Haven laughs and swats my face when I bend down close to her.

  “Sorry, she’s in that phase where she just swings her arms everywhere.”

  “I remember those days with Alec. No need to apologize.” I grab Haven’s little fingers and smile down at her, hoping that something as cute as this little booger will help me forget about Kash for a moment.

  It doesn’t . . .

  “Still not talking to Kash?” Riley finally comes out and asks.

  I know she’s been wanting to this entire week but has been trying to spare my feelings by bringing him up. It’s not hard to figure out that look of pity in her eyes every time she looks at me.

  “No.” I stand up and walk behind the desk to clock myself out. “I’m not ready yet. I just . . . I don’t know how to forgive him for something so personal like that. He hurt me, Riley. Really bad.”

  “I know, babe.” She looks away from Haven to look at me. “Look at it from his point of view,” she says. “That’s how you begin to forgive him and realize that he’d never do anything to hurt you on purpose. I think you’ll understand more that way that he was just scared.”

  I look over at her with wide eyes as if I haven’t thought of that myself. Maybe I
did but hearing it from someone else just seems to make more sense.

  “Kash has never been serious with a woman in the whole time I’ve known him. I’ve never seen him so scared to hurt or lose someone before.” She stops and picks Haven up, holding her above her as she makes funny faces up at her. “Guys do crazy things when they’re in love, Eden.”

  “In love?” My heart races at just the thought of Kash being in love with me.

  “Yeah. In love. You don’t know?” She smiles over at me. “Kash is in love. It’s easy to see. Especially since he’s been so miserable without you. He’s barely left the house unless he has to and he’s called off work at the club almost every night since you guys got into that fight last week. The couple nights he did work he refused to do any private dances and only made appearances in the club when it was his time on the stage. He spent the rest of the time in Cale’s office talking about how much he misses you and Alec. Cale says it’s been pretty painful to be around him. Last night was his last night. He’s done with the club now.”

  There’s an ache in my chest that is almost enough to make me burst into tears when I think about how miserable Kash has been.

  I honestly didn’t think me and Alec not being in his life would affect him the way it apparently has.

  “I should go,” I whisper, feeling overwhelmed again. “Knight is coming by to see Alec for a bit before his fight tonight. “I . . . um . . . I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I don’t even give Riley a chance to speak before I rush out the door and to my jeep, needing to be alone as quickly as possible.

  Finally letting my emotions out, I bury my face in my hands and burst into tears.

  Being a mom isn’t always easy. I know this. Making decisions for Alec and what’s best in his life is so damn hard.

  What if Kash being in it is the best thing for him? The best thing for both of us and I’ve just ruined it by shutting him out?

  I sit here for ten minutes . . . maybe twenty before I finally compose myself enough to drive myself home.

  Knight text me ten minutes ago and said he was at my place with Alec so he told Hannah she could leave.