by Trish Wylie
Which left him the option of standing there to make nice long enough for Mal to tell her all about the bust-up he’d had with Rory or dragging her back home where he could deal with the fallout the way he knew worked best.
He chose the latter. ‘You don’t want to keep Mal away from enjoying the rest of the kind of evening he no doubt has planned with her any more than he would want to keep us from the same, do you?’
Mal made a grimace, stepping back a little as they faced off against each other. ‘Well, good to see that you two picked up exactly where you left off in the whole battle-of-wills thing. Let me know who survives.’
Shannon smiled sweetly at him. ‘It was nice to see you Mal.’
‘You too, Shannon. We’ve missed you.’ He grinned over at Connor as he stepped away.
‘We used to talk about you a lot after you left.’
Next time Connor saw his kid brother he would pay for that.
But he had another storm to weather first as Shannon stepped closer to him, smiling through gritted teeth at someone she must have met earlier as they passed by, before she turned her head to tell him, ‘And now we really are leaving. Before I ruin any good impression I may have made on anyone I met tonight by telling you exactly what I think of you right this very second.’
When they were in the car she gave him the silent treatment while she tried to get her anger under control enough to speak.
And he seemed content to let the silence continue, which probably meant he thought he could find a way out of this one. Well, he could think again!
Because there was no way he could be such a complete ass and then think that sex would solve everything.
‘You spoke to McIlwaine and Murphy, I saw.’
Shannon shook her head, her tongue shoved firmly into the corner of her cheek as she stared ahead. ‘Who?’
‘The men who want to build the shopping mall where your building sits.’
She turned her head so fast that she almost put her neck out. ‘You’re going to try and get round what you just did by playing the “I done good” card? Oh, you’re a piece of work!’
‘They told you about your building.’
‘Well, as a matter of fact, yes, they did.’ She forgot about her dress and folded her arms firmly across her breasts. ‘They even asked me to try and persuade you to reconsider.
Seems it has put quite a spanner in their plan, you backing out of the sale.’
‘Picked the wrong woman to persuade, didn’t they?’
‘Well, why wouldn’t they think I could persuade you? I mean, that’s how it’s done in some places, isn’t it? Business deals done over the pillow, so to speak.’
He slammed on the brakes so hard at the junction that they were both thrown forward a little in their seats, Connor’s face livid with anger when he looked at her. ‘They said that to you?’
‘No—’ her mouth curved into a smirk ‘—but if they had it wouldn’t have been any worse than what you just said to your brother about leaving to have sex. That doesn’t make me seem at all easy to you?’
‘I didn’t say that to Mal!’
‘You may as well have done!’ She was really getting into her stride now. ‘What else was he going to think you meant? You just threw that out there to get to leave—so you could stop me from talking to him—because if you’re not talking to your family, then I shouldn’t either, right?’
‘It didn’t occur to you that maybe I might not want you dragged into that?’
‘O-h-h.’ She laughed incredulously, ‘I more than get where I stand in the great scheme of things with you—don’t you worry.’
‘And what does that mean?’
‘It doesn’t matter what it means.’ The truth of that hit her like a slap in the face. Because it was true, wasn’t it? No matter how many times she argued with Connor, he always seemed to manage to take control. Whether that was done by bully tactics, doing something amazingly nice to try and negate it, or just simply by trying to make it all better for a while by having sex. He was controlling her life. And he could do it because a part of her still probably loved him. She’d known that the minute McIlwaine and Murphy had told her he’d backed out of the sale. When, for a brief second, she had wanted to run across and kiss him silly because she’d been so happy.
Only to have him tell his brother they were off to have sex.
In his mind he probably saw it as his reward for doing the right thing—when he could have done the right thing to begin with, and she wouldn’t have been left feeling as if it was just another move in whatever game he was playing with her.
‘So long as you get to do everything on your terms then everything is fine, isn’t it?’ she said.
She turned her face away, looking out of the side window as they got close to home.
Because she’d be damned before he would see the angry tears that were forming in the backs of her eyes.
Behind her, she heard the hiss as he forced out a swear word, the gear stick being yanked violently into place. ‘I have no idea how your mind works sometimes.’
‘You don’t want to know.’ The words were flat, emotionless, but that was what she did when she was hurting most, wasn’t it? She shut herself off. Closed down inside. It was a survival tactic she had learnt the hard way.
Connor didn’t say anything in reply for a long while, the tension inside the car palpable until, as they made the last turn onto the cobbled street, he took a breath and answered her in a similarly flat tone.
‘You see, that’s where you’re wrong. I do want to know. I want to know every thought you have, I want to hear your opinions—even when I don’t agree with them. I want you to yell at me when you’re mad and laugh when you’re happy. Because when you shut yourself off—that’s when we have the most trouble. And if this is going to stand any chance of working, then we need to find a way around that.’
The car came to a halt in the same space it had occupied when he’d first arrived. But when Shannon reached for her seat-belt release, he captured her hand and held it tight, stopping her from escaping while she fought hard against the tears that were so determined to break free.
‘We need to talk whatever this is through.’
She swallowed hard. ‘I don’t want to talk.’
‘Than how are we supposed to fix this?’
‘We’re not.’
He let go of her hand. ‘So what, then? Now that you know you have your building safe you don’t have to make an effort any more? Or is it that now you’ve not got that to hide behind you might actually have to open up?’
That got her to look at him—her glare scathing.
‘Because that’s what the real problem is, isn’t it?’
‘Well, you’re obviously the expert here. So well done. Congratulations. Whatever game you’re playing, you win.’
When she got out of the car, slamming the door behind her, she let an angry sob out, fumbling in her small clutch bag to find her keys while she looked down at it through eyes threatening tears.
At the door she couldn’t get the key in and as she sniffed loudly his hand appeared—
taking the key from her. He didn’t say a word, just leaned past her to fit it and turn it, while Shannon stared downwards, the first tears balancing precariously on her lashes.
He pushed the door open. Stood back.
And Shannon walked through, opened the second door, leaning in to flick the light switch. Then, swallowing down the knot sitting at the base of her throat, she looked over her shoulder.
‘I’m sorry, Connor. I can’t do this with you any more. I thought I could, but I can’t.’
‘Can’t do what?’ He stepped in through the outer door, his dark eyes focused completely on her.
She swallowed again. ‘This. Us. Whatever this is—I can’t do it any more.’
‘Because it hurts too much to try?’
Her breath caught, but when she tried she couldn’t get the words out. So she nodded, just the once. Before lo
oking away, and walking further into the foyer—turning around when she was in the centre, her hands on her hips, head tilted back to look up at the peeling paint on the cornice while she fought for some semblance of control.
She should never, ever, have conned herself into believing she could do this again.
What was she? Masochistic? So desperately in need of punishment for something she had long since paid for?
Connor walked to her with silent steps, stopping a ‘safe’ distance from her, as if he knew to come closer would only make things worse. He even seemed to understand that she needed a minute, that once she had that minute she might maybe tell him more to help him understand.
She took a breath, shaking her head with fresh determination. ‘It’s not enough.’
His deep voice remained low. ‘What isn’t?’
‘This—’ She exhaled the word, her arm swinging out to her side as she finally looked at him again. ‘This fighting and then trying to fix it with sex.’
‘And you think that’s all we do?’
‘It’s what we did!’
His dark brows quirked. ‘Wow.’
Shannon watched as his hand rose to run back through his hair. Then he looked her in the eye again, his voice still low.
‘I don’t think that was all we did.’
His calm response made her even angrier. ‘Well, it was how it felt.’
‘During or after?’
The question made her avoid his steady gaze, because even telling him as much as she had was costing her.
‘I’m not saying that the act itself wasn’t—’
‘Well, at least we agree on that—that’s a start. But in some way I’ve left you feeling used? Is that what you’re saying?’
‘No!’ She frowned hard at his interpretation. ‘It’s not that either. What we did—we did together. And I wanted it—I did. But it just felt—’
‘Like a one-night stand—sex for sex’s sake—like there was nothing there except the release of sexual tension?’ He shrugged his shoulders. ‘Help me out here.’
Although a part of her understood that the change of tone in his voice was more to do with frustration and confusion than with any anger on his behalf—the very fact that he had worded it the way he had was enough to put her back up again. As if it confirmed to her that he had known that was exactly what it had been. Which made her right, didn’t it?
And maybe that was what she needed. Maybe she needed him to confirm it for her to get her to hate him again. To make her angry enough to finally send him away.
‘It was sex, Connor. That’s all. And I’m sorry, but that’s just not enough for me. I need more than that.’ She shrugged her shoulders, feigning nonchalance. ‘And the truth is, I just don’t think you have it in you to give me more. So, we’re done.’
It was a low blow. And it was the first time in her life she had ever seen Connor look lost for words. But his recovery was quick, any hint of confusion or frustration—or even the patience he had shown so far—immediately replaced with out and out anger. So that she was left in no doubt she had just hit the mark.
‘Is that the game we’re playing now? Do I even know you?’ He shook his head. ‘Any wonder you’re still on your own if this is how you deal with the beginning of a relationship! All of this is nothing but sex to you? You think we do this constant battle of wills for no reason? You seem to forget that we had years of history before we even got started this time round! But then walking away is your thing, isn’t it? It’s what you do best.’ He laughed cruelly. ‘Man, and you think I’m messed up inside!’
Rather than backing down in the face of such raw anger she met fire with fire, her voice rising to echo around the large space.
‘And you seem to forget that we spent seven years apart! You think that you’re the only one who went through some kind of emotional upheaval in that time, Connor? You think that just because I argue with you and challenge the things you do that that means I’m the one with all the great answers to life’s problems? Well, I’m not!’ She jerked a pointed finger at the ground. ‘I have just as much to deal with from those seven years as you do!
Probably more. Because you always breezed through life and nothing was difficult for you until the day you found out you had a different father from the man who raised you.
You have no idea what I might have gone through!’
‘And just how am I supposed to when you keep fighting me off?’
Stunned into silence by how much she had just let out, she stood frozen to the spot, her breathing as rapid as the erratic beating of her heart. She stared at Connor with wide eyes, watching as he waged the same inner battle with himself to gain control.
It would have been so very easy to close the distance between them and give in to a raging passion to dissipate the tension again. But that was what had started this in the first place, wasn’t it?
And she just couldn’t keep on doing it.
Connor moved before she did, both hands lifting to rub up and down his face while he started pacing up and down in front of her. Then, side on, he nodded, as if he’d made some kind of decision, before he turned his head to look at her, one long finger waggling briefly in her direction.
‘At least we’re getting down to the crux of it now, aren’t we?’ The pointing stopped and the pacing continued. ‘I knew there was something. It’s been there since the first day.
Don’t get me wrong.’ He glanced at her again with a wry smile. ‘You’re good at trying to cover it up behind the guts and quirkiness I’m used to. But I knew there was something different. Something that happened that changed you and left you hiding away in this place.’
The air in her lungs stilled on an inward gasp that she held onto. Dear Lord. What had she just done? Connor had never been dumb. And now she’d just given him some of the pieces of the puzzle, hadn’t she?
He stopped pacing again while he thought, and then—so suddenly it made her jump—he stepped in front of her, less than a few feet separating them. ‘You’re right. Neither of us knows what the other went through in those seven years. There’s no way we could. But you’re wrong about me breezing through life, Shannon—I wish you weren’t, but you are.’
She exhaled, took a deep, shaky breath. It had never in a million years occurred to her that he had been unhappy before he had found out about Frank McMahon. And it stunned her beyond belief.
Connor stepped another step closer, his voice husky. ‘The only difference between us is that I’m not the one trying to turn tail and run away from this, whatever it is. So, fine, we both have stuff. Who doesn’t? Big deal. What this needs is time. You’ve just got to decide that you’re prepared to put in that time. And a good dose of old-fashioned trust.’
Could she really do that? How could she begin to tell him about the pain she carried when he was so tied up in that pain? By making it a mutual sharing he was inviting her to help him work through whatever it was he was carrying around—which made it a shared therapy, didn’t it? And that made it so much harder for her not to at least give it a try.
Could she manage to get through it without falling for him twice as hard as she had the first time round? That would be the gamble she’d be taking.
But what if helping him work through all the things he was having difficulty dealing with now was her only way of making up for what she had held back from him?
While her heart demanded she try, her head kept weighing up the odds of an outcome that wouldn’t cause both of them pain—and in the meantime Connor had stepped another step closer.
‘Now with that out there in the open, let’s move on to the sex issue. I’m assuming that we’re looking at the age-old debate of sex versus making love are we?’
There were times when he really could read her mind, weren’t there?
‘Yes, I think we are.’
He nodded. ‘Yeah, I thought so. C’mon, then—’
Shannon’s eyes widened as he grasped her hand in his and tugged her t
owards the stairs, her voice rising again. ‘Oh, no, you can’t keep trying to solve it like that!’
Still tugging her, he threw the words over his shoulder. ‘Well, it’s getting solved somehow. And I, for one, am getting sick of pacing.’
‘Connor, let go of me!’ She practically careered into his back when he stopped suddenly, releasing her hand at the same time to turn round and hold his hands up in surrender.
‘Fine—look—no hands. I’m serious, Shannon—I’m not leaving ‘til this is resolved one way or another. Don’t make me carry you up three flights.’
And Shannon knew he meant it. ‘We’re just talking.’
‘I’ll leave that decision to you. We’ll talk it through, then, if it’s what you want, I’ll go.’
‘You’ll leave?’
Another nod. ‘For tonight.’
When he held his hand out in silent invitation she stared at it for a long time. But who was she kidding? She knew she was going to go upstairs with him and talk it through.
She’d already dug a deep enough hole.
But she’d feel better if she managed not to touch him just yet, so she reached out and set her clutch bag in his open hand, glancing up into his eyes as he smiled in amusement. ‘I hate you.’
‘No, you don’t. And that’s the biggest problem you’ve got, if you bother being honest with yourself.’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
UP IN SHANNON’S apartment, Connor set the small bag she had handed him on the kitchen counter while he watched her move around the room, switching on table lamps that cast a soft glow around them.
She had said that she wanted more and that she didn’t think he had more to give her.
That had grated on him more than anything ever had.
She sat down on one of the large sofas that dominated the living area, smoothing her hands down over the soft material of her long skirt as she took a breath and looked up at him.
‘All right, then.’
The determined upward lift of her chin brought another smile to his mouth as he walked across to sit on the other sofa, facing her. But for a long while he didn’t speak, he just smiled at her, until eventually she sighed and shook her head.
