Bikini Carwash (That Business Between Us)

by Pamela Morsi

  “So, what’s up this morning?” Pete asked him.

  “Did you see the car wash as you came in?”

  “Oh, yeah, I did,” Pete told him. “I think it’s great.”

  “You do?”

  The man’s response wasn’t so much surprised as skeptical. Pete didn’t like that so much. He was sure that it was because his father had been unwelcoming to Andi’s prospective coffee business on the street. He didn’t want anybody to think that he agreed with that, that it would continue to be the policy of Guthrie Foods to kneecap anyone who had the audacity to try to open up nearby.

  “Business is good for the neighborhood,” he told the produce manager. “Any business is good.”

  Neal’s eyebrows went up. “Well, it certainly does bring people into the area,” he agreed. “But not everybody is happy about it.”

  “They’re not?”

  The produce man wiped his hands on his apron. “I’d say the employees here are split about 50/50 on it,” he said. “And it’s not just women vs men. Some folks just think, ‘well good luck and good for her’ and others are shocked or think it’s bad for the neighborhood.”

  “Well, I think it’s great,” Pete said. “I want to do everything I can to support the place. So just tell anyone who asks that they can expect to see me driving a much cleaner car in the future.”

  Neal gave a strange little chuckle.

  “You should do the same,” Pete told him. “I’m sure you’ve got plenty of weekend chores without having to wash the car. When you take your break, wander over there and see what they can do for you.”

  The produce manager shook his head. “I don’t think my wife would be too crazy about that,” he said. “It’s all right for a single guy like you, but I sure don’t want to get myself into hot water.”

  Pete couldn’t imagine what he was talking about.

  “Why should your wife even care who washes your car?” he asked.

  Neal rubbed his bald spot in lieu of scratching his head and gave Pete an incredulous grin. “Well, she does,” he answered. “And even if she didn’t, Cher-L is working over there. Even a stupid man would know to keep his distance.”

  Pete was surprised to hear that his former employee was working there. It seemed like a much more laborious job than Cher-L was really cut out for. But then, jobs were hard to find.

  “Good for Cher-L,” he said. Pete was pretty sure that everybody in the store knew she’d been fired, but it was important to keep a positive attitude about anyone who’d once been in his employ. “I hope she does well. And I honestly look forward to seeing her.”

  Neal made a strange choking sound.

  “You’re not the only one who feels that way,” the man said, laughing. “Several of the fellows are already talking about getting a close-up view without the white coat and plastic cap.”

  Pete didn’t quite know what he meant by that. He went on about his business, doing a complete walk-through of the aisles, greeting his employees with a “good morning” before heading up to his office. He glanced in on Miss Kepper as he passed. Her chair was empty as was the room. Although her schedule was officially weekdays, more often than not she put in a few hours on Saturday morning as well. A second later he heard voices down the hallway. She must be in his office, he thought. He continued down to his door and stepped inside.

  A trio of young guys guiltily jumped back from the window. He recognized them as a bag boy and two members of the stock crew. Pete couldn’t imagine any reason why these guys would be in his office. And one of them was trying to hide something palm-size and yellow behind his back.

  “What’s going on?” he asked.

  Darnell, the bag boy, quickly answered, “Nothing!” His voice was at least a half octave higher than usual.

  All three looked embarrassed. The two older guys mumbled unintelligibly.

  It was then that Pete noticed the opened packaging lying on the floor. He bent over and picked it up as they eyed him warily.

  The paperboard and plastic had come from the store’s toy aisle.

  “Jungle Jeff Safari,” he read aloud. And then the words underneath. “Real Binoculars.”

  “I was going to put those back,” Brian, the eldest of the three told him. Then quickly he restated. “Actually, I was going to buy them.”

  Pete held out his hand and Derek, who’d been trying to hide the pilfered product behind his back, placed it in Pete’s hand.

  He held the yellow plastic and continued to eye the three questioningly. There was nothing to see out his window but the parking lot and the car wash. Looking at the parking lot would not require binoculars.

  “What? Are you spying on Cher-L?”

  They all blushed very guiltily. Pete knew the young woman was not particularly well-liked at the store. She’d been lazy and a bit of a troublemaker. But why would anyone want to spy on her at her new job?

  “We were just looking,” Brain admitted defensively. “There’s no law against looking.”

  “No,” Pete agreed. “There is no law against looking. But you don’t have to do it from my office or with company merchandise. Maybe you should just get back to work.”

  “Yes, sir,” all three agreed. They made a hasty exit.

  Pete was left holding the binoculars. They definitely couldn’t go back into their packaging. He held them up to his eyes. He saw nothing but brown. When he glanced to see what he was aiming at, he realized that the brown was his desk. He walked over to the window. There was still a crowd over at the car wash. Through the binoculars he saw several guys standing around. As he panned across the line of cars he suddenly saw a naked woman’s backside bent over a bumper. He was so startled that he nearly dropped the binoculars. He quickly put them back in place, not sure that he could believe his eyes.

  Yes, it was a nice-size, generously rounded female backside that was virtually naked but for a tiny triangle of red material that disappeared between the cheeks of her bottom.

  It was not until she stood up and turned around that he recognized her.

  “Wolkowicz?” he whispered aloud.

  He wouldn’t have known her, but then he’d never seen her like this. Everything that had happened that morning, everything that had been said suddenly made sense. It was so obvious. As obvious as the excellent curves of Andi Wolkowicz. Who knew that such a woman lurked beneath those baggy coveralls? Pete was stunned, amazed, virtually dumbstruck and he couldn’t stop looking.

  “What on earth are you doing?”

  Pete startled as Miss Kepper stood in the doorway. He resisted the impulse to hide the binoculars behind his back.

  Thankfully, the phone rang, saving him from having to answer.

  The policeman, Officer Mayfield, was all business. Andi could appreciate that.

  “We’ve had complaints,” he said. “Several calls came into dispatch.”

  “There is nothing illegal about washing cars,” Andi said, defensively.

  “No, ma’am, there’s not,” he agreed. “However this line of cars double-parked, that’s illegal. And all the gawkers driving by at ten miles an hour, that’s snarling traffic.

  “Perhaps if you gir—uh—women put on some cover-ups that might be helpful.”

  There was a whine of complaint from those patrons standing about. Someone in the crowd yelled something like “Why don’t you go after some real criminals!”

  Andi didn’t want to stir up any trouble. She glared in the direction of the offending comment.

  “The policeman is just doing his job,” she said, to anyone listening, but mostly to Officer Mayfield.

  “I don’t know what we can do about the fellows driving by,” she said.

  “Well, you can tell these guys who are loitering here and those double-parked to come back when there is not a line,” he said.

  Andi hoped that time would never come.

  “I’ll give them all appointments,” she said. “That way everybody who’s not on the lot can loiter elsewhere.”<
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  Officer Mayfield wasn’t so sure that would work, but Andi was convinced, or at least she accepted it as a viable option. It would be better to have the crowd standing around waiting. It hyped up the place, making it a desirable location, but rationing services could also build business. And although there was some concern that, once they left, they might not come back. Andi had faith in her smart-aleck, big-talking, testosterone driven customers. If a woman in a skimpy bikini asked them to meet her at a certain time, only a serious setback could keep them away.

  Andi left the car washing to Tiff and Cher-L for several minutes as she walked down the line of waiting cars, explained the situation and gave out return times with no waiting. She quickly discovered that the street was not a good place. Face-to-face, the guys might be leering but they were nice. Just driving in the anonymity of their cars and with buddies to egg them on, they hollered out things to her that weren’t just suggestive, they were suggestions.

  Andi feigned total deafness. If they wanted to get a reaction from her, they needed to step up and get their cars washed. Her customers, however, had perfect hearing and to her surprise, they didn’t appreciate hearing her insulted. The verbal altercations were rapid-fire and intense. It was a strange world when a near-naked woman on the street can evoke reactions that probably should have been reserved for mom or sis.

  Officer Mayfield was still standing around and watching the proceedings when she got back. He was mostly watching Cher-L who was posing provocatively for him, as she had done for one fellow or another through most of the morning. Andi couldn’t tell if the policeman liked what he saw or was merely watching for something he could arrest her for. His young, square-jawed face didn’t show so much as a hint of expression. And regulation sunglasses hid whatever secrets might be in his eyes.

  “They’re all leaving,” Andi told him with forced cheerfulness. “Sorry about getting things so backed up. It’s...it’s our opening day and it’s all new and lots of people are showing up. By next week we’ll be old news and the crowds will dwindle down.”

  “Are you still going to be wearing what you’re wearing?” the policeman asked.

  “Uh...yes,” Andi answered.

  “Then I expect you’ll draw more than your fair share of attention all summer.”

  Andi couldn’t tell if that was a criticism or an encouragement. The young policeman turned his back on Cher-L. He stood facing the street observing the traffic.

  “Just to let you know,” he said to Andi quietly. “There are a lot of people who are calling in wanting to know what’s going on in this place. Wanting to know who let you open this business right in the middle of downtown.”

  “It’s a car wash,” Andi replied simply.

  Officer Mayfield turned to eye her soberly. “So I see,” he said. “Just make sure that’s the only business you’re trying to run down here. If you, or any of your girls start trying to make a little cash on the side, you can be sure I’ll be back here to shut you down.”

  He walked back to his cruiser, and Andi hurried to help with the interior vacuuming of a ten-year-old Corolla.

  “So what did he say?” Tiff asked.

  “Basically, beware of prostitution,” Andi answered.

  “As if!” Cher-L exclaimed, laughing as if it were some great joke.

  Pop and Jelly arrived about one o’clock. They had brilliantly brought takeout for Andi as well as her employees. Everyone was hungry.

  They took turns eating inside the little building. It had gotten pretty hot in the afternoon sun, but Pop turned on the big noisy fan making it bearable.

  Jelly was bright-eyed and animated. She loved all the noise and activity. She thought every horn that honked was somebody saying “hi” to her.

  “I want to come to work here,” Jelly told her sister. “I can wash cars. I want to work here.”

  “No, you can’t,” Andi told her.

  “Why not? I can wash cars. I can wash cars good. Why not? I want to work here.”

  “No, you can’t,” Andi said. “That’s it, no discussion. The answer is no.”

  “Objection overruled!” she declared.

  Andi shook her head. “I said, ‘no.’ And no is no.”

  “That’s...that’s...that’s testimony not in evidence.”

  “It’s enough in evidence to keep you from working here,” Andi said. “You already have a job. How could Pop deliver the Meals on Wheels without you?”

  That mollified her sister somewhat, but she continued to mutter under her breath.

  “I can wash cars. I can wash cars in my swimming suit. And I have a better swimming suit than you. Mine fits me. It doesn’t have my bottom all hanging out of the back.”

  Andi sighed and hid a smile. She could always count on Jelly to tell it like it is.

  When she finished eating, Andi hurried back outside. She found Pop quickly and efficiently applying wax to a newly cleaned vehicle.

  “You don’t have to do that, Pop,” Andi said.

  He grinned, without bothering to look up from his task. “That girl with the blue hair thing,” he said. “She’s not much of a worker. If you mess up a waxing job, well, the owner will see the evidence of it every time he looks at the car.”

  “I’ll try to do some more training with her,” Andi said.

  Pop shook his head. “She doesn’t take to training much. I tried to show her but she didn’t pay any attention. I finally gave up. It’s easier just to do it myself.”

  Andi hoped that he was wrong about Cher-L. Andi hoped she could learn to do the job.

  “I don’t mind,” he said. “I always enjoyed making a beautiful machine look its best.” He raised his head and grinned at Andi. “But I’m not wearing one of those little bathing suits.”

  Andi laughed. “I do need your help, Pop,” she admitted. “But I don’t want you to do any more than you want to do. And I’ll have a talk with Cher-L. I’ll get her over here to help you whether she likes it or not.”

  Pop’s brow furrowed. “Well, Andi,” he said. “It’s your business and you need to run it your way. But if it was me...” He hesitated, obviously giving her time to voice her lack of interest in his opinion.

  “Tell me,” she said. “If it was you?”

  “I’d put Cher-L to work as the greeter, taking orders,” he said. “That way she gets to talk to all the customers, which I think would suit her just fine. And her standing around trying to look sexy for the customers wouldn’t get in the way of getting the job done.”

  Andi nodded as she considered her father’s idea. She’d been trying to deal with both the sales and the cash and help with the labor. Dividing that up and giving it all to Cher-L would be placing a little more trust in the woman than she was truly comfortable with. But it might make the work go faster.

  “Thanks, Pop,” Andi said. “It’s a good idea, I think we’ll give it a try.”

  Immediately she went over to the young woman, who was doing some kind of little dance as she toweled off a big Chevy SUV.

  “Cher-L, I need to speak to you for a minute.”

  Her doelike brown eyes were wide with fear, guilt. Apparently most of her past interactions with bosses had not been good. Andi decided this one was going to be different.

  “I’m really pleased with the work you’re doing,” Andi told her, deliberately leaving out any of the problems with car waxing. “You’re a natural with the customers. And customer service is really what a business like this is all about.”

  Andi watched as her expression changed from wary and defensive to incredulous.

  “Uh...thanks,” she said.

  “I’m giving you a bit of a promotion,” Andi said. “I mean we’re all equals here on the job, but I want to use your natural abilities in a more specialized way.”

  “Well, sure.”

  “I want you to greet the customers, find out what service they want, write out the tickets and take their money. Do you think you can do that?”

  “Uh...ye
ah,” she said, obviously excited. “You mean I won’t have to actually wash the cars anymore?”

  “You have to help out, a little here, a little there, but yes, basically you’re not actually washing the cars.”

  Her face was all smiles. Smiles and near disbelief. “I’m like...oh wow, thanks, really thanks.”

  “I’ll help you through the first few,” Andi said. “But I’m counting on you to take it over.”

  To Andi’s surprise, Cher-L took her new position very seriously. She was still flirty with the customers, but she was very careful in handling the money. Andi was quickly able to turn that job over to her and help Tiff do the labor.

  And despite Andi’s dictate to the contrary, Pop enlisted her sister, Jelly, to do vacuuming of the car interiors. Since he was supervising and Jelly was fully clothed, Andi couldn’t come up with a decent excuse to oppose the suggestion. And they did need the help.

  Cars continued coming, even as the ones sent away earlier showed up for their appointments. It was great, if exhausting.

  A number of guys just hung out around the place, watching. Some were waiting for cars to be washed. Others had already had theirs done. They now took up a significant space in the Guthrie’s parking lot behind the building. Andi decided it was better to get Guthrie mad at her, than to have the police show up again.

  The afternoon grew hotter and her arms grew tired. The sexy bikinis were merely attractive decoration on what was very physical work. Andi consoled herself with the fact that she could give up trying to run off her chunky thighs. A couple of weeks of this and she was going to be brown and buff.

  A beat-up Taurus with a gray primer bumper pulled into the driveway around the other cars and screeched to an abrupt halt. A man jumped out of the driver’s side and after grabbing something in the backseat, hurried around the vehicle.

  It all happened so fast, Andi didn’t even have time to move. His face was a mask of fury and he was headed straight for Tiff. For an instant of horrified terror, Andi thought Tiff was being attacked. But as the man ran toward her, her coworker appeared more angry than frightened.