The Darkest Summer

by Unknown

  ‘Shit.’ She stared at me before looking down at the lawn.

  ‘Definitely shit.’

  Dee put her arm around me. ‘I’m a lousy friend,’ she whispered. ‘I know I am, but I’m here now and I promise I’ll make it up to you.’

  My heart ached for her. What had happened? ‘I’m just glad to have you here now. We’ve got so much to catch up on and I can’t wait for us to spend time together. How long are you going to stay?’

  ‘Well…’ She looked over at Leo who was watching us, his arms folded. I suppose he hadn’t known how we would react in each other’s company, after all this time.

  He came over to join us. ‘What?’ He stared at Dee.

  ‘Sera was asking how long we were staying,’ she said. It sounded like an apology, which seemed odd. ‘I wasn’t sure what to tell her.’

  I watched them exchange glances and tried to figure out what I was missing. It dawned on me that I hadn’t offered to put them up while they were in the area. ‘You must stay here,’ I said quickly. ‘We have the room and it would be the perfect way for us all to catch up properly.’ I looked over at Mum and before they had time to argue, added, ‘Mum? Don’t you agree? Leo, Dee and Ashley must stay here with us?’

  She smiled, looking pleased at my suggestion. ‘I’d be insulted if they stayed anywhere else.’

  ‘That’s settled then,’ I said, taking hold of one each of their hands. ‘You stay with us for a few weeks. It’ll be like old times.’

  Leo threw his head back and laughed. ‘You two were horrible to me back then.’

  ‘We weren’t that bad, Leo,’ Dee argued, a fragment of her old self escaping. Her mouth pulled back in a tense smile.

  ‘We were pretty vile to him, Dee.’ I winked at her. ‘Poor Leo. I’m surprised we didn’t put you off girls forever. You can relax, though; we’ve grown up now.’

  ‘We have,’ Dee agreed.

  ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘And we’re far nicer than we were.’ But I didn’t have a clue how Dee was now, which saddened me. It was impossible to dismiss that life had been hard for her, just in what way I didn’t know.

  We continued chatting and slowly Dee relaxed a little. I could hardly believe I was sitting in the garden with her and Leo after all these years. We’d both been through a lot since that last summer together, but nothing was going to come between us now, I was certain of it.

  ‘How is Hazel, Dee?’ Mum asked suddenly. ‘Leo mentioned that she runs a donkey sanctuary in Wales.’

  I recalled Hazel mentioning something about my mother’s determination when they were both trying to make it in show business. I hadn’t missed the sarcasm in Hazel’s voice, probably because she was usually so friendly and never had a nasty word to say about anyone. I had gone straight home and asked my mother to tell me about her time in London, but she refused to discuss it. But she had let it slip once that she and Hazel had come across each other when they’d both been trying to make a name for themselves in the late eighties in London. Back then, Mum was desperate to be the next Joan Collins, and Hazel saw herself more as Cyndi Lauper, yearning for a number one single. Hazel mentioned living in a run-down flat somewhere in Soho. Also, there had been an innate understanding that something had transpired between Mum and Hazel that had shattered their bond forever.

  Why then, I wondered, had they both decided to live so near to each other, in the same village, in the New Forest? It was a strange situation and one that I was going to have to find a way to uncover, somehow.

  I watched Dee contemplating her answer and my mother’s concentration while she waited to hear it. ‘Mum?’ Dee asked. ‘She’s happy enough.’

  It made me smile to think of Hazel doing something she loved.

  ‘I’m not surprised Hazel’s fine,’ my mother interrupted. ‘She always is.’

  I nudged Mum, willing her not to be mean about Hazel. She closed her eyes briefly, probably fighting a need to criticise. I changed the subject and suggested I make up a couple of the rooms. When I stood up to go in to the house, Leo came with me.

  ‘Only if you’re certain,’ Leo said. ‘I’d hate to put either of you to any trouble.’

  Horrified at the prospect of them changing their minds because of some misinterpreted comment from Mum, I shook my head. ‘Don’t be silly. Mum said she was happy for you all to stay and she meant it. I want to make the most of you both being here.’

  ‘Well, if you’re sure,’ he said, looking relieved.

  ‘I am. Anyway, Katie would love to have a friend her own age to play with for a few days. Even if they speak a different language, children still find a way to have fun together. You go and check out of whatever hotel you’re booked into and come back. We can have supper together. Let’s enjoy a long evening getting to know each other again?’

  ‘Great,’ he said, waving Dee and Ashley over. ‘We’ll collect a takeaway on our way back here to save on the cooking. What’s your preference with wine?’

  ‘I love rosé,’ I said. ‘Any one, as long as it’s cool.’ I joked, delighted to have persuaded him to stay so easily.

  I wasn’t sure why they needed to all go to their hotel, but didn’t want to force the issue about Dee and Ashley staying behind. Dee seemed very dependent on Leo and I didn’t want to cause her to feel uncomfortable around me by making trouble between them.

  They returned about an hour later with a takeaway from the local Thai restaurant.

  ‘This is delicious, thank you,’ I said, wiping my mouth with a paper napkin.

  ‘My pleasure,’ he said, tucking in to his meal.

  Mum stared at Dee and then Leo. ‘What’s brought you back here after so long?’ she asked, having taken only a few mouthfuls of her food.

  They seemed shocked by her question. I wasn’t sure why, it seemed like an obvious thing to ask after all these years. I’d been dying to know, too.

  We waited in silence for them to answer. ‘We’re thrilled you’re here,’ I said as they struggled to reply.

  Leo nodded. ‘Of course, you want to know why. I would too, if it was the other way around.’ Dee cleared her throat, her large eyes wider than usual. After giving her a quick glance Leo smiled, and explained, ‘The thing is, it’s business-related. I’m not allowed to share details with anyone just yet.’

  ‘Until everything’s finalised, you mean?’ Disappointed, I had to accept what he was telling us. ‘You did look very official when I met you that day in Southampton.’

  He nodded and placed a hand on Dee’s arm. ‘Poor Dee, even she doesn’t know yet. Do you?’

  She shook her head. ‘I keep asking, but he’s been sworn to secrecy.’

  ‘Contracts to sign before I can say anything further,’ he explained, giving us a reassuring smile. ‘I don’t want to say something to put the entire business deal in jeopardy.’

  ‘You’ll be moving back here for good then?’ Mum asked. ‘We can help you find a home to rent if you need us to.’

  Delighted at the prospect of having my old friends back here permanently, I smiled. ‘Yes, you only have to ask.’

  After dinner, he brought their cases in from the car. I was a little taken aback by the small cabin bag in which Dee and Ashley’s clothes were packed. Leo’s case wasn’t much bigger. I wondered why Dee hadn’t thought to let her daughter bring a few familiar bits with her on holiday. I doubted Katie would go away without her favourite toys packed safely. It was obvious the little girl needed the comfort of something to cuddle. Even Katie had been aware of that as soon as she’d given the teddy to Ashley.

  I suggested Ashley share Katie’s bedroom, but Dee wanted her daughter to sleep next to her, which was understandable, so they took the larger room in the attic and Leo was happy to have the box room next door to them. After supper, we put the little ones to bed.

  Katie came down about an hour after she and Ashley had been put to bed to tell me that Ashley was crying.

  ‘I didn’t know what was wrong, Mummy,’ she said, clinging to me. S
he looked shyly at Dee and then Leo. ‘I think she’s not feeling well.’

  Dee went up to settle Ashley and I took Katie back to bed. I peered around Dee’s bedroom door to check there wasn’t anything wrong. Dee was leaning over Ashley and whispering in her ear. Ashley had her eyes closed and was cuddling the bear Katie had given her earlier. I could understand the little girl being unsettled by this big old house and went back downstairs.

  The evening had grown a little cooler and we all moved into the living room to enjoy a couple of the bottles of the wine he’d bought earlier.

  I was conscious not to mention Hazel again and despite my intense curiosity, decided also not to try and push them on the intervening years. But I couldn’t help staring at them both, enjoying simply being with them again, talking mostly about Mum’s work and our daughters’ funny ways.

  * * *

  The following morning, I rose early, and, not sure when the rest of the household would want to bathe, showered and dressed before going downstairs to put on the coffee ready for when anyone else wanted breakfast.

  ‘Morning,’ Leo said, making me jump when he silently entered the kitchen, freshly showered and dressed, this time in chinos and a slightly creased shirt. ‘That bed is so comfortable I almost didn’t get up,’ he said, raking his hands through his blond hair, pushing it back only for it to flop forward onto his forehead once again.

  I laughed, relieved he’d had a good night’s sleep, noticing he’d made coffee in the percolator. Pouring a mug of the hot dark liquid, I handed it to him and picked up my own, leading the way out to the garden. ‘It’s a little warm out here, but I love sitting outside enjoying my first coffee of the morning. It’s very peaceful.’

  We sat down opposite each other. He leant back, cupping his mug in both hands, closing his eyes and stretching his long legs out in front of him, crossing them casually at the ankles. He breathed in the fresh morning air, and sighed. ‘This is very relaxing.’

  ‘I love it here. Coming into the garden before Mum and Katie are awake really sets me up for the day.’

  ‘It’s a good way to work through your thoughts, too.’

  It was. ‘It was relishing moments like these that gave me back the strength to carry on after Marcus’ death,’ I admitted, wanting to open up to him and hoping he might feel inclined to do the same. ‘I needed help to look ahead and found it hard to work out how to make a future for myself and Katie.’

  He widened his eyes and the sadness in them bothered me. He leant forward and took one of my hands in his. ‘I’m sorry we never contacted you when he had his accident, Sera.’ He looked guilty and any resentment I’d harboured dissipated. ‘Looking back now it seems unforgiveable that we didn’t at least write to you, or your mum. I think we were embarrassed about leaving without saying goodbye and after that neither of us knew quite how to approach you.’

  I dwelt on how it must have been for them. ‘I was too devastated to care about reproaching anyone then,’ I admitted. ‘It was all I could do to force myself to get out of bed to look after my little girl. If I hadn’t had Katie to care for, I… well, I don’t see how I could have kept going.’

  He sighed. ‘But you did, despite your world turning inside out.’

  ‘It was only because she was Marcus’ baby and he adored her that I forced myself to give her the life he would have wanted for her,’ I said, not daring to dwell for too long on the past.

  Leo let go of my hand and sat back in his chair, studying me silently.

  Changing the subject before I got too maudlin, I added, ‘I’m intrigued about where you and Dee have been. Something’s obviously happened to her. I can’t help noticing how troubled she is.’ I shrugged. ‘I just want to put everything behind us and be there for her.’ I realised I’d have more chance of finding out about them without her being here, so added, ‘I want to do anything I can to help to bring back that spark she used to have.’

  ‘You’re a good woman, Sera,’ he said, his face expressionless. ‘Beautiful on both the inside and outside.’

  He seemed sad when he said those words and it dawned on me that maybe Dee wasn’t the only one who’d suffered. ‘We’ll work something out,’ I assured him. ‘She’ll be fine; I’ll make sure she is. It’s a shame you’re here for such a short time.’

  He dropped his head, his chin almost resting on his chest, his shoulders stooped. I wasn’t sure what I’d said to change his mood and waited for him to speak, busying myself sipping at my hot coffee. He got up quickly, making me jump, and mumbling an apology, hurried over to the corner of the garden by an old apple tree. I wasn’t sure what had just happened. Then I noticed his shoulders shuddering and with a rush of dread realised he was crying.

  I’d never seen a grown man in tears before. He obviously didn’t want me to witness him in this state. But I had to do something. Not wishing the children to come down and see him like this, I put down my coffee mug and went to join him. I touched his arm lightly.

  ‘Leo? What’s the matter?’

  He turned away from me, covering his eyes with one hand and gripping my hand with the other. ‘I’m sorry. Please, you go inside, I’ll be fine in a bit.’

  I put my free hand up to his damp cheek and gently brought his face towards me. ‘Leo, look at me.’

  He groaned, looking away from me. ‘I’ll be okay, really.’

  I stroked his back. I didn’t wish to add to his humiliation, but wanted to help him. ‘You can tell me. What is it?’

  He didn’t reply for a while and I could sense he was struggling to get his emotions in check. I was about to retreat from him when he gave my hand a squeeze. ‘It’s Dee and Ashley.’

  ‘Go on,’ I said.

  He sighed. ‘It’s not my story to tell.’

  ‘I understand,’ I said, wishing I did. ‘If you tell me, maybe I’ll be able to help them.’ When he didn’t say anything, I added, ‘Has she just got out of an abusive relationship? Or something like that?’

  ‘What?’ He faced me, and I couldn’t tell if he was shocked or angry by my suggestion.

  ‘Sorry,’ I said, wincing with embarrassment at my nosiness. ‘I shouldn’t assume. It’s just that she’s so withdrawn.’

  ‘I’m sure she’ll tell you if she can.’

  I hid my disappointment. ‘Of course.’

  ‘I’ve got to go away on business,’ he said. ‘I need to know they’re safe when I’m not with them.’ He sighed. ‘I know it’s a terrible imposition, but would you mind if they stayed here for a few weeks, until I manage to sort somewhere for them to live?’

  ‘Of course,’ I said, although a small part of me was apprehensive at the thought of their stay being lengthened from a few weeks. Dee and I barely knew each other after fifteen years’ silence. Apart from Katie, I had only ever lived with Mum or Marcus and wasn’t sure how I was going to cope with Dee for an extended period of time. However, I was so relieved he wasn’t cross with me for sticking my nose into their personal problems that I pushed away my doubts and instantly agreed. ‘They can stay as long as they need to.’

  His shoulders relaxed, and he smiled. ‘Thank you, Sera.’ He bent down to kiss me on the cheek. ‘You’ve no idea how much I appreciate this.’

  ‘Don’t be silly.’ I gave his hand a squeeze. ‘What are friends for, if not to help each other in times of crisis?’ He tensed, his smile slipping briefly. I didn’t want him to think I was being sarcastic about their lack of contact over Marcus’ death and nudged him playfully. ‘You know what I mean.’

  We stood in silence, the atmosphere heavy between us.

  ‘What was it like, yesterday, when you came to the farm to find me?’ I asked.

  ‘Sorry?’

  I took a sip of my coffee. ‘Your old farm. Haven’t you ever wanted to go back and pay it a visit before now?’

  He shook his head. ‘No.’ He rubbed his unshaven chin with one hand. ‘I don’t think I could bear to be reminded of everything we left behind.’

  �
��I always remember how pretty your mum made everything in your home.’

  He smiled. ‘I suppose you’re right. She loved her lacy bits of material draped in strange places.’ He laughed at the memory. ‘Who else have you ever known to hang silk scarves from fence posts, or branches in trees?’

  Warming to the change in tone of our conversation, I thought back to her love of flowers. ‘Her pots of geraniums were everywhere. I always loved their bright colours.’

  He grimaced. ‘Seeing them always reminds me of trudging through farmers’ markets and the endless garden centres she dragged us to on weekends when we were smaller.’

  I pictured Dee and Leo’s boredom at their mother’s infatuation with plants. ‘Remember the field she insisted we help plant up with lavender?’

  Leo studied his hands, turning them over as if looking for something. ‘I was off school for two days with horrendous blisters on my hands. God, that was an endless day, wasn’t it?’

  I giggled. ‘My mum went mad when she saw how exhausted I was that night.’ I bit my lower lip gently. ‘I never dared admit to her what I’d really been doing. If she’d realised that I’d been planting a field for Hazel, she would have been furious.’

  ‘Thank heavens it was only a small field.’

  We laughed at the shared memory. I pictured that blissful June and July when the lavender bloomed, covering Hazel’s small field in an aromatic, purple hue, like something out of the Monet painting I’d later learned to appreciate. I suspected her passion had instilled my love of gardening, something my own mother had always found to be a curious hobby for a teenage girl to enjoy.

  ‘It was glorious to look at,’ I said wistfully. ‘Such a shame Hazel never got the chance to harvest the plants and produce the lavender oil she’d planned to sell in the markets that summer.’

  Leo’s face took on a closed-off expression again and I could have kicked myself for referring again to what must have been a traumatic time for them. ‘Poor Mum, she loved that farm so much,’ he reflected.