Memories of Healing

by Melissa Storm

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s just—”

  Kate shook her head adamantly. “Stop, you don’t have to say anything. I know a lot of the guests have rocky pasts. I overstepped.

  Brenna took a deep breath and moved forward to wrap her arms around the other woman. There. This is a gentle touch. A nice touch. See, it’s not so bad.

  From over Kate’s shoulder, she saw a familiar form exit the stables. It was the same one she’d been envisioning all month, but it wasn’t supposed to be here. Not at the ranch. Not in her safe space. Not seeing her yet, Matt made his way over to a black horse that stood next to the fence and started brushing him down.

  “Why is Matt Sanders here?” she whispered, watching him carefully.

  Kate turned abruptly, which was exactly what Brenna hadn’t wanted to happen. “Oh, Matt is a friend of Liz and Dorian’s via Sofia and Hunter. It’s a long story and a good one! You should have him tell it to you sometime. Hey, didn’t you just get up here from the lower forty-eight like less than a month ago? How do you know Matt already?”

  “He did my tattoo a little bit after I first arrived,” Brenna explained patiently. “But he never said—"

  Kate clapped her hands together excitedly. “Hey, since you already know him, he’d be the perfect one to take my place! He knows all of the trails around here. Matt, over here!”

  Before Brenna could stop her, Kate was calling Matt’s name and waving wildly with both arms.

  He turned to greet them and, even from far away, Brenna could see his face light up in a smile when he saw her. Well, he could have been smiling at Kate, too, but it was nice to pretend it was all for her. Just why that was, she couldn’t guess. Just say no! Just say no!

  Matt walked over and grinned down at her. She hadn’t realized how tall he was. “Brenna, I was hoping I’d get the chance to see you while I was here. How’s the tattoo healing? Have you been applying the balm I gave you?”

  She tried to get her racing heart back under control. She was acting like a silly schoolgirl whose crush just walked up to her locker.

  “You said I only had to apply it for the first two weeks. Did I do something wrong? Do you want to look at it?” Perhaps if she kept everything strictly business, she could get out of this mortifying, confusing situation with her dignity intact.

  He just shook his head. “Oh, you’re right. Time flies, especially this time of the year when the days get so short. If you’re feeling good and it’s looking good, then you should be A-Okay.”

  “I’ve been good, I promise.” She laughed at how he pretended to be so serious. Stop liking him. Don’t trust him.

  Kate gave Matt a quick hug, which he gladly accepted. “So I was supposed to take Brenna out for a ride today to show her around the ranch trails, but I’ve been… um, unexpectedly called away. I don’t suppose you were planning on going out for a ride and could maybe take her with you?”

  Brenna’s cheeks started to burn as she stood there waiting to see what he said when Kate asked him. Honestly, what was wrong with her? Matt wouldn’t hurt her, especially here on the ranch for all to see. She needed to learn to look passed the fear her father had instilled in her. Most people aren’t waiting for the opportunity to hurt you, she reminded herself.

  “Well, I hadn’t really thought about it, but if it means I get the chance to spend the afternoon with a pretty girl, I’m not going to say no. Lucky for you, I brought my good hat to wear.” He winked at her as he pulled out a wool hat to put on. “I used to be as bald as a cue ball, so I still always keep a warm hat nearby for emergencies.”

  Brenna couldn’t help but laugh. “Why were you bald? Don’t men usually have hair then go bald, not the other way around?” She tried to picture him without his golden red hair, but it was impossible to do so.

  Matt shrugged and cast his eyes away before quickly looking back to Brenna and Kate. “Let’s just say in my previous job, someone with red hair wouldn’t have been taken very seriously.”

  She could definitely tell he was keeping something to himself, but she couldn’t figure out what kind of job would discriminate against a redhead. Especially here in Anchorage where the people all seemed so nice.

  She decided not to press for more information. Everyone had their own secrets to carry. Besides, the last thing she needed was for them to get close, or for him to think it would be okay to start digging into her past. Despite the push and pull of her emotions, she needed to be a little brave and take a step forward in her recovery.

  “If you’re okay with it,” she told him after swallowing back her hesitation, “I’d love to go riding with you.” All Brenna could think about was getting on the back of Buddy and riding until all of her troubles were far behind her. If Matt was the key to making that happen today, then she’d suck it up and trust him.

  Just for today.

  Just this once.

  Chapter 7

  Brenna sat high and tall in the saddle as a gentle wind blew past her. She and Matt were barely moving at more than a slow walk, but that didn’t lessen her excitement one bit.

  And then Matt said, “I think we’re going to see our first snowfall today. Look at the mountains.” He pointed off in the distance. “See how the snowcaps have almost worked their way down the mountain? It’s a bit early in the season, but no denying the facts.”

  Brenna thought she could have died of happiness right then and there. A fresh blanket of white to cover up all the ugliness of the past would be just the ticket. Excitedly, she glanced around in search of the fat flakes she so hoped to see, but none had made their way down to earth just yet.

  Soon, she thought with a smile. Despite the as-of-yet absent snow, the air had grown frigid, sending a chill straight through her whenever it found an exposed bit of skin to brush against. That didn’t matter, though. Nothing mattered now that she was riding again.

  Sitting on top of Buddy as they stepped their way down the trails brought back so many pleasant memories that had once been long forgotten. Why was it that the happy memories faded away so quickly while the awful ones stayed and stayed? For the briefest of times in her life, riding had an escape, a joy, a safe place—and now she had it back.

  As soon as they’d started out from the ranch, her body grew heavy with relaxation for the first time in so long she had almost forgot how it felt to simply let go and lose herself to the moment.

  Matt was a good guide, mostly leaving her to her thoughts as she took in the wonders that spread in every direction around her. Sitting astride his horse in full winter regalia made him look even more prince-like than he had before. Brenna let herself pretend she was part of a royal cavalcade—or maybe even the princess herself.

  As she was taking in the site of a frozen over stream at the bottom of a deep valley, a fat little flake drifted across the scene—first one, then a dozen more as if the sky itself had opened up and decided to dance its way to earth.

  Brenna gasped with delight.

  “Everything all right?” Matt asked with a smirk as their horses slowed even further.

  “Everything is perfect,” she answered, not caring that it may be an overreaction. This was special to her, and if Matt decided to judge her for it, then it would be easier to push him aside and keep her distance.

  Matt stared at her for a moment before glancing up toward the sky. “It’s really starting to come down now. Since it’s still a bit warm out for snow, it’s going to be a wet and heavy snowfall. The perfect kind for building a snowman.” He grinned over at her like a little boy who was excited for his chance to play outside in the snow.

  “Should we head back to the ranch?” Brenna was so happy to see the snow, but she also wasn’t sure if it was safe to be out in it like this. What if it turned into a blizzard? What if they got stranded?

  He laughed softly and shook his head, then turned his horse down a new trail. “No, there’s no need to turn back, unless you’re afraid of turning into a giant frozen popsicle. Florida,
right?”

  “Yes, Florida. That’s why I have no idea what to expect from all this snow. We won’t actually freeze. Will we?” She laughed aloud when he stopped and turned to look at her again in surprise. She enjoyed being able to relax and joke around with someone like this—even if she was still unsettled by the fact that it was with a man. And a handsome one at that.

  “All this snow?” he quipped. “Darling, you ain’t seen nothing yet.”

  They continued along the trail side by side, quietly enjoying the ride while the snow began to fall heavier around them. Brenna couldn’t stop smiling. It was like a giant snow globe come to life and she was right in the center of it all.

  She lifted her face to the sky to let the flakes land on her cheeks, then stuck her tongue out to catch one. It tasted light and perhaps a little sweet, and she absolutely loved it. After catching another on the tip of her tongue, she spotted Matt staring at her with a besotted grin.

  Brenna’s cheeks burned with embarrassment at being caught doing something so childish. “Sorry, I’ve just never had the chance to do that before. I’ve seen people do it in the movies and always thought it was a bit silly, but when I was out here in the snow I just had this urge and—”

  “You talk a lot. Do you know that?” Matt looked up and stuck his own tongue out. When he caught one, he looked back at her and grinned. “You never need to apologize for enjoying the simple things in life. And I haven’t done that since I was a kid. Did it taste like ice cream to you?”

  “Yes,” she exclaimed. “How it that even possible?”

  “I guess we taste what we want it to be. Mine was butter pecan. What was yours?”

  “Mmm, mint chocolate chip. My favorite.”

  They laughed together taking turns to catch ice cream flavored snowflakes on their tongues as they continued down the trail. The path narrowed and Matt pulled ahead to lead the way. Brenna watched his back as he poked along the trail in front of her. His shoulders were wide beneath his thick coat, and the wool hat on his head only left a few pieces of his reddish hair exposed around the rim. He looked comfortable in a saddle even if he was, in fact, the farthest thing from a cowboy she could imagine.

  She thought back to the day she’d gotten her tattoo and remembered that both of his arms had been fully covered in ink, though she couldn’t recall any of the specific artwork he sported. Still, he’d looked more like a gangster than a man who’d enjoy a quiet ride on the back of a horse.

  She guessed it was true you couldn’t judge a book by its cover.

  Brenna caught up to him and rode beside him as they came into an open spot on the trail. “Did you grow up nearby?” she wondered aloud.

  He looked off into the distance toward the mountain peaks that were looming over the trees. “I’ve lived in Anchorage all my life. I can’t imagine being anywhere else than here in Alaska. I know some people hate the cold winters, but I love the snow. It’s all I’ve ever known, I guess.” His eyes moved to her face. “How about you? Were you always in Florida until recently?”

  Her chest tightened at the talk of her own past life. But she couldn’t expect Matt to know she didn’t like talking about it. There was also no way he knew about the secret bruises that had long since faded. She sighed despite herself. “I grew up in a small town about a half hour south of Orlando. One of those towns where everyone thinks they know everything about everybody else’s business. I hated it there and couldn’t get away fast enough once I was able to.”

  His eyes held hers and his eyebrows pulled together in concern. “Is your family still there?”

  Brenna’s heart began to gallop. He doesn’t know a single thing. How could he? You’re safe. Safe. She gulped before continuing, “My mom and sister are there. My dad passed away about a year ago.”

  Matt cleared his throat and cast his eyes toward the ground. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. The world isn’t any worse off without him in it.” As soon as the words came out, she bit her lip to stop anymore from spilling forth. Why did she say that? She normally didn’t say a word about her dad. Peeking at Matt, she could see that he was once again watching her intently, but thankfully he didn’t push for more. He seemed to sense that it was a subject that she preferred not to discuss.

  “How about your family? Are they all still in Anchorage?” she asked, hoping he’d grab tight to the change of topic and run with it.

  Matt nodded. The trace of a smile played at his handsome features. “My parents still live here in the same house I grew up in. I have a sister who moved to Oregon a few years ago for a job. We never really had much growing up, so I think she works extra hard to ensure she never has to live in poverty again.”

  The snow continued to swirl down from the skies around them, but the moment for playfully catching flakes had long since passed.

  Matt cleared his throat again. “I never really saw a reason to leave here. I owe it to my parents to stick around and make up for things I did that I’m… not proud of.”

  Brenna’s mind swirled now, too. What could he have possibly done? She knew asking for his past would open up the opportunity to ask about hers, so she stayed quiet despite her curiosity.

  Matt caught her gaze and frowned. “Sorry, didn’t mean to get all depressing on you there. Most of the people I know like Liz, Dorian, Sofia, and some of the other friends I used to have, they all have these loud, larger than life personalities. Sometimes I feel like I get pushed into the background while they take over. But with you… well, it’s like we’re just hanging out in the background together, and I like it. That probably came out all wrong, but you just seem so comfortable in your skin, like you don’t have anything to prove. It’s refreshing, I guess is what I’m trying to say.”

  Brenna tried—and failed—to stifle a laugh. Her? Comfortable in her skin? No way! Was Matt seeing a part of her that she’d never noticed before, or was he just projecting onto her what he wanted to believe about himself? Either way, it was kind of hilarious.

  “Well, I’m glad you find my heartfelt confession amusing,” he said with a wink. “Tell you what, —we’ve been serious enough for the day. Time to go back to having fun. Let’s head up to that ridge over there so you can get a good view of the whole ranch. It’s going to be beautiful now with this fresh snow lying on the ground around us.” He kicked his heels into his horse’s sides and rode off before she could answer.

  Brenna and Buddy took chase, riding faster than she had in her whole life and loving every moment of it. The only bad part of the whole day is how much she felt her guard lowering around Matt. She’d need to be more careful or she just might end up falling in love despite her better judgment.

  Chapter 8

  Brenna followed Matt to the ridge, amazed at how effortlessly he dismounted and plopped to the ground below. He offered to help her down, but she refused. Her shaky landing brought forth giggles from both of them.

  “Laugh at me, will you?” She suddenly had an urge and she smiled to herself as she looked over at Matt, who was staring out at the mountains in the distance. Pulling her arm back, she quickly flung the snowball she’d just made at him. It fell apart as soon as it hit his arm, and she suddenly worried that he might be angry with her.

  But when he turned and smiled, raising an eyebrow in surprise, she had to laugh. “Did you seriously just throw a snowball at me?” he asked, racing over to her side.

  She shrugged innocently. “Well, you’ve been so understanding about all these new firsts for me, so I thought maybe you’d appreciate the fact that I’d never actually had a chance to throw a snowball at anyone before. And just maybe you’d also like being my first.”

  He rolled his eyes and laughed as he shook his head and bounded over to check on the horses. “Glad I could help you make that happen.”

  Brenna bent down and picked up a second handful of wet snow and made it into a ball. They’d been out now for a couple of hours and her cheeks were chilled, but she was enjoying every moment. The
snow had continued to fall and now, as they stood on the top of the hill overlooking the ranch, she was contemplating the white stuff that had accumulated on the ground. “I always thought this stuff would be a lot fluffier,” she admitted as she packed even more snow onto her quickly growing projectile.

  He finished what he was doing then turned to face her, leaning slightly against his horse. “The snow is normally fluffy during the colder winter, but since it’s still a bit warm outside, the first few snowfalls can be a lot heavier and stickier. This is the best snow for making snowballs to hurl at people. Or for building that snowman I was talking about before. Maybe we should let you cross that off your bucket list, too. This is the perfect place for one overlooking the ranch below.”

  “Are you serious? We have time?” Brenna dropped her snowball in surprise, then quickly straightened and tried to play it casual. She was a grown woman, after all, who shouldn’t be getting this excited over something like this. Still, she couldn’t suppress the grin that spread across her face.

  Matt laughed and came over to join her, then bent down to make a snowball of his own. “You have to do it like this. Make a big mound of snow, then start rolling it over the snow to pick up more. Keep working it into a ball shape as you go. I’ll do the big one for the bottom if you do the middle ball.”

  Brenna watched him for a moment, then bent down and mimicked his actions. It turned out the process was actually quite a bit harder than it looked as she struggled to keep the ball from falling apart as it grew in size. Also, snow got heavy fast!

  Matt finished his, then came over to help her. He leaned over beside her and helped her push it, their hands bumping into each other as they worked together. He glanced her way and smiled, but kept pushing the ball forward until they rolled it up to his. “As you can see, it’s a bit heavy, so I’ll lift it onto the base while you, my pretty, start making the smaller one for his head.”