Honoring Lena

by Sara Blackard

  Good.

  Lena would take advantage of the fact they hadn’t been seen.

  “Let’s go. Stay low until we get deeper in the woods.” She urged Marshall forward, keeping her hand on his back as he dashed into the dark forest.

  Would she be able to keep them alive, fighting the dangers of the wilderness and an organization that seemed to stop at nothing to get what they wanted? She adjusted her pack on her back, glad that she had packed extra food for her and Carter’s bear hunt. She’d just get them somewhere safe and call in the cavalry. Gunnar could extract them and find Bjørn.

  Wait. The SAT phone still sat nestled in the charger. Lena inwardly groaned and stumbled over a root, quickly righting herself. Bjørn had arrived before she’d grabbed it. There wouldn’t be a rescue, at least not anytime soon.

  Marshall hiked Carter up in his arms as he pushed through some black spruce that had grown thick together. Thank goodness the Alaskan terrain would hide their escape. It wasn’t fun to trek through, but hopefully those after them wouldn’t be able to track them as easily as they could somewhere else.

  A jumble of rocks were piled before them, and Lena pulled on Marshall’s shirt. “There. Stop there.”

  Marshall tried to put Carter down, but the child clung to his father as he sobbed. Lena felt like doing the same, which was stupid. Crying wouldn’t solve any of their problems. Marshall adjusted Carter and sat on a boulder, his chest heaving.

  “Did … we … lose them?” Marshall spoke between gulps of air.

  “I think so.” Lena scanned behind them, searching for movement as she caught her breath.

  “Born?” Carter’s watery gaze darted between her and Marshall.

  “Didn’t you see him race into the woods?” Lena faked a fun attitude she didn’t feel.

  Carter shook his head, wiping his nose across his sleeve.

  “Well, he tricked those bad guys and got away.” Lena wiped the tears from Carter’s cheeks. “Bjørn is too smart for them.”

  Carter nodded and leaned against Marshall’s chest. Oh, to believe so easily. Lena lifted her eyes to meet Marshall’s. Why was this organization so insistent on getting him? How was she supposed to keep them safe when the organization had somehow followed them to the cabin no one knew of?

  “You okay?” Her voice faltered with her doubts.

  “Yeah.” Marshall placed his hand on her shoulder like he could see her uncertainties piling up. “You’ll get us through this.”

  She nodded and turned her face back the way they’d come. She couldn’t let him see any more of her insecurity. He had enough to worry about and needed to trust her.

  Needed to believe she could get Carter out of this and away from harm.

  If it was just the Alaskan wilderness they had to contend with, she could get them to safety without hesitation. Sure, it might be hard, but she had spent as much of her time growing up exploring the Alaskan outdoors as she had staying safe at home. Throwing in homicidal maniacs who’d blow up a helicopter without pause took the adventure to a level of danger she wasn’t sure she could handle alone.

  She sucked in a shuddering breath. Why hadn’t she allowed Zeke to send in reinforcements? Would her stubbornness get them all killed?

  Eighteen

  Marshall concealed his shiver as best he could and scooted closer to the small fire Lena had built. How had his life come to this, cowering in a dank cave, hiding from people he hadn’t even known existed two weeks earlier? How had he missed this level of corruption right under his nose? Some kind of analyst he turned out to be.

  He rubbed his hand through his hair as worry about how they’d get out of this mess alive settled with a quiver in his stomach. Escaping by helicopter was no longer an option. Had they caught Bjørn? Lena had insisted Bjørn would be okay, but Marshall wasn’t so sure. Was someone else Lena loved dead because of Marshall? Why hadn’t he given Carter to Lena and gone to help Bjørn?

  Marshall was a coward, that was why.

  As he’d trembled over his son, hoping the men hadn’t seen them, the fact that he was weak had settled on him like a soaked blanket, freezing him to his core and weighing him down. Otherwise, he would’ve skirted through the woods to help a friend instead of barreling away as fast as possible. He would have joined with the fighting ranks of the Air Force instead of taking the easy route behind a desk, analyzing data.

  He wasn’t a hero. No. People had called him that when he’d gotten out of the military and ran for office. Like a fool, he’d let them. Had let the false words bolster him until he imagined himself invincible. Now, the words burned hot in his eyes. He blinked away the tears.

  He was far from heroic. Men and women like the Rebels were. Lena, who would leave her brother behind not knowing if he would be caught or not, had more courage and honor than Marshall ever would. She would never want to be with someone as inadequate as him.

  He snorted at himself. He didn’t deserve her anyway. She needed someone who could match her strength, someone like her dead fiancé with his special ops training. Too bad Marshall had screwed that up as well.

  Rustling at the mouth of the cave tightened his shoulders and made his heart race so fast he was sure it’d explode. Was this how rabbits felt before they were eaten? Come on, Marsh. Stop being a wuss. He gripped the handgun Lena had insisted he keep, careful not to put his finger on the trigger. Could he even be man enough to shoot the gun?

  Carter shifted behind Marshall, whimpering in his sleep. Marshall pushed his heavy shoulders back and moved so he blocked his son. Protecting Carter meant everything to Marshall. He’d do everything he could to keep him safe.

  Lena stepped through the opening, and all of Marshall’s muscles relaxed in a whoosh. Two birds hung from her belt. How in the world had she gotten them? She’d left the only gun they had with him. She held a handkerchief bulging with something in one hand and a long, thick spear like some mighty Amazon warrior in the other. She amazed him and reinforced every conclusion he’d come to. She’d gone out and somehow provided food for them while he’d shivered by the fire.

  “I saw nothing out there.” Lena leaned the spear against the cave wall and scrutinized him over the fire. “You okay?”

  No, not really.

  He swallowed, nodded curtly, and pointed his chin to the birds. “Dinner?”

  “Yeah.” Lena smiled radiantly as she handed the handkerchief to him and unknotted the birds. “God’s looking out for us. These two were easy pickings, and the forest is littered with those right now.”

  Marshall unwrapped the cloth to reveal huge mushrooms. Here, he thought they’d starve, but she planned a gourmet meal. Just another way he couldn’t compare.

  “How in the world did you hunt without a gun?” Marshall set the mushrooms aside and pulled out his pocketknife, determined to help make dinner however he could.

  “The perfect-sized rock and a good aim is all it takes to stun little birds.” She shrugged, while his mouth hung open.

  “You killed them with a rock?” Marshall sounded like an idiot, but who could actually do stuff like that?

  “Well, no. I knocked them out with the rock.” Lena set them on the ground and dusted her hands together. “Wringing their necks killed them.”

  Right, because she was some kind of superwoman.

  “Want me to pluck them?” How hard could pulling feathers be?

  He wished his upbringing had included more of the outdoors. Maybe if his family had spent more time hunting and camping and stuff, he’d have a better understanding of what to do. Neither of his parents had felt any desire to rough it. A week at the mountain lodge in the Appalachians with guided fly-fishing and trail rides with tame horses was the extent of their experience in the great outdoors. If they made it out of this alive, he’d have Lena put him through a wilderness bootcamp.

  “I have an easier way to get them ready.” Lena motioned for him to get up and handed him one bird. “We are going to stand on their wings and pull up with thei
r feet. It’ll leave us with just the breast meat connected to the wings.”

  Marshall squished his lips together and puffed out his cheeks. Hunting with nothing but a “perfect-sized rock,” whatever that meant, and ripping birds in two was so far from his comfort-zone he wasn’t sure if he could do it. He swallowed down the nausea and copied Lena as she showed him what to do. The snapping and popping of bones disconnecting preceded a kind of sucking noise as the bottom half of the bird separated from the wings trapped beneath his shoes.

  “Perfect.” Lena looked at him like he’d just won first prize in a spelling bee or something. “Hand me that half, and I’ll go toss them in the other cave farther back.”

  “You sure that won’t draw some wild animal in?” Marshall picked up the wing and examined the perfectly clean meat nestled between the feathers.

  “I promise.” Lena chuckled, like this was just another walk in the park. “Nothing’s coming in or out of the cave unless it comes from that opening.”

  Marshall’s gaze darted to the cave entrance. He hated the fear that clawed up his throat, hated the way his overwhelmed brain went numb. He wiped a shaky arm across his forehead. This wasn’t him. He always had a handle on any situation, knew how to look at a problem and find a solution.

  He took a deep breath and blew out his frustration. This circumstance was just like any other difficulty he’d encountered before. Yes, the stakes of failure were higher than any other, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t work through it.

  Couldn’t push the terror down and help Lena instead of just being deadweight.

  She stepped into the light, knelt by Carter, and adjusted the emergency blanket she’d packed in her bag. The tenderness of the moment filled Marshall’s heart and ricocheted the longing for family against the cave walls. He’d do everything he could to work as a team and get them home. He pushed aside the doubt that questioned if it would be enough, if he would be enough.

  Nineteen

  “What about this one?” Marshall asked from twenty feet away where he crouched over an amanita mushroom.

  “Well, its nickname is Death Cap,” Lena said dryly as she adjusted a sleeping Carter in the sling she’d rigged from her things.

  “Nope.” Marshall straightened, kicked the red-topped mushroom, and huffed. “How is it you found enough for supper and breakfast, and I can’t find a single one?”

  “I just stumbled on a good patch is all.”

  He grunted like he didn’t quite believe her. As Marshall attempted to help, his frustration had mounted throughout the morning. Sure, he didn’t know north from south when it came to the outdoors, he had been in the Chair Force after all, but his trying shifted her thoughts of him even more. He’d called it his crash course in all things Lena. She smiled at the way he had said it, like it was the most important training he’d ever had.

  What impressed her even more was how he really focused on what she would tell him. He didn’t let his ego impede her teaching him. Instead, he constantly checked what he was doing against her example, asking if he was right. Not only did he trust her completely to get them to safety, but his respect of her showed in everything he did.

  She never could have imagined how attractive that was.

  He moved toward her. His one-sided smile that revealed a dimple had her stomach rioting like a flock of snow buntings had just taken off. Her mom was right, again. Letting forgiveness into Lena’s heart had been like a go-ahead for her brain to notice all the good in Marshall, opening a future she’d never imagined possible.

  Of course, she’d have to keep them alive first.

  She just had to head them toward the network of cabins set up in the Wrangell-St. Elias National Park. If a rescue didn’t happen before they reached the first cabin, they’d at least have shelter as they made their way out of the park.

  “Guess if dinner’s up to me, we’ll be eating spruce bark.” He laughed, but she heard the dejection in his tone.

  She hated that his shoulders slumped a little more with each failed mushroom identification. Hated how he thought he wouldn’t succeed. She’d been raised in the woods, and even she didn’t remember everything. Why was it so important to him to get it right? Was it him not having a clue, or was it something more? She stopped, her forehead crinkling at the puzzle he presented.

  “What?” Marshall wiped his cheek. “Did I smear my face with dirt again?”

  Her voice suddenly clogged at the back of her mouth, so she shook her head. She adjusted the shoulder strap holding Carter with one hand and reached out and ran the back of her fingers across his skin with the other. He stilled like a spooked caribou. How could she keep him encouraged? Well, she could start by telling him what was growing in her heart.

  She stepped closer and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. One of his hands bunched the back of her shirt like he was desperate for her touch and worried she’d step away, while the other gently cupped her cheek like she was delicate silk. Tension snapped between them as she pressed her forehead to his, their breath dancing with each ragged intake and exhale.

  “Lena?” Marshall smoothed his hand across her back, his voice rough and low.

  What she felt for him differed from her relationship with Ethan. With Ethan, excitement and the thrill of their secret love had laced the relationship with a constant high. That was just who Ethan was, burning hot for life, and she’d loved that about him.

  Marshall left her warm all over, like he’d built a fire deep within her and he planned on camping out. He was comfort and safety, which was a ridiculous thought. She was the one who was supposed to protect him, yet with him she felt sheltered. Fortified. He’d seen the worst from her, had experienced her disdain. Still, his calm confidence and willingness to let her take the lead sang to her spirit and let her soar.

  “I … we’re going to be okay.” Her lips brushed against his as her whisper sent the buntings in her stomach to flip like they’d found fresh grass. “Together, we can get through this.”

  He pulled back just enough to search her face. She held her breath, waiting for his rejection. She’d been so cold and rude to him, he might not even want her. His expression turned from shock to determined, curling her toes in her hiking boots. He cupped both hands around the back of her neck. His kiss held urgency and hope, jumbling her thoughts up even more. His scorching touch morphed the buntings into flames.

  Carter whimpered and shifted, though the whimpering may have been her own. She had to get them to safety. She wasn’t quite ready to put a name on what she felt for Marshall, but she wanted to protect it, to sink her claws in and hang on like a wolverine.

  “You are an amazing woman, Lena Rebel.” Marshall wrapped his arms around her and Carter, and tucked her under his chin. “How … how can you possibly stand being near me, let alone forgive me? I don’t deserve it, not after the mess I made of things, the trouble I’m still causing.”

  She pushed back enough to look up at him. “This isn’t your fault, Marshall. Stop blaming yourself.” She put her head on his shoulder, glad she finally realized the fact. “My father always said that when you’re doing good, honorable things, the devil zeroes in like there’s a target on your back. With everything you’re doing, both before that bill two years ago and after, your target must be a billboard.”

  His swallow was loud in Lena’s ear, and he tightened his embrace. “That’s the problem, though, isn’t it? If it was just me, I wouldn’t care how big the target was, but it’s not. Shouldn’t I be thinking about Carter’s safety? They’ll kill him just like they did Amara if they have to.”

  “My father also says that doing right means sacrifice.” Raising her head, she stared into his eyes. “We both know that more than most. Yet, the fight for good is worth it. I promise, I’ll do whatever I can to keep Carter safe. When we get back, I’ll clean out your entire security detail and hire friends I have from the military, trustworthy men and women who won’t sell out. Home will be more secure than Fort Knox.”

&
nbsp; She bit her lip, not sure how he’d take the next thing that was on her heart. “But, Marshall, you don’t want to become the person who would compromise his morals for safety, whether your own or someone else’s. You’ve shown how much that would tear at you these past two years.”

  His jaw clenched, and he looked out into the woods. Had she overstepped? Though she loved Carter with all her heart, she wasn’t his mother. Would she say the same thing if her own son was in danger? Maybe growing up Alaskan gave people the realization just how difficult life was. The only guarantees this existence had were that challenges would come, but there was always hope, hard work, the love of God, and loving others.

  He turned back to her, his gaze piercing deep into her soul. “Is home Kentucky, then?”

  “Maybe.” She swallowed down her sudden nervousness.

  He slid his hand down her arm and threaded his fingers through hers. “I’d like it if it was.”

  “Come on.” She pulled him to continue walking. She had a lot of thinking to do. The sound of calling Kentucky home, of seeing what could grow between her and Marshall, gave her a hope for the future she hadn’t felt in a long time. The offer from General Paxton to join his team to take down the organization pushed to the front of her thoughts, taunting her with guilt. The idea of leaving the Rands and working for Paxton felt like ash in her mouth. “We need to keep going.”

  “How far is it to the settlement you’re taking us to?” Marshall stepped up beside her and squeezed her hand.

  “It’s a ways.” She adjusted Carter on her shoulder. “We’ll probably get there tomorrow.”

  “Want me to take him?” Marshall reached for Carter.

  “Nah. Let him sleep.”

  Most of the time, he wanted to walk on his own, but when he slept, he became deadweight. Yet she liked the feel of him, heavy in her arms.

  She and Marshall walked side-by-side, their hands intertwined in comfortable silence. The wind teased the treetops above them, sending the fresh smell of pine to her. She took a deep breath, relishing how the need for idle chatter didn’t exist. The forest bustled with the flapping of wings and the chattering of squirrels. Though she hated their circumstance, she had missed being in the wilderness.