Survival

by Ed Gorman

  Survival, Pelham had said.

  I started circling for my landing, finding a good open area near the west wing to put the machine down.

  And that's when the cry came up in her throat and her hand reached over and grabbed mine. She shook so violently that I couldn't keep my hand around hers. Tears filled her dead eyes.

  By now a couple of the docs below had come out and were waving to me. They knew who I was and what cargo I brought

  I waved back-or started to. I pulled the machine up from the landing I'd started and swung away abruptly from the school. I could hear them shouting below.

  That night, in the mess, Dr. Sullivan came over and sat by me. "I really appreciate you taking her over there this afternoon."

  "No problem."

  "You doing all right?"

  "Doing fine."

  "I'm looking forward to working with you, Congreve."

  "Same goes for me."

  "Thanks."

  Then she was off to do some more PR work with other people she felt vital to her new post as boss.

  Being tired, I turned in early.

  Being tired, I slept at once and slept fine and fast, too, until that time in the middle of the night when everything is shifting shadows and faint, disturbing echoes. I was awake and that meant I'd think back to this afternoon.

  I'd tried to do it fast. I'd landed and carried her out of the skymobile and set her down on the grass and put one bullet quick and clean into the back of her skull. And then I held her for a long time and cried but the funny thing was I wasn't sure why I was crying. For her. For me. For Polly. For Pelham. For the whole crazy fucking world, maybe.

  Then I buried her and stood over the little grave and said some prayers and a feisty little mutt from the forest came along and played in the fresh dirt for a time. And I thought maybe she'd have liked that, little Sarah, the way the puppy was playing and all. And Polly would probably have liked it, too.

  Darkness. Shadow. My own coarse breathing. I didn't want to think about this afternoon anymore. I just wanted sleep.

  "You look tired," Dr. Sullivan said cheerfully at mess next morning.

  "Guess I am kind of."

  "You're going to see Hoolihan today, aren't you?"

  "Uh-huh."

  She looked at me hard then. I hadn't been properly enthusiastic when she brought the subject up. "You know how important this is, don't you, Congreve? I mean, for the whole species. Just the way Pelham said."

  "Right," I said, "just the way Pelham said."

  Three hours later I fired up the old machine and flew over to see Hoolihan.