Better When He's Bold

by Jay Crownover

  It actually made me giggle a little that a guy who looked as big and as badass as Bax did was still prone to gossiping about his friend’s love life like a girl. He was the only way I could figure Dovie knew I had spent the night with her brother.

  I settled on my bed to spend the afternoon knocking out homework and went to work on getting caught up after my computer fail last week. It was only a few minutes later when my sister knocked on my door and stuck her head in. She had one of the sandwiches on a plate and a hesitant smile on her face.

  “You don’t want to eat lunch with Mom and me?”

  She came in and set the plate on the edge of the bed and propped herself up on the corner of the mattress.

  “No. Watching Mom putter around the kitchen after destroying it last week just doesn’t sit right with me. I’m surprised you’re even home. I thought you were spending the weekend with one of your girlfriends.”

  Karsen finding somewhere else to be on the weekends was becoming more and more common, and it wasn’t like I could blame her. If I had a place I could run away to, I would be gone as well. Only I knew distance wouldn’t fix the problems currently building inside the walls of this house.

  She twisted a piece of her hair around her finger and grinned at me.

  “I got invited to a party tonight, so I had to come home and grab something else to wear. Connie and I are going to go together and then I’ll stay with her tonight.”

  I lifted an eyebrow at her and gave her a look. Race’s words about her growing up, about her starting to figure out her life on her own without me watching her back, echoed between my ears.

  “What kind of party?”

  Parties on the Hill were a scary thing. Not scary in the same run-for-your-life way all the things in the Point were, but scary in a much more insidious, underhanded way. Boys from the Hill didn’t like to take no for an answer, and rich kids could get their hands on a lot of things they shouldn’t be able to. I wasn’t Karsen’s mom and I knew she was a bright kid, but I didn’t give up all I had just to watch her fall victim to a smooth-talking boy with a nice car. I almost rolled my eyes when I considered my current circumstances with my own boy who was originally from the Hill.

  “Nothing crazy. Just a couple of friends getting together at this guy Parker’s house. I think he’s nice. He plays baseball and Connie is sorta hanging out with his best friend.”

  She blushed and looked a little flustered.

  “You like him.”

  She lowered her lashes and ran her fingers over my comforter.

  “Kinda.”

  I sighed and put my computer to the side. I crossed my legs and leaned closer to her. I had to admit I was a little jealous. It felt like so long ago when I had just been a normal girl with a crush on a cute boy from school. Really, I was just happy and pleased that even with all the upheaval in our lives, all the strain our parents’ situation had put on the two of us, she could still just be a teenager who wanted to hang out and have fun like she was supposed to.

  “What’s he look like?”

  She giggled and I picked up the sandwich to take a bite.

  “Not nearly as cute as your guy, but still hot.”

  I almost choked on the bite I had just taken. “I don’t have a guy.”

  It was her turn to give me a speculative look as she climbed off the edge of my bed.

  “You weren’t here last night. You had wet hair when you came in. And I don’t know if you’ve looked in a mirror this morning, but you have a hickie on your neck the size of Texas and you’re smiling. Honestly, I’m glad. There is no reason you shouldn’t have a hot guy all over you and I haven’t seen you smile silly like that in forever. It’s a nice change.”

  It was highly inappropriate that my little sister was practically giving me a high five over getting laid, and I hadn’t realized I was smiling. Oh, Lord, what was I going to do about Race?

  “Just be smart, don’t do anything stupid while you’re out tonight, okay?”

  “I never do, Brysen.”

  I wished I could say the same thing. She left me to my own devices, and I finished a project I had, looked over my Math Theory notes, and somewhere in there fell asleep for a few minutes. I then had to scramble to get up and get ready for my shift at the restaurant that night, because naptime hadn’t been planned, but my body was obviously in need of some rest after the paces it had been put through the night before. I don’t think I had ever had the kind of sex that left you feeling it long after, all over, everywhere, before. That alone was enough reason to be leery of getting into anything deeper with Race. A girl could quickly become addicted to that feeling, and there was no place in my life right now for a frivolous addiction.

  I was running down the stairs, trying to pin the front of my hair out of my face with a bobby pin, when I noticed that my dad had made his way home finally. He was pacing between the kitchen and the living room, his phone pressed to his ear, while my mom sat on the couch and watched him with glassy eyes. She didn’t look like she had been drinking, but the calm from this afternoon was gone from her face.

  “What’s going on?” I asked the question not really expecting an honest answer from either of them.

  My dad held up a hand and I looked at my mom, who just ignored me. I wanted to throttle them both.

  I was going to just keep going, let them stew in the broth of unease and discontentment that always seemed to fill the air inside of this house, when my dad caught my wrist as I reached the front door. I looked at him in surprise and shook him loose. His grip was way harder than it needed to be, and up close there was a scary kind of desperation swirling in his gaze that made me nervous.

  “Brysen, I need you to let me use your car for a few days.”

  I couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. I had given up everything to come home, to be here for Karsen. The only things I had left were my car and school. The things I had to work my butt off to keep.

  “No way. I have to go to work and I’m not taking the bus or finding a ride. What’s wrong with the Lexus?”

  My mom didn’t drive anymore. She had lost her license after the accident but Dad had managed to hold on to a nice Lexus SUV.

  He scowled at me and looked at his phone as it started ringing again.

  “It’s in the shop for a couple days. Stop being selfish. I provide for this family, not you. I need your car.”

  I laughed again but this time I almost choked on it.

  “No.” This wasn’t an argument I was going to have. My car was not something I was going to give up, it was seriously the last tie to any kind of freedom I had. I would rather lick the bottom of my shoe than be stuck in this house with no viable way to get anywhere else. Plus I worked my tail off to keep my car; he wasn’t going to get away with trying to make me feel bad about not handing it over to him.

  I pulled the door open and marched out of the house without looking back. I heard him follow me and looked over my shoulder to see my mom hovering uncertainly in the doorway. As soon as she could, I knew she was going to grab a bottle and that being alone in the house while Dad locked himself in the office was a major trigger for her. I couldn’t work up any concern about it, it was too commonplace now. I was mad, really mad, and when my dad reached for my arm again I actually slapped his hand away, which had him drawing back from me with a scowl.

  “Stop it. I’m not giving you my car, Dad. You can take the bus, or walk, or I don’t know—hire a rickshaw. I’m not letting you make something else my problem.”

  “I haven’t made anything your problem, Brysen.”

  “Really? Like letting Mom trash the kitchen and not doing anything to stop her or bothering to make sure Karsen was okay isn’t making something my problem? Or how about the fact Mom doesn’t go anywhere, Dad, yet she always somehow manages to have a bottle of booze on hand? That’s not my problem either, right?”

  I shook my head and stalked to the BMW. They were things I had wanted to say to him for a long time, and there
was more, so much more, but I could see by the stubborn tilt of his chin and the way his eyes narrowed at the edges that he was only hearing my refusal to hand over my keys. It was the same old story, neither he nor my mother had any idea how hard being here was for me, and they obviously were both too caught up in their own misery and regrettable decision making to care. Which was exactly why I couldn’t leave Karsen alone in the house, whether she was going to need me forever or not.

  My dad glared at me the entire time I was pulling out of the driveway and his phone was back at his ear. I was mad, I was frustrated, and more than anything, I was sick and tired of all of it. I didn’t want to feel like this anymore, helpless and undervalued. I took a minute when I pulled into the parking lot at the restaurant to look around and make sure no one was watching me or following me. I also took an impulsive minute to call Race.

  The call rang and rang without an answer and I hated how disappointed that made me. I didn’t know what he was thinking after last night, if it had been as mind-blowing and as life altering to him as it was to me. However, with the unease that was clawing at me after dealing with my dad, I really felt like only he could make me feel better.

  Ramon gave me a knowing look and a leer when he caught sight of me. Luckily, I was immediately saddled with a huge party and managed to avoid having to gossip or answer questions for most of my shift. I was grumpy, still annoyed at my dad, and admittedly stung that Race hadn’t answered my call, when one of the other girls came to find me while I was on break to tell me I had a new table. I didn’t understand why someone else couldn’t pick it up, but she told me they had specifically requested me. Considering I had someone following me, I was nervous to go back in the dining room, not sure who was going to be waiting for me. As soon as I caught sight of that golden hair and winking dimple, something released inside my chest and I felt like I could breathe again for the first time since he had left me in bed this morning.

  I sauntered up to the table and put my hip on the edge of the booth. He looked up at me with those pine-colored eyes and my mouth went dry.

  “Hey.”

  He smiled at me and I had to fight back a dreamy sigh. Race Hartman smiling should be illegal; it was totally a concealed weapon.

  “I saw you called. Figured I would stop by and make sure everything was all right.”

  I blinked in surprise and fiddled with the edge of my apron. No one had ever cared enough to check up on me like that. It made my heart want to be really, really stupid.

  “I’m fine. I was just wondering what you were up to tonight. My sister isn’t at home, and honestly, I want to be anywhere but there. I know it’s the weekend and you probably have a million things going on, but I thought it was worth a shot.”

  One of his eyebrows danced up and he turned so he could put a hand on my thigh. Considering I was wearing a skirt, that meant he got a handful of skin right above where my torn skin was still healing from the fall in the parking lot. It took me a minute to get my breathing regulated as my blood went warm and thick with just the brush of his palm. I wasn’t typically this brazen or this forward. But just like last night, something about him made me want to push boundaries, made me want to just take what I wanted—him.

  “I am busy. I was working when you called. I’ve been working all day. What time do you get off?”

  It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him as soon as he got me off but I bit it back on a little laugh. What was wrong with me?

  “Around one.”

  He stood up abruptly and we were so close. He put a hand on the side of my neck and bent down and pressed a kiss to my surprised mouth.

  “Meet me at the garage. I’ll text you the code to get inside the gates. I might not make it exactly at one, but if you go right there from here, you should be okay in that part of town—even that late.”

  I wanted to spend the night with him, wanted to feel that return to my old self like I had last night. I nodded silently and his chin bumped my forehead. He brushed a thumb along the curve of my bottom lip.

  “I don’t have a ‘minion’ to spare to follow you around tonight, Bry. So you need to keep yourself safe, all right?”

  I nodded again and he took a step away from me.

  “Race . . .” Those green eyes flared at me quickly and an easy grin played across his mouth. “You keep yourself safe too.” I felt like someone should be telling him that while he went off to do God only knew what.

  Something crossed his face, something that made a shiver work across the surface of my skin.

  “Suddenly making sure everyone is safe seems like more of a priority than it was the other day.”

  He gave me another kiss and left me staring after him with a breathless anticipation that felt so nice, but also left me with a fair amount of worry about what exactly it was I was getting into.

  I ended up with a late table of rowdy guys, so I wasn’t able to have Ramon walk me out of the restaurant until almost one thirty. I was tired but made sure I was very aware of all my surroundings as I went to the car. No one jumped out of any shadows. No car tried to run me down, and when Ramon sent me on my way with a little kiss on the cheek and a wink, I actually felt pretty good about things.

  The drive into the Point was never fun. It was still sad to see the way things devolved the farther into the heart of the city I went. But now that I was spending more time here, was starting to understand the ebb and flow, the way the city fed off the lives of the people who lived in it, the less terrified I was of every dark thing that moved in the night. I had a moment of almost panic when a set of headlights suddenly shone in my rearview mirror. I squinted at the glare and my hands involuntarily curled tighter around the steering wheel. I picked up the pace, rounded a corner, and breathed a sigh of relief when the metal monolith of the garage came into view.

  I wheeled in front of the massive gates and punched in the numerical code that Race had sent me earlier. The car that had been behind me drove on without even pausing, and my heart dropped back from throat into my chest. I settled down even more when the giant metal gates swung closed, sealing me inside. As barren as this place was, as industrial and unwelcoming as the façade was, there was no denying it felt like an iron fortress that could keep the wolves of the street at bay. I took a minute to get my thoughts in order, stripped off my apron, and went to walk inside when I halted because the gates were whining and whirring behind me as someone opened them from the outside.

  The Mustang was loud and kicked up a cloud of dust as Race pulled into the lot. He pulled in right next to the BMW and killed the engine. I waved a hand in front of my face to clear some of the debris and walked around the front of the car to meet him. I stopped dead in my tracks and felt my jaw fall open when I caught sight of him. He winced when he saw me, and spit a mouthful of blood onto the ground.

  His hair was sticking up all over the place. His bottom lip was split open. He had a gushing cut oozing blood out of one blond eyebrow, and one cheek was puffy and swollen. His button-down shirt was torn at the collar and streaked with pink trails of blood. Both of his hands had ugly abrasions and scrapes all along the backs and knuckles.

  “What happened to you?” I sounded like I had sucked on a helium balloon, my voice went so high in alarm.

  He spit again and shook out one of his hands. I cringed as little drops of blood went flying with the motion.

  “Work happened.”

  He was moving pretty slowly, but seemed steady on his feet as he made his way toward me. I reached out to grab him, but he held up his hands and backed away a step.

  “Let me clean up first.”

  I scowled and stalked after him as he went inside the garage. He didn’t bother to turn on the lights, and when he stumbled a little as we hit the narrow stairway leading to the loft, I reached out and put my hands on his back to steady him, and felt him shudder at the contact. This was a man of contradictions that I didn’t know what to do with. At the moment he didn’t look so handsome or regal. He lo
oked as mad and as furious as I often felt.

  “Come on, let me help you.”

  He grunted a little bit but didn’t argue as I guided him the rest of the way up the stairs and into his empty home. I kept going straight into the bathroom, flicked on the light switch, and told him to sit down on the toilet so I could clean him up like he had done for me the other night. By the time I had returned with a clean washcloth, he had stripped to the waist, was probing at his face in the mirror, and his expression had turned remote and vacant. It was like he was shutting off his emotions.

  “What happened?”

  I didn’t know if he would tell me about it . . . I mean, not if it would pretty much implicate him in some kind of criminal activity. But as I reached up to rub the dried blood off his eyebrows, he sighed and slumped down so that he was leaning against the sink.

  “I’ll never understand the urge people have to risk what they can’t afford to lose.”

  “This was from one of your gamblers?”

  “No. From someone that the guy who owes me money hired to try and get out of paying. Probably cost him more than he owed to farm out muscle, and the guy he sent was a joke, but still . . .”

  I put my index finger on the cut in the center of his bottom lip and blinked up at him.

  “Doesn’t look like a joke to me.”

  He made a face and I bent to put my lips on a flowering bruise that was starting to take shape over his ribs.

  “It could be worse. It could always be worse. The guy wanted to beat me down, not kill me. I can usually hold my own in a fight, but I wasn’t expecting it. Which makes me an idiot and I hate feeling like a fool. I don’t know why I keep thinking people will do things the easy and logical way. Nothing works like that here.”