Queen of Hearts

by Sheryl Wright

  Was she suggesting they get naked and share their body heat and God knows what else?

  “Erin. Look at me, please.”

  Okay. She would set their boundaries, tell her to back off. She looked up.

  “All I’m suggesting is you rest one foot against my abdomen, against my skin to warm while I work on the other. If it’s too much, that’s okay. Whatever you want.”

  Hardly what she was expecting. What the hell was going on in her head? She knew Ally. Knew her from more than this trip. She had five years of stories and complaints from Pam on Allyson always being the respectful one, so much so, Pam thought she’d lost out on plenty of opportunities to bag women her cousin would never hesitate to jump.

  “That’s okay. I’m sorry I pushed,” Ally said while she continued to gently work the kinks out of her toes and tensed metacarpal tendons.

  Erin felt shame. Why am I behaving this way? Ally had asked for nothing. Done nothing wrong or forward in any way, but here she was acting like the woman was some lecherous cow. Ally had done nothing but be supportive. Fuck, for all she knew, she would have drowned if she hadn’t come to her rescue. It wasn’t Pam or Rene or even one of the paid guides who had jumped in without a thought for themselves. It was Ally. Ally, who didn’t want apologies or explanations. Ally who wanted her just to be her. Ally, who asked for absolutely nothing from her except maybe her share of the communal meal from her catch. “Why did you come after me? I mean, why didn’t you let one of the guides jump in?”

  She could hear Ally push out a breath like she was trying to sort out some heavy thoughts. “I don’t think things through, I just do. I was the last person in the last boat. It never occurred to me someone else should. I’m sure Pam would have gone after you if she’d been in the right place, but she wasn’t, and I was. I was sitting in stern of the last raft. I watched you go in and knew I would be the last one able to grab you. I thought I could hang onto you and get you back in the boat. If I had, you’d be camping with Pam, and none of this would be happening.”

  “I was scared.”

  “I bet. The water’s cold and the river’s so strong you could have been killed.”

  This time Erin didn’t stop herself, rolling over to find Ally’s naked back. “No. I was scared when you came to bed. I’m scared of how you make me feel.”

  Ally’s eyes finally found hers, clouded with relief and confusion. “I wouldn’t…”

  Erin rested two fingers against her lips. “I let myself forget what I know about you and wrapped you up with Pam and Rene and all the other women who look at me like… Well, I think you know what they see when they look at me.” In Ally’s eyes, she could see she didn’t understand. “I’m neither trophy wife material, nor do I have some great career to hold up as proof of my worth. For most women that leaves fun time girl and I, well, that’s not me.”

  “I think you’re one of the most forthright and beautiful women I’ve ever met.”

  It was said so plainly, and with such sincerity, Erin was at a loss for words. Finally, she poured out what she wanted to share. “Ally, I’m a personal assistant. I’m good at it, but it’s all I am. I once thought I’d like to go back to school. Maybe get a Masters but…it just never happened. There’s nothing special about me.”

  Shaking her head, Ally took the hand that had migrated from her mouth to her cheek and held it in hers. “Don’t say that. What you do has nothing to do with your value as a human being. Look at me. I’m just a charter pilot. Pam’s a senior partner with a big firm in Chicago, and look at Connie. She’s twenty-two and already making a name for herself in the television industry. You can’t imagine how disappointed my mother is. Thank goodness for my granddad. If he hadn’t supported me, I’d be cut off and probably working at some flight school teaching rich kids to fly Cessnas for ten bucks an hour. I’ve done better because I was lucky. Nothing more.”

  With all the unspoken words tumbling around in her head, it was the action that came without thought. Leaning in Erin kissed Ally, a grazing touch that left her wanting more. Without a reason to stop or any objection, she didn’t. It was Ally, ever the one to read her thoughts, who deepened the kiss, but she didn’t hesitate. With permission granted, Erin was free to explore those soft, gorgeous lips.

  Erin pulled the sweatshirt over her head and added it to the pile that formed her pillow. Her words just seemed to flow from some deep abiding place she hadn’t know existed until just now. “I can’t imagine you doing a single thing wrong.” She moved in closer, taking her hand from Ally for the precious half-second it took to unzip her sleeping bag. “Don’t think, Ally. Just be you.”

  She let Ally pull her into her arms. If the touch of her lips had been glorious, the feel of her skin, their bodies touching, entwining from head to foot was more than overwhelming and sent a wave of pleasure through her, culminating in a long sensuous moan. How could she have doubted this tender woman? The hands that had been so strong on her clammy aching feet now moved with encouraging intensity tracing her shoulders and back, pulling her deeper into their kiss, their embrace.

  It was hard not to rush things, to push for more, faster, but she wouldn’t risk all this for a fast orgasm. This wasn’t sex. It was making love, something she realized deep within her she had never truly experienced. The excitement of attraction and the eagerness of wanting, yes, but not this slow-burning passion.

  Was it a kiss that lasted and lasted, or was it kisses, she didn’t know and forgot the question when Ally’s hands found her small, sensitive breasts. Ally didn’t just touch or caress her, she worshipped every inch as she made her way down her body. How was it so easy to read her, understand her? Did she share her thoughts through her touch? Did it matter? This, now, was all Erin wanted, needed to understand.

  Halting Ally’s downward progress, she teased, “You’re not the pilot in command here. Tonight, I’m in charge.” She pushed Ally onto her back, letting their full weight and length connect. On her, holding her, touching her, she could feel Ally’s hands on her shoulders, back, hips, butt. Slow, gentle, soft and knowing. They fit one another, and the feeling was overwhelming.

  Ally was a gift she had longed for late at night alone in her bed. She had wanted a love like this for so long she had almost given up hope, convincing herself that the passion she was experiencing didn’t actually exist, at least not in real life.

  Yet, this wasn’t real life, this was reality TV.

  Still, there were no cameras here, no director calling the shots. Just her and Ally, alone and vulnerable and she couldn’t find a single moment that rang untrue.

  Dipping her head down to take her breast in her mouth, she marveled to realize Ally’s breasts weren’t much bigger than her own. It was somehow reassuring and fascinating too. They were so different in some respects, even physically; Allyson was a good four inches shorter. She had never been with anyone not at least as tall as she was. Allyson’s hair was short, shorter than she usually found attractive, and curly in a crisp almost military fashion. She wanted so much to run her fingers through those curls, if only she had more hands. Her skin was soft, softer than Erin thought possible. Not like silk or satin but somehow more comforting, like warm flannel. And she was hot. Her skin felt hot under Erin’s hands, warming her to her extremities. Everything about her warmed her skin, her insides, her heart.

  “You are remarkable,” Ally gasped, “every inch of you.”

  Erin, between her raging desire and mounting passion, knew the words were sincere even if hard to believe. “No one’s ever thought so.”

  A long slow moan escaped from Ally. The unpracticed words that followed found their way deep in her heart. “I feel your words, but know the truth of mine. Erin…I feel the world in you.”

  Erin didn’t truly understand, not logically. She understood in a way she would never have in any other circumstance. She understood this was how Ally was. She understood why others didn’t, why others didn’t get all she had to give. “I want to be your wor
ld.”

  Their words fell like magic around them, flowing through their every move, every touch. Touching, tasting, believing in one another, satisfying each other became their obsession; an obsession that would last all night.

  * * *

  In the golden glow of the early morning light, Erin lay awake, entwined in Ally’s arms and legs, aglow herself with all they were and had been together. She let reality peek in, but pushed it away, away from them, away from their possibilities; worried for all it meant.

  “I feel the doubt creeping in.” Ally, awake, let her know she could feel it too.

  “This, us, was it…”

  Ally said quietly, “What I feel won’t disappear the moment we exit this tent.”

  Erin sighed both content and anxious. “I’m worried.”

  “How very strange to meet like this. I understand, and I will continue to understand, no matter what you may need to do.”

  For the first time, Ally’s words upset her. “What do you mean, ‘no matter what I need to do.’”

  Allyson moved slightly, just enough so they could talk face-to-face. “You have a life far from mine. I’m not in a position to uproot and go, and I would never expect it would be easier for you either, but that doesn’t change all the things I’m feeling, all the things I’ve been feeling since the moment we were introduced. I imagine I know your feelings, but life is more complicated than just what we feel.”

  “Stop talking like some self-help book and tell me the truth. Do you want something more between us than what we’ve just shared?”

  Ally looked glad and sad all at once. “You’re asking me to bare my soul. Are you sure it’s what you want to hear?”

  Confused, Erin had to think. Did she want Ally to tell her the truth? Could she listen if it wasn’t what she hoped?

  “Oh, Erin. I look at you, and all I can think about is how I want to be with you. How I want to build a life with you and how you already have a life that doesn’t include me.” Her eyes closed, and Erin braced for what she expected would be the death blow to all her hopes. “I could love you forever if you would let me, but I see your hesitation and know you must have a million concerns, and I feel my heart starting to break.”

  I could love you forever? They knew nothing about each other. But that wasn’t exactly true. She knew a lot about Ally, albeit from Pam’s point of view. “You don’t know me at all,” she said, barely able to keep the despair from her voice.

  Ally nodded, seeming unwilling to say more. Finally, she said what Erin knew she’d been fighting, what they had both been fighting. “This night, last night, was the most honest and open I’ve ever been, felt, with anyone. That had to count for something, even with someone as logically driven as you.”

  What the hell made her think she was logical? None of this was logical. None of it was smart. She was supposed to be Pam’s spy, not Ally’s fuck buddy.

  Rolling out of Ally’s arms, she retreated into her sleeping bag. Staving off the cold of the early morning, cold she hadn’t felt in Ally’s arms. She waited with her back to her; waited for the backlash. The silence that greeted her left her confused and questioning her behavior. Was she behaving logically now? It may not seem so, but she had a life in Chicago; a good job; a boss who depended on her. She felt and heard Ally beside her, sitting up and pulling on her borrowed sweats. The sound of the tent zipper opening struck fear into her heart. Say something. Say anything. Don’t let her leave like this.

  Then the zipper closed on the tent and her heart. She listened as Ally padded off in her bare feet, followed by the distant sound of a conversation with whoever was tending the fire. The tears came so fast and hard she almost choked. Sobbing and convulsing at what she’d done, how she had just broken the one pure thing she’d ever felt. In her instant grief, she tried reassurances on herself. It’s for the best. It’s not what I need. It’s not the right time. It wouldn’t have worked. None stemmed the tide of tears.

  * * *

  Ally, shell-shocked and mute, joined the guide and the camerawoman who sat by the fire, morning mugs in hand.

  “Hey early bird,” the camerawoman called. “We have coffee, and I think your clothes are dry, maybe even your boots.”

  Ally nodded, accepting an aluminum mug of coffee. Unwilling to trust her voice, she took a sip of the scalding brew, never mentioning her distaste for the drink. This morning she would be a coffee drinker. Might as well. In her mind, nothing else made sense either. She found a place to sit and parked herself, hoping the others would think her still half-asleep and not pester her. Luckily, Sandy the camerawoman and Charlie the young native guide were in a deep conversation Ally couldn’t follow and was not inclined to try.

  Ally concentrated her efforts on watching the forest as the nocturnal life bade its farewell and the sun began to rise. Today would be a difficult day. For the life of her, she couldn’t understand what she’d done wrong. Had she said too much, too little, the wrong thing? At the edge of losing control of her emotions, she did what she always did, concentrated on business.

  In a few weeks, Triangle Airlines would be all theirs. Would they change the name? Her granddad wanted it to become Parker Airlines, but old man Pringle argued for continuity. What were KC’s thoughts on the matter? She had contended that most people these days associated the triangle with the LGBT community, not the Golden Triangle it was named for.

  What would Erin say? She pushed all thoughts of Erin from her mind, but knew down deep she could never actually do that. Did she love her? Yes. Was it too soon. Yes. Was it misguided? Maybe. But it was what it was. If they never met again, she knew Erin would always have a place in her heart. Would she write her love letters? No. She understood it would not be received in the vein of her intention. Would she send gifts? Maybe a birthday gift. Something small and silly to say no hard feelings. Or would she fall prey to sentiment and send something terribly personal? That was more in line with the type of mistake she would make. Letting go was hard, but what if the thing she needed to let go of was something she’d never really had? I could love you forever. Why on earth had she said such a thing? They made love. They connected on a level she’d never experienced. And yet, I was wrong to say so. I was wrong to hope. Now all I can do is concentrate on what I can do. I can fly. I can run a business. I should be happy with that.

  As hope soured, she drank the bitter coffee she disliked and recited checklists for her aircraft. The practice stilling her mind of all the shards of hope slicing her heart to pieces. Seat belts, on; flight controls, free and correct; throttle, closed; landing light, off; engine anti-ice, off; hydraulics, on; fuel valve, on-guard in place; altimeter, set; instruments, static at zero; battery, on; caution lights, engine out—transmission oil press—low rotor rpm; caution lights, press to test; fuel quantity, check; collective, down; rotors, clear…

  Chapter Sixteen

  Week three had been long and torturous for crew and participants alike. The biggest upset was the elimination of Rene. No one had seen that coming. Connie had attributed it to Allyson’s renewed interest in getting to know the five women she had chosen in the last ceremony. What she didn’t admit, and what no one would ever learn, was Rene’s confession that among the six women she had selected and was getting to know, she could not consider a single one she would want to marry. They had talked candidly and privately, and Rene admitted she would rather take her chances next season than pretend to fall for someone, anyone, this time around.

  While the contestants cast their final vote for the last two queens they most wanted to be with, Connie arranged to have three separate cameras record the votes. That way no one except for her and Rene, not even the crew, would have the big picture as to which two queens would make the final round. The original concept she had pitched would have taken the queens down to one final choice, but after the loss of Virginia and her investment dollars, she had decided to only take it down to these last two. Now it looked to be up to Ally and Pam to deliver results. One of th
em had to get down on one knee, or she’d never get renewed.

  With both queens in until the end, Connie had a better chance one would propose. Without a proposal, she knew the series would come under fire from the network, and that would be it. She needed a win and was betting her sister or cousin would become serious enough about one woman to take things to their scripted conclusion. If not, she was counting on her relationship with them, and their investment, to pressure them into a proposal for now. She would pull the same stunt they had used with the first edition of Joe Millionaire, getting the lead to propose and then announcing after the show aired that things just hadn’t worked out and the engagement had been called off. She was counting on being able to persuade one of them, if not Pam, then Ally. Ally had always been there for her. If Pam wouldn’t bend the knee, she was counting on Ally to get down and propose to someone, anyone, just as long as she got a proposal out of this.

  They had shared dates, played sports, gone on tours, and camped out with the contestants. All that was left was for the two queens to choose their three finalists. Tomorrow, they would begin three days of half-day dates. Finally, each would have an overnight date. Connie had to be careful who she chose for that last night. She wanted it to be someone the audience would cheer to see together with her chosen queen, a favorite, but that was hard to gauge in production. And she didn’t want to alienate the actual woman Pam or Ally might be interested in, but she needed some upsets too.

  Of course Pam would have no problem bedding her second choice and then getting down on one knee the next day for someone else, but Ally would be a problem. At least Ally lived close by. It would be easy to send a crew into the city with her and to film them at her apartment. Pam was a problem. They didn’t have the money any more to hire a US production crew, and they couldn’t send their crew into the states without work visas, even to film just one night. Following Ally’s advice, she called their grandfather and asked permission to stage Pam’s three days of personal treatment in their ancestral home at the estate in Highland Creek. He had chuckled and approved, letting her know he would be happy to disappear for a few days and let Pam have the place to herself. Her aunt Patricia was in residence, but he promised he would convince her to join him on a little impromptu getaway. Perhaps Quebec City and the Château Laurier. She loved it there. Or he’d offer to take her to Milan for a little shopping. That, he was sure, would take care of Connie’s need for the house and Pam’s desire for a little privacy.