by Amy Ruttan
Once she was off to school, he and Sandra could talk properly about what happened between them, and what was going to happen going forward with their child. And the thought of their child made him smile again.
He couldn’t help but wonder what kind of person this new baby would grow up to be. There was this whole future that was yet to be determined and even if he and Sandra couldn’t be together, he was going to be there for his child.
No matter what.
Yet his greatest fear was Sandra shutting him out or moving away.
Or falling for someone else?
The idea of her with another man made him angry, but he didn’t know if she wanted him. He had no idea if she wanted to be saddled with a widower with a daughter and his late wife’s memory constantly hovering over them.
It was only supposed to be one night, but, after that one night and last night, he knew it would never be enough.
And he wasn’t sure how to reach out and take what he wanted. He still hadn’t managed to tell Jenny’s parents about Sandra. It terrified him.
Lucy got up without too much fuss. He didn’t want her to see Sandra and he hoped that Sandra stayed in bed. Sandra knew that it wouldn’t be good for Lucy to see her here, in the morning, coming from his room.
He walked Lucy to school and she was so excited to tell everyone that she was going to be a big sister. It made his stomach twist in knots, because he didn’t want everyone to know.
He wasn’t ready to tell everyone.
You’ve got to get over this.
And it was true. He had to.
Everyone was going to find out eventually. He just didn’t know how he was going to break it to Myrtle and Ted. He felt as if he’d done the memory of their daughter wrong. He still couldn’t shake the fact that he thought he’d wronged Jenny by falling in love with someone else.
He still loved Jenny, but he was in love with Sandra.
It was just, he couldn’t have both.
He wasn’t sure how to do that. And he didn’t only want to give half of his heart to Sandra. She deserved so much more.
When he got back to his house, he saw Ted and Myrtle had pulled up outside, and immediately he went into panic mode.
“I thought we’d catch you on the way back from school,” Myrtle said.
“Whose car is in the driveway?” Ted asked as he examined Sandra’s car.
“A coworker,” Kody said quickly. “She’s starting up a new simulation lab that will benefit both first responders and surgeons during times of large-scale disasters. She’s here to talk over the course.”
“A bit early?” Myrtle asked.
“Well, you know doctors.” Kody just hoped they believed his lie, because if the roles were reversed, he wouldn’t.
“Ah, well, we’ll leave you to it. Do you want us to pick Lucy up from school?” Myrtle asked.
“Yes. I mean, no... I mean, Sally is going to do it.”
“Oh. Okay.” Myrtle gave Kody a quick hug. “Then we’ll leave you to your work. Don’t forget about the flying lessons, now that you’re healed up. We’re here to babysit whenever.”
“Thank you.”
Kody opened the door for Myrtle, and Ted climbed in the driver’s seat. He waved as they drove away, and Kody scrubbed a hand over his face.
He didn’t know what to do.
* * *
Sandra had woken up to find that Kody was gone. He’d left a note to say that he’d taken Lucy to school. She knew to keep in the room until Lucy was off to school. They’d discussed it last night after it was decided she was sleeping over.
It was best for Lucy.
So when she found the note and didn’t hear any sounds, she knew that it was safe to get up. She got dressed and made her way to the kitchen and on the way she noticed Kody talking to his in-laws out front. She heard the whole conversation as the living-room window was open.
She heard him lie about who she was.
Not exactly lie, but he didn’t tell them about the baby or the fact that Lucy knew and that she’d actually spent the night, not just called by very early for a work meeting. Why was he so ashamed of her? Did she mean so little to him? What about when the baby came? Was he going to hide their child from Jenny’s parents as he hid her?
Then she heard about flying lessons.
They’d bought him flying lessons and she remembered what he’d said before, when he’d been gearing up to become a pilot. Jenny had got pregnant with Lucy and he’d had to put his plans on hold.
Just as this pregnancy was once again delaying his dreams, and she felt awful for that.
She was holding him back.
I should’ve kept my distance. I should’ve kept my distance.
Well, the damage was done now. She was pregnant and he was involved, but she wasn’t going to hold him back from what he wanted.
He came inside and was surprised to see her, or was he nervous that she’d heard the entire conversation? Which she had, but she wasn’t going to let him know that.
“You’re awake.”
“I got your note, so I figured it was safe to come out. Lucy get off to school okay?” She hoped her voice wasn’t trembling.
“She did.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Are you going to be heading back home now?”
“Yeah, I need a change of clothes and I’m anxiously awaiting news about whether my research grant has been approved.”
“I’ll walk you to your car.”
“Thanks.” She didn’t know what else to say. She was hurt, but she should’ve known. Why did she let her guard down when it came to matters of the heart?
“Are you okay?” he asked. She wanted to tell him yes, but she couldn’t lie. He might, but she couldn’t.
“No.” She took a deep breath, her lip trembling. “Last night was a mistake.”
He took a step back as if he’d been slapped. “Wait...what?”
They walked down the steps to her car. “I said last night was a...” but before she could finish what she was going to say they turned, both hearing an engine revving and then the squealing of tires. Sandra watched in horror as a sports car came roaring down the street and then she heard the train going by.
And as she watched in horror, she realized that the car was not going to stop for the train.
“Oh, my God,” she whispered.
Kody’s arm came around her as the low-slung vehicle hit the front of the train and was thrown into the air. The train’s engine and the first two cars derailed and came crashing down on their sides.
There was an explosion and flames.
Kody covered her face and the only sound she could hear was the race of her pulse and metal grating on metal.
When the grinding came to a halt, there were lots of people out on the street, staring in abject horror at the carnage that was in front of them.
“If ever there was a time for your course, it would be now, Sandra,” Kody said.
“I’ll call the emergency services. There’s a trauma kit in my car,” she said. “Hurry!”
“Right.” Kody opened her trunk and pulled out the trauma kit that she always carried with her. It was brand-new as she’d had to replace the one that was destroyed when her old SUV was washed away in Burl’s Creek.
She called in for emergency services, but she wasn’t the only one who had. Sandra could hear the distant wail of the fire trucks coming.
She slipped her purse in the car and then followed in Kody’s footsteps to the accident scene. She couldn’t do much in the way of lifting, but she could triage, she could bandage and she could help. She was not going to sit there and do nothing.
Kody was dragging those he could out of the wreckage and Sandra went to the sports car that was flipped on its side.
She pulled out her flashlight and looked in through the tint
ed windows. There was nothing to be done. She could tell the driver, a young man, was dead.
So she focused her attention on helping Kody. She could assess and triage those he brought out, until the rest of the first responders arrived.
She pulled out her equipment and began her quick assessments. She was going through the ABCs that she always did. Checking for airway and breathing, checking for consciousness and checking their pupils.
Superficial cuts and wounds could be handled later.
The first two people that Kody had managed to pull from the wreckage were gone. Their pupils were fixed and dilated. There was nothing more they could do.
She just had to keep moving on, through the line of carnage, and trying her best to help the first responders before they arrived.
It felt like an eternity, but soon she saw several ambulances heading down Kody’s street toward them and she breathed a sigh of relief.
The first ambulance stopped, and Sally jumped out.
“Sandra? Are you okay?” Sally asked.
“I’m fine.” Which was a lie—she was feeling a bit light-headed from the smoke. “There’s a man over there who has a head injury and I suspect damage to his spine. Kody is working on more of the survivors that can’t walk themselves out.”
Sally motioned for her team to take over from Kody. He was still on restricted duty because of his broken ribs from his own traumatic accident.
Sandra was surprised that this situation wasn’t bothering him more.
“What about the flipped car?” Sally asked, as she directed her team.
“Didn’t stop at the crossing. It was hit and flipped. I checked and the driver is a young man and he’s dead. There was brain matter coming out his ears and nose.”
“We’ll get a tarp up,” Sally stated. “Stop people from taking and posting pictures before the police can notify the loved ones.”
The police had arrived and were directing people back into their homes, while on the other side of the tracks the fire trucks were working on the fire.
The smoke was getting to Sandra and she felt woozy.
“Sandra, I think you need to sit down.” Sally tried to help her, but Sandra shrugged her off.
“No, I can...” Everything went blurry and she felt as if she was going to pass out. It was as if her blood sugar was tanking. “I can help.”
“I don’t think you can.” Sally steadied her. “Kody!”
Kody came running up and he smelled like fumes. “Sandra, are you okay?”
“I’m really faint.”
“She’s going pretty pale.” Sally led her to the back of her rig. “I’m going to check your blood pressure, Sandra.”
There was no use fighting. Sally was just as strong as Kody as they led her to the back of the rig. She sat down on the bumper, but it was no good.
Everything was turning into a pinpoint. Kody was getting farther and farther away.
“Sandra?”
“I’m...” was the last thing she said before she felt her knees give out, just as they had done when she’d first found out she was pregnant.
She was trying to tell Kody that she was about to faint, but as the world went black around her, she guessed that was a moot point.
* * *
Kody paced outside the exam room in the emergency department of Rolling Creek. Sandra’s blood pressure had dropped so low, it was scary.
It terrified him, and all he could think about was Jenny at the end of her life.
Please don’t take Sandra. Please don’t take the baby.
Sally helped him rush Sandra through and handed her off to Dr. Murdoch. Sally had to get back to the accident scene and, since the school had closed due to the accident, Myrtle and Ted went to get Lucy. Which he appreciated.
He was terrified and this was the reason why he’d never wanted to care about someone again. He didn’t want to open his heart to anyone, but Sandra had wiggled her way in and he was angry.
He was angry that she’d managed to do that.
Dr. Ohe and Dr. Murdoch came out.
“How is she?” he asked nervously.
“She has gestational diabetes. Some women are more prone to it and if she had read that genetic report I gave to her yesterday she would’ve been on the lookout for it. She’ll have to be on insulin until her pregnancy comes to term. She is also genetically predisposed to low blood pressure, so that’s something else she’ll have to keep an eye on.”
“So the baby is okay?” Kody asked.
“Perfectly fine,” Jocelyn said. “We’re going to keep Sandra here overnight, just for observation.”
“And she needs to stop overdoing it,” Burt stated. “What she thought she was doing out there at that accident scene is beyond me.”
“We witnessed it,” Kody offered. “I guess she felt like she couldn’t just stand there.”
“Be that as it may, she needs to take it easy,” Burt warned.
“Can I go in and see her?”
Burt nodded. “Let her know she’s staying overnight.”
Kody nodded and walked into the exam room. She looked so pale against the pillow. She was hooked up to an IV and there were dark circles under her eyes.
It was scary to see her like this.
I can’t do this.
It was just bringing back too many memories of Jenny, lying there in the last moments of her life, and him on his knees begging her to fight harder. Now Sandra was lying there, ill, and it scared him. He couldn’t lose her or the baby. He couldn’t risk it all again.
She opened her eyes. “I overdid it.”
“That’s not quite it,” he said quietly. “Why didn’t you tell me your genetic report came in? Diabetes is indicated in your genetic makeup, as is low blood pressure.”
“I got the report yesterday and then ran into you and I forgot all about it.”
“Why don’t you want to know about your past?” he asked.
“Why are you so upset?” she asked, confused. “I’m okay.”
“Not if you keep overdoing it. You shouldn’t have got involved in that accident.”
She frowned. “What was I supposed to do? Sit there?”
“Yes!” Kody snapped. “You could’ve lost the baby.”
“I didn’t. The baby is fine.”
Kody scrubbed a hand over his face. “You need to face your past. I get that you had great adoptive parents, but you have to find out about your past. If not for you, then for our baby. You have to face this fear.”
She pursed her lips together. “You’re one to talk.”
“What’re you talking about?” he asked.
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying to you. I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Myrtle and Ted. They don’t know about me, do they? I heard your conversation this morning and about the flying lessons.”
His blood ran cold and he knew then she’d overheard the conversation that he was worried that she’d overheard.
He’d tried to tell them. He had, but he couldn’t and he hated lying to Sandra about it, especially when he kept promising that he was going to tell them.
“They were a gift.”
“That still doesn’t explain why you won’t tell them. Do I embarrass you? I am an adopted child with no roots.”
“Pardon?” Kody asked. “I’m not embarrassed.”
“So why don’t you tell them? Why do you lie to me and them?”
“Is this why you were trying to blow me off this morning?” he asked.
“It was a mistake. All of it.”
“It wasn’t!” he snapped.
“Then tell Jenny’s parents about me.”
“It’s complicated.”
Sandra sighed. “They’re eventually going to find out. Th
ey probably already know—you think that Lucy can hide that secret well?”
“It’s my business,” he snapped. “I’m not the only one holding back. You’ve kept everyone out because you’re afraid of having a family. You’re afraid of happiness and you can’t keep blaming that on your ex-husband.”
It was a low blow, but he felt as if he was backed into a corner. He’d been terrified that she was hurt or had lost the baby. He was angry at himself that he was too scared to move forward. That he was paralyzed with fear at the prospect of losing her.
“My ex-husband lied to me. Just like you are. He didn’t want kids that weren’t his own blood. You know that. I wasn’t good enough for him. He wanted a biological family and I couldn’t give that to him. He made me feel worthless. He took away all of my confidence. It’s why I keep my distance from people and it’s why I should’ve trusted my first instincts and kept my distance from you!” Tears were rolling down her cheeks.
There was nothing more to say. Not right now. He was so confused.
“I think I’d better go.” He turned to leave.
He’d hurt her because he was too scared about taking another chance at happiness. He didn’t deserve to even think about having a second chance at happiness. He’d had it once and he was greedy thinking that he could have it again.
And now he’d blown that chance too. All because he was too afraid about the risk to his heart again. Lucy, Myrtle and Ted were just excuses. It was him. He was afraid and he wouldn’t admit it.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“I’M SURE HE didn’t mean those things,” Megan said gently.
“I know,” Sandra replied. “And he’s right. I endangered the baby because I had to help.”
“You’re a doctor—of course you had to help. The baby is fine.” Megan squeezed her hand.
Sandra sighed. “I am scared.”
“Of what?” Megan asked.
Sandra couldn’t put it into words. She was scared that she’d fallen in love with Kody and Lucy. She was scared of losing them both.
She was scared that they wouldn’t want her in their lives.
