Rock Notes

by Renee Lee Fisher

  Chapter Eleven – Joyous Occasion

  The entire world is busy although Christmas comes the same time every year. Why do people get crazy this time of year? They get stressed and panic like they have a deadline they cannot make and yet it is the same date on the calendar year after year. Well, the past few weeks had been crazy. I was drilled by my girlfriends over and over to make certain everything was alright with me. They were worried that I was upset or depressed because of the holidays. They figured that was the reason I drank so much at the show that night. It took some convincing but I assured them I was fine.

  Cecile and Kent have hit it off so well. He was actually planning on staying at Rand’s this week to hang out and spend time with her and then leave just before Christmas Day to head upstate to his family. He was coming back though for the big New Year’s party at Rand’s.

  I found Jillian and Raeford together at her home. He even answered the phone when I called her. The good news I found out is that Raeford was staying here through Christmas and into the New Year, and I think at Jillian’s the entire time. He told me this when I got him on her phone and she didn’t deny any of it. I heard from him that Isaac and Ron were staying until later in the week. We all planned to meet at the rehearsal studio for some drinks and see each other on Thursday afternoon. We could hang out for a bit together, toast to the holiday and then everyone could go on to where they have to travel with a few days to spare. Rand and Maxwell had been busy with each other and I received a few messages and calls from Rand but most were that he was thinking of me and looking forward to the holiday season. He also told me to come by Thursday to the studio for a get together with everyone. I still felt bad for getting drunk and sick at the 2nd Street Coffee Café after their show and the message he got that evening on his phone that I read, I had a weird sinking feeling about all that.

  I had to push this all aside in my mind since now I have to begin to dodge the holiday rush, and meet with all the mean shoppers to select the few presents that I had to purchase. I wrote myself a list of what I had to buy. First stop was back to a shop in New Hope. I enjoyed returning to the shops there and I had seen some jewelry that surely Jillian and Cecile would like. While I was in the Artisan jewelry shop, I noticed the window display had a man’s cuff with a cross on it and it was similar to the one Rand bought me for my birthday. I asked the jeweler to let me see it. As I touched the cross on the leather strap, a shiver ran through me. The jeweler asked me if I was okay, as I drifted off in thoughts of Rand looking at this piece. I shook my head to him that I was fine, and I knew I was more than fine, for here I was feeling the holiday spirit and new found joy in my heart. I knew this was going to be a wonderful holiday season. My shopping travels then took me to the longest line at the liquor store in search of the perfect port wine for Thomas, as he often enjoyed a glass of port after a fine meal.

  I had spent almost an entire day shopping and my feet were tired, but I got it done. As I carried my bundles into my house, I had messages showing on my answering machine. The first was from Thomas saying he wanted to tell me he really was looking forward to Sunday and seeing me for Christmas Brunch. Although I hadn’t given him an answer, I know from his voice he was hopeful. The next was Cecile saying that she was invited by Kent to their little party on Thursday and she was screaming in excitement about it. Finally, Jillian wanted to get away from the whole crazy shopping to have some alone gym time with me in the morning. That was fine, I sent her a message I would meet her there. I thought I might fess up to her about reading that message and the other ones I saw that day at my house.

  Contently, I was sitting wrapping my gifts and really taking the time to make them look extra special. I loved putting in the extra effort to make them stand out and look really festive. I got up and made myself a cup of pumpkin spice coffee. It only becomes available certain times of the year and since the autumn season had just passed I could still enjoy it.

  As I stirred my cup, I drifted to thinking about where I would be heading on Sunday, Christmas day. Last year was a mess for me; I was lonely and saddened that my marriage was erased in a divorce document, even though Thomas and I had filed for the divorce many months prior it took some time to be final. I wasn’t looking forward to holidays or any other day of the week at that point. Although Jillian had warmly invited me to join her and her brother, I declined.

  This year, what a difference time has made. Thomas and I are friends, but he wants more. With Rand, I found something I feel so wonderful about with him, but then this could all be one sided. I was hoping for happily ever after. I didn’t do any holiday shopping last season and I was so enjoying this year and the holiday spirit I was feeling. I hadn’t felt this way since I was younger and my mother and father were together. My mother let me help her with all the trimmings and making the cookies, which was so much fun. As I reminisced, I decided to make some cookies and I pulled out an old recipe from my kitchen drawer. It was for my mother’s special Christmas cookies. It was nothing more than chocolate chips, but she said they were special, that Santa loved them. I guess they were my father’s favorite.

  I began to locate all the items needed. I first found the flour, brown sugar, eggs, and vanilla. I left some butter on the counter to soften. As I was reaching down to lift my mixer to the countertop my phone sounded. It was from Rand –

  Madison, I’m thinking about you looking forward to seeing you Thursday. My holiday decorators have done great work with the barn and my home. You’ll see for yourself it looks like Longwood Gardens during the holiday. Hey, is everything alright between us? I haven’t had a moment to see you lately and talk with you and I felt a distance with us lately. Miss you.

  Rand’s reference of Longwood Gardens brought a smile to my face. When I was a child we went there and it was filled with lush gardens, dancing fountains, and opulent architecture. During the winter holiday season they display brilliant light shows of holiday colors and brightly lit holiday trees. It is a true winter wonderland of lights. As soon as night fell the lights illuminated to present a beautiful sight to behold during the holiday season. Since I didn’t want him to know I felt upset by the texts he had received from “G”, I didn’t call him to talk to him directly. I wanted to sound upbeat. I sent him a reply –

  We’re good, and I’m so in the holiday mood. I was just remembering all the sparkling lights from the gardens when I was a child. I’m now busy baking cookies and looking forward to seeing this holiday wonderland on Thursday. I finished all my shopping and wrapping and so tomorrow I’m catching up with Jillian at the gym in the morning and will need that as I will probably eat most of this cookie batter. Miss you too.

  I think he was waiting to reply as his fingers sent me a response so quickly –

  My we are smart, extremely beautiful, a talented writer, a health enthusiast and now a baker. Madison there’s so much I don’t know about you, but you better save me a few or I will have to nibble on your ear and proceed downward if there aren’t any cookies left for me. See you soon.

  Rand, if you mean what you say, I will throw all the batter in the trash. Only kidding, I will make plenty and have them for us all. Let me get baking, the ovens beeping that it is ready.

  Madison you have me hot already. You have no clue what you do to me and now there is this added sweetness I crave from you. The end of this week cannot come soon enough.

  My baking turned into a many hour event. What started with getting a cup of coffee earlier in the day had me refilling it as I made dozens of cookies. When I was finally finished in the kitchen it looked like a cyclone hit that swirled flour everywhere. After cleaning the entire room and packaging the cookies I was tired from standing there for so long. I took a long hot bath and turned in early. Before I hit my pillow I sent Rand a message –

  House smells yummy like hot baked cookies. The warmth had me thinking of you, Goodnight.

  I never got a reply from him. I slept.

  Jillian was up and ready to hit
the gym and we had a great workout and, yes, our jaws were tired too from talking. We had so much to catch up on. When she said Raeford’s name it was like she was off into the puffy clouds. It was so wonderful to see my friend this way. She actually left him at her place to come meet me for a bit. Those two seemed further along in a dating relationship than Rand and I, and that made me think that Rand and I weren’t really progressing and this is what it would be. I waited until she caught me up on all her juicy items of Raeford, how he kisses her, how he touches her and she sounded so captivated by him. I was so happy for her, but then I wanted to share the uncertainties I was feeling about Rand of late.

  I asked Jillian, “Should I feel horrible for reading a text that Rand received? I actually read it when it came over his phone when they played at the 2nd Street Coffee Café.”

  “Madison tell me what it said.”

  “Well, first that message is why I kept drinking so much that night.”

  “So what did it say, tell me?”

  “It was obviously from a girl who is looking forward to seeing and being with him over the holidays. She signed with only her initial. The next day she emailed him again while he was taking care of me. Usually whenever someone texts him or calls he tells me in passing who it was. He never said anything about this one.”

  Jillian stared at me, “I really like Rand with you, I think you should ask him when or if it happens again.” I wanted to ask him but I didn’t want him to think I was crazy, jealous, or insecure.

  “Jillian, my dilemma is where am I going on Christmas?”

  “It’s about time that you think with your heart and not your head. Follow that on Christmas day.”

  “Hopefully, I will figure it out by then.”

  “Madison, when I first met Raeford I never thought I would really begin to feel what I do now for him, but I opened myself up and let him into my heart. You need to let love in again.”

  I was silent a moment thinking that I had completely given my heart once so long ago and had it torn apart. I think she knew what I was thinking because she said, “Oh no you don’t! Don’t you even go backwards when you’ve come so far. Let’s just look forward to Thursday and enjoying the holidays wherever we end up.”

  We did just that as Rand’s Thursday afternoon gathering began. I got there slightly after everyone else had come and Rand appeared in the doorway of the barn as if he had been waiting for my arrival. With plenty of cookies in tow, I brought them in and he helped me as I made a tin for each of the guys, including Rand. Before we entered the barn he licked my ear playfully, he was in a great mood. I got to hug Kent and Raeford as soon as I came inside. It was so nice to see my gal pals there as well. Cecile looked like a holiday ornament, all dressed in a sparkled sweater and Kent wasn’t too far from her, always looking at her. Jillian and Raeford were already holding hands.

  Rand announced that he had food and drinks set up in the loft above and for everyone to go ahead up there. Isaac and Ron were already started on the drinks up there. Rand had moved over to me and placed his hand on my lower back, after putting the cookies in a pile near the tree by the stage. We were the last two that stood down below as everyone went up the steps.

  I was taking in all the decorations, they were definitely professionally done. It looked so classic Christmas, with beautifully hung balsam fir greens and berry sprigs. It smelled awesome. There were three holiday trees all decorated. A large tree stood at the entrance of the barn that blocked the view to the loft as it was so tall and full, filling the entrance way nicely. There was one down near their rehearsal stage, and a very large one up on the loft near The Wall. Behind that one up above was something with a large drape covering it. There were giant ornaments hanging down from the ceiling on beautiful velvet ribbons. The ornaments were musical notes. On every tree there were musical ornaments of glass, metals, and carved woods. It was so impressive.

  I turned to him to comment on how festive this looked but he wrapped his arms around me from behind and I couldn’t turn. He then pulled me into him tightly just so that we were along side the one tall tree, he nuzzled into my neck. I loved that he did this so I had picked an off the shoulder sweater in encouragement to go with my short holiday skirt with boots. With his lips resting on my shoulder, chills traveled through me. I felt his hands release my waist only to slide down to my thighs and with us just out of the sight line of the guests he took his hands up under my skirt. It was quite arousing to be there with all these people and yet have Rand’s tender fingers traveling over me.

  I inhaled and held my breath. He turned me back toward him and kept his hands under my skirt and leaned in for a kiss. He pulled my hips just enough toward him that I could feel his growing excitement. Our kiss lasted for sometime as I had missed him so much more than I wanted anyone to know and it appeared by his romantic gestures only minutes after I arrived that he had been missing me as well. He was so playful with his kisses and licked my lips and then looked up.

  “Do you see something you like?”

  “I see you and I like that,” I commented as I was still so focused on his hands smoothing over my hips underneath the fabric of my skirt and he was lightly stroking my silk panties, and I was focused on his obvious bulge pushing hard into me that it took me a moment to notice what was above. I looked up to see we were under the mistletoe.

  “Do you stop all the girls at this spot?” I asked and he started to laugh. We stayed there for a little bit and continued to kiss with a longing in our lips since we had not gotten enough with our earlier kisses. Then like a fog horn on a boat, the noise sounded. “Hey you two get up here and have fun!” Isaac shouted.

  We joined them all and I was really having a nice time. Everyone was having a drink, some of the holiday food that was spread out lavishly. The guys said Rand does this each year. Maxwell was to be there soon too. I was told he had to go to the airport to pick up someone coming in for the holiday. I wondered who that would be but didn’t ask. There were a bunch of people I didn’t know in the loft, they were briefly introduced to me as they were the road staff that helped them at each location with equipment and such. I got a big hug from Ron and he told me Dahlia couldn’t come today but I told him I looked forward to seeing her at another time.

  Isaac came up to me like a kid and took hold of my hand and led me over to the tree. I thought, oh no, I hope there is no mistletoe in this tree. He told me he needed a Santa’s helper and I was the one chosen. With that he handed me three heavy boxes to give out. The first tag was for Jillian and the next Cecile and then me. We opened them at almost the same time. The band gave us all leather jackets made with Rolling Isaac’s across the back. That was really nice. Cecile put hers on immediately. Then Isaac said, as Rand grinned standing across from him, that they had another present for me. I hadn’t expected anything here today.

  Isaac said that he saw how cramped I looked up here in the loft trying to write and would watch me go from couch to chair and back. At this time, Maxwell arrived and gave me a quick hug too. Isaac, like a magician, went to the covered item near the tree in front of The Wall, and pulled off the fabric covering. I let out a gasp. It was the writing desk I loved so much from my day in New Hope with Rand. Above the desk was a Post-it note attached to an empty brick area of The Wall that read “Madison’s Place.” It was so cute. I felt like I was surrounded by family they had been so warm and nice to me. I went over to Rand and placed my hands into his rear pockets, pulling him close to me. I heard, “What about me?” coming from Isaac who was so proud of keeping this secret and his unveiling of it today. Everyone laughed.

  Rand told me that we could have it delivered to my house any day after they all came back from the holiday season or keep it here if I chose to. I quickly sat in the chair and felt the wood in front of me and felt such a connection to this piece of furniture. It was, I thought, too grand of a present for me, but I think they all wanted to make certain that I was writing nice things about them and this would surely bribe
me.

  “So are you having a nice start to the holiday?” Maxwell asked me.

  “Yes, it’s the best since I can remember.” I replied excitedly. Rand stood next to me and I saw him reach into his pocket as his phone sounded. He pulled it out and read his message and smiled.

  I arrived safe and sound, I got to meet your uncle as he was my driver which was nice, we talked on the ride, mainly about you. I could have easily taken a cab but I gave in to your insistence. I will see you very soon, I am nervous. G.

  I didn’t want to ruin this moment. I had been feeling cheerful, but I read that message. Then, I went over it again in my mind. I was starting to get upset, but this was not the place to ask him. I simply asked, “Rand is everything okay?”

  He smiled and said, “Couldn’t be better.” He pulled me in for another kiss. As I returned the kiss, I wasn’t thinking about or really feeling his sensual touch during this moment. My mind was questioning was it better because I was here or better because she was now here? I let myself go, enjoying his kiss feeling that I may not have many more of these moments with him going forward.

  The rest of the afternoon was fun. Rand and the band that never play covers at their shows, took the time to perform one for all on their rehearsal stage. Rand got things started as he jumped up on the stage, pulled his jeans down even lower than where they hung and removed his shirt. His ink gleamed in the lights like a kaleidoscope of colors. He swung his hair back a bit and I was breathless. I stood and thought I was going to climax right there in front of everyone. He must not know how sexy and stunning he looks. I licked my lips and he caught me just as my tongue cornered the side of my mouth, he then pursed his lips and sent an air kiss to me.

  His choice of cover song was perfect, “Do you think I’m Sexy” and everyone had their eyes glued to his body. Right then and there I wanted that body. I watched his moves and wanted to take my hands and explore every inch. His song ended too quickly and so did my hot thoughts. Next, Kent grabbed the microphone and sang “Miss You” and he looked at Cecile the entire time. It was Ron that was dead on with his choice of a cover. He stood at his keyboard, paused a moment and then the classic “Piano Man” sounded from his side of the stage. They wrapped it up with some Christmas tunes, Isaac had the band doing a rendition of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” and we all laughed joyously.

  Then a powerful moment came when Raeford keyed the guys for the next song. When he was done, we all had tears welling in our eyes. Raeford soulfully sang, “Oh Holy Night.” Rand too, who had his hand dipped into the waist of my skirt resting just between my waistband and my skin. He took his thumb and rubbed away a tiny tear that formed in his eye and then attended to some of mine. He asked me if I needed a drink or more food to break the teary mood and even suggested a walk out in the cold. I decided a walk would be good. I went and gathered my new band jacket and he grabbed his coat and we stepped outside.

  As I left the barn, I walked into a holiday light show. From the barn to his home holiday bulbs outlined every corner of his property. The front fences were draped with lights and greens. The trees had snowflake lights hanging in all different places and it was so picturesque. It looked like a holiday greeting card.

  “It’s so beautiful! I cannot believe you do all this, why?” I asked.

  Rand looked at me and said, “First you are so beautiful, and why I do this is to see everyone smile. It makes you smile. I like to show them appreciation at the year’s end for all their hard work.”

  “I’m sure they’re thankful, it’s very nice to do all this.”

  “Yeah today was nice but when I host the New Years Party it gets a bit crazy.”

  “Oh, how crazy?”

  “Just about as crazy as I am for you Madison.”

  As I pulled him in to warm me from the chill that crept up my spine, I had to ask, “Rand who is G, I accidently saw that on a text message you received?” I did it, I put it out there, and I waited for him to reply. I waited.

  He pulled from me and simply said, “Madison, I cannot go into this with you right here and now, let’s talk about this later.”

  “Why won’t you talk to me now about this?”

  “Madison you need to trust me, can you do that? I know we are getting closer to one another but I’m sure we don’t share everything yet.” With that response I knew it wasn’t good, I felt the blow to my insides. I felt weakened, but I didn’t want to continue to feel something more that wasn’t there and it appeared he had something else going on, shutting me out. I told him I was too cold and we headed in to everyone else. I kept a small distance from him for a bit, talking with Jillian and I told her another message came from “G” tonight and I asked him about it and he didn’t want to go into it with me. I was very upset but masked it with a cordial smile.

  Jillian told me, “I asked Raeford if he knew anything and he said he didn’t know. He did say though that many nights on the road, Rand would not head out with all the guys to bars and such, but always seemed to be occupied or roll in late.”

  “Oh I can only imagine where he was or what he did.” I gave Jillian a very sad look. This wasn’t settling with me well. As the festive day continued into the evening, several left to get their packing finished, shopping done or traveling started to get them to their loved ones for Sunday. Rand had told me that he wanted me to come to his house, and see the decorations. I wasn’t up for another let down and didn’t want to go there tonight, knowing someone else was in town to see him after me. I wasn’t going to do that to myself as much as I wanted to be with him. I told him I was getting tired and that I hadn’t drank much and was simply going to head home.

  “Is everything alright Madison?” he questioned. I told him I was fine, he didn’t push. I had wanted him to push because honestly, part of me wanted to cave and stay with him. But I walked around and said goodbyes to all and hugged it out with each person that was still there. I thanked him and the guys again for the desk. I was definitely going to have it relocated to my house soon. I put my new leather jacket back on and Rand took hold of my hand and walked me toward the door. Once past the corner of the large tree, he dipped me back for another lasting kiss and looked up yet again to the mistletoe and smiled. I looked up too, but was looking beyond it to the vast ceiling above and wondering what was going on that I didn’t know.

  I hadn’t even gotten into my bed when my phone sounded and it was Rand –

  Merry start of the Christmas Holiday, glad you came by and loved the smile on your face as you sat at your new desk. I look forward to seeing that smiling face on Sunday. Remember you better have been a good girl as Santa is coming. Good night, sleep well.

  How could I sleep well, I was in an awful state of mind. Who was “G” and what was he keeping from me. He could easily tell me that we aren’t anything to one another. Why dip me back into another unwavering kiss, why invite me over and compare me and her if she is possibly coming there? No I could not do this to myself. I sent him a message –

  I’m looking forward to Christmas. Thank you for today, I love my desk. I’m going to sleep and remember all the lights that danced outdoors this evening.

  I never did though tell him where I was going to head on Christmas just that I was looking forward to it. I had to decide and I needed a solid night of sleep to make the best decision.

  Christmas morning was lovely, as outside a dusting of snow had fallen. It just coated everything with a winter white and made the day seem more special. I awoke content in knowing where I was heading today and with whom I would be spending the day. I showered and dressed and hummed to myself this morning and let the sounds of the season fill my house from the radio as I took a little time to pick out an outfit to wear. I had this long black skirt and I put boots with it. I found a festive looking top that was sleeveless and just skimmed the top of the skirt, actually you could see my skin through the lace cuts, but it looked like a holiday outfit. I pulled out my long coat and gloves as it was chilly today.
I packed up my presents and gently carried the bottle of port. I drove out of my neighborhood with ease as the light coating of snow parted as my tires passed through it. The weatherman said some areas got a coating of snow and others received several inches.

  I parked my car and began to walk toward the elevator door. I pressed the button for the 27th floor. I let out a huge sigh. I watched the floors tick past. I felt like I was walking back into my past. I reached the door of the condo and as I paused, I felt the door open before I actually pressed the bell. Thomas stood looking so happy that I had arrived. I was actually early for his brunch and wanted to see if I could help him with anything. He took the bottle bag and smiled when he saw the cookie tin that I had made for him. He set them down near his tree that looked just as it did when I lived there, same ornaments, familiar trimmings. I left that all for him when I moved to my townhome. I was in a very bad way and wanted to leave everything behind. I wanted all new items that had no memories of him attached at that time. Today seeing his tree, actually once our holiday tree, brought back a smile to my face. I felt the comfort of home again. He pulled me in and gently embraced me, treating me like glass. He was careful not to hold me too tightly.

  Since I was early I sat on the sofa near the tree and we talked a bit about what had been happening with us lately. I told him two friends of mine were hooking up with the band members to which he said, “Oh only two?” I laughed and played that off, I knew what he was saying, but didn’t comment further. I told him I had so much of my writing done and felt it was going to be a good book. I left out telling him that the band had just bought me the most awesome desk. Thomas looked so content with me just being there that I didn’t want to say that. It would feel like throwing mud in his face.

  Thomas had already begun to pour me a glass of wine, telling me about a few more financial conventions he was attending in the New Year. He wanted to know if I would still be traveling with the band in case they crossed into a state he would be in. I told him I was unsure how much more time I would be with them, I knew he was fishing for answers.

  He started to get up and he reached toward the back of the tree for a gift box. Thomas smiled brightly at me, and commented how lovely I looked today. I sipped the wine and felt at ease, he was not pushing me. We were talking about safe subjects, and the conversation made me feel warm and welcomed in the condo and with him. I reached over and handed him a bottle bag and he smiled and said thank you to me as he knew I had gotten him his favorite bottle of port. He leaned in to me and kissed my lips, but didn’t press.

  He then sat very closely to my right and set a gift box on my lap.

  “Madison, this is for you, I want you to open it before everyone comes here today.”

  “Thomas I didn’t expect a present from you, do I need to remind you that we’re just friends.” Even telling him this he seemed to not hear me. Before I reached to open the box, he took my right wrist to his lips and kissed my hand gently and then he twisted on my cuff bracelet. I took my hand down and opened the box and there was a diamond tennis bracelet, clearly made up of too many carats. I was stunned. I wasn’t going to take it.

  “Are you crazy, this is way too much?”

  As he took it out of the box he shared, “I’m crazy in love you with you, let’s get this cuff off your wrist and put this beautiful bracelet on.” He continued, “I’m so sorry I didn’t realize what I had with you and screwed it up. I will not take you for granted anymore; I will spend every day making it up to you.”

  My eyes started to tear and Thomas reached up and dabbed the corners of my eyes catching the moist droplets, but my tears weren’t what he thought. I couldn’t stay here, just the touch of him twisting my cuff was like a tug to my heart. I had not been able to get Rand’s explanation of “G” yet, and needed to find out what was happening there before I could ever walk away from him. I needed to hold Rand and figure out what had made things awkward recently.

  I needed to get out of here, out of my old condo, my old life. I couldn’t breathe. I felt suffocated; Thomas looked at me like I was having a panic attack. He got up to go to the bathroom to get me a wet wash cloth and when he returned I had fled. He called my cell phone moments later; I could not take his call. I got in my car and sank in the seat and closed my eyes and took a huge breath, I felt so much better. Follow your heart I told myself in my head. I opened my eyes and was looking down at the shimmering heart on the cuff bracelet, and I was going to have that lead me back toward the person whose heart had given this to me. As I drove from the parking lot to Rand’s my phone rang several times, all from Thomas that I let go to voice mail. I silenced my phone.

  I parked at Rand’s and there were several cars here already. The gathering was already under way since I was late. But a ride and visit to the city and then a drive back out of the city took time. Rand was sitting on his porch when I arrived and stood as he saw me approach. He came toward me immediately. As I rose out of the car, he picked me up and twirled me around in the snow. I was afraid we were going to tumble and be making snow angels on the ground. When he stopped his twirling he began to kiss me and muttered, “Merry Christmas Madison.”

  He didn’t have to tell me how happy he was to see me. His enthusiastic greeting said it all. “I’m so happy to be here,” I said softly. After several minutes, he was able to pull himself away and we headed into the house.

  I stopped to take in the lovely decorations on the porch itself; there were lighted pathway topiary trees and a giant wreath that hung on the front door again from a velvet ribbon. Inside a sleigh was in the foyer with presents and bottles for guests. I stared to count the decorated trees and from the three at the barn to the two more in the foyer alone, my count was up to five lavishly decorated trees.

  “Rand this is amazing, I fell like I’m at the North Pole.”

  “You’re amazing Madison, come here.” Before I could even remove my coat, he was pulling me upstairs. He pushed past some of his guests which were mostly neighbors and close friends. He promised to introduce me a bit later. When we reached the second floor, he took me down the hallway to his bedroom. “Madison, close your eyes.”

  I wondered if he was going to take me there and now upstairs while all the guests remained below us. My thighs trembled and my heart rate increased. I felt the exciting tingle in my lower body just as I did a few days ago with Rand behind the holiday tree. The tree then hid us from the band while friends were just above in the loft. I kept my eyes closed with anticipation. He led me slowly and carefully forward, pulling my hand lightly. He stopped me and turned me toward the direction he wanted and said, “Merry Christmas Madison, you can open your eyes.”

  As I opened my eyes I first glanced to him and looked puzzled and then he pointed. I looked forward. Hung on his wall in front of me was a painting “Embrace” by the same artist that we liked from South Beach. The other artist’s painting was in my bedroom “Separation.” This painting was beautiful. It brought the two images of the lovers in the first painting together and it was huge, covering a large portion of his wall. He already had it professionally hung and a light that illuminated the placard that read, “Embrace.”

  “Rand, it’s beautiful, I love it.” With that Rand took me into his arms, touching his lips to mine.

  “I think of you every time I look at it.” He passionately kissed me, and after a moment I opened up for him. I reveled in the moment as our tongues danced together. When he set me down, I had to speak.

  “Rand, it’s lovely. I didn’t know there was another painting in the collection.” He was smiling glad that I truly liked it. I then had to finish conveying my thoughts to him. “Rand I’m sorry I came here late today, I wasn’t going to come.”

  “Wait, did you just say you weren’t coming?”

  “Yes, I felt like I was being dishonest to you because I read a message you received when you played at the 2nd Street Coffee Café. You’re definitely keeping something from me.”

  “Madison I a
sked you to trust me, can you do that?”

  I completely ignored his question and kept right on speaking. “I drank so much that night at your show because of that message and then I saw some of the other messages.”

  “Do you think I am keeping something from you that will hurt you, would I ever hurt you?”

  “I don’t know what you’re hiding, but I really need to know, Rand who is “G”?”

  Again, there was a long pause before he spoke, “Madison I should talk to you about her,” he pulled me to sit on the bed. My head started to reel and I felt this wasn’t going to be good, but I needed to hear this. Rand was about to speak when he heard Maxwell calling for him from downstairs. Maxwell also sent a message to his phone that he had returned from picking up very important guests and for Rand to come down to greet them, right now. I stood behind Rand as he started down the hall to the stairs as I was about to dart off into the bathroom to cry. I was so frustrated at not finishing our conversation.

  He stopped and turned to me and smiled, “I promise I will never hurt you and we’ll continue this conversation later, but please trust me.” I was a big girl so I sucked it up and followed behind him and wondered what he would have just told me had we not been interrupted. I figured before the night ended I would know.

  As we reached the bottom of the stairs, Rand went ahead and I heard him say, “Welcome!” I heard a female voice lightly speaking telling Rand that she was so thankful to him for getting her here. I came around him to see who was here and froze. Rand looked at me, then to his guests then back to me, and I hadn’t even blinked yet then he looked back to his guests. Rand broke the stunned stares. “Madison, this is “G”, you know Grace, your mother.”

  I stood and tears filled my eyes, I didn’t know what to do. Should I hug her? Run upstairs and pitch a fit for him not telling me and throwing me to her here and now? I thought “G” was a girlfriend, so many things raced in my head. Before me now standing was an older vision of myself. I never thought it was my mother he was getting messages from. I noticed that my Uncle Jake was holding on to her, standing at her side and keeping her steady as she looked so nervous and just as stunned as I did. Rand walked to me and held me up as well.

  He whispered in my ear, “Madison I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I didn’t mean to have you not trust me. I wanted to surprise you. I found her after your father died while I was in Galveston and looked them up. I went and met them with Maxwell. I told her your father passed away and I kept in touch with her hoping she would accept my plane tickets and visit you on Christmas.”

  “I can’t believe you did all this,” I quietly said to him.

  “Well, Maxwell and I made all the arrangements for getting them from the airport to a hotel stay the past few nights. You can thank Maxwell he brought them here today, so I could stay to see you first.”

  I glanced at Maxwell and mouthed thank you.

  “Madison, I know you’ve missed her and I wanted to help you be reunited.” He was done whispering and lightly kissed my cheek. I was shaking. I was so scared to do the wrong thing. I turned and hugged him and cried and didn’t want to take my arms off him. I asked if I could talk to him for a moment.

  We walked down the side hall toward the sunroom. I noticed that there were yet two more decorated holiday trees in the sunroom bringing my silent count to seven. I told him I was frightened. I didn’t know how to act, that there is no book written to tell you how to handle something like this. He told me he would be right there with me and not leave my side. He wiped my face and then kissed it all over to clean up any remaining wetness and said for me to go say hello to my mother. I held his hand so tightly. I walked with him step by step.

  I hugged my mother with my other arm since I never let Rand’s hand loose. I then held my Uncle Jake gently too. My mother started to cry. I told her in between my sobs, “Mom we need not relive the past and who did what wrong or right, I’m so grateful to have you standing here at this moment.”

  “Madison, you are lovely, I never thought I would see the day with us together again.”

  “It has been so long Mom.” It was a giant step that she and my uncle came all this way for me, and a greater step that Rand had put this all together for me. I felt sad that I had doubted him thinking the worst. My heart hurt. I had hoped that someday perhaps Rand would feel this ache too. It was a good hurt, perhaps one day his father Paul would return or find a way to him.

  “Madison, I love you so much,” my mother said as she again hugged me and I still had not released Rand’s hand. I think he had lost blood to it from my hold as it felt chilled.

  This day could not have gotten any better, we all hugged and cried and ate and drank and it was truly a family holiday. Maxwell was very kind to have helped Rand with all this and he enjoyed conversation with my Uncle Jake a lot. They both liked discussing music. My mother and I shared moments of conversation, first about how long it has been since we have seen one another. We then focused on the present. A lot of our talk was about Rand.

  “Madison he is so gorgeous and so kind, he has my approval, and I so happy you have found someone.”

  “Mom, he is great on the eyes, but I’m really unsure what we are to one another, but I’m hopeful.”

  Rand left us alone to reconnect for quite awhile. When the day turned into the evening, I slipped out to my car to retrieve Rand’s gift. I brought it in to share with him while I left my mother and uncle talking with Maxwell and other guests that Rand invited. I took his hand in mine and lead him to the living room and where there were, yes, three more decorated trees all different sizes each with so many colorful decorations and hanging musical note ornaments. Truly at this point I had lost count of the many trees that he had professionally decorated, but the holiday decorations were so beautifully orchestrated.

  We sat of the sofa near the fireplace and surrounded with this fresh cut tree line view. I handed him a gift box. I spoke as I was dazzled by his blue eyes.

  “Rand I didn’t know what to get you for the holiday, but then I stumbled upon this and I knew it was meant for you. I cross my heart that I have so enjoyed every moment since we’ve met.” I leaned in and took hold of his face and pulled him in to kiss his lips tenderly.

  Rand opened the box and looked so happy; there was a cuff bracelet like mine but this one had a cross that shimmered and picked up all the light from the Christmas trees. It was mesmerizing. He hadn’t worn the cuff for Ashley on his wrist since I learned of her story. In fact, that cuff was now on the memorabilia wall in his corner. So he removed the cuff from the box and let me fasten it tightly to his wrist, and I kissed it when I was done. He pulled me closer and we kissed, staying in that embrace for some time without any mistletoe near us.

  We joined the others and Rand had one more holiday surprise up his sleeve. He announced, “Thank you all for coming today. I hope you’re having fun. I would now like to play a tune I’ve been working on. It’s called Our Holiday. And Rand began to play–

  I could live all my holidays

  If I could spend them along with you.

  Every breath of this lifetime,

  Is another moment I wait to come true.

  As you are a beloved gift for me

  I’ll wrap you delicately in shades of love,

  I’ll tie us with a thick bow of wonder

  For us each to thank our maker above.

  Because every holiday is nothing without you,

  Every moment everyday is celebration in my heart

  Cheerfulness surrounds me as I reach a touch of you,

  Every moment everyday keeps building from the start.

  I was the one, who saw you just below my stage,

  Something unspoken was captured deep in your look.

  I never knew what could be ahead of us.

  But I am certain of the passionate path we took.

  Here it is now the whitening of wintertime,

  Let us make our festival together,

&nbs
p; Savor my gift of my words and song.

  Please stay wrapped within our holiday of forever.

  Because every holiday is nothing without you,

  Every moment everyday is celebration in my heart

  Cheerfulness surrounds me as I reach a touch of you,

  Every moment everyday keeps building from our start.

  Everyday is a holiday as long as you are near.

  Everyday is my holiday as long as you are near.

  He sang this with so much emotion. We were hanging on at the end of the song wanting more. He lifted his head several times while playing his guitar and caught my eyes and sang. I was so teary that I wasn’t sure if I could ever cry this much in a day again. I realized that I had become his inspiration behind this song and he felt something very deep for me. I was now going to need something to drink. I think I’d dehydrated myself from all of the crying. When he finished everyone clapped loudly and went up to him with a warm hug. I cannot believe watching all this love overflowing in this house today that I almost didn’t come here.