Fourth Rite: A Reverse Harem Tale (Lovin' the Coven Book 4)

by Jacquelyn Faye

  "I swear!"

  "Don't gotta explain to me."

  "You're right. I don't."

  "Ouch."

  "Sorry." I sighed and looked around, trying to guess where we were heading, but he had made three left turns, just to go right. He was circling around to keep me disoriented. I didn't know the town well enough to guess. If it wasn't on Main, I probably hadn't seen it.

  "So, how come you were dizzy?"

  "I don't know. Probably just hungry. Hurry up."

  "You're not…" He looked down at my belly.

  "What? Hell no. You know witches can't get preggers unless they want to."

  "Do you?"

  "What?"

  "Want to get pregnant."

  "Do you?"

  "Want you to be pregnant?"

  "No. Want to die. Shut the ever-loving hell up. I'm not having a baby anytime this century."

  Dar chuckled from the back seat.

  I looked over my shoulders and gave him a withering stare. He put his head back down on the back seat, and I continued staring until he gave me an apologetic doggy look.

  "So, back to Yuki. Is the reason you brought Dar along because you don't feel comfortable around her after taking advantage of her in the shower?"

  "I'm going to kill you. Keep it up, Mr. Jokerman."

  "What? I'm just asking."

  "No. You're fantasizing. Big difference."

  "Yep. I was. Probably will be tonight, too. Definitely tomorrow morning."

  "Good. Then you'll have something to occupy yourself while you're sleeping alone."

  "Are you mad?"

  "Are you still breathing? If I were mad, that would be the first indication."

  "Touché."

  Jamming my elbow on the door, I used my arm to prop my head up. I loved Jimmy's crazy ass. But, sometimes, he could be a bit much.

  "Hypothetically…"

  "Choose your next words very carefully, Jimbo."

  "I was just going to say, suppose you came over to my house and I'm nowhere to be found. You hear the shower running and you decide to surprise the love of your life. You pad quietly into the bathroom and find Dennis washing my back. Would you believe me if I told you he was there to help me not fall because I was dizzy?"

  I nearly gasped at the shiver of pleasure that ran through me picturing that scene in my head. There was no way in hell I was going to tell him that, though. "Oh, no way. You guys were totally doing it. And you liked it."

  "No way. It hurts at first."

  "What?"

  "What?"

  "Jiiimmy…"

  "I'm kidding. Don't worry. If I ever have sex with my best friend, I'll tell you. I expect you to do the same."

  "There's something very wrong with you. But you have a deal. I want videos though or it didn't happen."

  "Same." He reached over and we shook on it. I couldn't get the goofy ass smile off my face.

  I groaned as we pulled into Bunyan's parking lot.

  "Surprise!"

  "Really? You had to take the covert way to take me to Bunyan's? I don't know if you thought about this, but the idea of putting meat in my mouth right now isn't exactly a good idea."

  "Well, that's boring."

  I slapped him in the arm. "No innuendo. What happened the last time I ate steak?"

  "You ate two of them. Messily."

  "Yes. Do you think I want to do that in the middle of a restaurant?"

  Dar chuckled again in the back seat.

  I ignored him.

  "Hadn't thought about that. But, we're here. And it's not the where, it's the who."

  "What is?"

  "Your surprise."

  "I know. It's Chief."

  He pointed out the windshield.

  Chief was standing outside by the door, next to another guy of slightly smaller stature. A man with shoulder-length, wavy brown hair, chiseled jaw, and stunning good looks. A man who had ditched me forty years ago to move to another country with his mother…

  "Derek?"

  "Surprise!" Jimmy chuckled and pulled into a parking spot.

  There was no way in hell I was getting out of the truck. "No!"

  "You're not hungry?"

  My stomach growled. "James Whateveryourmiddlenameis Duncan. There is no fucking way I'm going to go into a steak house with the three of you. You saw what I was like! You saw how Derek looked at me when he found out I had two boyfriends. What the hell do you think is going to happen if I start munching moo-moo like a deranged sociopath, cuddled in between the two of you?"

  "First of all, Dean. Second of all, there will be three of us."

  "Dean what?"

  "My middle name. It's Dean."

  "Like James Dean?"

  "Not like, is."

  "I liked your mother. How could she do that to you?"

  "I asked her that, myself."

  "But what about the sociopathic bovine feeding frenzy?"

  "I'm sure you'll be way too nervous to slip into a frenzied state. In fact, I bet Chief twenty bucks that you would hardly be able to form sentences. Come on. This should be fun!"

  "You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means."

  Chapter 4

  "Wine for the lady."

  Chelsea set my glass of wine down on the table in front of me. The freshly-washed glass immediately left a wet ring on the paper tablecloth. I stared at it in utter fascination, not wanting to look up at Chief and Derek sitting next to each other on the other side of the booth. I could feel Chief's grin from across the table. That damnable little quirky smirk of his. I loved it, but not under the hellish pressures of what the two of them were putting me through.

  That was what bothered me the most. Chief thought he was just being a darn swell guy! Taking me out with the ex-boyfriend he had taken an immediate dislike to, to bury the hatchet. Show me he was a bigger man than that.

  Fucking boy scout.

  And Jimmy…he was just along for the show. He knew this was going to blow sky-high and he was solely there for entertainment value. I'd take it out on him later.

  Fucking shit disturber.

  "Are you ready to order or do you need a few minutes?"

  "Chicken."

  "Pardon me?"

  "Do you have…chicken?" The smell of steak in the air was slowly driving me insane. I wanted an eighty-ounce porter house, medium raw with a side of au jus as my beverage selection. But, I was going to eat frickin' chicken and drink wine. My safe word was pineapples. All I had to do was say it and Jimmy would whisk me from the restaurant, bound and gagged if needed. I made sure he understood that last part. If needed.

  "Um. Yes. The Montreal Chicken is quite popular."

  With the fucking herbivores. "What's that?"

  "Chicken."

  "I know that. What kind of chicken?"

  "Well, it's boneless chicken breast topped with shredded Montreal smoked meat, cheese curds, and gravy."

  "Give me a steak."

  "You don't want the chicken?"

  Chelsea was going to fucking die.

  "She'll have the prime rib, king cut, rare. No veggies or potato. Hurry," Jimmy ordered for me.

  I nodded, emphatically.

  "What would you gentlemen like?"

  "I'll have the T-bone. Baked sweet potato and asparagus. Medium on the steak and another beer."

  "Sure thing, Chief." She giggled. They were seriously going to be one person short on their waitstaff in about thirty-eight seconds.

  "I'll be havin' tha smoked brisket, baked potato. Do ya have any other green vegetables other than tha asparagoos?"

  Chelsea stared at Derek. She shook her head. "I'm sorry. What did you say?"

  "Smoked brisket."

  "Smoked brisket," she repeated, finally remembering to write that part down. She was lost in his eyes and was being warmed from within by his silky voice. I knew. I'd been there.

  "Po-ta-to."

  "Butter and sour cream or loaded?" she asked with a sultry
chuckle. If she didn't stop, she'd be asking with a bloody gurgle.

  "Just booter."

  "Aye. I mean yes. Sorry. Your accent is just like…wow."

  My head dropped to the table. My forehead banging against it hard enough to jostle my wineglass.

  "Are you okay?"

  "She's had a little too much to drink."

  "Aye, she does that quite offen."

  "Shut up, Derek," I said with my forehead pressed against the coolness of the paper-covered table.

  "Just bring me anythin'."

  "I'll have the same as Chief," Jimmy said with an over-amused voice.

  "Okay! I'll get your orders in right away."

  "Thanks, Chelz," Chief answered her, practically pushing her toward the kitchen.

  "What jus happed? Dot, are ya okay?"

  "Fine. Just leave me here to die."

  "Pineapples?"

  I could hear the worry in Jimmy's voice. I raised my hand above me and shook my hand. Chelsea, of the grating voice and flirty ass, was gone. Maybe I could make it through dinner.

  "What da pineapples have ta do wit anythin'?"

  "I'll be right back." I lifted my head from the table. "You two, explain to him what is going on and why taking me to a steak restaurant was a horrible idea. That way if I start gnawing on the wood table, he'll know why."

  Leaving them sitting there and staring at each other was the wisest decision I'd made all week.

  I slipped outside without my coat, wanting nothing more than to cool down a little. I felt like I was burning up from the inside out, and it had little to do with Derek's voice.

  I blinked as the truck door opened across the lot and a very naked Dar stepped out. Without so much as a glance around him, he shifted back into shepherd form and trotted across the way.

  You okay?

  "Yeah. I just needed to get some air. The smell of meat was killing me."

  I feared this would happen. I've been back for only a day and the changes are coming upon you again.

  "Well, it seems to be limited to red meat. Honestly, the thought of chicken kind of turned my stomach."

  You want to hunt, and a piece of undercooked meat is as close as you can get. If you feel any other…desires. Let me know at once.

  "Yes, sir."

  I intended no disrespect. I worry.

  I scratched his head, just above his eyes. He pressed his face into my hand, enjoying the sensation. "I know, Dar."

  The door opened behind me and my boys and Derek stood there, looking at me sheepishly and holding four takeout containers and my coat.

  "Sorry, Dot. I didn't think." Chief gave me a sad smile.

  "Sorry, Dot. I didna know."

  "Sorry, Dot. I'm just me," Jimmy gave me a contrite smile.

  "Wait. How the hell did you get the food so fast?"

  "My friend is working tonight. We changed our orders to four prime ribs and potatoes. He carved it himself and put it together when I told him you weren't feeling well," Chief explained.

  "Aww. That was nice of him. Did you tell him to fire Chelsea?"

  "No," he said with a little chuckle of disbelief, thinking I was joking.

  I let it go.

  "Well, you two follow us."

  I blinked at Chief.

  "Okay," Jimmy answered him and led us back to the truck, not even giving me a chance to ask where we were going.

  "Um. Where are we going?" I asked once we were in the truck.

  "Chief's."

  "Huh?"

  "Bill's. The man with the brown shirt that says police on it. You know the guy with the really big–"

  "Jimmy."

  "Nightstick?"

  He probably heard me roll my eyes. "I've never seen his place. You been there?"

  "Couple of times."

  Instead of asking, I went with the flow. Luckily Chief had taken all the food with him so I wasn't trapped in a moving vehicle with beef-scented Dot-nip.

  We turned on Main and headed in the opposite direction from my house. Chief caught the greenlight at Maple and made it through, but it turned yellow just before we would have been close enough to actually make it.

  "Shit."

  "It's okay. I can't smell it anymore. I can wait to eat now."

  "It bothers you that much?"

  "It doesn't bother me, it drives me insane. I get this surge of carnal urges…"

  "Carnal urges?"

  "Not those kind. The rip flesh with my face kind."

  "That's much less fun."

  "Not when you're eating."

  "True."

  Somebody stepped out into the crosswalk and started across the street. They were bundled against the cold in a long leather cloak that seemed pretty far out of place in Cedar Falls. He looked like an escapee from a renaissance faire. I almost chuckled until I put two and two together…

  "Gun it!"

  "What?"

  He didn't draw a bow this time, finally understanding the futility of it. Instead he pulled his glowing hands out of his pockets and brought them down in a flaming arc toward the hood of the truck.

  Jimmy slapped it into reverse and stomped on the gas at the same time. I reached over and put my hand on his arm, the words of a stoneskin spell on my lips.

  The engine whined as the gas flowed into the engine and the transmission caught, whining as it slipped into gear. The tires didn't spin, but chirped as we surged backward. The tip of the elf's finger grazed the front of the truck, leaving a glowing scorch mark.

  "What the fuck is that?"

  "Elven assassin."

  "Are you kidding me?"

  He was doing about thirty-five, backward down Main Street by looking in the rearview mirror. I couldn't even back out of my driveway without turning my head around. I was officially impressed.

  His hand reached up and grabbed the gear shift. "Hang on," he said and jerked the wheel. As we spun in an arc in the middle of the street, he put it back in drive and gunned it. This time the wheels did spin as we slung sideways, finally catching and thrusting us forward, in the opposite direction of Chief's and the murderous elf.

  "How do you know it was an elven assassin?"

  Now you're in trouble.

  Shut up, dog.

  Unfortunately, he was right. I was in trouble.

  "I'm only going to do this once. Go to Chief's. I'll explain there."

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  "What? Why?" Chief didn't know if he wanted to be angry or confused. He went with the latter option…first.

  "Don't ask me."

  "How do you know?"

  "Well, this isn't the first time." I sighed, leaned back and took a swig of my beer. Cue the outrage in three…two…one and go!

  He used his right hand to rub his face before pushing his chair up and walking out of the kitchen. Jimmy and Derek sat at the kitchenette table with me. Jimmy was sipping at his beer and picking at his food. Derek was happily shoveling meat and potatoes in his mouth, and I was afraid to open my container until I got the news out.

  Chief walked back in the kitchen. "How many times?"

  "For?"

  "How many times has this elf tried to kill you."

  "Once or twice."

  "Which is it."

  "Twice."

  "And we're just hearing about this now?"

  "Twice before tonight."

  "So three?"

  "Yeah."

  He left the room again, hands on his hips. His heavy footfalls echoed through the quaint little two-bedroom house. His house had been a total surprise. I'd expected deer heads, beer cans, and a hunting lodge motif. His deceased wife must have decorated the place. There were doilies everywhere. The couch even had a hand knitted afghan draped across the back of it. It was cute…in an eighty-year-old, grandmotherish sort of way. I felt bad for cringing, though.

  But there were the pictures of them together. It was hard to be jealous of a dead ex-wife, but I managed to do it, spectacularly. I caught myself snarling at a framed eight-by-ten
of her on the fireplace mantel. She didn't have to be so damn gorgeous.

  "Is he angry?"

  "Yes, Derek… He's pissed."

  "Why did'n ya tell im?"

  "Because he gets like this."

  "Damned if ye do, damned if ye don't?"

  "Something like that."

  The bootsteps were heading back our way. I took another sip of beer and shot Jimmy a tired look. He was angry, too, but would never say anything in front of anybody else. He'd wait until we were alone and then logically list his reasons for being disappointed. I wasn't sure which was worse.

  "How are you still alive? I've seen the movies. Elves don't miss."

  "Well… He did. Except the one time."

  Chief strode forward. "What?"

  "He got me, Chief. He got me real good."

  "Dot, I swear upon my life, you are one joke away from me shooting you, myself."

  I opened the container. Maybe the novelty of them watching me eat would deflect some of the hostility I was sensing. "When I was helping Shea move. When we finished, I was walking back to the car and…he was waiting across the way."

  Chief took two more steps and closed the lid to my takeout container. "No food. Talk."

  "But I'm hungry."

  He sighed and I thought he was going to capitulate, until he picked up the Styrofoam container and put it on the kitchen counter behind him. "Where?"

  "In the apartment complex."

  "No. I mean, where did he hit you?" He snarled in frustration.

  "In the chest. With an arrow."

  Not caring who was around, he reached down and unbuttoned my shirt. Luckily, I'd worn my pretty bra. He leaned forward, looking for the wound. Surprisingly, he reached out and ran his finger over the faint white lines where I'd ripped the arrow out.

  He shifted his eyes up to mine and his mouth dropped open. "He got you in the fucking heart?"

  "Just a little."

  "A little?"

  "What can I say? I'm a quick healer."

  He backed up a step, still bent over, putting his hands on his knees and staring at me incredulously. "How?"

  "Guess he was a good shot."

  "That's not what I fucking meant, and you know it."

  "Vampire healing."

  "Even a vampire wouldn't have survived that."

  "It turns out, they would. I got a rundown from Yuki. Apparently, you have to cut off their head and cut out their heart. She didn't advise me to get run over and squished, or eat poison, though. She wasn't sure how that would affect me."