Seelie (The Falcon Grey Files Book 1)

by Sarah Luddington

  Confused by his shifting behaviour I tried the only other formula I could think of – “It’s an order, slave.” The word felt so wrong in my mouth.

  He sobbed and nodded, pulling back, calmer now for some reason I couldn’t yet understand. I helped him to his feet and together we returned to the hotel.

  As good as her word, Bethan had made the bed and sat in jeans and jumper with a pot of tea and a plate of biscuits, raided from our own supplies. She’d also found our own bottle of scotch.

  “Wasn’t sure which you’d want,” she said as we walked in.

  “Tea will be great for the moment,” I said. Marcus didn’t speak. I’d led him up the stairs by his hand and now sat him on the bed. He looked to be in shock.

  Bethan asked the obvious question with her eyes. I shrugged. I didn’t know if he was alright. I poured him tea and knelt in front of him, holding it out like an offering.

  “Marcus, drink this, it’ll warm you up,” I said.

  His green eyes finally met mine. “Didn’t you hear what I said? I’ve betrayed you. I belong to you and I’ve betrayed you.”

  I felt helpless. Our relationship was so twisted and confused, just about anyone viewing it from outside would think us mad.

  “Sweetheart, you’ve never been my slave, you know that,” I said and heard Bethan gasp. I held my hand up, signalling silence. “Please, know that I understand.”

  “How can you understand?” he asked and I saw the beginnings of rage behind the slightly glazed expression. “You are a prince,” he snapped.

  I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to think or how to help. The Marcus I knew would never have asked me put him in his place, or give him the title handed down when he’d been made my lifetime companion.

  “Marcus, love, I think you just need to sleep. Rest here, I will guard us. Then in the morning we can talk. You can explain if you need to but now isn’t the time. You are hurt and tired,” I said in soft and reasonable tones.

  “I have hated you so much,” he said, throwing it at me like an accusation.

  It worked; I drew back and slopped tea over my hand. Bethan, nimble and small, rescued the mug and me.

  “Right, I think that’s enough for one night. Whatever your relationship with Falcon I don’t think that’s acceptable. He’s clearly besotted with you, so you either talk nicely or you fuck off,” she said. Her small hands were on her hips and she stared down at Marcus but not by much.

  He glared back in defiance. “He only fucks women to pass the time you know,” he said out of spite.

  “I don’t care. He’s a good fuck, it makes no difference to me why he does it, I’m only interested in the end result. My satisfaction, which he’s very accomplished at providing. Did you train that tongue of his or has he always been a natural?” she asked Marcus sweetly.

  I almost swallowed said tongue trying not to laugh. Marcus’ eyes widened – shocked at her language no doubt. Feminism hadn’t reached the Seelie.

  “He’s a natural,” Marcus said.

  “Thought so, you can’t teach a man to be a generous lover, it has to be natural,” she said. She handed me the scotch. “Be a love and open that,” she said.

  I did as instructed.

  “I’m guessing you are the one to train him in other things,” she said.

  “Like what?” Marcus asked suspiciously.

  “The bondage?”

  I downed a double before pouring more for myself and the others.

  “He likes to be restrained either verbally or physically,” Marcus said. It felt like a tennis match. They were playing games, Bethan winning.

  “Oh, really? He liked to tie me up,” she said, returning to the chair by the empty fireplace and curling up like a small dark cat.

  Marcus glanced at me. “You topped her?”

  “Um,” I fished for the right thing to say and came up blank. I didn’t understand this game and I didn’t like it either.

  “Of course, I always knew he must have a secret somewhere, I just never guessed it would be someone as obviously lovely as you. He’s desperately in love with you,” Bethan said. Damn, she was good. She’d confused both myself and Marcus. Neither of us understood the rules and both failed to see her denouement.

  Marcus’ eyes flicked to mine, I felt a little sick, they returned to Bethan. “He’s a special man.”

  “Yes, he is,” she said kindly. “Now, I’d love to leave you alone to talk but the rest of this hotel is freezing and really quite scary so I’m afraid we either talk here or sleep. I’m opting for sleep.”

  “I need to leave,” Marcus said.

  “No,” Bethan said. “You need to stay because Falcon needs your help and you owe him.”

  “His sister –”

  “Fuck his sister,” she interrupted. “You owe him if you have betrayed him and he needs you, so do I. Maybe you should trust him to help by being honest about whatever his sister has done.”

  Marcus sighed, the sound coming from his toes. “I’m so tired,” he said. “I haven’t felt safe since I made you leave me.”

  I didn’t move beyond handing Bethan a glass. His change in language meant a great deal and I needed to be careful. “You felt as if you had no choice,” I said, trying to empathise. “We’re safe for tonight,” I said. “Sleep, Marcus. I’ll watch for our enemies.”

  He looked at Bethan. “Has he told you much about us?”

  “I’ve deduced more than he’s explained.”

  “I was given to him when we were five years old. His slave. They all have them and sometimes the slave doesn’t survive the royal’s childhood. We are their whipping boy or girl. We receive their punishments but also share in their good fortune.” He glanced at me. “Falcon only ever did something once to cause them to use me in such a way. He was so horrified by the act he made certain we were never caught again.” It was odd hearing our history from a different perspective. I wondered what Bethan would make of it. He continued quietly, “You can use your slave any way you like but you are not to love them. He loved me. Worshipped me. We were inseparable. When we were sent to become Hunters we were supposed to be parted and we were for a while but the moment we graduated they couldn’t stop our love from growing. It consumed us. Falcon – Crown Prince of the Seelie Court – my submissive, Little Bird.” He smiled at me and held out his hand. I walked to him and sat beside him.

  “I flourished. Few do in my situation. They are usually disposed of at some point but he protected me, gave me far more power than I should have and kept me strong. We were a team. Unstoppable,” he said.

  “You made my life worth something,” I told him. “I never wanted to be king. I just wanted to be a Hunter, with you at my side – equals during the day but so much more at night.”

  He kissed my knuckles. “I know, Little Bird.”

  “So what happened?” Bethan asked. I sensed her curiosity but also her fear, she knew this wouldn’t have a happy ending.

  Marcus continued, “He decided he wouldn’t take the throne and had to ensure his brother survived his childhood. It’s a dark time in our world. Leo is Falcon’s twin and without conscience or heart. She wants the throne but it has to go to a male heir and she hates her brother for stealing it. Falcon thinks that if his younger brother takes the throne then the Seelie can be saved and he can remain at my side.”

  “But he can’t?”

  Marcus shook his head. “No. I chose to remain behind because this is not my world, I don’t understand its rules, and my duty is to the Seelie Court – not this scheme, Falcon must take the throne. But I am only his whipping boy...”

  “Oh, God, no,” I whispered.

  “Oh, God, yes,” he said. “When they find you guilty, if I don’t hand you over or someone else from the Hunters finds you, they will have my head. I would rather die by your hand if it’s all the same.”

  “My sister...”

  “Your sister, Little Bird, has been using me for decades. I have been taught exact
ly what it is to be her slave.” He downed the scotch. I remembered how young Freya had died because of my sister’s excessive brutality. “I am not the man you knew,” he said. “I’m not even sure he exists any longer. I will have to return. I will have to tell her...” He leaned into me and I looked at Bethan. Her eyes were wide and she shrugged helplessly.

  “Right, well, I understand more now,” she said. “So, we sleep, we leave and we find out how to kill this thing – whatever it is. Then we do something about this Leo. The two of you are practically paralyzed by being separated so I think we need to stop this nonsense.” She uncurled from the chair and approached. “Let’s get you comfortable.” She reached for Marcus’ jacket.

  “No,” he flinched back.

  “Marcus,” I said, refusing to let his hand go. “She can’t hurt you.”

  Panic flashed over his face.

  Bethan backed off a step. “How about Falcon helps you take your clothes off and I’ll go and have the longest bathroom break known to man?”

  He glanced at her and she winked. He smiled, a small tentative lift of his mouth. “Go and sit over there,” he said, nodding to the chair.

  She nodded and retreated.

  Marcus stood up and shrugged off his heavy leather coat, much like the one he’d left on me. He peeled off his jumper and a soft dark blue shirt lay underneath. He stared at me, I sat still on the bed, watching.

  “Boots,” he said.

  I dropped to my knees and began unlacing his boots.

  “Not at all erotic,” I heard from the fireplace.

  I grinned. I couldn’t help it. I eased his boot off and yanked at my own jumper, the t-shirt coming with it easily. Marcus’ breathing deepened and his desire rippled around the room. I removed the other boot and waited instructions.

  “Stand up,” he said.

  I rose in a fluid movement no mortal could match. He caressed my jaw and placed a small kiss on my mouth, I didn’t move.

  That sad smile returned. “Falcon, I can’t make love to you.”

  “I know,” I said. “She’s hurt you.”

  “I’m broken. I can’t get hard without her,” he confessed quietly.

  The terrible knot in my stomach tightened. “I don’t need you to,” I said. “Just love me.”

  “You are the most beautiful of our people, do you know that?” he whispered.

  I swallowed the threatening tears. I needed to be strong. “Take off your shirt, Marcus, and sleep with us.”

  “There are scars,” he said. “I can’t waste the glamour to hide them.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” I said.

  “Take it off for me,” he requested.

  I nodded and undid the buttons slowly. I slipped the shirt back off his huge shoulders and stroked his soft dark skin as the clothing fell to the floor. His chest, upper arms and belly were criss-crossed with knife scars, whip marks and burns from branding. I whimpered and Bethan gasped. Drawn by his pain she came toward us. I was indeed paralyzed by his suffering. She traced a scar on his upper arm, which followed the shape of his deltoid muscle.

  She kissed it gently. “Come, time to start healing a few of these,” she said. I watched her unbuckle his trousers. “Falcon, get the lights,” she said, dismissing me.

  I switched off the soft lamplight and we were plunged into the darkness only found in deepest rural Britain. Both Marcus and I could see fairly clearly but Bethan wouldn’t know that, so Marcus let her help him out of his trousers and I watched her lead him into the large bed. She held out her hand to me and I approached from the other side. We lay down, all three of us, with Bethan in the middle.

  She suddenly giggled. “This has the potential to be the best Christmas ever,” she said.

  I laughed. “Pervert.”

  “Given the opportunity,” she said. I watched her kiss Marcus’ cheek and reach for his hand. She also took mine, lay them over her belly and her soft lips brushed my cheek. “Sleep, both of you,” she said gently.

  Marcus stared at me over her head and I watched him. He fought the desire to slip under Morpheus’ control but lost long before I did; I watched him gradually relax and wondered how we would repair him.

  CHAPTER TEN

  I woke suddenly, very aware something was wrong. “Marcus,” I whispered. He wasn’t in the bed. Bethan slept, rolled onto her side and happily snuffling. Light filtered through low cloud, the curtains open and giving me an uninspiring view of snow and mountains. I heard noise in the bathroom. I left the bed and padded on bare feet to the door.

  Crying. I heard crying. I closed my eyes and begged for help. He’d always been the strong one. Understanding his station in life but accepting it without a murmur, also understanding exactly what I needed from him and giving it with such tenderness and love that when he gave me instruction or hurt me, it came from his heart and because we both needed the release from our natural roles.

  Now... Now he felt broken and confused. He’d never been broken before with me there to protect him from the worst excesses of the Seelie Court, despite his low station in our world. All that pride and beauty smashed because my sister could do it, not because she needed to, but because she wanted to – she wanted to hurt me and Marcus made it possible.

  I quietly opened the bathroom door. He sat on the toilet with the lid down, his black hair a dark curtain between us, his face in his hands. His shoulders trembled. The door clicked shut. He looked up in shock, assuming he was alone.

  “Fal,” he gasped.

  I smiled a small smile of gentle intent. “Can I help?” I asked.

  “I think I’ve been humiliated enough for one night,” he said, his voice rough. He stood naked before me. I allowed my eyes to stray down his magnificent body to his groin. The soft morning light in the bathroom showed me the damage with at least some kindness. My sister had taken a branding iron to his upper thighs and lower belly. Small lions were embedded in his skin, some clearly new additions.

  He didn’t look down, he just said, “Every time she makes me mount her, she adds another.”

  If he’d done it to me I’d have accepted each mark, treasured it as a sign of his love and dedication to me. But he’d never had marked me in such a painful way, not repeatedly. I carried a few scars from accidents with knives, but they were love bites in comparison to the torture Marcus endured. I craved the pain, I enjoyed the thrill of it, Marcus enjoyed the thrill of watching me accept it, but he didn’t like pain. He didn’t like to be hurt or humiliated. He didn’t like being ‘owned’.

  I lifted my eyes to his with difficulty. I didn’t know what to say, I had to trust my instincts. “I will never allow this to happen to you again.”

  “How can you stop it?” he asked brokenly.

  I reached for him without permission. Was I overstepping, repeating forced behaviour? I hoped not, my sister wasn’t known for affection so that would be my base. I touched his shoulder, he trembled. My hand trailed gently up to his neck. He could pull away or ask me to stop instantly. I reached his face and he turned into my palm, his lips against my skin and his breath hot.

  A small sound escaped him. I stepped closer. “I love you, Marcus. I love you and I will protect you.” I swayed into his body and I kissed his mouth.

  His eyes closed and he groaned. My arms snaked around his back and I held him close, the kiss growing.

  He broke off. “Fal, I can’t... I can’t give you anything – especially that.”

  He couldn’t even say it. “You don’t have to; just know I will always be here for you. With you. I love you. No conditions, Marcus. Just stay, I do beg that of you. Just stay.”

  He nodded silently and a tight pain in my guts relaxed. I kissed his cheek and he pulled me into an embrace, a hug to take away the pain – just for the moment. We’d once been so happy together.

  “Come,” I said, stroking his long hair. “We need to wake Bethan and we need to leave.”

  He nodded and I led him meekly from the bathroom. Bethan moved aro
und, still in her t-shirt, and she smiled when we reappeared. Something in Marcus’ face made the smile wobble and concern flickered. I sat him down and we organised the morning rituals. I wouldn’t leave Marcus alone so we’d have to explain his presence at breakfast with some creative lies.

  When we finished a huge meal we returned to the room. Marcus sat on the bed. “This is foolish, Falcon. I cannot stay.”

  “What more can she do?” I asked.

  “Destroy my pelt,” he stated.

  “What?” asked Bethan.

  I sighed, knowing I’d have to explain. I touched Marcus’ shoulder to keep him close. “My sister has found a way to remove the skin of our animal form while keeping us alive. She keeps the pelt of someone like Marcus so she can control them. If we don’t find it, he’ll die because I can’t protect him from the pain forever. He’s stuck in his mortal form – a disgrace for a powerful Seelie and very painful.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “I can’t get my head around that one,” she said.

  “You don’t have to,” I said. I knelt before Marcus. “She won’t destroy it. To do that she’d have to lose her leverage over me and she won’t want that. She’ll wait, Leo is patient.”

  He shrugged. “I don’t suppose it matters,” he said. “I’m going to die anyway.”

  The wave of depression washing over him hurt me. I wanted him to be happy we’d been reunited and I was caring for him, why wasn’t he happy? Bethan pulled me back from him slightly.

  “Give him time, Falcon,” she said.

  I nodded and we left the hotel without seeing anyone. I drove, the weather too difficult for Bethan, and she opted to sit in the back of the truck among our belongings. We headed north along roads covered in snow and ice. I needed to concentrate so the truck remained quiet. Marcus sat, holding himself very still and separate from us. He stared out of his window watching the white mountainous world slide past. We trundled up the A82, along Lock Linnhe. It took us until lunchtime to reach Fort William. I pulled into the nearest restaurant.

  “We’ll eat again,” I said. “I need to recharge.”

  “You mean you are weak after helping me and there’s no telling when I’ll be forced to feed from you again,” Marcus said, still staring out of the window.