First Kiss

by Bernadette Marie

  He reached his hand up to her and she took it. Cade pulled her to him until she sat on his lap. “Why didn’t Conner want the baby?”

  Olivia sucked in a breath. “Would you think it was a good idea to have a child if the only upbringing you knew was the torture he lived through?”

  “No.”

  “Well that was all he could think about. And then there was Iraq.”

  Cade looked up at her, his eyes narrowed. “What happened to him?”

  “He watched as an entire family was murdered.”

  “Olivia, no.”

  She nodded and wiped the tears which had begun to fall again from her cheeks. “They shot the father and son, raped the mother and older daughter and then shot them. But there was a baby…”

  She couldn’t say it. She knew she didn’t have to. “That family’s sacrifice and Conner not giving up his position saved nearly two hundred lives.”

  She let out a breath, trying to calm her rattled nerves. “They were trying to pull civilians out of harm’s way, trying to get them aide. Eventually their cover was blown. Some of the civilians were shot, but they got all the men who had murdered the family. But not before they shot Conner.”

  “I didn’t know he’d been shot.”

  Olivia pointed to her shoulder. “It was something fixable, but what it did to him on the inside… Cade, you can’t repair that.”

  “Why did he kill himself?”

  “He couldn’t let go of what he’d seen.” She stood from his lap and paced the porch. “Between the abuses he endured when he was young and what he saw as an adult, it took over. He began to drink heavily, and then when you turned him away…” She stopped. She hadn’t meant to include that.

  Cade stood quickly and then caught the chair to balance him. “Don’t blame his death on me.”

  “I’m not.” She held up a defensive hand. “He was crushed Cade. He looked up to you. He always had.”

  Cade scrubbed his hands over his face. “And I let him down, just like I let everyone else down.”

  Olivia moved to him and put her hands on his chest. “Don’t think that way. You couldn’t have done what you’ve done if you stayed here or kept it close to your heart.”

  “I should have taken care of dad and Conner. And you.”

  She stepped back. “I did fine on my own.”

  “Yes, you did.” He reached for her again. “I just don’t understand how you ended up with Conner.”

  She smiled. “Conner was always one step behind you, but sometimes so were the rest of us.” She walked to the edge of the porch and rested against the railing. “After I moved and you started playing football in junior high school, Conner and I found ourselves,” she considered for a moment, “outcast together. Our friendship grew stronger, but he was still distant.”

  “So Conner was always your boyfriend when I became the enemy?”

  “He was there when I needed him.”

  Cade nodded. “I’m sorry I was so hurtful to you both back then. I had no reason to be.”

  “I won’t say it’s okay or I even forgive you, but I’m willing to give you a chance.”

  His shoulders dropped. “I can’t stay.”

  Olivia crossed her arms over her chest and watched him as he tucked his thumbs into the front pockets of his jeans. “I suppose I expected that.”

  “But,” he reached his hand to her cheek and held it there caressing it with his thumb, “you could come with me.”

  That statement shocked her to the very core. “Back to Green Bay?”

  “Yes.” He moved to her and took her in his arms. “I’m confused right now. I came home to clean out my father’s life. I didn’t expect to have missed it—and everyone. But I have some opportunities. I just…” He stopped and huffed out a breath. “Marry me.”

  Olivia felt the blood drain from her head. She was sure she could pass out right in his arms. Had Cade Carter actually just asked her to marry him?

  There wasn’t much time to think. There was only one answer when it came to his marriage proposal.

  Chapter Twelve

  Cade hadn’t meant to slam the door or wake Gage as he stormed out of the house, but he was mad. After everything they’d been through in the past week, she’d turned him down flat.

  He sped out of the valley and headed back to Wisconsin in the dark. This time he wasn’t sure he’d ever come back.

  The air in the little car grew thick. He rolled down the windows just to breathe, but all of his emotions were stuck in his chest. There was no denying it, he was heartbroken.

  He drove until he made it to Denver in the dark and deep wee hours of the morning. He took the exit to Pena Boulevard and headed toward the airport. There was no way he was going to make it back to Green Bay by tomorrow without killing himself or someone else on the road. He’d fly out, and he’d figure out his car later.

  The wait for a flight was long, but he had to admit watching the sun rise over the plains of Colorado was something he’d long missed.

  He’d called Ashley four times from the airport, but there was no answer. No doubt out on the lake in his boat, drinking his beer, and probably wrecking his house. Funny, none of that mattered when he was with Olivia.

  The taxi pulled up to the gates in front of his house. The house that football built. His dungeon to live out his days after football took it all away. There was the slightest bit of regret that he’d left Olivia the way he had only to return to take a position he hadn’t been offered yet.

  He ran his hand over his head and then wiped his weary eyes. When would he learn that the world didn’t revolve around him? Who did he think he was?

  There was a dull ache in his chest. His father had cared for him all his life, and yet he’d been the kind of son who thought he was smothering him. But that was tough love. It wasn’t like Conner’s house where his mother beat him until he couldn’t go to school. Where it was better to hide in the tree house with booze you found when you were thirteen and get drunk so you’d pass out and not have to go home.

  The dull ache sharpened. What if his mother had stayed in Aspen Creek and tried to be a mother? Would he have hated her? Would she have been any different than Celeste Baker? He doubted it. He would have been just like Olivia, always alone and wondering when her mother would be home and with whom.

  A bead of sweat formed on his brow as he punched in the code for the gate, and the taxi drove through.

  What would Gage think of his father?

  Conner wasn’t a bad kid, really. And, after all, he’d fought for his country. What had Cade done? Upped the ratings on Monday night? Sure, he’d done his volunteer work. That was part of his contract. He’d made his appearances and played until it nearly killed him, but he had never saved a life. Conner had saved many.

  The taxi driver pulled to a stop in front of the house and turned to him. Cade pulled his wallet from his pocket and paid the hefty tab.

  He inched out of the taxi. His entire body hurt, but his leg was the worst. It was so stiff he could hardly set it on the ground and limp to the front door.

  There was no surprise that when he put his hand on the doorknob, the door pushed open. Cade let out a very slow and controlled breath.

  Already he could hear music coming from the back of the house. If Ashley had a real job…he shook the thought from his head.

  He’d been thinking about adopting Gage. He’d forgotten he had another child living in his own home. A grown one who could make the biggest messes, which he’d noted as he walked through the house.

  “You are the biggest pig I have ever met.”

  Ashley looked up at him and gave him a deep grunt. “Ya made it. GM will be plenty happy to see you.”

  Cade took a step further out onto the porch. “You have a beer in that cooler that you could spare?”

  “Help yourself.”

  He did just that and sat down in the adjacent lounge chair. Cade looked over at the chair next to him. “Are you seriously sunbathing in
your Speedo and cowboy boots?”

  The enormous man next to him turned his head and grinned. “The ladies love me.”

  And that they did. Ashley Wilkie was the most unique man Cade Carter had ever known. The uniqueness started with the name. His mother was so fanatical about Gone with the Wind that she named all of her children after the four main characters. It was Ashley’s misfortune not to be the first boy or not to have been a girl. But he’d made the most of it. His mother had even gone so far as to marry a man whose name resembled Wilkes. Mrs. Wilkie was fair skinned and blonde. Mr. Wilkie was a tall, black man from deep in Louisiana, but he knew his football. He took his son and trained him the best he could. It landed Ashley Wilkie a very nice football contract in the end, and Cade Carter owed Ashley Wilkie everything.

  Ashley Wilkie was a full six foot four, which towered over Cade’s six foot. It had never slowed him down any. He had blue eyes and caramel colored skin. Ashley was never in need of female company. He always had plenty and was willing to share. Cade thought it was interesting that he didn’t even care to ask where all the women were. There was only one woman he wanted and he’d crushed her heart—again.

  Ashley lifted his glasses and glanced at Cade. “You look like shit.”

  “I knew you could comfort me like no one else.”

  Ashley laughed and relaxed back into his chair. “You need a drink or four, a dip in the pool, and I have some very nice, young ladies coming over later. I’ll let you have your pick.”

  “I don’t think so,” he said as he pulled from his beer.

  This time, Ashley sat up on the chair. “You don’t think so? When did Cade Carter ever turn down a woman?”

  Cade chuckled. “When he realized he just walked out on the woman he loved.”

  That had Ashley up and out of his seat. The gold necklace swayed on his bare chest as he looked down at Cade. “You what? I sent you home to pay your respects to your father, not to fall in love with some small town honey.”

  “It gets worse. She has a son.”

  “Damn! I thought I taught you better than this.”

  Cade smiled and sipped his beer again. He needed a dose of Ashley’s abuse to feel better.

  “You love her?”

  “Asked her to marry me.”

  “Fool. And she has a kid?”

  “Yep. I thought he was my father’s son, but it turns out he’s my cousin.”

  Ashley shook his head. “You have confused the hell out of me. I didn’t think you Westerners cross-contaminated the gene pool like that.” He let out another grunt. “There is pizza in the fridge. Go get us some. I’m going to cool off in the pool.” He shook his head. “You are a fool.”

  Cade chuckled as he walked back into the house. He was a fool. But now what was he going to do about it?

  He looked around the enormous kitchen in the house that football had provided him with. There had been hundreds of parties there, friends were many, and the women had been plentiful. And yet, the thought of macaroni and cheese in his father’s small and dingy kitchen warmed him to the core.

  His cell phone rang in his pocket, and he pulled it out quickly hoping it was Olivia on the other end. But it wasn’t. He shouldn’t have been disappointed to find the name of the team’s general manager on the caller ID, but he couldn’t help it. It was a letdown.

  Cade cleared his throat and reminded himself that she’d turned down his proposal. It was time to answer this call and accept his new position in life—washed up football player with a new coaching title.

  Olivia had cleaned every surface in her house. She had pushed Gage in the stroller through town and back three times in two days and had nearly worn a hole in the bottom of her shoe. But it was the hole in her heart she was most worried about.

  What had she been thinking to have gone to bed with Cade—to have lost her heart to him again? Oh, she couldn’t have been more foolish. The man was still the boy, and that would never change. Just as she was still the girl who needed to forget her foolish dreams of Cade Carter loving her and move on with her life.

  It had been an emotional couple of weeks. That had to be why she let things get to the point where she was now longing for him and hating him at the same time. She’d needed to fill a void in her heart, and it was horrible to think she could fill it with Cade.

  Guilt ripped through her. What would Austin have thought if he knew things would have happened as they had with her and Cade?

  Austin. Why was she even thinking of Cade at all? She should be focused on Austin.

  How could she forget that moment when Austin clenched his chest, and she caught him as he fell? There had been no time to say goodbye. He was gone before they hit the floor.

  He’d been the only man to take care of her, and she hated that everyone made it into something that it wasn’t. Her mother hadn’t given her a father, and her stepfather had only abused her. Austin had always protected her from the world, even years later when her stepfather had come after her. Only that time, she’d also fallen in with Conner.

  She rubbed the tension from her forehead.

  So much had happened that fall when Conner happened into her life—when Austin had tucked her away in Grand Junction again after her ex-stepfather came looking for her. She’d never considered that maybe Conner was hiding too, and she was the connection to his past, yet a safe friend.

  Her entire life he’d just been Cade’s cousin—the quiet one—the sad one—the follower. It seemed as though Conner Carter was always in trouble, but he just had the knack of being in the wrong place at the wrong time—always.

  Olivia lifted her hand to her mouth. How had she ever let it get so far as to have an affair with him?

  It was brief.

  It was sad.

  It was stupid.

  It gave her the one thing in her life that she now knew she could never live without. She had Gage.

  Olivia snapped her head up when she heard the buzzer on the dryer, and she hurried to take the clothes out. She was sure she’d washed that load twice, but with her head in the clouds, she supposed it didn’t matter.

  She folded a towel and then refolded it. Even the simple things were beyond her now. Then she pulled the T-shirt she’d worn home from Cade’s house out of the dryer and stood there staring at it.

  Oklahoma University, the shirt read. Cade had taken that scholarship and ridden it all the way to the pros, never once looking back and revisiting the man, or the community, which had given him the chance to become the MVP, Cade Carter.

  Olivia folded the shirt and set it on the dryer. She needed to return it—to where? Oh, he wasn’t coming back. When was she going to get that through her skull? It was her and Gage again. Conner had turned his back on them, Austin had left them, and now Cade. Damn it if she wasn’t going to raise her Carter man right!

  She could hear Gage stirring in his bedroom. Nap time was over, and she needed to stifle her mood. It didn’t matter that Cade was gone. It was a momentary lapse of judgment, and Gage wouldn’t remember him in time. She was going to focus on one day at a time. Friday was the Fourth of July and the Aspen Creek Fourth Festival. She didn’t have to work, and she could leave all her worries behind her and spoil her son in a tradition she’d missed for years. And that night, she’d lay down a blanket in the center of town, and with the only man she needed, her son, she’d watch the fireworks light up the sky. It would be her celebration—her new beginning.

  Olivia opened the door to Gage’s room, and he was standing in his crib grinning at her.

  “Mama!” He held his arms out to her.

  “Hey, big guy.” She lifted him from the crib and held him tight to her.

  Gage took her face in his hands and pushed his forehead to hers. She loved when he cuddled and did silly things.

  “Dade!”

  Olivia felt the ache in her chest immediately. Damn Cade Carter to hell. He’d promised not to break Gage’s heart. If she ever saw him again, he’d pay.

  Cha
pter Thirteen

  Cade had spent all of Monday and Tuesday at the corporate headquarters talking job offers. However, he wasn’t sure he’d heard one. They needed an assistant to the GM. They needed someone to help with special teams. What he was hearing was they needed a mascot to make them look good, and he seemed to be the guy for the job.

  He sat poolside with his feet dangling in the water, listening to the boats out in the bay. The house, the cars, the money, and the fame left him empty inside. Women had come and gone for years, friends were a dime a dozen, but old tree houses withstood the test of time.

  He didn’t remember catching the ball, which won the championship that year, or crashing to the ground and nearly losing his life, but he did remember the moment his lips touched Olivia’s for the first time, so many years ago.

  Memories flooded back at him quickly. She’d been the one to shove him into Aspen Creek, and she’d been there, with Conner, to pull him out. Olivia had knocked the first beer out of his hand at age eleven, and had been the one who got caught stealing her mother’s cigarettes for him, too.

  He looked out over the bay. Where he sat was where most people wanted to be. Right in the middle of luxury and riches, but he wasn’t happy.

  There was a dusty couch in a dark house, down the stairs from a room full of trophies, where he thought heaven on earth might be. No, that was only another place where good memories enveloped him and he’d walked away from. Heaven on earth was wrapped in Olivia’s arms. It was the way Gage looked up at him and called him Dade. It was being home.

  Did it matter that the Carter eyes that stared up at him were because of Conner? Did Olivia ever love Conner as much as Cade loved her?

  He inched away from the pool. His mind was so scattered that if he got any closer to the water he might drown.

  He loved her.

  He loved them both.

  What the hell was he doing in Green Bay, Wisconsin when his family was in Aspen Creek, Colorado?