“That’s the second time you’ve accused me of not being able to take ‘no’ for an answer, Rowan,” I said from the doorway. “There won’t be a third time.”
At that, she stood up and finally looked over at me. I couldn’t read her face, but then, the lights were off, the only light coming in from the window. We were both shrouded in shadows, and it seemed kind of fitting.
“You’re right,” she agreed. “There won’t be a third time.”
I knew she wasn’t referring to the accusations, so much as making it clear we were done, and it shook me how much that bothered me. I knew I liked her, but I never realized just how much until this moment. The feeling was rather unpleasant, to say the least.
“So, that’s it?”
She nodded. “That’s it.”
And because she’s already accused me of forcing myself upon women, I turned and walked away from her bedroom. And I kept walking until I got to her front door. I even got as far as unlocking it before I just froze.
I stood there, my mind telling me to turn the knob and walk the fuck out, but everything else telling me not to go. Everything else telling me that Gage was probably right about what was happening here.
If it were another man, a long-lost love, I would expect tears and remorse, not anger. Anger hinted at something else.
Something dark.
Something unfathomable.
Of course, that wasn’t the truth, though. Women got attacked all the time. They were violated all the time, and it wasn’t always necessarily a physical violation. Too many men didn’t understand how complex women were, and the damage we did them was often irreparable.
I didn’t want to be that man.
I didn’t want to walk out on Rowan without trying.
I let go of the doorknob and went and leaned up against the back of the couch. My hands on either side of me, I white-knuckled the fabric-covered wood, counting to ten again. I was pushing back everything I needed to in order not to lose sight of the fact that this wasn’t about me.
This was about her.
This was about us.
“I thought you were leaving?”
I looked up, and this time, even with the light in the living room, Rowan’s face wasn’t giving anything away. She was simply asking a question.
“I was.”
She arched a brow. “So, what’s stopping you?”
I stared into those blue eyes I’ve wanted to get lost inside for months and told her truth. “The fact that, once I walk out that door, I’m never coming back.” Something flashed in her eyes, and for the first time in my life, I was at the mercy of a woman who wasn’t my mother or sister. “Rowan, tell me what’s going on. Tell me what’s wrong, baby. Please.”
Gage had accused me of being a ruthless bastard, but I had nothing on the woman standing in front of me. “The only thing wrong is that you’re still here, Lorcan.” I watched as she walked towards the door, opening it for me.
I nodded in acceptance and defeat. If Rowan hadn’t already accused me of the things she has, I would have stayed and fought harder, but I couldn’t do that. My hands were tied. I had to respect her wishes and leave.
I stood up straight and took a deep breath. Turning to leave, I couldn’t leave without showing her what this was doing to me. I set my temper free, grabbing the lamp sitting on a small table near the door, and threw it across the room before walking out of the door, not looking back.
Forcing myself down the stairs of Rowan’s apartment building, I didn’t stop until I was safely in my car. But instead of heading home, I headed down to CI’s headquarters, with the hope that I could work this feeling away.
With the exception of the night guards, I knew I’d be the only one in the building, but that was a good thing. I wasn’t fit for company. I didn’t trust myself not to just lose my shit on another human being.
Once I got to my office, I powered up my computer and it wasn’t like there wasn’t a million things to keep my occupied, because there was. Besides, I was used to working around the clock.
An hour later, my phone chimed, and my stomach dropped with the hope that it was Rowan.
It wasn’t.
Lacey: N town. Miss u
Lacey Michaelson was a stewardess who I met a couple of years ago, and she always hit me up whenever she was in town. I stared at the text, and the angry side of me wanted to accept her offer, but the side that still had hope knew better.
Me: It’s been fun, Lace, but it’s time to lose my number
I deleted her number, then spent the next fifteen minutes deleting numbers I no longer needed.
Chapter 33
Rowan~
“So, Rowan, why don’t you tell me why you’re here.”
“I’ve been lying to everyone this entire time,” I babbled.
Dr. Takara Willis inclined her understandingly. “About what, specifically?”
It’s been two days since Lorcan walked out of my apartment, and the sinking feeling that nothing was ever going to be the same again has been eating me up inside. The sinking feeling that I was never going to be the same again, specifically.
So, Sunday evening, I had called Dr. Willis, and had left her a voice message, telling her I needed to speak with her. While I had left counseling behind years ago, Dr. Willis was actually Grayson’s therapist. He found her when he had moved to Chicago, and while he didn’t need counseling like he used to, he checked in with her every six months. He said it was his way of making sure nothing ever got away from him again.
Lucky for me, I was on vacation this week, because she had called me back early this morning, informing me she had a cancellation, and could fit me in.
“I…I imagine you already know what happened to me when I was eighteen, right?” She nodded. “I mean, it’s my fault Grayson needed counseling to begin with.”
Looking at her, I knew her shrewd brown eyes could see everything. With dark brown ringlets framing her face, dark brown eyes, and a deep mocha complexion, Dr. Willis looked like coziness. She reminded me of warmth, and I imagined it was a great comfort to her patients. But those warm brown eyes were also sharp and assessing.
“Are you here to discuss Grayson?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No. I’m here because…I feel really lost for the first time since the incident, and…and I guess, I figured you might be able to help since you already know the details.”
“So, tell me, what has changed recently to create this sense of misplacement.”
I took a deep breath and told her everything. Since she already knew about what happened to me, I skipped that part, and I glossed over my previous counseling since it was basic survival counseling. It was when I got to Lorcan, and how he made me feel, that I went into detail. Retelling the events felt like a cleansing of sorts, and even if she didn’t have answers for me, it still felt a bit freeing.
Confessing my confusion to Mystic and Grayson wasn’t the same as sitting with Dr. Willis. Mystic and Grayson will always side with me, and I knew it. No matter what I said or did, they’d always be on my side, and I didn’t need support right now, I needed answers.
When I was done, her smile was so kind, it almost did me in. I’d manage to hold it together because I was used to being tough. I was used to being strong and taking control. It’s all I’ve ever known for the past ten years. But that tender, understanding smile of hers was so lethal, I grabbed a couple of tissues off the table in between us.
“So, you’ve admitted to knowing Lorcan Cavanaugh for over a year now, correct?” I nodded. “And you are both set to be godparents to the same set of twins, correct?” I nodded again. “He’s been asking you out for well over a year, and it seems as if your feelings for him are just as strong as his feelings for you.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” I muttered.
“Rowan, I know who Lorcan Cavanaugh is,” she informed me politely. “I don’t think there’s anyone in Chicago who hasn’t heard of him.”
“
I suppose,” I conceded.
“I don’t think a man like that pursues a woman, for over a year, if he’s not seriously interested in her. But that’s not what I was getting at.”
“Then what?”
“He’s not a stranger, and you guys are bound by your friends, and your roles in the life of their children.” She straightened a bit in her chair. “So, why not just tell him the truth?”
I let out a pathetic laugh. “Tell someone like Lorcan Cavanaugh that I have serious issues? How embarrassing would that be? Especially, when…when I do have feelings for him?”
“Someone like Lorcan Cavanaugh?”
My brows rose. “Yeah, someone like him. A man who’s gorgeous, successful, intelligent, wealthy, sexy, and all the other adjectives in the English language.”
Dr. Willis smiled again. “But, Rowan, the same could be said of you.”
My head reared back. “What?”
“Just looking at you, a person can assume the same thing. You’re extremely beautiful, have a successful job, great friends, a loving family, and a captivating personality. No one would ever suspect that you’ve been through an ordeal.” Relaxing in her chair, she said, “What makes you think Lorcan Cavanaugh is baggage-free? What makes you think he wouldn’t understand your story? Why have you made him perfect in your mind?”
“I…” I had no idea what to say to that.
“Let’s take Grayson, for instance,” she continued. “Looking at everything your brother has accomplished in life, no one would suspect that he goes to counseling twice a year. The same thing could be said for Lorcan Cavanaugh. But you won’t know until you talk to him. Explosive sex aside, that’s what getting to know each other is all about. That’s what starting a relationship is based on. For all you know, Lorcan Cavanaugh might have demons even darker and more threatening than your own.”
“But I was so horrible to him, Dr. Willis,” I reminded her. “Even armed with this new viewpoint, I doubt he’d be willing to listen to me now.”
“Do you understand what the point of an apology is?” she asked.
“Forgiveness?”
She shook her head. “When we are truly sorry, truly remorseful for our actions, we apologize as a sign of our regret. Apologizing is acknowledging that we were wrong, and taking responsibility for it,” she explained. “Now in doing so, we hope that our apology will be accepted, but the party we’ve wronged is not obligated to accept it. They don’t owe us anything. So, you apologize because it’s the right thing to do, and hope that you’re forgiven. And if you’re not, you can still walk away, knowing you’ve done the right thing in trying to right the wrong you did.”
“So, apologize, and hope he’s willing to hear me out?”
Dr. Willis nodded. “And if he’s not, then you take the lesson you’ve learned from all this to the next guy who makes you want to feel free.”
That’s when I started crying.
I cried out so much regret, and she let me. Patiently, kindly, Dr. Willis let me cry myself stupid in her office, and when I was done, she recommended someone she thought could help me. Being Grayson’s therapist, this visit had been a courtesy, and she believed it would be a conflict of interest to counsel us both.
I took her up on her suggestion.
Chapter 34
Lorcan~
It was Wednesday, and I was still feeling the effects of Saturday night. Since that night, I’ve been working like a racehorse, and while I was used to it, the effort to push Rowan out of my mind, and keep her out of it, was exhausting as fuck.
And now, it was past seven in the evening, and I was at Clear Class, having another business dinner. It was a good thing I could still manage to get up at four to work out every morning, or I’d be seeing my business lunches and dinners stacking up.
And while Kristy Kyo was keeping it all business, I was still in too much of a shitty mood to appreciate having a business dinner with a beautiful woman who was treating the dinner as strictly business.
“I know our engineering team is small, but they’re the smartest, hungriest team you’ll meet right now,” Kristy said. “We just need a chance to prove what we’re capable of.”
I was about to tell her I didn’t care about the size of her team. I valued talent and determination, and if her team had both, I’d give them a shot. However, my attention was quickly diverted to a group being led through the restaurant, towards a corner booth, big enough to sit all six people.
Behind the hostess walked Grayson Lewis, a woman I didn’t recognize, followed by a man any football fan would recognize, Rowan, Mystic, and then Gage.
Ignoring Kristy, I watched as they all slid into the booth in the same order they had walked in on. And with the seating being what it was, it looked like they were all paired up as dates.
And all it took was four fucking days for Rowan to move on.
Four. Fucking. Days.
“Mr. Cavanaugh?”
I did my best to turn my attention back to Kristy Kyo. Letting outside distractions fuck with my work ethic was something I’ve never been a victim to before, and I was determined not to let it happen now.
“Mrs. Kyo, it really doesn’t matter if your outfit is small,” I told her. “Cavanaugh Industries is about innovation, drive, success, and integrity. If your team is capable of what you claim they are, it doesn’t matter that your company is a small one. That kind of discrimination is what makes blind businessman, and I’m not blind.”
Her shoulders relaxed before reaching for her wine glass. “We can set up a demonstration for your tech division whenever is convenient for you.”
“Gordon Diggs is the head of our technologies division. Give him a call, and he will work with you to set something up.”
She smiled, and there wasn’t anything else quite like a woman’s smile. It wasn’t about looks but about how beautiful a woman did look when her smile reached her eyes. Happy women were pretty stunning in my eyes.
“Well, now I can finish my dinner without a nervous stomach,” she laughed, and this time, I was the one that smiled.
We finished eating our meals, talk still revolving around work and what a potential partnership could bring, and it was fucking killing me. Knowing Rowan might be on a date, a few tables over from where I was sitting, was literally killing me. And the fact that her brother, Mystic, and Gage were in attendance bothered me even more.
What? Just because he was a famous NFL football player, he was granted the privilege of meeting the most important people in her life? He got star status because he could catch a fucking football? Then I remembered Grayson was a high school football coach, so it probably did give him special privileges.
When the check came, I had to argue with the spunky Kristy Kyo to pick up the tab. As chauvinistic as it was, I always picked up the tabs, business or otherwise, when it was a woman who I was meeting with. It was a bad habit, considering the day and age we were living in now, but one I wouldn’t stop unless I had to.
“Are you ready to head out?” I asked because I sure the fuck was.
“I am,” she replied. “And, really, thank you, Mr. Cavanaugh. For everything. But especially the chance to prove ourselves.”
“Prove yourself, and that’s all the thanks I need, Mrs. Kyo.”
We stood up, and there was no avoiding walking past the group booths located along the restaurant walls. There were three of them, with one centered along the east wall, one centered along the south wall, and one centered along with west wall. The rest of the restaurant was littered with random tables throughout. And there was no way we could pass Gage’s table without saying hello.
I wasn’t that big of a dick.
Glancing over at Mrs. Kyo, I said, “I see a group of friends I have to say hi to before we leave. Do you mind?”
She shook her head. “Of course, not.” Then her nose wrinkled. “It would seem rude not to say hello, no?”
I nodded. “Exactly.”
Making our way towards the table, s
ilence ensued as soon as we stood before the group. I focused my attention on Gage and Mystic. “I noticed you guys walking in earlier,” I told him. “Thought it’d be rude to leave and not say hello.”
“Hey, Lorcan,” he returned easily.
“Gage.” I looked at Mystic. “Mystic.”
Mystic gave me a tentative smile. “Hi, Lorcan,” she replied. “You know Grayson and Rowan, but this is-”
I couldn’t fucking do it.
I couldn’t stand there and hear Mystic introduce me to Rowan’s fucking date.
Passing over Rowan to the man sitting next to her, I said, “Darnell Tyson, wide receiver for Los Angeles.” I gave him a tight nod. “Well, we have to get going.” I looked back at Gage. “Just wanted to stop and say hi, man.”
“I’ll talk to you later,” he said quickly, probably knowing I was about to lose my shit.
Kristy took that as our cue, and she started walking away from the table, me close behind. Once we made it outside, I called for James and had him drop Kristy off wherever she needed to go. As for me, I started walking down the street once Kristy has been put safely in the back of my car.
Mystic was eight months pregnant, and that meant I had about a month to get my shit together. I was already so in love with my godchildren, there was no way I was going to fuck this up. I had to find a way to get along with Rowan for the sake of the twins, and I let out a dark laugh at how marital that sounded.
Christ, this was some fucked-up shit.
Chapter 35
Rowan~
Four days, and he was already on a date with someone else.
And it hurt.
It hurt worse than I thought it would, and that made me reevaluate everything I thought I felt about Lorcan Cavanaugh. My feelings for him were more serious than I thought and watching him walk out with his date was a hell of a time to realize it.
Our Cracked Pieces (The Pieces Series Book 2) Page 12
