My Own Island (A Blue Shore Novel)

by Wendy Silk

  “Would you like to go for a walk on the beach now? If you think you can be steadier on your legs this time, that is,” I said.

  She made a face at me, but she was laughing. “Yes, I’d like that, Grant. I know it’s crazy, but I feel so comfortable with you. It’s hard to believe we just met.”

  We rose, and I tucked her hand under my elbow to keep her closer. “That’s just another cliché, isn’t it? Here you are, suddenly single, and you’re already looking for love.” After I said that, I winced a little. Nobody was looking for love from a stranger they met on a beach and sat with all evening at an all-inclusive bar. Seriously. We might both be looking for something tonight, but love wasn’t it.

  Chapter 3: Alice

  Well that was even more awkward than when he actually called me an awkward person. Poor guy, I could tell he wished he could take back the words about looking for love. I know it’s just a phrase, a silly thing people say, or sing in country music. But I wasn’t sure I was ever interested in investing in love again. It was a social construct, a form of weakness that had just cost me everything I had: my pride, my family’s respect, some of my friends, and a lot of money. David could keep the love he had found with his office manager back home. I was going to turn over a new, independent leaf in my life, in which I’d do whatever I wanted, all on my own. I felt like I should have a theme song.

  Grant and I strolled together down the private resort beach, exploring in the opposite direction from where we’d met. He pointed out the mounds where turtles had laid their eggs, and the curve around the side of the island where he said the snorkeling was so good that it felt like being in a technicolor movie with the fish swirling around you.

  “So where have you been staying?” I asked him. “If you came down just for the snorkeling, does that mean you have one of the smaller accommodations? It is just you, right?”

  I peered at him in the dark, trying to figure out whether I’d understood correctly. He certainly looked like a lone traveler, although perhaps not somebody who lived by himself at home. He carried himself with the ease of an athlete, but he had none of the cockiness of the single guys I had observed at my gym back home. They took up more physical territory than they needed, wherever they went. Grant, on the other hand, exuded consideration of other people’s personal space. He seemed a bit like a dad who was always aware of where his kids were, and whether they were safe.

  “Yes, it’s just me,” Grant said. “You’re asking whether I have anybody in my life at home, right, not just here?” His direct way of answering questions was unusual. I was used to David’s manipulative influence in conversation, always trying to stay a step ahead of him so I didn’t embarrass myself. “It’s just me,” he repeated. “Well, me and my brother. I’ve been too busy for dating for a long time.” He shook his head for a minute, as if to clear it. “But what you asked was which kind of room do I have. I’m just up at the main hotel building.” He nodded his head beyond the bar, indicating the high rise with lights strung everywhere. “And you?”

  I felt silly admitting this, but I’d started it. “Um, I’m in one of the honeymoon huts, of course.”

  Grant smiled. “Those look amazing. Is it really as luxurious as it looks in the brochure?”

  “It really is. You can hear the water all night long, and in the morning, you can just dive in first thing. I mean, one could.” I was starting to slur my words a little. Maybe those last couple of margaritas had crept up on me just a little.

  Grant noticed this at the same time I did. He gently turned us around to return toward the main resort area. We were still walking close together, with my hand tucked into his arm. I had thought that he was trying to be romantic, but maybe his intention was just to keep me propped up.

  “Let’s get you back, shall we?” he said. “Which one is it? Over here?” Grant helped me along the narrow walkway, then waited patiently as I searched my pocket for the key fob. When I couldn’t quite get the key into the lock, his warm hand closed over mine and took over. We were standing on the tiny porch of my gorgeous beach hut, in which I was honeymooning alone, and I wondered if we were about to kiss goodnight. Was I ready for a step like that? Here I was, having sworn off any relationships for the rest of my life, and I was being carefully wooed by this sexy, sweet man, who thought that people like me might actually be looking for love.

  As the door finally swung open, I decided. “Grant, come in for a few minutes. I’ll show you around the place. It really is worth seeing.”

  He ducked his head. Was he trying to hide his amusement at my idea of flirting? “I’d love to see it. None of this was here the last time I was on the island. You newlyweds today get all the perks.”

  “Well, not all the perks,” I returned.

  “Yeah, yeah,” Grant chuckled. He had somehow turned my personal tragedy into something we could both smile at. How was he doing this? I had never been with any person who could make me feel so at ease.

  As we stepped out onto the small wooden deck at the back of the building, he tugged my hand toward him. All of me followed, so I found myself pressed against him. Grant’s hand came up to stroke my hair.

  “I’ve been wanting to do that all night,” he whispered.

  A rush of heat came over me, so unexpected that I nearly stumbled again. The touch of this stranger’s hand was bringing more life to my body that I’d felt in years. Every inch of me seemed to tingle at once. As I stood there, wondering what this fluttering feeling was in my chest, he looked down at me, so close that I could feel his breath. He lowered his lips onto mine, so gently that it was like a butterfly brushing against me for just a moment.

  “Grant, I’m not sure…” I looked up into his blue eyes, with the full intention of telling him that I wasn’t ready for anything like this. I was the one who had invited him in, I know, but once it all became real, once I became aware of the feelings that he could elicit from me, I had second thoughts.

  “I know.” Grant answered in a low, controlled voice, nothing like my own breathless gasp. “I know that you aren’t sure if you’re ready for something like this. Of course I can see that.” He stood there, quiet and patient, with his hand still caressing my hair.

  The only response I could think of was to try to find out what it would be like to kiss him again. I reached my right hand into the smooth hair on the back of his head and pulled his face to mine. I tasted his mouth, sucking his lower lip and running my tongue along it. The effect on my composure was far greater than I had anticipated. With my hand still on the back of his neck, I could feel the rest of his hard body pressing against mine. Not just his muscular chest and arms, but lower down, the bulge in his shorts was insistently hard against me.

  Grant kissed me back, so hard that I was leaning backwards, not to get away from him, but to surrender to the sexual heat that had enveloped us. My honeymoon accommodations were finally occupied by a couple who were ready to spend the night doing everything but sleeping. He ran his lips down my neck, biting gently as he covered that tender skin with kisses. My breath caught in my throat.

  His hands had traveled behind me, first around my waist, then reaching lower to cup my ass and pull it in toward his hard body. As he ran his fingers along my waist and back, he moved them with a sure touch that belied the lonely life he said he had been leading. Where did a firm touch like that come from? It was as if he knew just what pressure would set my nerve endings on fire.

  Grant spoke in a throaty tone. “You said you weren’t ready for this, but then you kissed me like that. I don’t know what this means to you, but I know I want you.”

  I reached down to his lower back, running my hands down along his ass, reveling in his athletic build. As I brushed the front of his shorts with my hand, I could feel the hardness that he’d been pushing in to me. It was impressive. I could no longer remember what I had been thinking in suggesting that we take it slowly.

  “Grant, I want you too. I don’t know what I was saying before. You’re se
tting me on fire. I want to do this.” My voice was low and gravelly as I tried to find the words to beg him to keep going. “I want you to fuck me.”

  Time had slowed to a crawl, somehow. Grant’s pressure against me relaxed slightly, and I felt him straighten his body into a more upright posture. He looked down into my eyes, with a serious expression. Then corners of his mouth lifted into a tiny smile that was both sad and kind.

  “Alice, I know what you mean, and it’s the same for me. I can’t think when I’ve felt this way, if I ever have. It’s been years since I wanted something as much as I want to sleep with you right now.” He paused, then continued. “But it’s not a good idea.”

  I dropped my hands from his back, taking a step backwards. “What do you mean? I’ve just said I wanted to do it.”

  “I know,” Grant answered. “Listen, don’t worry about any of this. It’s just that you’ve had some drinks tonight, and I don’t want us to rush into anything.”

  I was stung, rejected by a man I was trying to pick up on a beach. How much lower could my confidence go? I was having a hard time even looking at him. Briskly, I stepped back into the hut from the deck we’d been standing on, and led him back to the front door. Just as I opened my mouth to send him away with a few choice words, he intervened.

  “Alice, I really like you. I want to spend more time with you. Will you meet me tomorrow?”

  This was the last thing I had thought he would say. First he rejected me when I suggested we have hot sex, then he said we should go on a date? This was some new type of man that was completely outside my previous experience.

  “Yes,” I found myself saying. “Yes, I would like to get to know you better. I didn’t have any plans for tomorrow other than the same stuff I did today.”

  “It won’t be like any other day you’ve ever had,” Grant promised. “I’m going to take you out into the water with me. I want to show you the world that’s out there. You’ll see. When you’re looking at all that beauty on the reef, you forget everything that’s on your mind.” He looked uncomfortable, but he went on. “I don’t want to be with you tonight just so you can try to blot out the painful memories that you’ve brought here with you. I hope we can have more than that together.”

  All at once, I did too. Maybe it wasn’t just in country songs that people went looking for a new life and found somebody who loved them. What if it were really possible to meet somebody who was the perfect fit, when you least expected it? Somebody who was so nice that they didn’t want to take advantage of you. As he said, if that happened, it wouldn’t be like any day I’d ever had.

  Chapter 4: Grant

  I needed my head examined. Or my adult male card revoked, or something like that. Nobody back home would ever believe this story if I told them. Although I couldn’t think of anybody I’d tell, so my secret seemed pretty safe.

  Last night, I’d been invited into the bedroom of a beautiful woman who said outright that she wanted us to have sex. Like any man would, I had turned her down. It had made sense to me all night, as I secretly congratulated myself for being an evolved man who would never take advantage of a woman who had been drinking. More than that, a woman who was so much on the rebound that she would probably have taken anybody with a pulse home with her.

  This morning, though, I woke up with a hangover of my own and a suspicion that I’d unintentionally hurt Alice’s feelings. She had looked alone and embarrassed when I’d said that sleeping together wasn’t a good idea. All I’d been thinking of was the fact that I wanted to be with her more than once. It’s true that we only have a short time here on the island, but what if we hit it off and even wanted to visit each other back in our real lives? I was sure of one thing. I didn’t want this to be a one-night stand.

  When I turned up at her door again in the early morning sunshine, I carried with me a box of pastries and a couple of coffees that I’d picked up on my way. I didn’t know much about women, but I thought I’d be getting that part right.

  “Grant!” Alice exclaimed. “You’re early.”

  She ushered me in, though, stepping back from the door and waving me to sit down on the little couch in her front room. She claimed one of the coffee cups with a sigh of relief, then padded back to the bedroom in her pajama pants to finish getting ready.

  “You don’t really need to bring anything at all,” I called out to her. “Just your swimsuit and towel. I’ve got all the snorkeling gear already checked out from the dive shop. They set you up with beginner equipment that should be really easy to use.”

  Alice appeared again, leaning around the corner of the hallway as she tied her long hair into a ponytail. “What makes you think I’m a beginner?” She sounded a little huffy.

  “You’re right, I didn’t know, so I had to make a guess. Was I wrong?” I asked.

  Her face relaxed into a grin. “No, I’m just kidding. This trip was going to be our first big snorkeling adventure. I’ve always wanted to try it, but David and I never had time. His work schedule is crazy. Not that it matters now.” She shook her head impatiently. “And my work doesn’t leave nearly as much free time as people think. I’m a high school teacher, you know. I teach history. But those long summers that people think teachers get are really more imagination than reality. There are so many extra responsibilities I always take on in the summers that it was never like I would jet off on a trip whenever I wanted.”

  “Yeah, I do know what’s that like. I don’t get as much time to do this sort of thing as I’d like.” I offered her the bag of pastries, and we left the beach hut, munching companionably. We took the trail to the farther reef, as I knew the sea life there would be spectacular, and the crowds thinner. As we walked, I asked, “So what’s it like being a teacher? Are you in a public school system?”

  Alice nodded. “I’m actually not that far from where you are. I teach in a small school district right outside Portland. That was why it caught my attention when you mentioned Seattle last night. You’ve probably been through my town.”

  “I have to say, I admire the work that public school teachers do. I know you’ve probably heard that before, but it’s a shame that our society doesn’t place a higher value on what you do,” I said.

  “Ha!” She laughed. “Now you’re just trying to butter me up. You’re right, I may have heard that once or twice before, but I never get tired of it. No, really, I knew what it would be like when I started. Well, not all of it. I wasn’t prepared for how much I’d want to help some of the kids. But I was certainly aware that the hours were long and the pay was low. I never questioned that part of it. Of course, I did always think I was going to be part of a two-income household. I’ve been with David since college, so I thought I had the flexibility to take a job that was a passion of mine, rather than a moneymaker.”

  I wasn’t sure if it would be rude to ask, but I did anyway. “What will you do now?”

  She shrugged. “It’s not that big a deal. I have a good contract in a great school district. I’ll never be rich, but I can pay my bills. With no kids, I’ll be living simply. I’ll have to get a new apartment when I get back, but I can do that.”

  I frowned. “Listen, Alice, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring this all up right now. What would you say if we made this day just about having fun? I know you have a lot on your mind, but what if you let it all go just for a little while?”

  She stood a little straighter. “Yes. I’ll have plenty of time to sort these things out when I get back. You’re right. I deserve to have this trip without spending another second thinking about practical stuff.”

  As we rounded a curve in the trail, the beach became visible. The water was sparklingly clear, and there was not a soul there besides us.

  “Look at that,” I stopped to stare. “I was down here on my first day, but I’ve been going out on the boats ever since. I could never get tired of seeing this view.” I reached out for her hand as we walked the gentle incline down to the water. I unshouldered the backpack of gear a
nd separated out piles for each of us.

  After I helped Alice get her gear on and explained the basics of how to breathe through the snorkel, we stepped into the calm water. “Remember,” I cautioned her, “the most important thing is to not touch anything. We are just observers here. We can damage the coral easily, and it’s surprisingly sharp.”

  She stood at the edge of the water, surveying the smooth, sparkling expanse of blue. “Is there anything out there that I need to worry about? Sharks? A giant killer octopus?”

  I shook my head. “No, this beach is known as one of the safest places for a beginner snorkeler. Just stay calm, and keep close to me. I’ll signal you if there’s anything to watch out for, but I’m not worried.” I thought for a minute. “If you do see me waving at you, pointing to the shore, that means we need to go in. OK?”

  She nodded and began paddling around close to shore. The day was perfect. The sun was shining on us, but it had not yet reached its full height in the sky. I wasn’t worried about sunburn or dangerous currents. This promised to be a relaxing day for both of us. My heart lifted at the idea that I could give this treat to somebody who was reeling from what Alice had just been through. She did deserve it.

  We must have spent a full hour checking out the coral closest to the shore. I took the lead most of the time, with Alice swimming behind me. She was a strong swimmer, as I’d expected. What came as a surprise to me was her composure. Most new snorkelers have trouble with regulating their breathing, or with staying calm when they need to clear their tube. She didn’t. Alice had the attentive approach to learning a new skill that I might have expected from a professional teacher. However, she wasn’t as conservative or timid as I would have predicted. Instead, she was eager to get close to everything, spotting colorful sea urchins that I hadn’t noticed, or being the first one of us to see a school of tiny yellow fish darting toward us.