The Cowboy's Choice

by Janalyn Knight

  He remembered meeting Demi at a bar on an evening when he'd felt down and at loose ends. She took him home with her. That night he told her how beautiful she was, and she straight up told him she didn't want kids—that they ruined a woman's body. He said he wanted children. Pushing him down on the bed, she said, "That doesn't mean we can't have fun, honey." So, take advantage of Demi? No, he hadn't.

  Swallowing his bourbon, he leaned back in the chair and consciously relaxed his muscles, glad the difficult conversation was behind him. With Demi's looks, another man would be sharing her bed in no time.

  His phone screen brightened. A work email had just come through. He picked up the phone and scanned the message. It could wait until tomorrow. Tapping the phone against his chin, he considered calling Lara. It was only a little past eight. She'd be up. She still didn't seem very comfortable speaking to him, though. Sighing, he opened a text message.

  Lara, I look forward to resting the first day of my time off, but this evening my thoughts are chaotic—memories of you flashing through my mind. I hold you, love you, and what I feel for you is real. It's all so strange. I'm happy, Lara, for the first time in a long time. Because you're here.

  Taking a swallow of his drink, he enjoyed the warmth of it as it slid down to his belly. Sending the text relieved him somehow. She might not want to talk to him yet, but being able to express what was happening to him unwound the knot that had been in his chest for weeks. He slouched down in the chair and leaned his head on the back. He'd go out to the ranch while he was off and help Caleb. Getting on a horse always cleared Adam's head, and he liked the work.

  His message tone dinged.

  Adam, you were so good to me. I remember that and how much I loved you. You made my body sing. Then I remember other things, and it hurts so badly. I can't revisit that time of my life without pain. Yet, I’m happy to see you and how successful you are and the joy your career brings you. Leaving for Boston was the right choice for you.

  He answered, typing swiftly:

  I'm not so sure about that now. I should have searched for you. It's killing me that something so terrible happened to you that you can't bear it, even today. I should have been there for you. I should have helped you.

  It took a while, but, at last, she answered.

  It was my decision to face it alone.

  His fingers raced across the keys.

  Face what? Tell me?

  Nothing. He waited as minute after minute passed. Restless, he downed the last of his bourbon. His phone sounded.

  It doesn't matter now. Honestly. Good night, Adam.

  He shoved himself up from the chair. Dammit to hell! What had happened to her? It did matter. Striding back and forth across the patio, he tried to envision what had hurt Lara in the years after their separation. She obviously did well in school. That couldn't be it. She didn't appear to have had an accident. What was it? Had she been in a bad marriage? Shit, he should have asked when he had the chance today. Instead he talked all about the great Adam Govain. He grimaced and stalked in to make himself another drink. Usually one or two drinks a night was his limit. He'd exceeded that lately. Taking a long swallow, he headed in to shower. He couldn't bear the thought that something in Lara's past still caused her such pain. At some point, he would find out and do everything in his power to take that pain away.

  Chapter Four

  LARA FOCUSED AGAIN on the judge. Dammit! This was important. Her mind couldn't wander like this. Her client needed her to give her full attention to the proceedings, and that just wasn't happening. One thing she'd always been able to take pride in was her presence in the courtroom. She awed juries and wooed judges; her clients reaped the benefits.

  Lara nodded, accepting the judge's rebuke. "Yes, Your Honor." Sitting down, she glanced at her client, determined that Adam Govain would not interfere with her performance again today.

  Three hours later, she left the courtroom accompanied by her client. The day had gone well for the man. He received what they asked for in the settlement. It only took two hours for the jury to decide. She'd proven beyond doubt that the other driver had clearly been at fault in the accident. Her father would have been proud that she represented his client so well.

  Outside on the steps, the man shook her hand, and she strode to the parking lot for her car, relieved that she hadn't dropped the ball on the guy. She'd been damned sloppy there at the first and could not afford to let that happen again.

  Adam had said what he felt for her was real. Despite her efforts to deny it, the love she'd held for him was beating at the doors of her heart. The harder she fought to keep it in the past, the more visions of him bombarded her brain. The resulting chaos had caused her foul-up in court today.

  Wrenching her car door open, she slipped inside and leaned her head back. Eyes closed, she took a few moments to center herself, envisioning quiet scenes from her last fabulous vacation in Bali. She imagined tranquil beaches, the green terraced hills of a traditional village, the gentle waters of hot springs, and snorkeling in the exotic colors of the lagoon. Exploring Bali on her own had been a balm to her soul, and she'd come back to her high-stress job in San Diego completely relaxed. Maybe she could do something similar soon. Obviously, the pressure of taking over her father’s business and supporting her mom was affecting her.

  Arriving back at the office, her assistant, Beverly, was preparing to leave. "Lara, I put your messages on your desk, and there are a few documents for you to review and sign as well. I'll see you in the morning."

  "Thank you. Good night." Normally Lara would stay and work until seven or so, but tonight she couldn't face it. Taking today's casework out of her briefcase, she loaded a couple of the files from her desk and logged off her computer. If only the Chinese place in town offered delivery. Calling in her order, she locked up and headed for her car.

  By the time she got home, the first thing on her mind was a hot bath. The Chinese food she'd picked up could wait. After starting the water, she opened a bottle of wine and poured a glass. Walking to the door, she grabbed the mail she'd stepped over earlier and sorted through it. Adam's handsome face flashed before her. Dammit! She hadn't thought of him since her calming exercise in her car after court.

  She glanced at her watch. Five forty-five. What did he do on his days off? In high school he’d always worked on the ranch. Thoughts of his lean, strong hips straddling a horse set her insides fluttering. Would she always react to the man this way? Damn, she was a train wreck when he was around. Her nerve endings turned into alien things, scooping up his essence and returning it to her a thousand-fold until she felt him in every pore of her being. While sitting across from him in the diner, his sweet, spicy scent coupled with his smooth baritone voice had overwhelmed her.

  Her bath! Dumping the mail on the table and grabbing her wine, she raced to the bathroom and turned off the water. After stripping, she grabbed her phone and wine glass and slipped into the water. She liked her bath hot, and this was steaming. Her skin quickly turned pink. Sliding down until only her head and knees were above the water, she closed her eyes and breathed in the warm humid air. A memory flashed through her mind and she smiled. Without really thinking about it, she picked up her phone and texted:

  Remember when we went skinny dipping at the pond by your house? Your parents took Dylan with them to a cattle sale, and Caleb was out with one of the herds. It was so hot that day we had to swim to the center to find cool water.

  Adam replied immediately:

  I remember skinny dipping with you, but the water temperature isn't what sticks in my mind.

  She laughed. No, probably not. They'd made love, floating lazily in the water, sweet kisses making the day sizzle even hotter. Using a condom in the pond had been a new experience for him.

  LOL. I hope I didn't interrupt you at something. I'm taking a very hot bath and that memory popped into my head because of the water that day.

  His answer came quickly.

  You know I'm thinking of
you in that bathtub right now.

  Damn.

  Sorry.

  He replied.

  Are you kidding? LOL. I've been thinking about you all day anyway.

  So, he had the same problem she did.

  I nearly jacked up my court case today because of you. I need you out of my head!

  Her pulse sped up. Adam had taken over her brain, and she had a heart with a mind of its own. Her body reacted to him without her permission. She was out of control.

  He replied:

  I get it. What I feel for you—my thoughts of you—it overwhelms me sometimes. It's too new. I'm used to being alone.

  What he felt for her ... what she couldn't help feeling for him. She laid her phone down and sank further down in the bath, listening to the sounds under water. For some reason this had always given her comfort. When she rose again, her heart had slowed. Slicking her hair back and then wiping her eyes, she picked up her phone again.

  I've been alone a very long time, and I chose to live that way. What's happening to me now—it's rattling the doors of my safe place, and I'm not sure I can take that.

  His answer flew back.

  You're safe with me. I promise. Whatever it is, I'll take care of you. I'll handle it. You're not alone anymore.

  She read it, and read it again as tears formed in her eyes. He would handle it? What would he think when he found out about their baby? That she didn't tell him? That she lost their little girl? He'd blame Lara as she blamed herself. She couldn't bear that.

  Sinking to the bottom of the tub, she let her tears mingle with the water, wishing her guilt could so easily be washed away.

  THE NEXT DAY, ADAM threw a roping saddle over the back of a tall bay gelding. He and his brother and a couple of the other cowboys were headed out to one of their herds in the part of the ranch that lay in Brewster County to rope a sick cow and her calf and bring them back to the barn.

  Adam drew the cinch tight as his mind chewed over his text conversation with Lara the night before. Why did she need a safe place? And why didn't she answer back after he offered his help? Looping the cinch strap through the saddle's D ring, he secured it in a flat knot. After buckling the back cinch and the breast collar, he led the gelding outside and loaded him into the stock trailer.

  Lara had been as flighty as a new-born filly since their first meeting, as if fleeing were constantly on her mind. She kept her shield up around him. He wanted to tear it down, get close to her, find out what had changed his outgoing, happy girl into this pensive, withdrawn young woman.

  After Caleb loaded his mare, the other cowboys loaded their horses. The four men climbed into the ranch's double-cab truck and headed out.

  Caleb drove and, once he was out on the main road, asked, "You enjoying your cowboy day, doc?"

  Adam smiled. "I like keeping my hand in. I can't let you have all the fun, brother."

  Caleb grinned and turned left onto the road that would take them out of Jeff Davis County and into Brewster County.

  One of the cowboys had a pretty good idea where the Black Angus herd should be and, once they arrived at the right section of the pasture, it wasn't too long before they found the cattle. The sick cow the hand had spotted yesterday would be easy to pick out. She had a huge abscess on her jaw, either from a snake bite or an injury; they would find out soon enough.

  After they unloaded the horses from the trailer, Adam climbed on his gelding. One of the cowboys took out a sack of feed and rattled it, before spreading piles of feed out. The cattle trotted over. Caleb, Adam and the other cowboy, now mounted, moved out, each monitoring a side of the herd in hopes of keeping them bunched. Once the ranch hand threw the feed sack in the truck and mounted his horse, Adam, who had spotted the sick cow, rode slowly into the herd, his loop thrown over his shoulder, at the ready.

  As he neared the cow, she raised her head. Good girl, he thought as he swung his loop once, landing it perfectly over her head. The cow yanked backwards.

  Cattle scattered, startled, and Caleb moved in. They couldn’t leave the cow’s calf behind. With a quick toss of his loop, he caught the calf's head and dallied his rope to the horn. The herd trotted off, the commotion too much for them.

  Adam ran his horse up to the open stock trailer, pulling the cow. As his horse jumped into the trailer, he grabbed the overhead pipe and bailed off. Once the cow had been dragged inside, his gelding turned and ran back out the gate as Adam slammed it shut and removed the rope. With such a well-trained horse, a loading pen was unnecessary.

  Caleb quickly loaded the cow's calf and removed Adam’s rope from her head.

  After pushing the cattle into the front compartment of the trailer, they loaded up the horses and headed back to the barn to wait for the vet due out that afternoon to treat the cow's abscess. After a week or two in the pen for medication, one of the hands would take her back out with the herd.

  On the drive to the barn, Adam relaxed into the seat of the truck. There was something satisfying about this kind of work. It was simple. It had one outcome. No one's life depended on it. Yet, a man could go to bed at night knowing he'd done well. And the task they'd just completed had saved this cow's life. Eventually she would have become septic and died.

  He compared how he felt now to how he felt after a day of work at a real trauma center, like in Boston. By the time he got home from one of his shifts, he was physically wrung out and mentally spent. And losing a patient was hard. He never got used to it and usually second-guessed himself for most of the night after a death. There was definitely something to be said for ranch life.

  Once back at the barn, the cowboys handled the stock, and Caleb and Adam walked back to the house.

  Abi's sitter was at the house with her while Eve presented a seminar. Caleb went to check on the little girl as Adam walked into the kitchen. "Hey, Annie. Do you have a cold glass of iced tea for a hard-working cowboy?"

  She gave him a hug. "You sit yourself down at that table, and I'll bring you one. How are you, honey?"

  When she handed him his tea, she took his chin in her hands and inspected him, turning his face side to side. "There's something different about you. What's going on?"

  Annie had always had the sharpest eyes in Texas. She knew when he'd been up to no good and when he was hurting. He sighed. "Lara's back in town, and something's wrong with her. She won't tell me what."

  Annie nodded. "And you still love her. You were always true blue. You sure this isn't about her daddy dying?"

  He shook his head. "No, it's something else. From the time after we broke up. She won't talk about it."

  Annie sat at the table and drummed her fingers. "I hate to see that. Lara was always such a bright, happy child. Does she still love you?"

  "I don't know. I can't tell. She's all mixed up right now." Just thinking she might not hurt like hell.

  Annie wiped invisible crumbs from the table with her apron. "Well, you love her. You show her that. If she's hurting, her heart may not be ready. Don't give up on her. I'll bet that sweet girl we knew is still in there."

  Adam stood and gave Annie a hug. "Thank you. When I was little, if I'd lost mother, you would have been the mom I picked."

  Annie smiled and shooed him out of the kitchen.

  As he strode to the front door, he knew what he had to do—light a path for Lara. Help her find her way out of the safe place—the mental prison she'd created to protect herself—and into the safety of his heart.

  Chapter Five

  LARA LOCKED THE FRONT door, her pulse racing, like it did every time she stood near Adam.

  He set his hand low on her back, escorting her to his truck.

  Shivers traveled up and down her spine, his evocative scent filling her nostrils. As he assisted her into her seat, the hand he placed at her hip sent a flood of warmth to her core. Her body knew this man—his touch—and wanted more. He was bringing her back to life, and facing the consequences may be more than she could bear.

  Dinner would be at t
he steakhouse in town, and the tight knot in her stomach didn't bode well for her chances at eating such heavy fare.

  Adam glanced at her as he started the engine. "You look beautiful tonight. I've always loved you in red." White teeth flashed as he smiled the smile that had always melted her heart.

  "Thank you."

  He turned his attention to the road, but not before running his gaze over her again, caressing her with his eyes.

  He'd always made her feel wanted and desired. She never should have dated Chris Kingsly. She should have known that there was no other man for her but Adam.

  He glanced at her again. "What did you do today?"

  The deep tone of his voice stroked her frazzled nerves. "I worked most of the day. Stepping into dad's practice is a little overwhelming. He had a busy case load, and I need to review each open file from the beginning to get up to speed before I can work with it."

  "I'm glad we're going to dinner, then. You should relax, and put that all behind you tonight." He smiled again and she felt the warmth of it sweep through her.

  She picked up her evening bag as he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. His hand sent tingles up her arm when he helped her out of the truck. As he set his fingers at her waist again, nerves fired up and down her backside. It would be so easy to lean her head into his chest—nestle into his embrace.

  He opened the glass front door and a slight pressure from his hand urged her inside. After a short wait, the hostess seated them at a table with a window. Picking up the wine list, he said, "Would you like steak tonight? I was thinking of ordering a red."