by Trish Wylie
‘I’m glad you find all this so amusing.’
‘I don’t.’ He shrugged his shoulders, reaching up to undo his bow-tie and loosen the top button of his shirt. ‘I just can’t remember ever being on a first date when I ended up sitting down to have a conversation about the vagaries of sex. It’s not exactly what I had planned for the evening.’
Her arched brows rose in challenge. ‘Which pretty much brings us onto the subject of sex anyway, doesn’t it?’
‘And there you go differentiating between sex and making love again. When what you need to realize is that, with us, there isn’t a difference.’
‘Spoken like a man.’
‘That’s a whole other argument for another day, that one.’
‘And that’s what we do, isn’t it? We argue. About pretty much everything.’
He leaned forwards, resting his elbows on his thighs, ‘Yes. It’s what we do. Lots of couples argue.’
There was a flicker of surprise in the green of her eyes. ‘We’re a couple now?’
‘If we’re not, then what are we?’
‘And when did that happen in your mind? ’Cos I must have missed that memo.’
‘Shannon, we’ve always been a couple—one way or another. This is just the first time we’ve had to deal with it, that’s all.’ He smiled again when she looked distinctly as if he’d just told her something that had never occurred to her before. ‘Tell me this—when we slept together the first time, did that feel like just sex between two people seeking a cheap release to you?’
The direct question brought her gaze up to lock with his, her eyes softening briefly as she played the memory in her mind, so that he knew the answer before she said it.
‘No. Now that I know you knew it was me I know that was us making love. But for your information, I wasn’t playing a game. It was something I wanted and I figured if I made it an anonymous fantasy it might be something you’d want too.’
Connor’s eyes widened slightly. ‘Nice to know your low opinion of me goes so far back.
All right, then, so, what was different this time?’
And her brows quirked again, this time in disbelief. ‘The fact that you have to even ask me tells me you’re not going to understand the problem.’
‘I was giving you the opportunity to tell me how you saw it. That’s all. But if you want me to say what I think, then, fine—I’ll tell you.’ He looked to the side, away from her face, while he put the words together in his head first. It was getting to be a necessity around Shannon. ‘I think the reason it has blown up out of all proportion in your mind is the word “sex.” But you need to remember that the phrase “make-up sex” was yours, not mine.’
She opened her mouth to protest.
‘No. I gave you the opportunity to go first and you didn’t take it, so now I’m just telling you what I think. And then you can say what you think.’
The simple order did what any order or demand he dished out normally did with her. It put her back up. But he loved that she fought him on those issues. He was a strong-minded male, after all; it was the very fact that she was equally strong-willed that made them such a combustible combination.
So, while she straightened her spine, folded her arms across her breasts and lifted her chin another distinct notch, he kept right on going. ‘It was a phrase, nothing more and I understood that—I thought you did too—’
The terse interruption surprised him. ‘Yes, fine, you’re right—I gave it that label and that label has stuck in my head ever since.’
Connor jumped on the opportunity. ‘And can you tell me why?’
The fact that she struggled so long to find the words to answer him told him how difficult she was finding it to talk it through. ‘Probably because you left so fast and didn’t bother calling for three days. It made it feel like a one-night stand—which made it feel like sex for sex’s sake. And that left me feeling…’
Connor leaned forward when her words tailed off. ‘Feeling what?’
She swallowed hard, her gaze dropping down to study the toe of her shoe as she moved her foot from side to side. ‘Empty, if you must know. Like I should never have let it happen again.’
The thought of her feeling that way almost floored him. Empty was such a huge feeling.
He knew that. And never in a million years would he have wanted to leave her feeling like that. He’d always prided himself on the fact that any partner he had felt as fulfilled by the act as he did. It was the man’s job. But somehow he had left her feeling used, tawdry, and that hadn’t been what he’d been aiming for—not with Shannon, of all people.
She was worth so much more than that.
‘I never meant for you to feel like that.’
Her lashes rose enough for her to look at him. ‘I know. I guess I just stupidly thought I would get to hear your voice at some point over the weekend, that, I dunno—you might maybe have bothered to call to say hi or at least talk about the weather.’
‘I thought you understood what I was doing this weekend.’ He frowned a little. ‘I told you I was away.’
She nodded. ‘You said you were hang-gliding on Saturday with some of the staff from the gym.’
‘No, well, yes. But it was a bit more than that. It was a team-building weekend. They take us to the middle of nowhere and we camp out. And then we spend the weekend doing a mixture of challenges that make us work together—bridge-building, rock-climbing, hang-gliding. Every gym does it once a year to help them work together better.’ He sighed, taking a moment as he tried to remember how much he had told her at the time. He had been sure he’d explained all that. ‘And I’d signed up for this one a long time ago. I really thought I’d explained that. But what I maybe didn’t explain is it’s a wilderness type idea—so that means no laptops, no iPods—definitely no phones. They’re very specific on that. And I didn’t think you’d appreciate a call at one in the morning when I was driving back home, after leaving the last of the team who travelled with me.’
Shannon stared at him from beneath her lashes. ‘You didn’t tell me all of that.’
‘I should have.’
‘Yes, you should. It might have helped.’
He nodded, smiling a small smile when she didn’t call him on it. Was he finally making some headway? Well, if forthright was what it took…. ‘But I need to carry that through to today for you too, don’t I?’
A smile twitched at the edges of her mouth.
‘This morning I had company meetings—this afternoon too. Some of them put back from Friday so I could spend the day here.’ He grimaced. ‘I’ve had nothing but meetings for weeks now, as it happens, and I’m sick to death of them. But, yes, I could have called.’
Her eyes sparkled across at him. Oh, she knew she had him on this, didn’t she? He’d messed up. His arrogance had let him assume that she’d have no problem with him disappearing for a few days because she’d known he was coming back. He’d assumed she’d known that meant he wasn’t bailing on her and that there wasn’t a problem with him wanting to come back. But that was what assuming got him. Some consideration would have worked a lot better.
‘That was obviously a mistake too. But now that I know it’s a problem I can make damn sure it’s not a problem again. If I have an early meeting I’ll call you at six when I get up—and if I’m coming back from somewhere, even if it’s three in the morning, I’ll call.
And that’ll fix it, will it?’
He knew she’d never go for that either. She wasn’t the type to try keeping someone on a leash…
And, right enough, her smile grew. ‘Let’s just not go to the opposite extreme either.
There’s bound to be a compromise in there somewhere.’
If she was open to discussing compromises, then he was making ground, wasn’t he? That left him with just the one hurdle to get past so he could breathe again.
‘All right. That leaves us with the sex versus making love again.’
Her smile faded. Lifting her ch
in again, she frowned as she glanced around the room—
giving the distinct impression of someone seeking an escape, which brought an affectionate smile to Connor’s face that he didn’t try to hide from her.
She chanced a glance at him from the corner of her eye. Saw the smile.
And Connor waited while she battled with herself over whether to listen or to argue again and try to run. She could try the latter. But she wouldn’t get far.
Shannon sighed.
Well, she’d asked for this, hadn’t she?
Thing was, piece by piece and subject by subject, Connor was taking the time to ease her through all of the things that worried her. And surely he wouldn’t do that if it didn’t matter to him a little?
If she’d had the courage downstairs to tell him that the ‘not enough’ she had been referring to had more to do with the lack of real emotion then she could probably have avoided all of this. Because that was the real truth behind her emptiness, wasn’t it? She had wanted the whole package from him once before and hadn’t got it. It was what she had meant when she had said she didn’t think he had it in him to give. She had prior experience.
Not that she thought he was incapable of love. She just didn’t believe he was capable of loving her the way she would want him to. But she had always known that. Right from the start. Both times.
When she turned her face fully towards him, she studied him for a long while—searching his eyes for some sign that this wasn’t just damage control for him. That it could really matter.
And there was such a fierce warmth in his dark eyes that she was almost rocked back by the force of it.
It was genuine affection she could see, affection for her. And when he spoke, his voice wasn’t just low and deep. There was an edge to it that went straight from her ears to her heart, and, almost as if her heart hoped for its meaning before her mind could accept there was even a chance of it, it leapt, and sped up in response.
‘The only difference I can see between the first time we were together and this time is that the first time was the slow and torturous kind of love-making and this time was the hot and fast kind. And I think it’s maybe the slow and torturous that works best for you.’
Shannon swallowed hard.
‘For a while, anyway, until you trust me enough to play a little.’ His smile took on a purely sexual edge. ‘You need to remove the word “sex” from your mind when it refers to what we do, Shannon. We don’t just have sex. We know each other too well for that.’
Even listening to him talking about it—while he looked at her with that warmth in his eyes, and that wicked smile on his face—it felt as if he were already beginning to make love to her, all over again.
‘Mal said that we had picked up where we left off—and he was right. That’s exactly what we’ve done. The only difference is we’ve had more baggage in the way this time round.
So, yes, we’ve fought more—but the outcome has been exactly the same, hasn’t it?
Whether we’ve approached it from a friendship angle or from an antagonistic angle, we always end up back at the same place.’
Did that mean that he knew how much she had loved him before? Did it mean that he knew a part of her had never stopped loving him? It was certainly the reason why she’d been having so much difficulty with all of it lately, wasn’t it?
‘This…chemistry…we have—it’s always been there. I don’t think that something on so basic a level is something that anyone has any control over. It’s here now. You can feel it just as much as I can.’
Yes, she could. Connor had once talked about the building being a pink elephant constantly between them—if that was the case then between them now was an open fire, the heat from the flames fanning out to wash over her skin.
Thick dark lashes blinked slowly as he studied her with an intensity that took her breath away all over again. ‘And I know you can feel it. Because I know you. Right now it’s in your eyes—they go a darker shade of green when you’re turned on. Did you know that?’
Shannon slowly shook her head.
Connor nodded in reply. ‘They do. It’s why I knew that dress would look so spectacular on you. It’s the same shade your eyes are right now.’
She ran her tongue over her lips.
And his smile grew as he looked at her mouth. ‘You do that too. You wet your lips just like that—which, whether you know it or not, is an invitation for me to kiss you. It’s like you’re getting your mouth ready for me. And for the record, it’s one of the things I find sexiest about you. One of the things…’
Shannon was slowly reaching boiling point, her lips parted as she drew in deeper, faster breaths of the heated, heavy air that hung between them. He hadn’t even touched her and she was so aroused that she dearly wanted to squirm on the soft cushions beneath her to relieve some of the ache between her legs.
His smouldering gaze dropped lower, following the line of her neck to the deep vee at the front of her dress, his voice taking on a husky edge that left her in no doubt that he was as turned on as she was.
‘Though the way your breathing changes is damn sexy too. Deeper breaths, like you’re taking now—that get faster and shorter when you’re close to the point where you can’t take any more.’
‘Connor—’ His name came out on a hoarse, agonized whisper—because she really couldn’t take any more.
The sound brought his gaze back to her eyes. ‘I know you want me. And you know me well enough to look at me right now and know that I want you too. This is always here with us—it’s when we fight it that we end up arguing the most. But never, ever, for one second, think that it hasn’t always been here. This isn’t just sex, Shannon—it’s much, much more than that.’
Shannon knew he was right. For the first time in a long time she had no desire to argue with him over it—because there was really no point in trying to deny any of it.
Everything he had said about the signals she sent out was true. Looking at him, she could see the signals in him too—the intense heat of his gaze, the slight part of his sensual mouth, the exaggerated rise and fall of his chest beneath his crisp white shirt, and—when her gaze dared to drop lower to his wide-spread legs—the ridge of his erection pressed against his stretched trousers.
‘Shannon—’ Her name was spoken on a warning tone, bringing her gaze back up to his face.
And the set of his jaw, the tight line of his mouth, the hooded eyes told her volumes about his state of arousal. Yes, she could read the signs too. Because she knew him every bit as well as he knew her in that department.
She tilted her head, looking at him with the kind of confidently slow, seductive smile a woman gave when she knew she had equal powers of attraction to her man as he did to her. Then, purposefully, she licked her lips to show him what she wanted him to do while she leaned forwards, perched on the edge of the sofa.
‘You said I could decide whether you stayed or left.’
He leaned forwards, balancing on the edge of the sofa he was on. ‘Yes, I did. But I also said I would be back. I’m not going away, Shannon, no matter how many times you try to push me away. Get that clear. So, whether we clear this up today, tomorrow, or next week, it’s getting cleared up. Make no mistake about that.’
And Shannon knew, even now, when they were both so aroused that if she said go, he would. He was a man of his word. And he would see it as another way to earn her trust.
But she didn’t need him to leave and keep coming back to earn her trust. It had never been a trust issue.
She didn’t need him to prove himself to her. What she needed was to take a chance—to meet him halfway, to work through the pain that seven years apart from him had brought her way, and to hope and pray that they could build something strong enough to survive when she told him the truth.
‘Stay.’
The slow exhalation was immediately followed by an expression that almost looked like relief. Then he smiled at her with that oh-so-sexy smile she loved so much
while he told her, ‘Just so you know—this time is the slow and torturous version of the love-making we do. And I’m talking very slow. And extremely torturous.’
Shannon’s eyes closed briefly as the ecstasy of anticipation caused her body to flood all over again. ‘It’s already torturous.’
But he didn’t move, not yet—almost as if he was loath to stop her from suffering. And just when she was about to take matters into her own hands—literally—his dark brows quirked in question. ‘Do we have a bedroom this time?’
She lifted her arm to point to her left.
And it was then that he stood up, his hand offered to her, palm upwards, the same way it had been at the foot of the stairs.
So Shannon reached her hand out and placed it in his, her fingers tangling with his while she watched. Such a small gesture, so much meaning. With her paler, smaller hand framed by his larger, tanned hand she was telling him that she trusted him, that, in a small way, she was surrendering herself to what came next.
Her eyes rose, head tilting right back so she could look into his eyes as he drew her to her feet. And with their gazes locked, he lifted the back of her hand to his mouth, his lips warm against her skin, his breath fanning over the back of her wrist.
And Shannon had thought she had loved him before…
CHAPTER TWELVE
‘DON’T MOVE.’
The soft demand was made as Connor stood Shannon at the side of the bed, her back close to the dressing table. So she stood still while he found the nearest lamp and stepped past her to close the bedroom door. Then he was back in front of her, his gaze once again fixed on hers.
It slid to the side, his head tilting closer to her face, forwards to look behind her ear, so that his warm breath was on the side of her neck and the scent of his aftershave filled her nostrils
Large hands slowly rose to the droplet earring brushing the skin below her earlobe and he focused on removing the clasp at the back to free it from her ear, his gaze returning briefly to hers as he completed the task and set the earring down on the dresser.
