Deleilah

by Bowes, K T

  “I turned one of Dad’s stallion’s loose without taking proper care. I didn’t turn him to face the gate and he bolted as soon as the halter came off. Laid me out flat with a massive buck.”

  “How old were you?” Corey sounded interested, or faked it well.

  “Ten.” Leilah remembered the blood and her father’s dismay. “Cooper’s Gain. Best stallion he over owned but Hector said he’d shoot the bloody thing. I cried and begged him not to.” Leilah shook her head. “He kicked Dad in the balls a week later and he still didn’t shoot him.”

  “Cooper’s Gain?” Corey’s brain began to join the dots. “Your dad bred Cooper’s Lad and that whole line?”

  Leilah nodded. “Yeah. He did.”

  Corey screwed up his face and stared at Leilah with curiosity in his face. “Then, I think there’s something belonging to you in the barn.”

  Hinga stopped running and settled to tearing up lush grass and feeding her stomach. The sunshine picked up the dappled highlights in her coat and made her shine like glass. Leilah watched her with a sense of satisfaction. “Is Hinga a Cooper?” she asked as they strolled back to the house and Corey nodded.

  “Yeah. Can’t ya tell?”

  He led her to the barn and shouldered the rusty door aside. It creaked on aged runners and light poured into the dark space. Broken farm machinery littered the inside space and Leilah picked her way through the wreckage, following Corey to the far corner behind a stack of hay bales and an off-road motorcycle. “Don’t tell Vaughan I showed ya, will ya?” he asked, his eyes bright with excitement.

  “Then don’t.” Leilah shook her head, not wanting to compound her offside position with her host. She hung back, afraid and doubtful.

  “Just a quick look.” Corey climbed up onto an old trailer and tugged at a tarpaulin covering a large shape in the corner. It took a few decent tugs and then the sheet rippled free, uncovering Hector’s old truck.

  Leilah gasped and clapped a hand over her mouth, a sob catching in her throat. Corey got tangled up in the tarp and didn’t see Leilah’s agony as she sank to her knees on the remnants of engine parts. A bolt dug into her shin as she wrestled with the sight of the restored truck, its rounded chassis shimmering in the dim light. A body respray had taken care of the faded paint and the rust spots were gone. The windows gleamed and a new rectangular headlight replaced the missing one which Tane’s father regularly cited Hector for. The vehicle shone, an old friend in a new red dress and Leilah felt as though her heart cracked open in her chest and black waste flooded out.

  She held her breath and waited for Hector to clamber down onto the foot rail and shout some random instruction in her direction. Desperation budded inside like a steadily increasing hum and showed no sign of diminishing. If her father could just stand in front of her one more time; she’d make it right, tell him everything and accept one of the comforting bear hugs he always administered after a disaster. The barn stayed hushed and dark but for Corey’s huffing with the tarpaulin and Hector didn’t materialise. He remained wherever the strangers’ hands placed him after the funeral Leilah missed, unable to visit and accept her sorry or take away her painful guilt.

  Leilah braced herself against the dirty floor as the shocked wail split from her lungs. It sounded of grief and child birth and terror. Corey panicked, letting the plastic sheet flutter to the ground and the old Ford F600 manufactured in 1969 watched through blank, unlit eyes. He jumped from the truck bed and skittered over to Leilah, throwing himself down on his knees in front of her. “Sorry, sorry!” His face showed panic and he glanced towards the open door. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Vaughan’s gonna kill me. I thought you’d be happy.” The teenager chewed his lip and patted Leilah’s shoulder.

  “Why?” she sobbed. “Why did he keep it?”

  Corey increased the level of patting on Leilah’s shoulder and back, resembling an irritating bot fly. “The story is that his uncle bought it and started restoring it. Then he died and Vaughan used his own money to finish the job. He registered it a few months ago but hasn’t had it out on the road much. It’s certified and stuff. I think he’s been waiting to give it to you.” Corey gave a low moan. “Now I’ve ruined it. Please don’t tell. Please, Leilah?”

  Corey removed the truck from view, sheeting it while Leilah watched, her blue eyes huge and agonised in her pale face. He led her back to the house and made tea, stewing the bag until the liquid resembled sewerage. Using a tea towel, he dabbed at her swollen eyes until she slapped his hands and then he slunk from the house to await his fate.

  Leilah cried for her father until her sobs became sniffs and faded into a dull hitch. “I shouldn’t have come back,” she breathed to the empty house, the rawness of her losses still painfully fresh despite the intervening years. She heard the ute pull up outside and scrubbed her face using the bottom of her shirt, curling her legs beneath her and wrinkling her nose at Corey’s disgusting cold tea.

  “Hey.” Vaughan entered the lounge, blasting through the front doors with more energy than she’d seen and he kicked off his boots and stood before her. “Why are you crying?” he demanded, his dark eyes thunderous. “What’s happened?”

  Leilah shook her head, not wanting to put Corey into the firing line and she shrugged. “Just stuff,” she replied, feeling it encompassed her life with an element of truth. “I didn’t really come back for my sandals.” She hiccoughed and watched Vaughan’s face soften. He squatted down in front of the sofa.

  “Good. Cause I burnt them.”

  “Fine.” Leilah swallowed and saw his lips move as though there were things he wanted to say. Unable to listen she unfolded her legs, dipped her head forward and kissed him. Vaughan inhaled and Leilah watched his pupils dilate, his lips parting to accept her tongue. Strong hands stroked around her ribs and met at her spine, pulling her inwards and staking his claim. His work-coarsened fingers found their way beneath her shirt and she sighed, sensing a temporary cure for her madness. Vaughan’s shirt buttons slipped through Leilah’s fingers and she laid his chest bare, halting in surprise at the angry welt, no longer held together by staples. She touched the bruised skin either side but couldn’t bear to hurt him, kissing the space between his pectorals as though not wanting to trespass further. Vaughan pushed himself to his feet and held out a hand, hauling Leilah upwards. Keeping hold of her fingers, he sealed his lips over hers, his kisses soft and urgent. “I need you here,” he whispered, his voice imploring. “I’m serious about you, Leilah. How can I show you that?”

  “I’m terrified.” Her voice sounded loud in the silence of the house and Vaughan nodded, his dark hair flipping into his eyes and moving with the rapid blinks of his lashes.

  “I know,” he acknowledged, running his thumb across Leilah’s lower lip. “Me too.” He enfolded her in his arms and stroked away the pain, the secrets between them overwhelming and dark.

  Chapter 36

  Unfamiliar Ground

  Mari’s joints continued to give her pain and Leilah settled into a routine of helping her in the cafe. Claus set to work on Hector’s house and Leilah stopped baiting Vaughan to reject her, accepting her place in his world and trying not to worry about leaving. But it ticked away in the back of her brain like a time bomb, the knowledge that something would happen to blow her temporary contentment to smithereens and send her running away once again.

  The catastrophe happened on a Friday at morning tea and as predicted, her world crumbled.

  “Marry me, Leilah.”

  “What?” Leilah turned so quickly the tray of coffee cups jangled in her hands and a teaspoon shot sideways. It clattered to the floor and skidded underneath a table.

  “Marry me.”

  Leilah gaped, her eyes wide and filled with confusion. Vaughan’s colour was high, his olive cheeks flushed and he chewed on his bottom lip. “Please think about it, Leilah?”

  “Get on ya bloody knees,” Ted growled, swiping the back of his hand across his lips. A fried egg stain dried on the f
ront of his shirt and he smirked, picking at the yellow crust with a ragged nail. “About time you begged someone for something.” He cackled, a guttural noise which ended in a cough.

  Distracted, Vaughan turned his attention to the wizened old man. “Shut it!” he said, screwing up his face and swallowing hard at Leilah’s expression. “Mitigating circumstances!” he protested, pointing at Ted’s victorious grin. His olive finger shook and Leilah noticed a cut on the underside of his hand. A streak of blood was smeared across the front of a crisp white shirt, neatly ironed and matched with a navy tie. Suit trousers finished the ensemble although Leilah spotted Vaughan’s cowboy boots poking from underneath the hem.

  “Why?” she asked, seeing Vaughan’s dilated pupils shrink as doubt set in, wrecking his confidence. “You don’t want the complications which go with commitment; you’re happy as you are, remember?” Leilah swallowed, the pain of their last spat still fresh in her mind. She gritted her teeth, her jaw hardening through her soft cheeks. With a final look at Vaughan’s handsome face, Leilah turned and flounced into the kitchen, laying the tray of crockery next to the sink. Her hands shook and a sob rose into her chest, making her gasp with the effort of controlling it. “I’m fine,” she said, feeling Mari’s hand on her shoulder. “I’ll be ok.”

  Leilah took shallow breaths as her betrayed heart thudded in her chest, grateful for Mari’s slow massaging of her shoulders. She inhaled and turned, not wanting to dominate her friend’s time while customers waited to be served. Her nose touched Vaughan’s tie and his hands settled on her shoulders again, beginning the intoxicating movement. “You’re definitely not fine,” he whispered. “And nor am I.”

  “What’re you doing back here?” Leilah squeaked. She shoved him in the chest, a futile action against the wall of muscle.

  “Mari told me to come through,” he replied, his voice soft. “She figured if you wanted to throw plates at my head, it would be best out of sight. Ted’s started a wager.”

  Leilah snorted. “I wouldn’t give either of you the satisfaction.” She tossed her head, feeling her ponytail swish against her neck. “You need to leave, Vaughan.”

  “Ok, if you want that, I’ll go.” The flatness in his voice made Leilah look up, seeing the crushed expression in his eyes. “Tell me one more time to go and I will. I’ll never bother you again.”

  Leilah stared at the ceiling, willing the threatening tears not to fall. Vaughan waited with the same patience he used to break the horses and his thumb strayed to her face, smoothing her top lip with a gentle caress. “Do you want that?” he whispered.

  Leilah blinked and the first tear fell, followed by a barrage which bounced off Vaughan’s hand and ran down his wrist. She shook her head and sniffed, her body shaking with the pent up emotion shredding her insides. “Sweetheart,” he sighed. He cradled her face in his hands and kissed the end of her nose. “I love you, Leilah Dereham. I want to marry you and wake up every morning next to your beautiful smile, but I understand I’ve messed up. You deserved a better proposal and I don’t blame you for not trusting me now. I’d like the chance to make it up to you.” He kissed her lips, his trembling with inner conflict as their warmth brushed against Leilah’s.

  He made a draught as he turned and strode from the kitchen, leaving Leilah pressing her hand over her sobs. Mari’s face peeked through the doorway in Vaughan’s wake, but annoyance and not compassion dictated her actions. “Foolish girl!” she hissed. “Get out there after that boy! You dumbass wahine!” She flicked a tea towel at Leilah’s leg and the whipping sound carried out into the cafe. “Get on!” she shouted, raising her voice.

  Leilah’s mouth opened in surprise as Mari whipped her again, driving her out of the kitchen and into full view of the customers. “You told me to stay away!” she protested and Mari frowned.

  “Like you listened!” she snapped.

  Ted jeered at the entertainment and called out to Leilah. “I knowed youse would send him away. I’ve won me ten bucks from these dead heads!” He whooped in pleasure and Mari slapped him around the back of his head.

  “Shut youse face!” she shouted in his ear, so loud it made Ted’s hearing aid whistle in protest. She turned her attention back to Leilah. “Get out there and do the right thing!” she yelled, shoving her towards the door. “Go on, get! And don’t come back here until youse got a smile on that face!” Mari whipped Leilah’s backside with the towel and she squeaked and jumped through the open doorway, hearing the bell jangle as Mari slammed it shut behind her.

  Leilah stood outside feeling a fool as the scrape of chairs inside the cafe led to faces pressed against the window. She sniffed against the back of her hand and raked the street looking for Vaughan’s vehicle. The tail lights flashed red as it shot from the parking space outside the butcher’s backwards and roared off up the street. “He’s gone!” Leilah mouthed to Mari’s face as it glared at her through the glass of the front door. Mari shouted something and flapped her hand to indicate Leilah should follow.

  Leilah put her hands over her face and felt her shoulders slump. The sound of hammering on the cafe window forced her to peek, revealing Mari’s angry face and Ted slapping the palm of his hand against the glass. A few customers pointed toward Vaughan’s retreating vehicle, adding emphasis with jerks of their heads. “Fine!” Leilah called crossly and set off walking. The traffic lights near the library turned red and the ute stopped, squealing to a halt with the engine revving. After a final glance at her audience, Leilah set off running, her apron flapping in the breeze. A cheer went up behind her. “Run, kōtiro!” came Ethel Paltry’s excited voice as the group poured out onto the pavement.

  A man stepped out of the dairy, a carton of milk in one hand and a loaf of bread in the other. As Leilah ran past, he stuck out his leg and she smashed straight into him, sending his shopping slewing across the pavement. The milk carton burst open and the bread slapped to the ground as Leilah felt herself pitch sideways. “No!” she screamed, slamming into the concrete. Her left arm crumpled beneath her and embarrassed, Leilah pushed herself onto her knees using her right elbow. She ignored the helping hand in front of her face and struggled to her feet, clasping her left wrist with her right hand. Blood oozed from a graze along her forearm and Leilah galvanised herself, running towards the traffic lights as they turned green again. Vaughan’s ute roared off with throaty enthusiasm and Leilah collapsed in misery, bending in the middle and leaning forward over the pavement.

  “You rotten pig!” Mari’s screech made Leilah whip round, seeing her friend listing towards her. Leilah’s jaw dropped and she held her hands out in front of her to protect herself from rebuke.

  “I missed him!” she said in dismay. “I tried, but he drove away!”

  “Not you. Him!” Mari pointed at the man whose shopping leaked into the gutter, a slice of bread bobbing along on the milk river. She slapped the broad chest and Leilah gulped, seeing Harvey’s smirk spread across his entire face.

  “Get off me!” he spat, putting his hand in front of Mari’s face and shoving her head backwards.

  “Don’t you dare, do that!” Leilah rushed into the fray, catching Mari’s hat as it plunged towards the ground. She grabbed her friend’s arm and hauled Mari upright, feeling the hand close around her throat as Harvey spun her and slammed the back of Leilah’s head into the shop window. Her teeth went through the end of her tongue and she felt blood run into her mouth; a metallic taste making her gag.

  “So this is where you’ve been hiding, you little bitch!” Harvey hissed.

  Leilah’s eyes widened in terror as her lungs complained and she saw Mari kicking the back of Harvey’s strong calves. It made no difference and a spiteful smirk narrowed his eyes as he held Leilah captive. White spots of light danced in front of her vision and went out, replaced by black patches of nothing. Her chest pain grew to a crescendo, joining the scream in her brain and then Harvey’s face snapped sideways and disappeared. Leilah’s body slipped down the window, the bottom of her
back contacting the brick sill on its way. She landed on the pavement with a grunt, grabbing at her throat as air filled her lungs.

  “Speak to me, kōtiro!” Mari wailed as Leilah panted for breath. She heard the sound of bone on flesh and saw Harvey’s boots lift into the air

  “I need to go,” Leilah sobbed, scrabbling her heels on the pavement and letting Mari pull her upright.

  “Bloody hell!” Ted gushed, sausage roll in hand as he patted Leilah’s heaving back, spreading pastry over her blouse. She backed away from the growing crowd as her rescuer stood over Harvey’s bleeding face. Shirt untucked and blood trickling from his lip, Leilah heard Vaughan’s bitter words as his bloody spit dripped onto his stepbrother’s chest.

  “You’re nothing but a coward, man. Beating women and destroying animals. You’ll get yours one day. You make me sick! Touch Leilah again and I’ll kill you!” Vaughan landed a foot in Harvey’s groin and the man wailed in pain as his testicles felt the heel of his stepbrother’s boot.

  Vaughan stood up straight and looked around him at the silent onlookers, taking in their mystified faces. “Happy now?” he shouted, whirling about him to encompass the town’s judgement. He ran his hands through his dark hair and spat again, speckling the pavement with his blood. His dark eyes viewed the prostrate bully reduced to a ball of agony on the floor, scorn and hatred making his pupils dilate. “Your pa hit my mother and you’re out of the same filthy mould! Stay away from me and my family or I’ll kill you next time. I mean it!”

  Vaughan lifted his head and held his hand out to Leilah. His eyes begged with an intensity which touched her soul and she nodded and stepped away from Ted and Mari, still clutching her throat. “Call the sergeant,” she heard Ted bark and a flurry of hands reached for mobile phones.

  Vaughan kept a tight hold on Leilah’s hand as he led her up the street, her apron strings flapping behind her. She glanced down, seeing her bare right foot poking out of her jeans, her flip-flop back on the pavement where it fell. Her hand felt tiny inside Vaughan’s and her breath came in short rasps as they reached the traffic lights. The red ute spun round the corner and Corey’s smiling face beamed from the driver’s window. “Dude! How did it go?” he called happily, the joviality fading at the look on Vaughan’s face.