Me: I slept with Lorcan last night
I didn’t get the reply I was expecting. Instead, my phone started ringing, and I had to laugh.
Answering the phone, I was still laughing. “That was quick.”
“Like…sex-slept with, or you-had-the-flu-and-he-was-in-the-neighborhood-so-he-checked-on-you-and-took-care-of-you-through-the-night slept?”
“I don’t have the flu, Mystic,” I clarified.
“Oh, my Holy Jesus,” she breathed out.
“Wow,” I replied. “Is it really that much of a shocker?”
“No,” she snorted. “I’m excited because I just won a hundred bucks.”
I closed my eyes. “Don’t tell me you and your husband actually placed a bet on this?”
“Not on you sleeping with Lorcan, per se,” she hedged. “More like…a bet on how well I knew you.”
“And how is it that Gage had more faith in me than my own best friend?”
Mystic laughed. “He doesn’t. He was betting on his lack of faith in Lorcan to seal the deal.”
Pointless in arguing, I asked, “So, what are you going to do with your newfound riches?”
“Split it with you, of course,” she said cheekily.
“Oh, God,” I groaned. “So, now I’ve made fifty dollars off sleeping with Lorcan Cavanaugh. I think there’s a name for women who make money off having sex.”
“Then, maybe, give him half,” she suggested.
“That would make him my pimp, Mystic,” I deadpanned. She started laughing, and I smiled.
“Okay,” she said, once she calmed down, “start dishing, chick.”
“What can I say,” I exhaled. “It was the best sex I’ve ever had.”
She squealed like a teenage girl. “I knew it,” she cried. “I knew you two would be explosive.”
“I kind of freaked out, though,” I admitted.
“Oh, no,” she said, her voice full of concern. “What happened?”
I didn’t share details, but I did tell her about laying down the rules, the kiss, and how I had locked up for that one second, and how I practically kicked him out. I also told her how he made me want to try at more, and how that made me nervous.
“In hindsight, I probably never should have slept with him, at all, to avoid messing things up, but what’s done is done,” I told her. “Now, I just want to make sure we can still do the whole godparents thing together.”
“Okay,” she said softly, “I know I’m biased because I have Gage, and our relationship is rare-”
“Ya think?”
She chuckled at that. “I’m just saying that when you find someone that…calls to you, don’t be so quick to discount it.”
“I don’t think it’s the same thing, Mystic,” I told her. “You and Gage have something born of…I don’t know what, but your bond goes way back. It’s not like that for me and Lorcan.”
“No,” she agreed. “But he is the first guy who’s made you feel differently about what could be. That has to mean something, Rowan.”
I thought about that, and while there was a lot of truth to it, there was also some other truths in this equation. “Mystic, do you really think Lorcan Cavanaugh is the type of man that takes women seriously? One with serious baggage, at that?”
Her silence was damning, but Mystic believed in true love. She and Gage were proof that demons weren’t shit if you had someone who loved you despite them. And while her relationship with her husband might be unconventional, the love between them was undeniable. Even ten years apart couldn’t kill what was between them.
“Okay, while I’ve never seen him with a girlfriend before, that doesn’t mean he’s not capable of committing to one, Row,” she finally replied. “I think it’s kind of unfair to sell him so short when you don’t really know him like that.”
“For someone who kicks ass on a daily basis at work, I have no idea what to do here, Mystic,” I confessed. “This feels…big.”
“Maybe you give yourself a couple of days to think about it,” she suggested. “Even talk to Grayson about it, maybe.” Mystic knew how close I was to my brother.
“Maybe,” I muttered.
“How about you come over for dinner tonight?” she offered. “Some fun times to take your mind off the serious.”
“What time?” I wasn’t proud.
“Six-ish?”
“I’ll see you then.”
Chapter 30
Lorcan~
The problem with relationships was that when a woman confided in her friends, it was expected and acceptable. When a man confided in his friends, there was a fine line between seeking advice and kissing and telling. A woman’s privacy was to be protected at all times, and I felt strongly about that. I only had to think of my sister to remember that important fact, not that I ever forgot it.
But if I had any hope of navigating through Rowan Lewis’ landmines, I needed some serious input, and there were only three people who could give that to me. Two-Mystic and Grayson-would both tell me to go to hell before revealing Rowan’s secrets, so that left Gage.
Though, to be fair, I wasn’t sure there was much Gage could tell me about Rowan. She was Mystic’s friend, and Gage couldn’t see past work and his wife long enough to pay attention to anything else. Once those kids come along, I wouldn’t be surprised if he sold everything he owned, just so he could divide his time between his wife and babies.
Picking up the phone, I bit the bullet. While Gage might be able to tell me much, maybe he could see something I wasn’t.
“I think you’ve called me more in these past few days than you have during our entire friendship,” he said in lieu of a greeting. “And that’s saying something considering how many business dealings Stymic and CI are involved in.”
“Are you done?”
The asshole chuckled. “For right now.”
“I need you to tell me everything you know about Rowan Lewis,” I demanded.
“Christ, Lorcan, is that what it’s come to? Stalking?”
“Really? This coming from you?”
“Hey, I never said it wasn’t a sound plan,” he said. “I just…I’ve never seen you this worked up over a woman before.”
“Well, I am,” I admitted. “And…the woman isn’t making it easy on me.”
Gage laughed. “What did you expect? This is the same woman who had basically told us to both go eat a dick the first time we met her.”
“If you don’t want your children saddled with a crazy godfather, you better work with me, Gage.”
His sigh was loud. “I don’t know if I can, Lor,” he replied. “I know the basics, but she’s Mystic’s friend. I know her father is a criminal attorney, her mother is a high school teacher, and they both live in California. I know Grayson is a high school teacher and a football coach, and that he’s supposedly so good at coaching, he was offered a hell of an opportunity here in Chicago, and he moved here several years ago to pursue it.”
“That’s it?” That’s all shit I could have found out myself with a little bit of internet-stalking.
“Pretty much,” he confirmed. “She’s a corporate auditor, and a damn good one, but you already knew that. She lives alone, dates casually, and is a bit of a spitfire.”
“So, you seriously have no insight for me,” I surmised.
“Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on, Lorcan,” he drawled out. “Quit dicking around here.”
“We slept together last night,” I finally admitted. “Armed with the information you gave me, I went over to her apartment, and…well, one thing led to another, that led to her showing me the door afterwards.”
“Maybe-”
“Don’t,” I bit out. “The sex was phenomenal. That wasn’t the problem.”
“Just because a woman cums-”
“Phenomenal, Gage.”
“Okay, okay,” he said, but the chuckle wasn’t reassuring. “Phenomenal.”
“You’re such a fucking asshole,” I told him. “People
think I’m bad, but-”
“You are bad,” he quickly jumped in. “Apart from your mother, sister, and Rowan Lewis, your heart is as black as night, Cavanaugh.”
“With good reason,” I huffed. Gage knew all about Vanessa, so there was no need to explain any further.
“With good reason,” he agreed. “However, you still haven’t told me why you’re calling me. If the sex was phenomenal, why did she kick you out?”
“She didn’t kick me out, so much as it was so awkward afterwards, I left,” I clarified. “When I mentioned staying, she joked about cuddling, and that was my cue to leave.”
“Not used to being the one who wants to stay, I take it?”
“You know I’m not,” I shot back.
“So, Rowan’s got a Cavanaugh mentality, what’s the issue? Worried it was a one-time shot?”
“Fuck,” I muttered.
“What’s going on, Lorcan?”
“What I’m about to tell you stays between us, got it?”
“Fuck you for even asking that.”
“She doesn’t like to be touched,” I told him, feeling a little disgusted with myself for sharing Rowan’s secrets. “It’s straight sex for her, no foreplay or affection, apart from kissing. And while I stuck to the rules, and we both got off, I’m missing something, Gage.”
“And you’re sure it’s not just kink?”
“Positive,” I answered. “If it was just kink, there would have been no awkwardness afterwards.”
“Look, Lorcan, as many times as Rowan’s been to our house and has hung out with us, she’s never revealed any deep secrets about herself while I was around. But…”
“What, Gage?”
“This is just my experience, but when I lost Mystic, I lost a lot of pieces of myself,” he said, not embarrassed to admit how much his wife meant to him. “So, when I was with other women, no matter what happened with them, they never got all of me. I always held back because they weren’t Mystic. There were things I refused to do with those women because those parts of me belonged to Mystic, and always would.”
My stomach clenched. “Are you telling me it’s possible she’s still in love with an old flame, and…and the rest of us are just dick for her?”
“It’s possible the foreplay and affection remind her too much of someone else, Lor.”
“Oh, that’s just fucking great,” I snapped. “Just fucking great.”
“Lorcan, there’s also another possible explanation,” he said.
“What’s that?”
“While it could remind her of someone she was once in love with, it could also remind her of someone who…who might have taken liberties without her permission.”
Well, fuck.
Chapter 31
Rowan~
Dinner had been great. Mystic Evans was always the answer when I was feeling yucky. And as always, Gage knew how to read the room, and after dinner, he had gone to his office, so me and his wife could have some girl time. And while we’d had a good talk, I had decided to ignore her advice and try something different.
Thinking long and hard about it, I figured my best bet was to try with a stranger. If I freaked out, I’d never see him again, so my embarrassment would be short-lived, right? And if I didn’t freak out, well, that opened up an entirely new world of possibilities for me.
Freedom.
And if I did freak out, I could always head back to counseling because I’d obviously need it. Though, it could be argued that I obviously needed it now.
And I could admit the thought of sleeping with someone else felt a little like cheating on Lorcan, but it wasn’t like we’d discussed exclusivity. We’ve slept together once, and that did not constitute a relationship, no matter how many times he called me baby.
Kicking off my heels, and pulling my blouse from my skirt’s waistband, I headed towards the kitchen for another glass of wine. I’d had a few at Mystic’s, but another wouldn’t hurt. My head was filled with too much seriousness that I wasn’t in any danger of catching a buzz.
Pulling a glass from the cupboard, I was interrupted by a knock on the door, and at eight in the evening it couldn’t be too many people. Grayson, my neighbor across the hall who always misplaces his keys, or Lorcan. Grayson would call first, and I imagined so would Lorcan, just to make sure I was home before showing up, so it had to be Victor.
Heading towards the door, I wondered if I should invite him in for a drink. I had no interest in him, but I wasn’t opposed to some company. I was still feeling yucky, and distracting conversation might help.
The second I pulled the door open, I knew it wasn’t Victor. Victor wasn’t six-foot-two of pure muscle.
When those predatory grey eyes locked on mine, I knew what this was. I knew why he was here.
And I didn’t care.
With each step I took backwards, Lorcan advanced, shutting the door behind him, making sure to lock us in.
When my back hit the wall, he didn’t stop.
He just kept on coming for me.
His hands were back on my face like before, and his lips were back on mine, just like before. And just like before, I opened, and let it happen. I kissed him as desperately as he was kissing me, all thoughts of experimenting with someone else gone from my mind.
There was only this kiss.
There was only Lorcan kissing me, and it was turning me stupid.
When Lorcan broke off the kiss, I watched, speechless, as he pulled a condom from his back pocket, the suit gone, this god standing before me in jeans and a t-shirt, looking ripped and gorgeous and dangerous.
I just stood there, unsure, as he freed himself, slid on the condom, and asked, “Can I grab your thighs to lift you up?” I nodded numbly. “Take off your panties, Rowan.”
The words were right there. There was waiting to be spoken. I wanted to tell him to take them off himself, but the words just wouldn’t come out. Instead, I did what he commanded, and took them off myself.
As soon as I kicked them free, his hands latched onto my thighs, and Lorcan was lifting me, my legs wrapping around his waist, my back slammed against the wall.
“I’m going to fuck you so hard that you’ll be begging me to stay,” he growled, and I couldn’t stop the cry that erupted from my chest as he slammed all those thick inches inside me.
It didn’t escape my notice that we were very much clothed like last time, and this was a first. Every guy I’ve ever slept with, it hadn’t been this orchestrated. While there’d been no foreplay, there’d been visual stimulation, and there’d been plenty of nudity with my previous partners.
I wasn’t sure what this was.
Maybe an extra layer of protection from Lorcan Cavanaugh? I wasn’t sure.
I just knew that, even as primal as this was, I’d never felt anything more consuming in my life. I had made it clear what was available to him, and though not much, Lorcan was making sure to take it all.
“I think I’m addicted to your pussy, baby,” he grunted in my ear. “I can’t think of anything else.”
My arms tightened around his neck while my legs tightened around his waist. Holding on, I begged, “Please, Lorcan…”
“Tell me to fuck you,” he demanded. “Tell me how you like it. Tell me how you need to be fucked, Rowan.”
Grinding my teeth, he was doing it again. Even though he had no clue what he was doing, he was doing it again. He was making me want to tell him. Pointing out how I only wanted to be fucked was twisting me up inside.
I never should have let myself be content with living like a coward. I should have confronted my demons completely years ago. I let myself believed that this would always be enough, but I had never counted on Lorcan Cavanaugh, and how his relentless pursuit would be the one thing that would flip the switch.
“Lorcan, harder,” I begged. “Harder…”
“Fuck, Rowan,” he hissed. “Fuck, baby.”
And then it all came crashing down around us when he forgot himself and my conditioned ha
bits and mindset went into defense mode.
His lips came down on my neck, and he started to suck, causing me to lose my shit.
Pushing with all my might, I yelled, “Stop!”
Lorcan immediately froze, but only for a second. He quickly pulled out of my body and stepped back.
My feet secure on the floor, I raged, “Does a woman’s consent really not matter to you?”
His entire body stiffened.
All emotion in his face wiped clean, he asked, “Is it alright if I go take care of this.” I glance down and his dick was still hard, the condom still firmly in place.
Letting out an unsteady breath, I said, “Yes, but then show yourself out, Lorcan.”
I walked away from him, heading towards my bedroom, as he made his way to the guest bathroom to take care of the condom.
Shutting the door to my bedroom, I realized I was way more damaged than I had convinced myself I was, and that fucking sucked.
Chapter 32
Lorcan~
My temper had been unleashed, and as my hands shook, taking off the condom, I wondered if I was going to be able to rein it back in before I walked out of this bathroom.
I could admit I fucked up. I’d done my best to color inside the lines, but I’d forgotten myself and crossed the line. However, that mistake did not make me a rapist. When I thought of everything Molly had gone through in college, Rowan questioning my character, in such a vicious way, had me seeing red, no matter how many times I blinked.
Dropping the condom in the trash, then washing my hands, I counted to ten before walking out of the bathroom. My intent really was to just walk out the front door and forget this mess ever happened, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave with Rowan thinking I was the type of man who would sexually assault a woman.
I headed towards the back of her apartment, and there were two shut doors, and I tried the first one first. Opening it, I found her office. It was designed as more of a cozy study, but it was obvious where she did her off-the-clock work.
Shutting the door, I walked over to the second door on the left of the hallway. I tried the knob, and it wasn’t locked. When I pushed it open, Rowan was sitting on her bed, staring at the floor. I knew she heard me opening the door, but she didn’t bother to look up.
Our Cracked Pieces (The Pieces Series Book 2) Page 11
