Better When He's Bold

by Jay Crownover

  I gritted my back teeth. I wasn’t going to Texas. It was hot, it was far away, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it because he was currently on the top of my shit list, Race wasn’t there, which automatically made it unappealing.

  “Mom, worry about yourself right now. I’ll be fine and I’ll make sure Karsen is fine.”

  I mean I knew she had her own issues, that she had never been perfectly healthy of mind and spirit, but if there was ever a time to rally and pull it all together and give it her best shot at being a mom, at being a woman who cared for her daughters, now was it.

  “What about the money?”

  Yeah, that was going to be a problem I was going to need to think on it for a second until I figured out a solution.

  “Let’s just find a place for you and then we’ll figure the rest out as we go, okay?”

  She nodded and disappeared back inside of her room. She came back out a second later and handed me two bottles of vodka. One was almost empty, and the other hadn’t been opened yet. I sighed and headed to my own room without saying a word to her.

  It had been a crap day and all I could think as I tried to pick it apart and compartmentalize all of it was that I was so thankful Karsen wasn’t home to witness the last of our family’s flimsy shields of normalcy and happiness being ripped away.

  I WAS ACTUALLY LOOKING forward to classes on Monday. I needed to get out of the house and get some space. I dropped Karsen off at her school and could tell she knew something was up, even though she didn’t ask me directly. I tried to keep her distracted by teasing her about her date and about the small little hickie she had on the side of her neck, which totally backfired when she pointed out the fact Race had done a bang-up job of leaving his possessive marks all over my pale skin. It was just one more reason to be seriously irritated at his sexy ass.

  I went through the day with my mind spinning in circles, and I was short with Drew when he asked me about the weekend with something more than friendly curiosity in his voice. I ignored Adria, completely pretended like she didn’t exist when she tried to talk to me, and I almost cried when I saw my latest assignment in my Math Theory class. After everything that had happened, it was the big fat F on my most recent project that had me on the verge of breaking down. If I hadn’t caught the vindictive gleam in the TA’s eye, if I hadn’t had far more pressing issues weighing me down, I might have done something rash. This was one more problem on top of my already gargantuan pile that I needed to work on finding a fix for. On the other hand, if I had to drop out of school to get another job, failing this class and tanking my GPA wouldn’t matter one way or the other.

  I dodged Drew and even skipped out on coffee with Dovie so I could go straight to work and not have to interact with anyone. I wasn’t really fit company for civilized people at the moment, and I think even my customers noticed. Ramon was giving me sideways looks, and finally when the shift was over, he cornered me and hounded me until I gave him the glossed-over version of what was going on. I didn’t tell him about the gambling and didn’t go into minute detail, but by the end of the recap I was shaking and holding on to everything I was feeling until it felt like it was just too much.

  I let him hug me as I shook and fought back tears. He kissed me on the top of my head and told me everything would be all right. That wasn’t really a possibility, and because I knew it, it made me shake even harder. When he walked me out to my car, I got that creepy feeling like someone was watching me again, and made sure I kept my eyes peeled for any kind of impending danger in the parking lot.

  “What about the car?”

  I looked at Ramon and frowned. “What about my car?”

  He shrugged a little. “It’s a nice ride, worth some money. If you’re really desperate you could sell it.”

  I looked at the BMW and then back at him. “I still owe on it.”

  “Doesn’t matter. BMWs are classic. Rich people always want them. Get rid of it, pay the loan off, and then use the rest of the cash to get you and your sister situated. Then you don’t have to worry about the payment and you have a cushion to land on. Flimsy as it may be.”

  Ugh. It made perfect sense and I hated it. I loved my car. It really did feel like my last tie to independence.

  “That still doesn’t help me figure out what I’m going to do about money for my mom.”

  He bent and kissed me on the cheek and ushered me into the car. “Honey, your parents are grown-ass adults. It’s not your job to take care of them. It was their job to take care of you and they are absolutely awful at it. You have too much on your plate to be trying to save anyone else but you and Karsen at this point.”

  Maybe that was true, but I didn’t know how to let it go after holding on to it all so tightly for so long.

  I didn’t want to go home, but I wasn’t ready to talk to Race yet either. Not that he had reached out to me. I wasn’t sure what we had to say to each other, and I hated that things felt so unfinished and unsatisfying between the two of us. I needed to honestly figure out if Race and all the things that came with him were really things I could deal with. I wasn’t lying when I told him his job sucked and that I thought he ruined lives. The only thing that kept me from being able to totally walk away was that I could see that even though he knew what I said was true, he took no pleasure in doing what he did. To him, he really was just providing something the Point needed to have in order to keep from cannibalizing itself.

  Tuesday was more of the same. I hadn’t slept very well Monday night, and it had more to do with wanting to curl up next to a hard, warm body and missing the feel of golden hair against my skin than it did with the stress of trying to figure out the rest of my unsteady life. Karsen told me I looked like crap, and it took twice as much effort to avoid Adria and blow off Drew than it had the day before. It was bad enough that I actually contemplated calling in sick for work, but considering the root of everything wrong at the moment had to do with money, I figured that would be a bad idea.

  By the middle of the week, I was exhausted and tired of running in circles. I was going to sell the BMW. I was going to drop the Math Theory class, even if it meant postponing my degree, and I decided I was going to call Race after my shift that night. I was sick of simply letting things happen around me, I needed to take control of my circumstances back. When Drew caught up with me before class, I let him stop me and I was even going to apologize for being so short with him over the last few days, when I was surprised by the professor interrupting us.

  I didn’t like him. He had ignored me when I tried to talk to him about the TA, and he had refused me time and time again when I asked him to look over the grades that I thought were unfair. I secretly thought the man believed me to be nothing more than a stereotypical dumb blonde, and as such, he believed I was just trying to get special treatment. It didn’t help that I had no concrete proof that my work was being graded by much harsher criteria than the others in the class, just my gut instinct. I figured if the professor wouldn’t listen to me, then going over his head wouldn’t get me anywhere either.

  “Ms. Carter, can you make a minute for me after class? I would like to speak to you in my office.”

  I sighed. I didn’t need him to tell me I was failing and that there was no way I was going to graduate at this rate. I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and nodded.

  “Sure, Professor Hammond.”

  He pushed his glasses up his nose and went into the classroom. Drew frowned at me and followed me to our seats.

  “What’s that all about?”

  “He probably wants me to know just how screwed I actually am.”

  “That’s not cool, Brysen.”

  It wasn’t, but I didn’t know what kind of alternative I had. Again, I was going to tell Drew that I felt bad for taking out all my bitchiness and stress over the last week on him. After all, he was a nice guy, and the fact that he liked me and sometimes it made him overstep his bounds wasn’t reason enough for me to be mean without reason. However,
the words died on the tip of my tongue when my mortal enemy, the TA from hell, came in the room. Normally he looked right at me and smirked, plotting my educational demise, but today he looked anywhere but at me as he walked up to the professor and said something to him in a tone too low for the rest of us to hear.

  The professor made a startled noise as he looked at the TA in shock and then cleared his throat loudly enough that the class in all of its entirety watched as the jerk of a teaching assistant walked out of the classroom without a backward glance. I shared a confused look with Drew as the professor got to his feet and began to pace back and forth in front of the room.

  “Elliot just informed me that he has asked for a transfer. He will no longer be acting as the teaching assistant for this class during this term. That puts me at a little bit of a loss. Elliot has been solely in charge of all the grading and evaluation of work up to this point.”

  Yeah he had. The oily bastard. I wanted to breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe with the jerk out of the way, I actually had a chance at pulling my grade up from the bowels of failing hell after all.

  The professor cleared his throat again and I felt his gaze land steadily on me.

  “Elliot also mentioned that I might want to take a look at a few specific assignments where he might have not understood the concept in the material, and as a result, gave out inaccurate marks. I will have to go through all our past assignments and make sure everyone has the correct grade and that you are all up to speed before we get ready to start the review before finals.”

  Holy shit! This couldn’t actually be happening. I was finally going to catch some kind of break. Was that even possible? I looked at Drew to share my over-the-top glee, but he was watching the TA’s hasty exit with narrowed eyes and not paying any attention to me at all. I was so excited I squeezed his arm, which had him jerking his head back around in my direction and a little grin pulling at his mouth. If it hadn’t been the middle of class I would’ve hugged him in my overwhelming glee.

  Class flew by, and when I walked up to the professor’s desk afterward, he looked up at me over the edge of his glasses and gave me a sheepish shrug.

  “Elliot told me he has been unrightfully hard on you this semester, Ms. Carter. Our meeting can be postponed until I have a chance to further investigate the circumstances. I will be going over all your quizzes, tests, and assignments.”

  I tilted my head to the side and considered him. “No offense, sir, but I told you he was being unfair and that I felt like he had a personal vendetta against me on numerous occasions. You’ve ignored me and my concerns all semester.”

  He had the good grace to look apologetic and contrite. “Sour grapes, Ms. Carter. It happens every semester. An attractive young woman doesn’t do as well as she thinks she should and it is always my fault, or the TA’s fault, never the student’s fault. I’ve learned to turn a deaf ear to it all. This is a good reminder to pay attention and not just go through the motions. If there are inaccuracies, I will make sure they are corrected.”

  “Thank you.”

  I wanted to skip to my next class I was so excited. I was running a little behind, so I almost ran over Dovie when our paths crossed as I was racing across campus. She looked windblown and rumpled, and her shirt was buttoned all cockeyed. I stopped for a second and pointed it out to her while babbling about the newest development in my academic drama.

  She blushed, her fair skin turning pink as she straightened out her appearance. Her green eyes glinted in humor.

  “I ran into Race and Bax when I got here for my first class. Bax wanted to say good-bye properly.”

  She shoved her orange-ish-colored hair back and asked me if she looked presentable. I told her she did, but I was stuck on her words.

  “Why were Race and Bax here?”

  It could be any number of reasons, none of them very pleasant I was sure, but then I remembered that the TA hadn’t even been able to look at me. In fact, he had seemed terrified to let his eyes even land on me, as if there would be horrible consequences if he did so.

  She lifted a shoulder and let it fall. “It was one of those things Bax didn’t feel like sharing with me.”

  I had a sneaky suspicion that I might know exactly what they’d been up to. “That doesn’t bother you? It doesn’t make you crazy that he keeps things from you?”

  She lifted both her copper-colored eyebrows and grinned at me. “No. If I asked him to tell me what he was up to, he would. Most of the time I feel better not knowing. Bax has a scary and dangerous life, but he leaves it in the Point when he comes home to me, and that’s where I want it to stay. I trust him to keep himself safe. I trust him to keep me safe, and that’s all that matters to me.”

  Wow, that was either highly evolved or very shortsighted. She continued in a steady tone.

  “The same thing goes for my brother.” I flinched a little at that because she was looking at me like she knew exactly what I had been up to with her gorgeous, golden sibling. “These guys will take everything you have, Brysen, but in return, they will give you everything they’ve got to replace it. That’s a huge commitment to make and you have to be willing to let them and that life fill you up.”

  I blew out a breath that sent my hair floating up around my face. “I don’t know that I’m in a place where I’m comfortable offering anyone anything, let alone offering a guy like Race everything. His world terrifies me. My dad owes him a lot of money, Dovie.”

  Sympathy flooded her face and her freckles stood out across the bridge of her nose.

  “It’s not just his world, Bry. It’s mine. It’s Bax’s, and if your dad has been gambling, then it’s kind of yours too. The Point doesn’t discriminate, it will taint whoever touches it to some degree. The trick is not to fear it, but to embrace it and make your own place in it.” She nudged me with her shoulder. “It sounds to me like you think your place might be next to Race.”

  “Sitting next to him on his tarnished throne? Would that make me the queen?”

  She laughed and moved past me now that we were both really, really late for our next classes.

  “A tarnished throne for a tarnished king in a tarnished kingdom. Can you handle being a tarnished queen? He likes you enough to let you in, Brysen. Either you like him enough to do the same or you don’t. Hey, I’ve got to run, but think about what I’m telling you.”

  I liked Race; that wasn’t the problem. I hated everything that came with him, and I just didn’t know that I could separate the two. But I also knew no one else in my life had stepped up to the plate and helped me handle any of the seemingly insurmountable problems that had been piling on me lately, and that alone made the decision to at least tell him thank you a no-brainer.

  Now if only I could quiet all the tingly parts of my anatomy that were screaming at me that in order to properly show my appreciation we both needed to be naked and wrapped all around each other, it would be superhelpful.

  I might have a ton of apprehension and a million reservations about Race’s world and his hand in keeping it running, but it seemed like my hormones didn’t share any of those very valid concerns and that my silly heart was caught firmly between the crosshairs of the mixed signals my body and brain were firing at it.

  Chapter 12

  Race

  I WAITED IMPATIENTLY FOR Bax to finish mauling my sister and leaned against the fender of his car. It still surprised me after all this time, the way they were with each other. Bax was so dark, so entrenched in everything violent and unpredictable that came from the place where he had done whatever it took to survive. Dovie was sweet, and even with the hardships she’d been forced to endure, she hadn’t let anything poison all the goodness that was inside of her. I knew they loved one another, that nothing on this earth, nothing the Point could produce, would ever tear them apart, and that was beautiful. It also made them a force to be reckoned with. Dovie had given Bax something to live for, to fight for, and Bax had given her something that was completely her own. Not a day went b
y that I wasn’t grateful to have both of them on my side.

  Really, I had more pressing matters on my mind than the fact that Bax had his hands inside Dovie’s shirt. The weasely little TA had backed down and started babbling as soon as I had cornered him in the empty lecture hall. I don’t know if it was the fact I had picked him up by his collar and shook him like a rag doll, or if it was Bax’s threatening, silent presence, but the guy had started babbling and blubbering immediately and had rushed to admit within seconds that he was tanking Brysen’s grade on purpose. I think if I had pushed any harder, the little slimeball would have peed himself, but the information he was spilling was far more valuable to me than his embarrassment would’ve been.

  I let him go and told him he was going to transfer classes, or better yet, transfer schools, and he didn’t argue. I told him to stay the hell away from Brysen. It was then he told me the reason he had been harassing her so furiously, and why he had been dead set on ruining her semester, and it was those reasons that were chasing themselves around in my mind. Yes, Brysen had turned him down when he asked her out and she hadn’t been very tactful about it, but then he insisted that she had proceeded to hassle him online about it. He stammered that she had sent mocking text messages, awful e-mails telling him a guy like him never had a chance with her, that she posted nasty stuff all over his Facebook and just generally made him look like and feel like an idiot. According to him, it was Brysen acting like a typical, spoiled mean girl and he was her target. He called her a bully without actually using the word. So he struck back the only way he knew how, by taking it out on her schoolwork.

  The problem I had with the scenario he was laying out was I knew how busy Brysen was and I had torn apart her old computer. She didn’t even have a Facebook page, and the only e-mail she used was the one all students had access to, which was registered through the university. The correspondence I had been able to retrieve was mostly boring stuff related to school and projects. There had been nothing alarming, nothing lining up with the story this guy was spinning, but his reaction and his immediate agreement to get gone had me wondering what was really going on. Someone wasn’t only stalking her, they were messing with her life behind the curtains as well. I didn’t like any of it.