Sorrow and Second Chances

by E Bradshaw

  To his further consternation, he saw that Wickham was amongst their number. Darcy would have much preferred not to have been put in a situation in which he had to socialise with a man who had caused so much damage to his family – but equally, he would not contemplate causing any sort of scene in front of other people, nor run the risk of distressing any of the Bennet family. Thus, in knowing that it would be considered extremely rude to leave when he had only just arrived, Darcy steeled himself to endure Wickham’s company until such time as one of them could make their excuses to leave. He was aware that Wickham had spied him as soon as he and Chares had entered the room; indeed, Wickham directed a sly smile in his direction, but Darcy simply grimaced in return and forcibly reminded himself not to allow Wickham to goad him.

  He stood to one side of the room and endeavoured to maintain a calm, unaffected mien, though Darcy noticed that Wickham seemed to re-double his efforts to be charming to the Bennet ladies once he had perceived his presence in the room. Wickham smiled and attempted to make light-hearted conversation with the Bennet sisters, though Darcy noticed that the ladies struggled to match his lively mood. Their mother’s death was still much too recent for them to throw off their grief so easily, though it was obvious that Wickham had not properly comprehended their melancholy feelings. Even Lydia and Kitty, who had always previously appeared so exuberant when in company, seemed much more subdued than usual, and neither of them responded when Wickham made careless, flirtatious remarks.

  Darcy rolled his eyes to himself in exasperation as he listened to Wickham make jokes and discuss petty local gossip; he seemed completely insensible to the family’s sorrow. In all honesty, Darcy was not surprised in the least by Wickham’s insensitivity; he had always been much more comfortable in light-hearted situations where he could show off and charm people with his charismatic personality. However, Wickham had always been completely out of his depth – and utterly disinterested – in situations that required him to show a sense of duty and some measure of empathy for other people. Darcy knew Wickham far too well to believe that he truly cared about the Bennet family; a shared upbringing and a long acquaintance told him all too well that Wickham would quickly tire of the ladies’ company – and especially if they did not prove to be amusing enough for him. It was a sad fact that Wickham had only ever viewed other people’s worth in terms of their usefulness to himself – but Darcy wondered if the youngest Bennet sisters had the insight to see that for themselves.

  It was therefore with a great deal of concern that Darcy watched Wickham as he interacted with the Bennet sisters. He could not help but feel very protective over them all, and he did not like the idea that Wickham might abuse their trust or take advantage of their current sadness. He recollected that the two youngest Bennet sisters had seemed especially besotted by Wickham in the past – and nor could he forget how fiercely Elizabeth had defended his enemy on the day that she had rejected him. Darcy had never spoken to Elizabeth about Wickham again following their heated exchange on that fateful day; indeed, the two of them had hardly exchanged more than a few brief and very awkward words during his recent visits. Thus, Darcy had no idea at all as to whether she had believed the explanation he had given in his letter, when he had described Wickham’s dishonest nature and the great catalogue of deceits that he had wreaked against his own family.

  Consequently, Darcy watched Wickham and Elizabeth with a great deal of apprehension as he wondered whether his explanation had gone any way at all in warning Elizabeth that she should not trust Wickham. He was therefore greatly relieved when he perceived that Elizabeth’s manner towards Wickham appeared to have cooled considerably; it even led him to hope that she had believed what he had written to her in his letter. Not wishing to jump to any conclusions, however, Darcy watched the pair of them more carefully to be absolutely certain.

  Unfortunately, Wickham seemed to sense Darcy’s scrutiny upon the two of them, for he appeared to re-double his efforts to be charming towards Elizabeth. Darcy knew that he should be careful not to reveal anything of his feelings for Elizabeth in front of Wickham, knowing all too well that his enemy would make good use of any weakness he perceived – but nevertheless, he found he could not tear his eyes away from the pair. He needed to know, one way or the other, if Elizabeth still held any feelings of partiality for his enemy, for he felt that her behaviour would reveal to him whether or not she had believed his explanation in regards to Wickham. If she no longer held a good opinion of Wickham, then Darcy felt sure it would mean that she at least felt some measure of trust towards him. He could not bring himself to hope that a change of opinion towards Wickham could likewise mean that she had had a complete change of heart in regards to him, but it would be enough – for now – to know that she no longer distrusted him as she had before.

  Wickham, he saw, had leaned forward towards Elizabeth so he could whisper confidentially to her. Darcy felt his stomach tighten with a knot of jealous anxiety; he knew how enticing Wickham could be for the fairer sex. He had seen Wickham work his magnetic charm on far too many women in the past not to know how easily they fell under his spell. Wickham smiled charmingly at her, and it took all of Darcy’s self-control not to intervene when he saw Wickham dare to lift Elizabeth’s hand to his lips and place a lingering kiss on the back of her wrist.

  However, to Darcy’s overwhelming relief, he saw a look of utter contempt flit across Elizabeth’s face, and he knew then with certainty that she could no longer abide Wickham’s company. The other Bennet ladies had simply appeared disinterested in Wickham’s jokes; Elizabeth, in comparison, seemed barely able to conceal her disgust – though Wickham, in his supreme egotism, appeared to be completely insensible of her aversion towards him at first. Indeed, it was only when Elizabeth snatched her hand back out of his grasp and abruptly rose up from her seat to stalk away from him that Wickham finally seemed to understand that his charms no longer had any effect upon her. Darcy could not help but send a small, triumphant smile in Wickham’s direction on seeing his failure – though he regretted it in the very next instant when he saw Wickham’s eyes narrow in anger. Wickham was dangerous when he was provoked, and he had always hated to lose any sort of competition.

  Darcy had thought that he was alone in his position at the edge of the room, and thus he could not help but jump a little when Mr Bennet suddenly spoke up from beside him.

  “The irony is that my wife would have loved all this social coming and going,” Mr Bennet remarked in a sad tone. “She loved nothing more than a bustling party or a gossipy conversation with her neighbours.” As he spoke, Mr Bennet shook his head as if in mournful recollection, whilst observing the assorted group of young people collected in his sitting room. “But I personally cannot abide it,” he continued grimly; “my wife and I were always so different in that respect.”

  Darcy regarded the older gentleman with concern; Mr Bennet looked tired and extremely careworn to his thinking. However, he had no chance to make any sort of reply, for the older gentleman simply patted him on the shoulder in a silent gesture of farewell and then quietly passed out of the room. Darcy thought that he alone had observed Mr Bennet’s desolate mood, but to his surprise, Jane swiftly rose from her seat after her father had quitted the room and came to join him. It was clear from the troubled look which she directed after her father that she was extremely worried about him, and Darcy wondered what it was that Jane might wish to speak to him about. Nevertheless, it was obvious from her manner that she wished to seek his help in some way and so Darcy gave her a kindly look to encourage her to speak.

  “I am concerned about my father, Mr Darcy,” Jane murmured in a confidential tone, as she glanced again at the doorway which her father had just passed through. “He is not eating or sleeping properly, and we are all at our wits end with worrying over him.”

  “Yes, I have to admit, I am rather concerned about him myself,” replied Darcy quietly. “He seems lost without your mother.”

  Jane glanced up at his f
ace and gave him an appraising look, and Darcy wondered what it was that she was thinking. Not for the first time, he realised how carefully Jane concealed her inner thoughts and feelings – and he recognised once again just how foolish he had been to make such a swift judgement of her character in the previous autumn.

  “Lizzy is especially anxious,” Jane continued; “she keeps trying to perk our father’s interest in the things that used to make him happy before – but to no avail. He isn’t interested in his books or his academic research any longer; he doesn’t even care about managing the estate. Only you, Mr Darcy, seem to have the ability to make our father forget his troubles for a little while.”

  Darcy shifted in a self-conscious manner as he considered what Jane had just told him. “Perhaps it is easier to speak to a relative stranger about your troubles than it is to confide in your nearest relations,” he surmised with a shrug. “We do not talk about anything especially interesting and your father does not reveal any secrets to me – but perhaps he feels able to speak to me because he can be completely blunt with me. He knows that I understand the pain of grief, and that I will not judge him harshly for anything he might say.”

  “Yes, our father mentioned that,” Jane commented softly. She gave him another searching look, almost as if she were weighing up how much she should reveal to him. “We were all very sorry to hear about the loss of your parents and about how it had affected you and your sister,” she added. “It made us realise that we had made hasty judgements of you in the past – and we were heartily sorry for it.”

  “Us?” Darcy could not help but ask, his eyebrow raised in open curiosity.

  Jane’s words made him wonder just how often he had been discussed by members of the Bennet family, and he wondered, too, just how much Jane knew of his history with Elizabeth. It seemed unlikely that two such close sisters, as they undoubtedly were, would not have shared all their secrets with one another, and thus he guessed that Jane must surely know of his failed proposal to her sister. Indeed, Jane blushed and glanced away in response to his question, and Darcy knew then that he had not been wrong in such speculations.

  “My sisters and I discussed it after our father mentioned something of your past,” she admitted a little contritely. “I’m sorry if you feel that we were wrong to speak about you, Mr Darcy, but I assure you that you were spoken of with nothing but respect and esteem – and a great deal of gratitude for your kindness.”

  Jane’s words were immensely enlightening to Darcy, but though he did not doubt her integrity for a moment, he still could hardly bring himself to believe that Elizabeth had truly spoken about him in such glowing terms. “I’m not sure that I can believe you,” he therefore muttered a little gruffly. “I have certainly been told in the past that those were not the sort of views held of me.”

  He felt sorry that he had been so blunt, even as soon as he had spoken, for Jane looked extremely uncomfortable in response to his words. In fact, she hesitated as if uncertain about whether or not to continue speaking. Darcy silently berated himself for his gruffness; he had spoken out in a moment of unguarded emotion, and he had regretted his words as soon as he had uttered them. It wasn’t her fault that he still felt so raw from his recent heartbreak. “Forgive me, Miss Bennet,” he pressed in a more conciliatory tone. “Please; what were you going to say?”

  To his relief, Jane smiled kindly; she seemed to sense that he regretted his bluntness and that he wished to move away from such a disquieting subject. “I came to ask if you and Mr Bingley would mind dining with us for luncheon today?” she asked. Seeing Darcy’s hesitation, Jane hastened to explain. “My father frequently misses his meals these days, and when he does join us, he hardly eats anything, or he soon excuses himself from the table to return to his study to sit alone. However, I think he might be persuaded to join us for luncheon if you and Mr Bingley were our guests, since he seems to enjoy your company so much.”

  Jane directed an astute look in Mr Wickham’s direction, as if to indicate that she understood that Darcy would decline the invitation if he thought he might have to share a table with his enemy. “I expect that the officers will all depart within the next few minutes,” she continued tactfully, “but I would rather that you and your friend would stay – if you do not have other plans, that is?”

  Despite the fact that he knew it would be an extremely uncomfortable experience sitting across a table from Elizabeth, Darcy could not in all conscience turn down such a sincere offer – and especially not when Jane had expressed such concerns regarding her father. “Certainly, we can stay, Miss Bennet, though I do not know what Bingley’s plans are. Have you asked him?”

  Jane suddenly looked extremely uncomfortable at this question, and this time it was Darcy who came to her rescue. He realised immediately that she had felt too self-conscious to ask his friend if he would like to dine with them; clearly, her confidence had been severely affected where Charles was concerned. He had not recognised in the previous autumn that Jane’s feelings towards his friend went any deeper than a simple enjoyment of his attentions, but Darcy wondered now how profoundly she had missed Charles in the months whilst they had been separated. “Well, no matter,” Darcy hastened to add when he saw her face colouring; “I can ask him. I’m sure that he would be happy to stay; my friend is always very obliging.”

  Darcy inwardly berated himself for his clumsy response to her invite; Jane had been altogether considerate in skirting around the very awkward topic of her sister, and yet he had blundered straight into speaking of Charles without thinking about how uncomfortable it would make her. Jane quickly masked her discomfort, though not before Darcy had glimpsed an insight into her hidden emotions. He had always kept his innermost feelings carefully hidden from the world, and it was rare for him to unburden himself to others. Indeed, his admiration for Elizabeth had been so circumspect that he had apparently taken her completely by surprise when he had finally revealed the depth of his feelings to her. And yet he had not recognised the very same traits in Jane, he now realised. She had as much right as he did to keep her emotions private, and yet he had previously dismissed her feelings towards his friend as being nothing, simply because she chose – as he did – not to reveal her innermost emotions to the world.

  However, before Darcy could think of anything appropriate to say to Jane by way of an apology, she quietly thanked him for his acceptance and then politely excused herself to go and speak to the cook about their additional guests. As Darcy watched her leave, he found himself wondering just how much Jane might know about his involvement in separating his friend from her in the previous November. Of course, he had only acted with the best of intentions, believing at the time that he was rescuing Charles from a loveless marriage and embarrassing relations – but that still didn’t excuse his unforgivably presumptuous behaviour. Certainly, Darcy did not think that he could be so gracious as she was, if he had found out that someone had done the same to him. He did not believe that it would be in his power to readily forgive anyone who had deliberately acted to separate him from the person he loved, nor forget that they had tried to sabotage his future happiness in such a way.

  Indeed, Darcy remembered how angrily he had railed at Richard when his cousin had sheepishly admitted that he had inadvertently revealed the truth to Elizabeth about Darcy’s part in separating Bingley from her sister. However, in all truthfulness, Darcy knew that he could only blame himself for the disaster of his failed proposal to Elizabeth – and yet Jane must surely know that others beside herself were to blame for her failed hopes. That she might know of this, and yet could still forgive such injuries and invite him to dine in her home with such genuine warmth in her expression truly humbled him.

  More than anything, Darcy wished that he could apologise to Jane for his past errors and make all right between his friend and her again, but he had a great fear of making the situation worse than it already was. He had no idea if she still felt anything for Charles, or whether such feelings were now dead a
nd buried. Nevertheless, he resolved to be honest with his friend at the earliest opportune moment, and he vowed there and then to never intrude into his friend’s affairs in such a presumptuous manner again.

  *****

  The end of May was fast approaching, and the regiment was finally due to break up its winter camp and would be departing in a matter of days to travel to their summer quarters at Brighton. In truth, the residents of Meryton were almost uniformly glad to see them go. At first, the large contingent of uniformed men had brought an aura of excitement and glamour to the town, but of late their welcome had worn very thin. In the early weeks of their stay, the news that the regiment would be residing upon the outskirts of the town for a prolonged period had been met with a great deal of enthusiasm by the local residents, young and old alike. The soldiers had brought in a flood of trade for the local shops and public houses, as well as a welcome change to the neighbourhood and a general feeling of excitement to the tedium of everyday life.

  Indeed, the officers had been welcome guests at many a social gathering, and several of the matrons of the area had vied to gain Colonel Forster and his highest-ranking officers as guests at their card parties and dinner tables. Young men of the area had been enthralled by the glamour of the uniform and the noble cause of warfare, and thus a fair number of them had been swept up in a patriotic fervour and had enlisted to join the ranks. Similarly, many of the young women of the area had swooned over the handsome young men in their uniforms, and as a consequence, more than one wedding had taken place during the winter.