Heart Like Mine (Reapers MC: Conroe Chapter, #3)

by Hunter, Bijou

  Snorting, Scarlet nods. “Ain’t that the truth.”

  “You’re starting fresh today, and that's scary, but it’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to cry or hide or run away or need a hug. No one here will judge you.”

  Scarlet sits next to me on the couch. “I was married to a turd. Not like your turd, but still a turd. You lose a part of yourself when you’re always unhappy. Like you shove down all your feelings and keep them deep inside until you feel as if you’re empty.”

  Nodding, I find myself smiling at their words. “How did you get full again?”

  “I did what I wanted. When I was hungry, I ate. When I was angry, I freaked out. When I was sad, I cried. I’m sure I was a little unbearable for a while,” she says and smiles at Phoebe who nods. “But then I got the hang of being me again. I stopped freaking out and crying so much. I smiled more.”

  “And that’ll happen for you too,” Phoebe promises.

  “What if I get full and become me and I’m still not worth anything?”

  When Scarlet and Phoebe share a frown, I rub my belly and wish I had shut up.

  “You have value. You can’t see it yet, but it’s there,” Phoebe says with a determination that makes me want her to be right. “But first, you have to stop being afraid, and that doesn’t happen overnight.”

  “What happens tomorrow?”

  “Do you mean where will you live?”

  “Yes. Do I need to get a job? Pay rent? I don’t know what’s going to happen, and that’s making me nervous.”

  “You’ll stay here. Jack wants you close, and he has no space in his stupid RV,” Scarlet says.

  “But what about paying for things?”

  “Don’t worry. Jack’s handling that.”

  “What if he doesn’t want to handle them?”

  “Then we’ll help you figure things out,” Phoebe says. “No one will dump you outside if you have an argument with Jack.”

  “I can clean and help with things.”

  “If that’s what you need to do to feel good about the situation, feel free to clean to your heart’s content. But if you want to sit on your ass and cook the baby, that’s fine too.”

  “You are nice,” I say, and Scarlet smiles triumphantly. “I’m going to try to stop crying so much.”

  “Or cry all day,” Phoebe whispers, patting my hand. “Again, we’re chill here. With five menstruating women in one house and two wild little boys, we have no choice but to be chill.”

  Exhaling deeply, I feel calmer than I have in a long time. I smile easily for the rest of the morning. Rebel shows me the questions he got wrong. I know he’s afraid of disappointing me. His grandmother constantly criticized him. Rebel reminded her too much of me. But I’m so excited by all the questions he got right that nothing else matters.

  “I’m not afraid of the doctor,” he tells me as we climb into Scarlet’s SUV.

  “Me either,” I lie.

  Though terrified something’s wrong with the baby, I don’t let myself focus on my fears. Instead, I enjoy the idea of seeing Jack. His name came up frequently in conversations all morning, and I love the thought of him working outside. I remember him saying at the honkytonk how he loved his job. Now I wonder if he meant the lawn stuff or being in a motorcycle club.

  That’s something I can ask him. We can talk like normal people. Yesterday, I was too tired to do more than cry and babble. Today, I am reborn as a dumb lost baby, but that’s a start.

  THE HOTHEAD

  Women have been flirting with me since I was old enough to get a real boner. The club sluts—in Ellsberg and Conroe—used to think I was a god. Then a particular chick got under my skin, and I no longer wanted a taste of their easy pussy when I’d enjoyed the taste of a special one.

  Yeah, that doesn’t even sound romantic in my head. In all fairness, I didn’t believe in romance, soulmates, and that shit until recently.

  But, fuck me, if Georgia’s smile doesn’t make me a believer.

  I’m waiting at the doctor’s office parking lot when Scarlet’s SUV comes around the corner about ten miles too fast. My sister and her fucking lead foot don’t normally bother me. But she’s driving my almost-woman and my possible-kid!

  I stalk over to where she parks and plan to give her a lecture about being a responsible driver. Seeing my expression, Scarlet flips me off before she opens her door. “I was in a hurry. There’s no traffic. Weather conditions are good. So shut the fuck up.”

  I don’t want to smile. Damn Scarlet and her bullshit, but I end up grinning anyway.

  “How is everyone?” I ask as if this is a subtle hint for info on Georgia.

  Then she appears from the backseat and gives me that smile. Bam! I’m fucking done for.

  Georgia’s hair is tied back in a ponytail. Though this shows off her shiner more, she also looks young and bright. I love the way her full lips hold the smile. Yesterday, she always seemed ready to run. Today, her gaze locks onto mine, and I feel her saying things that neither of us can currently share.

  “Okay, so Conroe isn’t that big,” Scarlet announces. “This place handles all the family doctor crap and OB stuff too. If there are bigger tests that need to be done, we’ll have to visit the local tiny turd hospital. Get it?”

  Georgia loses her smile at the word “hospital.” I don’t think she gets it at all.

  “Hospital doesn’t mean bad,” I say, fumbling my words when Georgia’s gaze focuses too hard on my face.

  “I’m not scared,” Rebel announces despite looking fucking terrified. “Mom isn’t either.”

  Georgia shakes her head, but neither of them is fooling anyone.

  Once inside, Georgia fills out paperwork while I stare at her from a nearby chair. She isn’t finished by the time we get called back. It never occurs to me to remain in the waiting room. Where Georgia goes, I need to follow. All day, I wondered if she was safe. Now I can keep an eye on her.

  However, once the doctor checks Rebel and wants him to strip down, I grudgingly stand outside the room with Scarlet.

  “You need to acknowledge her kid more,” my sister whispers. “If you want this woman for real, you can’t keep acting as if the boy doesn’t exist.”

  “I see him fine.”

  “Butch won Sissy’s heart by winning over her kids.”

  “No, he won her heart by constantly taking off his shirt. We all know how that shit went down.”

  Scarlet snickers. “What is it with the Davies brothers and shirts?” she asks. “You’d never act so stupid.”

  “Dork, I’d take my shirt off right now if I thought it would help the situation.”

  “I’ll give you ten bucks.”

  A minute later and ten dollars richer, I pull my shirt back on. The women working at the desk range from impressed to annoyed.

  “Well, you still need to acknowledge the boy,” Scarlet whispers.

  “I’m going to ask Georgia to have dinner with me.”

  “Not tonight.”

  “Stop bossing me around.”

  “Let her eye heal up, so she can feel pretty when you go out.”

  “She’s fucking gorgeous as is.”

  Scarlet rolls her eyes. “Idiot.”

  “I know how to handle this.”

  “Okay, fine. I’ll butt out.”

  Nodding, I count to thirty before Scarlet sticks her nose back in. “Georgia is a mess in here,” she says, tapping her head. “If you push too hard, you’ll get what you want only because you bullied her. Then you’ll always wonder if she’s really with you or if you’re her new Patrick.”

  “Shut up,” I growl.

  Scarlet only smiles because she knows me well enough to be certain that her words hit their mark.

  We wait outside for another twenty minutes, and I start thinking about knocking on the door. Scarlet plays a game on her phone and finally wrangles me into the stupid thing. Anything to get me to stop grumbling about what’s taking so long.

  The door opens, and the male
doctor exits the room. He’s startled at the sight of me—and likely my pissed face—but then regains his bearings.

  “Everything looks good. We’ll get the ultrasound set up. It’ll be a little bit longer.”

  While my sister asks the doctor questions, I push my way into the room where Georgia sits on the exam table and Rebel in the chair.

  I make a point of looking at the boy and forcing eye contact. He immediately looks scared, so I assume I’m doing it wrong.

  “Are you getting hair in all the right places?” I ask him.

  Rebel looks at me as if I’m nuts. “No.”

  I glance at Georgia and find she’s been crying. Angry now, I step closer. “Did that doctor fuck with you?”

  Flinching at my tone, Georgia doesn’t answer. Scarlet appears in the room and shoves me aside.

  “The doctor told me the baby’s heartbeat was strong,” she says, and I wonder why I didn’t hear that part. Did she browbeat info out of the doctor after I left?

  Georgia smiles now, but I’m tense. “Why were you crying?”

  “I had to talk about some stuff,” she whispers.

  “About the baby,” Rebel says.

  “But the baby is okay, right?” I ask, confused now. Women shit always makes me edgy.

  “The other baby,” Rebel explains as if losing patience with me.

  Georgia’s expression makes me wonder if Rebel’s tone reminds her of his father. Then something clicks in my brain. Knowing now isn’t the time, I shelve the “other baby” topic for now.

  “Do you have a due date?” Scarlet asks.

  “December twenty-second. I’m twenty-seven weeks.”

  Her words vaporize my anger. I try to do the math in my head, but it doesn’t fit. Scarlet must get another calculation because she gives me a thumbs-up.

  Smiling now, I shuffle closer. “Just in time for Christmas.”

  Georgia shares my smile, but her earlier good mood is clouded by whatever she talked about with the doctor. I do the only thing I can think of and wrap my arm around her shoulders.

  “The baby’s heartbeat sounded strong, huh?”

  Lifting her gaze to find mine, she nods. I could get used to her smiling at me like she is right now.

  “They’re ready,” the doctor’s assistant announces, and Rebel jumps up.

  Georgia slides off the table, looking nervous. Keeping my arm around her shoulders, I gesture for Rebel to follow Scarlet. In the harsh lighting of the doctor’s office, I realize how much he looks like his asshole father.

  “Mom?” Rebel says when I frown at him too much.

  Georgia notices my glaring and separates herself from me and moves closer to her boy. I exit the room behind them and find Scarlet giving me an “I told you so” look. I mouth “fuck off” to my sister, who only smiles.

  The ultrasound room is too small for so many people, but I’m not fucking leaving and Scarlet is nosy too. The doctor accepts he’s working with limited elbow room and fires up the sonogram.

  Georgia looks shy about pulling up her shirt and showing off her bare bump. To be fair, I’ve never actually seen her fully naked. There was less wiggle room in her SUV than in this room.

  A minute later, a freaky little face shows up. Or maybe it’s the baby’s ass. I don’t know really until the doctor points out body parts.

  “Do you want to know the sex?” he asks.

  Georgia looks at me, and I shrug. “You're doing all the hard work. It’s up to you,” I say despite really wanting to know.

  “Yes, please.”

  “Well, I feel comfortable saying you’re having a boy.”

  “Yes!” Rebel and I say at the same time.

  He looks at me, uneasy now. I try to smile at him. Apparently, my happy face is more horrifying than my angry face, because now he looks ready to cry.

  “Another boy, Mom,” he whispers to Georgia, who looks ready to freak out and not in a happy way.

  “Does he look okay?” she asks, breathing too fast.

  The doctor goes over my boy’s size and stuff I don’t understand. I just focus on the good stuff. My baby is strong, and his heartbeat sounds like a locomotive. No, he sounds like a Johansson.

  THE CHAPTER WHERE MAMA BEARS WORRY ABOUT MALE LIONS

  THE DOORMAT

  Jack doesn’t like Rebel, and I don’t know what to do about that fact. I know many men don’t bond well with the children of other men. When a male lion takes over a pride, it’ll often kill the unrelated cubs. I know humans aren’t so calculated, but I’ve also read stories of stepparents abusing and even killing children that aren’t theirs.

  Jack doesn’t hide how excited he is about his baby. His kid matters. This man offers a chance at a better life. Even if we don’t make it as a couple, he’ll do right by his child.

  In all my life, I’ve enjoyed few friends and have never been in love. My only worthwhile relationship is with Rebel. He’s my everything. I won’t sacrifice him to be with a man, even one as tempting as Jack Johansson.

  Earlier Scarlet and Phoebe convinced me that Rebel’s safety and mine don’t rely on what happens with Jack and the baby. Now I’m not so sure.

  Jack doesn’t follow us back to Scarlet’s house. He takes my SUV keys and says he’ll see me soon.

  Soon, we drive back to the farmhouse. Rebel and I remain quiet for most of the ride. His hand grips mine while we hide in our heads.

  “Have you considered names?” Scarlet asks.

  My boy feels what I do. Jack doesn’t want him around. Last night, he thought I might send him back to Milkweed. I bet he’s worried about that now.

  “I thought maybe we could name the baby Jack and then call him by his middle name. That way, Rebel and his brother will match.”

  My boy smiles immediately and reaches for my belly. “He looked weird on the screen.”

  “You did too, but you didn’t look weird at all when you were born.”

  “Was I a good baby?”

  “You never cried.”

  Rebel smiles at my lie. “Can I show the DVD to my friends when we get home?”

  I shiver at the idea of him referring to the farmhouse as home. My gaze lifts to the rearview where I catch Scarlet watching us. Her electric blue eyes are so much like Jack’s.

  Looking away, I keep my mouth shut until we arrive at her farm. Rebel again asks if he can show the ultrasound DVD to his friends. I’m wary of making a big deal out of the baby. So many things could happen, and I feel it’s bad luck to expect good luck.

  But Rebel’s spent over six months moving around from apartments to motels to finally living in our car. Through it all, he stayed positive. I have no right to steal his hope.

  As he hurries inside with the DVD, I turn to find Scarlet standing too close.

  “We need to talk,” she says in a voice that makes me feel two inches tall.

  “Thank you for taking us to the doctor.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m glad you and Rebel are healthy.”

  I back away, but Scarlet keeps coming until I’m boxed in between the SUV, arriving dogs, and the angry blonde.

  “You have to give my brother a chance.”

  “Okay.”

  Scarlet shakes her head. “No, don’t say what you think I want to hear. I need you to dig deep inside where you’re strong and use that part of you to be straight with me.”

  “I don’t know why you’re angry.”

  “I’m not angry,” she mutters, looking confused. “This is just my resting bitch face. I look the same way when I’m watching cartoons or doing inventory. Don’t take it personally.”

  “Okay.”

  “Jack is a dipshit,” she says, and I’d normally laugh at Scarlet’s declaration, but her aggressive demeanor is making my bladder hurt. “He’s also a great person. I know he was showing off his resting bitch face today and you think he’s a dick, but he’s also excited about you and the baby.”

  “But not about Rebel,” I whisper, finding the words after
digging down deep into the strong part of me like she instructed.

  “Jack only knows what he knows, you know?” she says and kneels down to pet her excited dogs. “He doesn’t understand how to be in a serious relationship with a woman. He’s always been a slutty shit, but that changed after he met you.”

  Scarlet stands back up and tries to soften her gaze. I see what she’s aiming for, but she still looks angry.

  “When Jack couldn’t find you, it drove him into full-on bitch mode. He’s used to getting what he wants. Then one day, bam, he finds you, and he’s having a kid, and you have a son with an evil fuck. He’s acting like a dick because he’s overwhelmed and doesn’t know the right answers. Plus, he wants to be alone with you and get close and talk and act like normal people, but you’re not capable of that yet.”

  “He wouldn’t hurt Rebel or send him away, would he?”

  “Of fucking course not,” she growls, and I flinch. “Sorry, but my brother is, well, my brother. I love the dipshit, and I want him to be happy. When he got that amazed look on his face today after seeing his son, I panicked that you wouldn’t be able to see past his outer shell of dickness to how damn sweet he is on the inside.”

  Scarlet finally conveys an emotion besides irritation. She’s genuinely worried about Jack. I hold the power to hurt him, and she doesn’t know me.

  “I just want my sons to be safe. That’s the most important thing.”

  “You need to be happy too.”

  “I was happy that night with Jack, but we were drunk. What if we aren’t any good together when we’re sober?”

  I must say something right because Scarlet smiles suddenly. “We’ll figure that out if it happens, but you have to be patient with my brother. If his heart hurts, I’ll cry, and I fucking hate crying, Georgia. I can’t stress enough how congested I get when I cry. We must avoid it at all costs.”

  “I’ll do my best, but Rebel needs me. He has no one else. The Hegseth family doesn’t care about him. They blame him for Patrick’s failures. Well, mostly, they blame me, but the blame spills on to Rebel too.”

  “This asshole was a grown man when you hooked up, right?” When I nod, she narrows her gaze. “And you were a teenager, yet you’re the bad guy.”