Sorrow and Second Chances

by E Bradshaw

  “It is a very sad day, indeed it is,” the parson was saying; “though we must take from it what consolation we can, I suppose. It is, after all, what we are taught to do in our Lord’s Gospel.”

  Darcy could not imagine what consolation Mr Collins thought could be gained from a situation in which five young women had just lost their mother, but he was soon to find out, for the loquacious parson wasted no time in expanding on his lecture.

  “You are to be thankful that it was not instead your father who was unexpectedly called to his Maker,” he continued with a patronising smile; “for if it had been, your situation would now be so much more trying. Of course, I as your benevolent cousin and as the heir to your father’s estate, would do all I could in such a circumstance to make sure that you were properly taken care of – but it would still, I think, be an incredibly difficult situation for you all. For not only would you be facing the loss of your dear father in such a circumstance, but also the loss of your home!”

  Darcy could hardly believe what he was hearing, and he found himself stepping forward to intervene (or perhaps to strangle the silly little man; he could not be entirely sure which). However, before he could, he noticed Jane subtly take hold of her sister’s hand and give it a hard squeeze, as if to warn Elizabeth not to respond. Darcy only spied Jane’s action because he was stood behind the sisters, though he imagined that her gesture would be hidden to Mr Collins’ sight by the overlapping folds of their gowns. He found himself wondering in that moment just how often Jane had had to use such methods to keep her sister calm over the last few days; indeed, he even wondered if she had had to do it in order to stop Elizabeth from growing angry with him in the past.

  Unfortunately, however, Mr Collins did not stop there. “Yes, indeed,” he nodded vigorously; “you should count yourselves lucky today, dear cousins, in that it was only your mother you lost.”

  Darcy’s blood boiled and he did step forward this time in order to put a stop to the parson’s awful sermon – though to his immense surprise, it was Jane who actually spoke up to cut Mr Collins off.

  “Sir, the suffering felt from the loss of a beloved parent can never be underestimated,” she asserted firmly; “and though we are eternally grateful for our father’s continuing health, it does not mean that we miss our dear mother any less. Rather it makes us all the more grateful for those of our relations we still have around us who continue to provide us with genuine love and care.”

  Mr Collins beamed, having clearly misunderstood Jane’s meaning, though Darcy was truly impressed by her measured response. He had always assumed that Jane was a sweet, kind-hearted woman, but he had never appreciated before that she was in fact also very intelligent. He thought it strange at first that Elizabeth had not made one of her quick-witted responses, but it was only when she mumbled a quick “excuse me” and bolted towards the door that he belatedly realised that she had only barely held onto her composure in the face of Mr Collins’ extremely insensitive comments.

  Elizabeth made a hasty exit outside and Darcy could not help but follow after her. Above all else he wanted to be sure that she was well; he knew it was not typical of her to become emotional – at least, not in public – and thus he was genuinely concerned about her. He could not guess where she had gone at first, for there was no sign of her when he first emerged into the garden. However, upon turning a corner on the far side of the house, he finally found her. She was stood all alone with her back turned against the house, holding her arms around herself and sobbing piteously with heart-breaking grief.

  Darcy did not pause to think about his actions; he simply acted on instinct, driven by an inherent wish to bring her whatever immediate comfort he could. Thus, he stepped close to her, gently put his hand upon her shoulder to turn her around, and tenderly wrapped his arms around her. For a split-second only, Elizabeth hesitated and regarded him with a round-eyed look of astonishment, before she suddenly dissolved into another wave of tears and fell against the comfort of his chest.

  Darcy did not attempt to speak to her at first; he simply held her gently within the protection of his arms, providing her with a refuge whilst she sobbed her grief aloud and soaked the front of his shirt with her tears. Besides, his heart was much too full in that moment for any sort of coherence; he could not bear to see her so distraught, but his profound concern for her welfare warred against his private feelings of joy at being able to hold her so closely after so many months of yearning for her. He had no wish to take advantage of her emotional state, however; he simply felt grateful that she had not rebuffed him and that she had trusted him enough to accept comfort from him.

  Nevertheless, after a long moment stood together in such a position, Darcy decided that it would be prudent to break the silence and the physical contact between them in case they happened to be observed by anyone else. He did not wish for their embrace to be misconstrued as something more intimate than it was, when all he was endeavouring to do was to provide Elizabeth with a little comfort on such a terribly sad day. Moreover, he felt that they should not remain outside for too long, for although the rain had faded to a mere drizzle, it was still wet enough outside for Darcy to feel concerned over Elizabeth’s health. She had no bonnet or shawl on, and he was worried over the possibility that she might catch a chill and become unwell. Thus, as reluctant as he was to part from her, he thought it would be best to urge her to go back inside.

  He pulled back slightly to look down at her, just as she likewise glanced up to look at him. She appeared embarrassed now that her initial wave of grief had passed, for she bit her bottom lip and took a step backwards, and she looked very apprehensive about what to say to him. Wishing above all else to save her from any feelings of discomfort, he therefore broke the awkward silence first. “I meant to say that I’m sorry,” he murmured softly. In all honesty, he could not be sure in that moment if he meant only to offer her his condolences for her loss, or whether he also meant to tell her how sorry he was for everything that he had done wrong throughout their entire acquaintance.

  However, he had no chance to add anything else or to explain himself more coherently, for Elizabeth’s uncle suddenly appeared just then from the other side of the house, and the two of them hastily stepped apart as if they were guilty of some sort of impropriety. It was clear that Mr Gardiner had come in search of his niece, for as soon as he spotted the pair of them, he hastened at once in their direction. The older gentleman appeared to frown on seeing the two of them standing alone together, and Darcy was aware that both he and Elizabeth appeared far more embarrassed than they would wish to look. Indeed, he was all too aware that their close proximity and their seclusion in the garden on their own probably looked quite suspicious to the older gentleman.

  Thus, Darcy drew himself up to his full height and made sure to look Mr Gardiner directly in the face as he approached, as if to demonstrate as clearly as he could that there had been no impropriety between them for he or Elizabeth to be ashamed of. Nevertheless, he noticed that Elizabeth looked very uncomfortable under her uncle’s astute gaze, and after her first started glance in her uncle’s direction, she nervously fixed her eyes upon the ground. After seeing Elizabeth’s reaction, Darcy found himself wondering if Mr Gardiner could perhaps be a rather strict uncle to his nieces – though he was much reassured by the gentle way that Mr Gardiner spoke to Elizabeth as he approached.

  “Oh, my poor Lizzy,” he said as he drew closer and saw Elizabeth’s tearful expression; “it has been a very trying day for you and your sisters, hasn’t it?” As he spoke, he drew a handkerchief out of his coat pocket and handed it to Elizabeth so she could wipe her tears away. “Why don’t you go inside and retire to your room for a while?” he suggested kindly. “I think you should sit by the fire and warm yourself up a little; I can ask Hill to bring you a hot drink if you’d like?”

  Elizabeth nodded mutely at her uncle’s suggestion, and so Mr Gardiner smiled benevolently and nodded his head at her as if to direct her inside. “O
ff you go then, Lizzy,” he said, “whilst I have a conversation with Mr Darcy.”

  Darcy understood by Mr Gardiner’s comment that the older gentleman wanted to have a private word with him, and he inwardly wondered if Mr Gardiner meant to warn him about his conduct. Indeed, after being discovered standing so intimately together as they had been, Darcy thought that Elizabeth would be too embarrassed to speak to him directly and that she would leave him without so much as a backwards glance, though he was much reassured by her soft words of parting as she left.

  “Thank you for your kindness, Mr Darcy,” she said quietly, before she turned and made a hasty departure.

  They both watched her as she walked away, though Mr Gardiner waited until she was well out of earshot before he began their conversation. “We did not get the opportunity to speak earlier, Mr Darcy,” he began, “though perhaps it is an opportune time now.”

  Mr Gardiner’s tone was congenial enough, though Darcy was still a little hesitant as he replied, sensing that Mr Gardiner’s purpose in speaking to him was not merely for a casual conversation. “I am at your disposal, sir,” he murmured in a cautious tone.

  Fortunately, Mr Gardiner wasted no time in getting to the point. “My nieces have just lost their mother; it has been an awful time for them all,” he stressed with a grave expression. “They will need all the friends and all the support they can possibly get to cope through their grief – so please do not think that I am ungrateful to you for your kindness to my niece. But you must forgive Elizabeth for her lapse; she must be excused some measure of impropriety, today of all days, I think. I beg that you do not read too much into her behaviour.”

  Darcy shifted his feet and cleared his throat, feeling embarrassed over what Mr Gardiner must have made of the situation when he had spotted the two of them standing so closely together. “Sir, I feel I must reassure you that there was no impropriety between Miss Elizabeth and myself just now,” he stated bluntly.

  Darcy did not miss Mr Gardiner’s doubtful expression in response to his reply; the raised eyebrow and the sideways look which said all too clearly that the older man had seen Darcy embracing his niece – and that he was trying to decide whether or not to take Darcy’s words at face value.

  Darcy therefore met Mr Gardiner’s searching look straight-on as he continued. “And I can assure you that I know your niece well enough by now to know that I should not read anything into her behaviour at this sad time; I know she is utterly grief-stricken. Your niece has always conducted herself with the utmost respectability, and she is wholly without blame in regards to what you just witnessed between us. If you were displeased by our being alone together, Mr Gardiner, then I can only apologise. It was not consciously done; I assure you that I only wanted to check on her welfare. I take full responsibility, for it was I who followed her outside.”

  Mr Gardiner watched him closely as he spoke, and Darcy could tell that the older gentleman was carefully weighing up his words. Indeed, Darcy could also tell that Mr Gardiner had only intervened because he wished to protect his niece; it was entirely clear that he cared a great deal for her. However, it was also evident from his sigh of relief that he was very much reassured by Darcy’s reply. Mr Gardiner nodded briefly as if to indicate that he accepted the truth of his answer, and that he now considered the matter closed between them. He gestured that they should begin walking back towards the house together, and so Darcy fell into line and walked in silence beside the older gentleman whilst he waited for him to broach whatever it was that was so obviously occupying his thoughts.

  “I understand that you have been acquainted with my family since last autumn,” began Mr Gardiner in a matter-of-fact tone.

  Once again, Darcy found himself inwardly wondering how much of his history with the Bennet family (and most particularly in relation to Elizabeth) the older gentleman already knew. “Yes, sir, that’s right,” he answered cautiously. “My friend, Charles Bingley, took the lease of Netherfield Hall last September and we stayed in the area for several weeks – though he has not resided there since the end of last November.”

  Mr Gardiner nodded as if to indicate that he had already known such a detail, though he did not choose to elaborate on whatever else he knew about their stay in the neighbourhood during that time. “Yes, I was speaking to Mr Bingley earlier. I understand from him that you plan to remain in the area for the next week at least; is that correct?” he asked instead.

  “Yes, that is so,” replied Darcy again, as he privately wondered at the purpose of Mr Gardiner’s questions.

  “Then I wondered if you wouldn’t mind looking in on Mr Bennet once or twice over the next few days?” the older man asked.

  Darcy must have looked a little taken aback by such a request, for Mr Gardiner hastened to explain. “Only if it is not too much trouble, that is. It is just that my wife and I are set to return to London tomorrow afternoon, and I want to be sure that my brother-in-law has some male company from time to time in the coming days. I know that my nieces will do all they can to take good care of him, but I rather suspect that he will become sick and tired of their fussing,” he added with a wry smile. “Sometimes a man needs male company, I think, and I want to be sure that Thomas has someone he can talk to if he wishes to.”

  Darcy could not help but feel a little flattered by such a request, though he was bewildered by it all the same. He and Mr Bennet had never shared a particularly close acquaintanceship whilst he had been residing in the neighbourhood in the past, and he wondered whether Mr Bennet would truly wish for his company, or whether it would instead be an awkward obligation for the both of them. Nevertheless, dutiful as always, Darcy would not dream of shirking any sort of responsibility, and so he simply nodded solemnly. “Of course I will,” he replied, “if you truly think that it will help Mr Bennet.”

  Mr Gardiner gave a small smile of gratitude as they walked together side by side. “Thank you,” he said in an earnest tone; “that would greatly reassure me. I have to confess, I have been quite worried about my brother-in-law since my sister passed away. You must have noticed how frail he looked today?”

  Darcy nodded in solemn agreement with Mr Gardiner’s assessment, though he remained silent, sensing that the older gentleman had more that he wished to say.

  “I know that Thomas always comes across as a very light-hearted sort of man,” Mr Gardiner continued; “indeed, it might even have appeared as if he did not care for my sister. I know he used to say satirical things about her, but I assure you, that was just his way of teasing her.” He smiled fondly as if thinking of a memory from the past and added; “in fact, I think it was one of the great pleasures of Thomas’ life to provoke her! He was the only one who could tease Agnes into forgetting her troubles, for my dear sister tended to have a fretful nature and she would worry a great deal over seemingly trivial things. But Thomas had a way of making her forget her anxieties and instead helped her to see the lighter side of life.”

  Mr Gardiner’s expression suddenly sobered as his thoughts returned to his present concerns for his brother-in-law. “But those of us who know Thomas well, know that he is utterly distraught over Agnes’ death. They might not have had much in common, but I assure you that they loved one another all the same.”

  “I’m sure they did,” Darcy murmured politely. Privately he was somewhat surprised to gain such a new perspective on Mr and Mrs Bennet’s relationship, for Mr Gardiner was right in thinking that he had hitherto imagined that there had been no love lost between the two of them. He realised then that he had been altogether wrong in this assumption – just as he knew that he had been wrong about so many other judgements he had made in the recent past.

  Mr Gardiner sighed and shook his head, as if he were deeply troubled. “I wish I could stay longer, but I’m afraid that pressing business calls me away. Unfortunately, I can never be too long away from my warehouses, and right now I have no suitable deputy to oversee everything. It will ease my conscience to know that Thomas has someone t
o talk to if he wishes to. I would ask Sir William Lucas to look in on him, but... well, how do I put this?” he asked aloud with an uncomfortable shrug. “My brother-in-law needs someone with intelligence to keep him interested in a conversation,” he explained as tactfully as he could.

  Darcy met Mr Gardiner’s slightly embarrassed expression and gave him a small smile in acknowledgement of the point he was trying to make. “Then I think that Mr Bennet would similarly not appreciate a visit from his cousin, Mr Collins,” he said dryly.

  “No, indeed not!” agreed Mr Gardiner with a pained expression and a little laugh. “I see you understand what I am trying to say,” he added in a grateful tone. “I know I am asking a lot of you, Mr Darcy, but I think that you are the sort of man to know how to handle Thomas’ eccentricities and to challenge him if he starts to become too morose. I know it will be an incredibly difficult time for him and those poor girls in the weeks and years ahead, but the next few days are going to be especially hard, I think. It will ease my mind to know that they will have friends looking in on them over the next few days, so I am sincerely grateful to you.”

  “Of course, I will do anything I can to assist them all,” Darcy nodded solemnly. However, even as he gave Mr Gardiner such assurances, he privately wondered how Elizabeth would feel to have him calling at her house so often.

  Chapter 4

  He had promised Mr Gardiner that he would go, and so two days after Mr and Mrs Gardiner had departed for London, Darcy dutifully rode over to Longbourn to pay a call upon Mr Bennet. Privately he could not help but worry that he would be imposing himself upon a family who were deep in grief, however, and thus he wondered if his visit would more likely be an intrusion upon them all. Nevertheless, he had given his promise, and Darcy had always stood by his promises – and so despite his misgivings, he would not shirk his responsibility.