Three Little Snowmen (Damned of the 2/19th)

by Timothy Willard

  "Thanks," I headed after her, pausing for a moment to call it out when I stepped past the double doors. "Male on the floor!"

  That made her giggle.

  "Whatcha gonna do tomorrow with your day off?" she asked me as we headed down the hallway.

  I just shrugged.

  "Gonna have Nagle cuddle you? Get all warm under the blankets?" She asked, still walking backward and holding her shirt up. I felt myself flush, and she laughed. "Look at that, hard ass Tony Stillwater, blushing like a schoolgirl."

  I felt myself turn redder at her teasing.

  "Too bad Nagle got a hold of you first," she said, winking at me.

  "Stop," I said, blushing. She'd teased me mercilessly since she got to the unit.

  "Hey, you're finally 18, aren't you?" She leered. "Little Tony Stillwater legal now?"

  I was turning redder.

  "I remember when I got here, you were my height and sweet seventeen," she laughed. "Look at you now, all grown up now that you're 18 and legal."

  "Stop," I said.

  "Check it out, Tony," Swopes said, and lifted her shirt up further, covering her face. What happened made me turn bright red and stumble slightly.

  Her breasts dropped out from under her shirt. Large soft breasts, capped with brownish red. The cold made the aureoles crinkle right up and the nipples harden.

  Swopes laughed and lowered her shirt. "Look at you, all red and..."

  Her foot caught a patch of ice on the floor and went to the side. She twisted, trying to get her balance, but instead just succeeded in going down awkwardly. I stepped forward, trying to grab her, but was too far away.

  Her elbow hit the cold tile with the sound of a gunshot.

  Swopes screamed, sharp and loud, letting go of the T-shirt and rolling onto her side, grabbing her arm. I could see blood between her fingers. She bit her lip hard enough to draw blood, looking up at me. The soda cans, spilled from her shirt, slowly rolled away from her.

  I moved forward. "Let me see it, Julia," I said, squatting down. My foot twisted on the ice, but my combat boot tread bit in and kept me from busting my ass.

  I could hear a door unlocking as Swopes moved her hand.

  Her elbow was already swelling. I could see cream-colored splinters sticking out of the gash in her elbow and her forearm was already starting to swell above the elbow.

  "Dammit, broke my arm," she moaned.

  Nancy came out in the hallway, looking out. "What happened."

  "She fell, compound fracture. Got bone splinters," I said.

  Nancy disappeared back into her room as I heard the door behind me slam open.

  "What's going on?" Bomber yelled. I looked over my shoulder at him.

  "Get Jacobs up, Swopes arm is busted," I shouted.

  Nancy came hustling back out, an aid bag in her hands. "How bad is it?"

  "I can't feel my arm. Wish I couldn't feel my elbow," Swopes groaned. "Shoulder hurts like a bitch too."

  "Lemme see," Nancy said, nudging me aside. When she saw the injury she swore. "Christ. We can't straighten it. Don't want to put pressure on it," she said.

  Swopes was white as she tried to straighten her arm. I saw the bone and cartilage move before the blood covered it. More blood was pouring out of the wound.

  "Dammit, hold her down," Nancy snapped.

  "Sorry, Julia," I said, pushing her down. She screamed as I straddled her, my hands going to her shoulders to pin her to the floor.

  "I think her shoulder's out, feels like a tennis ball in front of it," I told her.

  "Shove really hard, see if you can relocate it," Nancy said, pulling stuff out of her aid bag. "I've gotta put a dressing on her arm."

  "Sorry," I said again, staring into Julia's eyes.

  "Just do it, you bastard," She said from between gritted teeth.

  I cupped my hand, putting the heel of my palm against the part that felt out of place. "On three," I told her. "One," I shoved, hard, and felt it snap into place.

  Swopes screamed again, long and loud. I looked over and saw that Nancy had straightened her arm and was putting on a pressure dressing as fast as she could.

  "Gotta splint her arm when I'm done," Nancy told me.

  I just nodded.

  Julia had passed out from the pain, but I still held her down as Nancy tied off the pressure dressing and then put the two flat pieces of wood on either side of the injured woman's arm. Once she had the arm splinted she got up, reaching down and pulling Swopes's keys off of her belt. She moved quickly, careful of the ice on the floor, to Swopes's room, disappearing inside and coming back out with two wool blankets.

  "She's going to go into shock. We have to get her off this cold floor before it kills her," Nancy told me.

  I just nodded mutely as Nancy spread the blanket out.

  "Help me lift," she ordered.

  We moved the injured woman onto the blanket. Nancy covered her with the other one.

  "Grab the end, we'll use it as a stretcher. We'll get her to the CQ Area, then Jacobs can drive her. I'll ride with them in case anything goes bad," Nancy told me.

  I just nodded.

  Swopes woke up as we moved her into the CQ Area, biting her lip and watching us with bright, glittering eyes. Once Jacobs got the CUC-V Blazer ready, I helped Nancy carry her over and put her in the back seat.

  "Log it," Nancy snapped.

  I nodded.

  She slammed the door and I watched as the vehicle vanished into the night.

  When I went back in, I logged the injury, wrote an incident report, and then sat there, staring at the paperwork.

  I'd seen that injury. Shattered bone in the elbow.

  My own elbow ached in sympathy.

  "She's fucked," Bomber said softly, coming back from where he'd mopped up the blood. By the time he'd gotten to it, it had frozen to the tile. She'd dropped six cans of Coke that were now sitting behind the CQ desk with us. "Her elbow's fucked."

  I just nodded.

  "No way she'll be able to do push ups anymore, no way she can do her job," Bomber said softly. "I don't know if surgery can fix that."

  I just shrugged.

  "Your hands are bloody," he told me. I looked at them, then nodded. He sighed. "Go wash your hands, Ant."

  As I walked away, heading to my room to wash my hands, I heard him speak softly to himself.

  "Please, God, let me get out of here alive."

  Wake Up, Aodan

  I was 18 when it happened

  Just 18.

  I should have been at prom

  Or in classes, or at my first job

  Not where I was.

  GPS LOCATION ERROR

  GRID ERROR

  TIME/DATE STAMP ERROR

  WARNING! SYSTEMS OFFLINE!

  A kiss woke me up. A light brush against my lips that made me jerk awake. A woman was looking down at me and I knew she was smiling.

  "Wake up, sleepy head, you have to be at work in an hour," her voice told me.

  Frowning, I sat up in bed, swinging my legs over. I was wearing pajamas. Blue flannel with bunnies on them.

  "Breakfast is ready, Aodan," She said.

  I frowned. I hadn't heard that name used on me since I was ten years old. When I opened my mouth to protest I heard them.

  DADDY DADDY DADDY!

  Two little children ran into the bedroom. A girl and a boy, young, old enough to go to school, young enough to still have gaps in their smiles from missing baby teeth.

  They ran up, hugging me. I looked up and saw a toddler, a year and a half at the most, wobbling toward me with their arms out. I hugged them and gave them a kiss and stood up.

  "Bacon and eggs, Aodan," my wife said.

  wife?

  I stretched, then followed her out.

  The eggs were good as I swallowed the last bite, looking around the table. My wife was—

  wife?

  —in the kitchen, back to me, pouring me a cup of coffee. The kids were all smiling at the table, the baby in
the high chair and smeared with jam.

  "Foster came by, wanted to know if you guys were going bowling this weekend," my wife said.

  "Um," I got out.

  "Have fun, stay safe at work," My wife told me, kissing my cheek at the door. I turned and walked toward my truck. An old blue pickup truck. I'd rebuilt the engine in 8th grade, driven it in high school. It was sitting

  at my Grampa's farm

  in the driveway, light gleaming off the chrome.

  The engine fired up with a purr and I backed out onto the street.

  I pulled into the parking space at the slaughterhouse, getting out of my truck, grabbing my lunch pail and heading into the massive building.

  "Aodan," A voice made me slow.

  Johnathon Bomber hustled up next to me, holding out a bottle of beer. "Long shift this weekend," he said, grinning. "Wife wants

  wife?

  a new stove, boss said he'd pay us triple-time to work this weekend. You gonna be there?" He asked me.

  I nodded, opened my mouth to ask him who he married.

  "Wife wants that new fridge they're showing off at Sears," came out of my mouth instead.

  I was hosing out the pens, standing there in my black rubber apron that was nominally supposed to keep my clothing dry. My boots were soaked with blood that swirled around the drain as I sprayed the walls and floor.

  A piece of PFC ranks clinked as it went down the drain.

  "Hey, Aodan," Westlin said from behind me. I turned, and she was standing there, smoking a cigarette, a bloodstain just above and to the left of her belly button.

  "Yeah?" I asked, leaning back against the grill of my truck and mopping my brow. My lunch was sitting, half eaten, on the hood.

  "You coming to the bar after work?" She asked, smiling. She coughed, and blood ran over her lower lip and down her chin.

  "Naw," I said. "Gonna go home. The kids are

  kids?

  you know?" I said. Westlin nodded, taking another drag. A small wisp of smoke rose up from the hole in the T-shirt.

  The whistle went off and I tromped out of the stalls, hanging up my rubber apron, coiling the hose and putting it up after spraying the blood and gore off of it.

  The drive home was slow. I stopped to get bread at the store and Chief Henley glared at me from the seat of his cruiser as I went by. I pulled into the driveway and got out of my truck, lighting a cigarette.

  My wife sat on the porch swing of our little house. I could see her silhouette.

  "How was your day, Aodan?" She asked as I sat down next to her.

  that's not my name anymore

  "It was OK. Gonna work this weekend, get a bonus," I told her. Her lips grazed my cheek, leaving behind an echo of warmth. I stared out at the darkness, at my front lawn. At my farm. My farm. My wife

  wife?

  next to me on the porch swing.

  "Let's go inside, Aodan," she breathed in my ear. She stood up, smoothing her gingham dress and I took her hand, letting her lift me up. I followed her into the house.

  We checked on the children. They were asleep, curled up.

  We went into the bedroom and she drew me down onto the bed, into her embrace.

  "I love you, Aodan," she whispered in my ear as we made love. "I'll always love you."

  I came up in the bed, clawing at the wall, covered in sweat and shivering. The room was dark, cold, and I fell backward onto my bed.

  "It was just a dream," I told myself. "Only a dream."

  I shivered under the sheets and stared at the darkness.

  Above me there was a shout in German and boots crashing to the floor.

  That name. That fucking name. Nobody had called me by that name since I was ten, and hearing it in a dream made me feel dirty, contaminated.

  It made my cheekbone and my elbow hurt.

  I realized I was laying there, in the dark, crying. I didn't know why, I mean, it was just a dream. Sighing, I brushed away the dampness on my cheeks, rolled over, and went back to sleep.

  "Aodan, time to wake up," my wife said. "We promised to take the kids to the park."

  Lifting

  You may not call it love

  I did

  It was as close as I had gotten

  Maybe more than I deserved

  2/19th Company Area

  Restricted Area, Fulda Gap

  Western Germany, Europe

  03 November, 1984

  "Two more," Nancy told me. I grunted, inhaling deeply with the bar against my chest, then explosively exhaled, pushing the bar up. Nancy was holding the bar steady, just in case I lost my grip or something else happened.

  The bar, and the two-hundred-seventy-five pounds in plates on it, lifted smoothly and steadily. Once my elbows were straight I lowered it back down to just above my chest, inhaling, then exhaled sharply, lifting the bar again. She helped me by applying gentle pull so that I was able to drop it into the slots.

  I sat up, picking up my towel and wiping off.

  "I can't get over the change in you since you got divorced," Nancy said, sitting down on the Nautilus machine across from me. She put her arms against the pads, wrapping her fingers around the handles. "Set me up for an even hundred," she said.

  I nodded, mopping off my brow, and moving around behind the machine as she kept talking.

  "You were like five-six when you got here, now you're what, six foot even?" She asked.

  "Yeah," I moved the pin to one hundred. "Ready."

  "You've put on a lot of muscle too, Ant," She said. She inhaled sharply, then started bringing her arms in front of her, working her pectorals and back muscles.

  "Yeah," I moved over to where I set down a bottle of beer, taking a long drink off it.

  My muscles ached. I've been working for an hour and I was feeling the core muscles ache. It felt good, really good, and I leaned against the table, watching her work out. She was going slow, using the tension of the machine to work her back muscles, and I enjoyed watching her muscles work.

  When I was younger, I was used to country girls. Tera, my ex-wife, was a farm girl with a thick waist and heavy breasts. My only other girlfriend, Aine, was slender and willowy with small breasts. Nancy was taller than either of them had been, thicker in the body than either of them, and she was much more muscular.

  I'd found I liked looking at that kind of muscle.

  I lit a cigarette and watched her work, swinging my arms to loosen up the muscles and joints, keep myself from stiffening up. It was a little chilly in the weight room, so we were both wearing full PT sweats. The stupid blue with gold edging that was ugly as hell and more than a little itchy, but they were warm, which was nice.

  "Can I ask you a question?" I said when she finished her twenty reps and leaned back.

  She nodded, picking up her towel and wiping her face.

  "Do you ever have dreams that you didn't join the Army and are married with kids?" I asked her.

  She stopped wiping off. "Married to me?"

  I shook my head. "Nobody in particular," I half-lied. "Just, married with a job and children."

  "Thank God for that. But no," She shook her head. "No. I have dreams sometimes where I'm back in high school, but that's about it."

  "Oh," I looked down at the floor, taking a drag off the cigarette and blowing smoke.

  I heard the machine clink and her tennis shoes moved in front of me. "Ant, honey, are you all right?"

  I looked up at her, staring into her brown eyes. "Yeah, I'm OK. Just, you know, a weird dream."

  "You all done lifting?" She had her towel around her neck.

  I nodded, reaching out and grabbing my jacket. She grabbed hers and we left the weight room. I palmed the light switches, killing the lights, and we walked to the Middle Stairwell. Out steps were loud in the silence.

  Below us there was a long, low, pain-filled moan.

  "Brr, I hate that," Nancy said, referring to the sound.

  "Just the wind through the door seals," I told her, shrugging.


  She glanced at me and shook her head as we rounded the mid-way, heading up to the second-floor landing. When we got there, she yanked open the door, waving me through. Together we headed down to my room. She stood there, waiting, arms crossed under her breasts, while I unlocked the door.

  There was ice in the mechanism. It took me twice to get the tumblers to engage and even then the crunch of breaking ice was loud in the silent hall. I made a mental note to squirt some WD-40 into the lock to keep it from freezing up.

  Once we were inside I moved over to the radiator, turning the black knob all the way open to ward off the chill. When I turned around Nancy was stretching in the main room, reaching up to touch the roof with her fingertips. I stepped into her and she dropped her arms around my neck.

  "Hey there," she smiled, kissing me. When the kiss broke I started kissing down the side of her neck, my hands sliding down to cup her rear. She stepped back, out of my embrace, shaking her head. "I want a shower first."

  "We're just going to get all sweaty again," I told her, stepping forward to put my hand on her arm. "I'll go down on you," I promised.

  "Ew. No," She said, turning away. "I'm all sweaty and gross. My cunt's all swampy," she took my hand. "Come on, let's get in the shower."

  "This, from the woman who will fuck in the field after two months," I laughed, following her.

  "It's different, Ant," she told me, pushing open the door to the bathroom and hitting the lights.

  I ignored that for a second, just a blink, the reflection of us in the mirror didn't quite seem to line up correctly.

  "How?" I was honestly curious.

  "I'm all sweaty and gross from working out, but the shower's right here," she told me. She reached in and spun the handles. "In the field, there's no shower, no choice to be clean or dirty."

  I shrugged. "Doesn't bother me."

  She made a face. "Ew," she checked the water. "Nice and hot."

  We stripped down, me hurrying so I could watch her. I loved the way her body was put together. Soft woman over Army muscle. She saw me and moved slower, taking her time to peel off the T-shirt, the shorts, her sports bra and her panties. Finally she smiled at me, standing there naked, before stepping backward and into the shower. The shower curtain rustled around her, then swung back into place, hiding her.