Seelie (The Falcon Grey Files Book 1)

by Sarah Luddington

  “I begged you to come with me,” I pointed out.

  He smiled grimly as I drove into a lay-by. “To live here, among the mortals? It is not my way. They are intolerant of our love. In Elfhame we are accepted, or at least our passion is – if not our unique relationship. Here we would be condemned for our passion and our relationship.”

  “It’s improving. They don’t all think homosexual love is bad,” I said.

  “But in Elfhame we don’t even have a name for our kind of love. It’s just love. It doesn’t matter who we are fucking or how,” he said.

  “That isn’t the only reason you won’t join me,” I said, crossly. “You think they have prejudices but you’re just as bad.”

  “It is not my way,” he said stubbornly.

  “And look at what that’s cost you,” I said. “Your stubbornness has kept us apart for decades –”

  “Enough, Little Bird,” he said firmly. “I have my reasons.”

  I snapped my mouth shut. These were old arguments we’d had for years. It wouldn’t help. “Fine. I need to tell you where we’re going.”

  “Best you don’t, Falcon. I can’t be trusted,” he said, unlatching the door.

  “At least feed from me. I know you need it, you’re weak.” He hesitated and I pushed. “It’s either me or my sister, who would you rather take the Breath of Life from?”

  “Breath – no blood,” he said. “I can manage without it and it makes you weak, you have a great burden if you are going to protect the girl.”

  I huffed, agreed and left the truck. I was angry, with him, with myself, with life and I slumped against the wing of the Jeep.

  “I miss your hair,” he said softly. His hand reached up and brushed through the shorn sides. “But I like this too, I can see the bright blue of your eyes even more clearly. Nothing is there to distract from your face.”

  I swallowed hard. His words were so intimate. The touch gentle, a caress. My entire soul yearned to be held by his dominant strength. I swayed toward him slightly and glanced up into his green eyes.

  “May I touch you?” I asked.

  A soft smile graced his lips. “No, Little Bird. I fear my resolve may crumble and I will stay by your side regardless of the consequences to us both if you touch me. Just the Breath, Fal.”

  I groaned and hung my head, tears filling my eyes and dropping to the cold ground, unheeded. “Marcus, please, don’t leave me.”

  He grabbed my face in both hands and raised it toward his own. “Do as I tell you, Little Bird,” he ordered very quietly. “This is not Hunter business or Seelie Court, this is us, you and me and I am in charge. You have to trust I know best.”

  I didn’t move beyond a single nod. He was right. In this moment I was no more than his obedient submissive. He pushed me back against the truck and his lips brushed mine. I still couldn’t touch his body, so I forced my hands behind my back, the temptation almost unbearable. My cock ached with need and my loins pulsed with desire.

  Every sensation but the Breath of Life must be pushed to one side. I used the discipline decades of Hunter training and my love for Marcus had taught me, calming my own desires so I could focus completely on him. I muttered the short incantation and opened my mouth, exhaling slowly. Marcus inhaled, his green eyes staring deeply into mine. I felt the power draining out of me and I gave willingly. I tingled and pinged, every nerve and thought bent to the need Marcus had to live and be strong. He pulled my head back and severed the connection.

  “You need more,” I said quietly.

  “Fal, don’t...” he begged.

  “If you take more you’ll be strong for when I need you. I’ll feed, I promise, and we’ll find a way through this,” I said.

  He stared over my shoulder for a long moment. Quite suddenly he jerked my head to one side and exposed my neck. He growled a low rumble in his chest and pressed tight against my body. I gasped. “Hold me,” he ordered. “Don’t let go.”

  Released from my passivity I drew him into my embrace, cradled his head with one hand and his waist with the other. “Take it all,” I whispered.

  Desire and power flashed through him a moment before the sharp pain made me cry out softly as my skin tore once again. Marcus groaned with the heat of my blood filling his mouth. He fed slowly, his hips grinding tight to mine. I slid my hand under his jumper and shirt, feeling his soft skin, the illusion of his soft skin, under my fingertips. My heartbeat and breathing grew faster and my hips matched his rhythm, seeking blindly for more contact.

  All too soon he drew back, licking his full lips. “You are too generous with your favours, Highness,” he said.

  The energy in me flipped with his use of my title. “Don’t, please, Marcus. Stay with me.”

  He rubbed the back of his hand over his bloody lips. “Goodbye, Falcon.”

  I reached out to grab him but the world shifted. Thousands of flecks of light rippled up and around his body as he folded our world into Elfhame for an instant before vanishing. “Fuck!” I screamed at the ignorant sky.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  I stood in Marcus’ coat and shivered, the cold suddenly penetrating to my core.

  “That looked intense,” a small voice said.

  I glanced toward Bethan, who stood in the snow behind the front passenger door, maybe using it for protection against her freak of a boss. “You’re supposed to be asleep,” I said.

  She blinked and stared at me if I were a stranger. “Where is he?” she asked, still sounding small.

  I sighed and drew my hand over my face. “Gone. And we must go.” I pushed off the truck’s wing and walked around to the driver’s side. I slid into the Jeep and gunned the engine. Bethan sat in the passenger seat and shivered. I turned the heating on full, but we’d be cold because of the smashed window.

  She sat very quietly for a long time. I finally glanced at her and asked, “You alright?”

  Her eyes dropped to her lap and she studied her fingers, hair hiding her face. “No,” she said quietly.

  “What do you want to know?” I asked.

  She laughed. A brittle, sharp sound. “What do I want to know?” The laugh continued, until she hiccupped and the tears began. I let her cry. I didn’t say anything or do anything, there didn’t seem much point. When we freed ourselves of the traffic and started to head north she calmed. After a deep breath she finally looked at me clearly.

  “Right, talk and I want it all,” she said.

  “Where do you want me to start?” I asked.

  “Marcus. Marcus and you, what the hell did he do to you? It looked like he was chewing on your neck,” she said with a hint of disgust. I knew it didn’t come from watching two men embrace.

  “You’re going to have to suspend disbelief,” I warned.

  “You think?” she snapped.

  I sighed; this wasn’t going to be easy. “Marcus and I have known each other since we were boys. We’ve been lovers since we were men.” I glanced at her. “He’s the love of my life, I guess you’d say.”

  “No shit,” she said, the sarcasm a weapon she would continue to use to protect herself.

  I ignored her. “He and I have a complex relationship. But before I explain that I need you to understand something fundamental. I’m not human, I’m Seelie.” She remained quiet, I had her full attention. DC Dar is not a stupid woman, so I let her do her job – figuring out if I lied, which I didn’t as I continued to talk. “Our world is a side step away from yours. We are something different that exists on a different plane.”

  “Quantum foam,” she stated. “All worlds can exist simultaneously?”

  “I guess so, I’m not sure to be honest. I can’t do the maths.” I tried to smile. Her dark eyes hardened further. “It’s like a double-sided fabric, and some of us from the earthy rough side of existence can move through the warp and weft of the veil separating us to live here – the less magical world of mortal humans. Sometimes people move the other way and end up with us. That’s where the stories come f
rom.”

  “Stories?” she asked.

  “Tales of magic and mystery. The Seelie are closest to your fairies or elves. I am part of that world.”

  “He called you ‘highness’,” she said.

  I shifted in discomfort. “Hmm, well, I’m a prince. The prince. The Crown Prince of my father’s court.”

  Silence filled the Jeep. I let it roll around her while she ordered her thoughts. “You’re an elf?” she asked eventually.

  I laughed. “I guess you could call me that,” I said. “People have certainly called me worse.”

  She rubbed her eyes. “I’m going nuts and you are the centre of my breakdown because I’m working too hard.”

  I looked at her with some sympathy. The fact that she’d not screamed at me and run showed extraordinary self-control and strength of character. She really must trust me.

  “Those things which attacked us – what were they?” she asked, pulling her legs up to her chest and hugging them tight.

  “Dvergar,” I said.

  “They are like you?”

  “Did they feel like me or Marcus?” I asked.

  She peered at me, the red lights from other vehicles and the darkness robbing me of her expressive face. “No,” she said. “They were foul. Made my skin ache. Like when we go after someone truly evil. Not someone who made a mistake, or someone who’s bonkers, but someone really dark.”

  “That’s the difference between the Dvergar and Seelie like me,” I said. “Your instincts as a mortal are trained to pick out the differences. Sometimes people get it wrong. You’ve seen witnesses react badly to me because they are in shock, you put it down to my size, but it’s not. They are feeling the ‘otherness’ of me due to being in an extreme state of agitation. Any other day and they wouldn’t notice. Dvergar are part of our court, but they are on the edges, the dark underbelly. They are used to hurt mortals, spread everything that is foul about us and to hunt when a legitimate reason can’t be given for tracking someone.”

  “Like you,” she said.

  I nodded.

  We slumped into silence once more.

  “What was that thing hammering on your door?” she asked.

  I didn’t answer for a long time. When she discovered the deaths of six women were my fault she might chose to reject everything I’d told her and leave my protection. Not that I felt strong enough to wrestle a kitten right now, after Marcus feeding from me.

  “Falcon, you owe me,” she said in warning.

  “I know. It’s the one killing our victims,” I said quietly. “It’s been set against us, me, and nothing can kill it. I can’t. We’re going to find someone who might help bind it if nothing else. It took me a long time to confirm the kills. I’ve grown complacent. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be stupid enough to use something so foul. So dark...”

  “This is your fault?” she asked.

  “Bethan, it’s not quite as simple as that –”

  “How long have you known?”

  I paused. She repeated the question more forcefully. I answered, “Since the last dark moon. This full moon confirmed it. The new moon is tonight, we have to keep moving.”

  “Because it’s after you?”

  “No.”

  She paused. The pennies fell into place. “It’s after me.”

  “It can’t track me. I’m too well hidden and it would be treason to attack me directly. My sister is going after those I care about. Marcus and... Well, you.”

  “Fucking hell,” she whispered.

  “It’s not your fault –”

  “Damn right it’s not, it’s yours,” she snapped. “So many bloody things make sense now.”

  I glanced at her, she stared out of the window. “I rang the office. Said we were under attack. They are going to be looking for us,” she said.

  “I can confuse the CCTV if I have to and we’ll dump the Jeep somewhere,” I said. The atmosphere between us was definitely spiky.

  “No, you can fuck off and give me back my Jeep so I can drive home,” she snapped.

  “This thing won’t stop until you are dead. You are stuck with me and I’m sorry, Bethan, but you can’t argue with me over this. I won’t let it have you.”

  She mumbled something foul about my parentage. “And that’s another thing,” she yelled. Calm didn’t last long. “What the hell happened to you when you went after those creatures? You were something... Something else.”

  “The Seelie can change their form,” I said in a neutral tone, trying not to provoke her further. “I’m strong, powerful, I have this form to move among mortals or my own kind. Then I have a half form, where mortals derive their stories about vampires and werewolves – even zombies. I can shift, using the strength and speed of my other self but the knowledge and cunning of my mortal body. In my world I can also be something completely different. My name, as a member of the royal household, tells the story. I’m a falcon. A bird of prey. What you saw was the two blending together because it makes me fast, like the falcon, strong, and deadly.”

  That brittle laugh began again. “You’re a fucking werewolf?”

  I glanced at her. “No. I’m Seelie. Werewolves are mortal monsters made up to explain us,” I qualified.

  “Oh, well that’s perfectly all right then!” she yelled.

  “Bethan –”

  “Don’t fucking ‘Bethan’ me you, bastard,” she continued to shout. “You... You... Are you even a qualified police officer?” she asked.

  “Yes. I did Hendon, just like you. But I’m also a Hunter for the Seelie Court.”

  She lost it. She screamed, her small fists beat the dashboard and her feet stamped in the foot well. I worried about the airbags but they didn’t go off. One hundred miles passed before she spoke to me again. Her voice sounded rough from the screaming and cursing.

  “You’re bleeding,” she said quietly.

  I glanced down and realised dried blood trailed across my chest. “Hmm, I’m weak,” I said. “It’ll take a while to heal. Time to tackle your first question. Marcus is dying and I’m using something called the Breath of Life to keep him safe. To give him power and strength so he doesn’t have to take it from my sister.”

  “And that involves blood?” she asked.

  “It doesn’t have to. It does in our case because I trust him, I want to give him everything I can to help him survive without me by his side as his protector. I’ve left him vulnerable and it’s made him weak. Marcus isn’t weak. He is one that gives me strength,” I said quietly.

  I felt her studying me and I could almost hear the cogs turning in her mind. “I heard some interesting phraseology,” she said. “Your relationship with him... It’s not normal.”

  “We are Seelie, what is normal for us is... Well, it can be fairly extreme from your point of view. Nothing is normal for us, but in a way everything is normal,” I said evasively.

  She snorted. “Don’t give me that bollocks.”

  “Don’t pry into a part of my life which has nothing to do with our current situation,” I snapped in return.

  “You don’t think you owe me an explanation? I can ask anything, remember?”

  I sighed. She was right, I owed her everything including my complicated love life. “Marcus is my dominant. I am his submissive, in a sexual and emotional way but among the Hunters we are equal. At court he is my slave, which is why it’s so complicated.”

  “That wasn’t so hard was it?” she asked. “Bloody odd though. How can you be his ‘owner’, which I find disgusting by the way, and his submissive? And since when did you start being the bottom for anyone? And since when were you gay? I knew about the bisexual bit but you sound gay.”

  “To start with there is no gay or straight in Elfhame. My lover can be male or female and no one judges. I can have many lovers and no one judges. It’s mortals that stick labels on sexuality, not Seelie. I said it was complicated. I’m a sadomasochist, Bethan. With other lovers I like to be in charge, but with Marcus it’s differe
nt. He’s strong and I want to give him everything I can because I love him, so I switch for him. I like pain. I like the way my submission makes him want to protect me. He’s very special to me and I’d endure anything to keep him safe. It’s not the stuff people in this world think of as whips and chains, it’s a subtle letting go of who I am for his sense of self. I try to remove my ego when we are together.”

  “I can’t imagine that’s easy for you,” Bethan said.

  I didn’t reply to the sarcasm. I’d spoken with conviction but years of freedom from Marcus’ needs muddied what were once clear waters. I still loved him, still needed him but I’d grown used to life without him and being ‘Little Bird’ felt odd now, I just hoped I’d grow used to it again if he came back to me permanently. If I didn’t life would become uncomfortable for us both.

  “We’re going to Scotland?” she asked, after another lengthy pause. I was grateful she’d dropped the subject.

  “Yes.”

  “You need clothes,” she said.

  “Yes.”

  “I need food.”

  “Me too,” I admitted.

  “Can we stop?”

  A blue sign for a motorway restaurant flickered past. “We can stop,” I said.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  “I thought you said you needed to eat,” Bethan said.

  “What?” I looked up from the plate. The food we’d bought looked as appealing as cardboard and the coffee tasted like acid.

  “Eat, Falcon, you look terrible,” she said.

  I began forcing the food down my gullet. I did start to feel better and I gradually relaxed.

  Bethan finished long before I did and pushed her plate away. “Just one more question,” she said.

  I glanced up from the fried meat. “Just the one?”

  She grimaced. “Why blood? I don’t understand. Other than some kind of kinky sex game it doesn’t make sense.”

  “The Breath of Life is a two stage affair. The Breath itself is easy. When I inhale and exhale I fill the air with my chemicals, we all do, but the Seelie can also pour a part of our souls into someone else. That gives him a little of my direct power. The blood is almost the same. Contained within it are the gifts of my heritage. Not all Seelie can do this and many wouldn’t even consider it. We breed with difficulty and live too long, it makes many of us selfish and greedy, hoarding power or stealing it. You know the Celts would cut off the heads of their enemies to take their power?” I asked her. She nodded. “They weren’t too far from the truth but our peoples were once much closer. Humans and Seelie.”