The Shadow of a Dream

by Molly Lavenza

  Looking away from both the teacher’s shoes and my memories, I glanced back at Declan, who had his hand close to my neck, the tips of his fingers dangerously close to the ends of my hair. It wasn’t the first time I had caught him reaching for the thin strands, but I wasn’t sure what it meant, or why he wanted to touch them when he was so aware of how any contact with me would end.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The rest of the day passed, thankfully, without too much incident, except for the girls who stumbled over each other to talk to Declan in the halls between classes. He ignored them, for the most part, except when they actually had the nerve to step in front of them, blocking his, or rather, our way. He refused to engage in any conversation, instead excusing himself and moving to the side and forward again, always checking to be sure I was close enough for him to keep an eye on me.

  I knew from experience that in the long run, I would pay. Whether it was an altercation in the restroom like today, or an encounter that ended with food as my new accessory, again, like today, or nasty remarks and looks, which happened every day no matter how hard I tried to stay on the down low, I would pay.

  Declan was oblivious, unconcerned that as the new kid, he had a clean slate and could be anyone he wanted to be, including cool and popular. Still, the girls came and made an effort, and while some frowned and made obnoxious comments when he refused them, others gazed hopefully at his back as he walked away.

  I watched them all, keeping my head down and glancing from underneath my eyelashes.

  “This is a tiresome custom.”

  Declan’s voice surprised me as we left our last class, and he walked me to my locker so I could drop off what I didn’t need to take home with me. He hadn’t spoken too much since I had asked him what I thought was a joking sort of question about getting his way, and I wondered if he had taken me seriously. If he had taken offense for some reason.

  Stuffing a few notebooks, a textbook, and my yucky shirt into my bag, I turned and looked at him, not sure what he was talking about.

  “Storing school stuff in a locker?”

  As far as customs went, no, it wasn’t the most exciting, but I couldn’t see how something so mundane could merit Declan’s attention. Not when he had been saying all sorts of weird things earlier in the day that clearly indicated that his mind was elsewhere. I meant to ask about those weird things on our walk to my house, soon.

  “The approaches, flirting. It is so indirect,” he waved his hand in the air as he spoke, as if he wasn’t sure which words he should use to explain himself.

  The last thing all those girls who had offered themselves to him was indirect, I considered. Shaking my head as I pulled at the strap of my bag, which kept sliding off my shoulder, I started to walk towards the school office.

  We had our detentions to serve, which were held in the classroom right next to the vice principal’s office, and I didn’t want to invite further trouble by being late.

  Declan, however, stepped in front of me and pointed towards the front doors, and I remembered that he had said we wouldn’t have to worry about serving our detentions. Something about someone taking our places?

  “We’re getting you home, now. I have so much to tell you, and your birthday is coming up fast. We don’t have much time.”

  That wasn’t the first time he had mentioned that, either. What didn’t we have time for? What did my birthday have to do with it?

  “Come on. If anyone says anything to us, just keep walking.”

  I opened my mouth but all that came out was a vague sort of uhhhh sound.

  “Do you trust me?”

  Not really, I wanted to say. After all, this wasn’t a Disney movie, and Declan was a total stranger. A total stranger who wanted to get me alone and kept saying stuff that made no sense. Was I any more immune to his charms that any other girl at school?

  Nope, not in the least bit.

  Instead of answering his question, I followed him out of the front doors, and he reached out as if he was going to touch me as we stepped onto the sidewalk in front of the school. Before I could back away, he slid his fingers under the strap of my bag, nearly touching my shirt, and carefully lifted it from my shoulder, sliding it off my arm and slinging it onto his.

  I smiled, feeling the dry skin on my lips crack with the effort. The day felt like it was much longer than it needed to be, and I was definitely tired. I could take a nap, but then I would have trouble sleeping tonight, and even during naps I often had bad dreams. Besides, I had to stay alert and focused on asking Declan about his bizarre proclamations.

  “Declan and Hope, get back here this instant!”

  Mr. C, in true vice principal fashion, had followed us outside and as we moved from the sidewalk to the parking lot, called out to us. I thought of what Declan had said moments before, and kept my face forward and my feet in motion.

  His voice carried for a few minutes, and I wondered why we were so important that he would keep hassling us and get so angry about us ditching detention. What did he care? He could just give us more of them, I guessed. I wasn’t really sure what the school policy said about the punishment for skipping detentions, but it couldn’t be all that terrible.

  For all that Declan was an impossible addition to my life, I did trust him, at least as far as this went, and kept walking with him as we followed the road that led from the school parking lot to a busier road. This was where I often crossed to get to my house about a half mile away, just across the street and a few blocks zigzagging through an allotment.

  “Stop here, please.”

  Declan turned around in a circle a few feet from where I would have normally waited to cross the street, and stopped facing a wooded area that gave the school property a sort of cushion from the traffic.

  I had heard stories of my classmates having parties back in this area, where there were few trails and it was supposedly difficult to find a way out. It was popular now as the hotspot for Robbi and Deliah’s amorous activities as well.

  “What’s going on? I thought you wanted to walk me home.”

  I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, growing a little nervous about how he was acting. For all I knew he was a serial killer like the ones in the books Corrie’s mom liked to read, and wanted to lure me into the woods to chop me into little pieces.

  It would be my first date and my last, I thought with a sigh.

  “I do, but I want to show you something first.”

  What could he possibly show me among these trees?

  “Please, it will only take a few moments, and we won’t go far. I have so much to tell you, and I wouldn’t want to wait for any other reason.”

  What reason did he mean? My curiosity about this and every other question I had built up over the past seven hours overwhelmed my practical concern for safety and security. When he took a few steps into the tall grass that filled in the gaps between the trees, I followed, and he stopped a few inches ahead of me, not far from the road, where I could still see the cars speeding past.

  “Okay. What’s this about?”

  “You. Everything.”

  I started to shake my head when he held one of his hands out, as if he was inviting me to stand beside him, just a little closer.

  “Come with me. I can’t take you if you don’t accept my invitation.”

  Since when did I need an invitation to walk in the woods?

  “Okay, Declan. Whatever you say.”

  His smile was quick and sudden, and I was shocked by how much it meant to him that I would go along with whatever he was talking about.

  “Betwixt and between, we’ll have our queen.”

  The words were soft spoken, like a children’s song hummed quietly and thoughtlessly, but before I could ask what it meant, a cool breeze threaded through my hair and I took a deep breath, unable to help myself.

  A deep breath, not like those I had been taking all my life to calm down or refocus, as so many psychologists and counselors had taught me. This w
as a breath that filled my lungs with something sweet and refreshing, a purity in the air that cleared my dull headache and thrilled my skin with goosebumps.

  I heard giggling, realizing it was my own after a few minutes wondering who was making such a happy sound. Had I ever made such a noise before?

  Blinking, I squinted a little at the brightness of the green of the leafy trees, the shimmering sunlight that trailed through the branches. Everything that fell within my gaze was so vividly colored, like a shining hologram.

  “Declan, what’s going on?”

  I had been so absorbed by the spectacular sensations that surrounded and filled me, from the brilliance of the colors to the depth of the scents, to the energy that seemed to expand within my once tired frame, that I didn’t notice what Declan was doing as I stood mesmerized by the changes his words had brought about.

  The touch of his hand on mine, no, his hand holding mine, was warm and comforting, and nothing flashed behind my eyes. No visions or terrors, just the sweet sensation of skin on skin, and his beautiful smile beaming up at me.

  He was on one knee, his shining eyes gazing up at me with adoration. Either I was hallucinating all that was happening or I had died and gone to heaven, where this gorgeously perfect boy was guiding me to a place I had never seen before.

  “I’m here to take you to your true home,” he spoke breathlessly, the words nearly inaudible. “But this, this right here is where we are now, as it truly is. You aren’t meant to see it as such, because you don’t belong. Our home is richer and more vibrant even than this, but I couldn’t take you back without showing you what has surrounded you your whole life.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Take me back? True home? Making sense hadn’t been Declan’s strong point today but as I looked down at him, his eyes so happy and hopeful, a surge of panic battled with the incredible physical experience that overpowered me.

  “I searched for you for so long, and I am so sorry you’ve had to endure all these years as I failed again and again to find you.”

  Before I could respond to this new declaration, Declan rested his forehead gently on the back of my hand, which he still cradled in the palm of his own. A part of me wanted to stay like this forever, without knowing what or why was happening. Everything felt so perfectly right, even if none of it made any sense.

  “No one here knows the real you, including yourself. If you could only see how you look right now, how you are meant to look and feel . . . may I?”

  I wasn’t sure what he was asking, but I nodded anyway, mesmerized by his words. What he was saying might not have meant anything to me, but the way I felt and what I saw was absolutely real.

  Declan stood up, his hand still holding my own, and reached out with his other hand to pull my long hair over my shoulder and out in front of my face, where I saw not dry, crackling strands of brownish-blonde locks but sparkling gold threads like spun silk. I took a step back, gasping, and my hair fell from his grasp.

  Was that why he had been fixated on my hair all day? He had known that in these woods, where he had meant to take me all along, something would happen that would turn it to gold?

  I tried to think if he had, at any point that day, an opportunity to drug me. It was a long shot but no other explanation came to my mind as I battled with the joy of such a transformation of the world and experience I was enjoying it and the reality of whatever was happening. I wasn’t even sure what reality was now.

  “I’ll explain everything, I promise. But I brought you here to show you first, so that you might believe me when I do tell you who and what you are. It’s difficult to deny what you see and feel right now, isn’t it?”

  Nodding, I bit my lip to keep myself from smiling, noticing that the usual dryness of my lips that I had come to accept was gone. They were soft and plump, and I wondered what they looked like. Declan had just said that I was meant to look however I did now, and for the first time, I wished I had a mirror to see what it was that he saw when he looked at me with so much affection.

  “I have no clue what is happening, but you’re right. I can breathe easier, and everything is so . . . so . . .”

  “Alive?” Declan interrupted me as I struggled to find the right word. I nodded, allowing my smile to come through.

  “Will everything stay like this now? Is this some kind of medicine, or a trick that lasts only a little while?”

  I was hoping for the former, although I couldn’t see how a high school boy I didn’t even know could be carrying a miracle formula that none of my doctors had ever tried on me. How he could make everything appear and feel like they did now, though, would be some trick indeed.

  “It can’t stay like this, not here, and it is certainly no trick. We’re here, in the woods by the school, but not.”

  He laughed, and I realized that I was scrunching up my face. Didn’t he realize that I had no idea what he meant?

  “Betwixt. The words I said earlier let us slip in between worlds, to a place we call Betwixt. We can see into the human world, but no one there can see us.”

  The human world? Could no one really see us, even as we stood only a few feet into the woods, near two roads that were busy now with cars on one, and kids walking home from school on the other?

  As if summoned, five kids came into view, walking from the school and tossing a basketball back and forth. One of them laughed, and the others spoke loudly, as if they were arguing. Suddenly, the ball shot through the air towards us, falling into the grass near my feet.

  I didn’t move or speak as I watched one of the boys come stomping close to me, yelling and cussing as he did.

  When he bent down and picked up the ball, he stopped for a moment, his eyes shifting from right to left like an animal sensing something watching it. He shrugged and turned back, calling out to the boy who had thrown the ball before he sent it flying in the other kid’s direction.

  “He really didn’t see me, did he?”

  I turned my head back to face Declan, who was watching me closely. Before he could answer my question, which needed no response, I continued.

  “But he could sense me somehow. Like when a deer notices that you’re staring at it and runs off, even if you don’t move as you’re watching it.”

  He squeezed my hand gently.

  “Something like that. Not all humans can sense us, though, and we aren’t sure why some can, and others can’t. It’s just enough to know that they can’t see us, so they don’t know we’re here. It helps us keep an eye on things here, or see if we can help when needed.”

  When he didn’t continue, I frowned. His eyes darkened a little, and I waited, wondering what else this hiding place meant.

  “Sometimes it is used for ill, however, as in your case.”

  That didn’t offer any clarity, and Declan must have known it. He smiled again, although it was obviously forced.

  “I’ll explain more about that when we get to your house, but now, we have to step out of Betwixt. I’m sorry to do this to you, because returning to your experience in the human world will be difficult for you after realizing how much you’ve been missing.”

  Before I could make any attempt to understand what he was talking about, I caught myself against him, my breaths coming harder and heavier, pulling on me like weights. A woman I recognized from last night’s dream was smiling at me, but there was no kindness in it, only the promise of something terrible to come.

  I grasped at the leaves and grass on the ground beside me, gasping for air and shaking my head to clear it of the woman’s expression and the fear it stoked in my chest. Hadn’t I just been leaning against Declan, his body keeping me from falling directly onto the rough ground?

  “You can use this tree to help you stand back up. I wish I could help you, but . . .”

  He knew that he couldn’t help me, but how did he know? Even Corrie, who had never witnessed any of my outbursts and as a result, was the only friend I had at school, didn’t know why and didn’t push me to attempt
to explain what I didn’t really understand myself.

  “But how?”

  Before I could ask my question in its entirety, a rush of pain filled my head, throbbing in my temples and behind my eyes. Declan was close by, although I had closed my eyes against the terrible return of so much discomfort, and the sense of his presence was a mild comfort to me.

  Could he do it again, take me to Betwixt, where I had not only been free of pain but flourished in the beauty and sensation? He had warned me that leaving that place would be difficult, but I had no idea what he meant, or any time to ask him about it before my breath was stolen from me.

  “In a few moments it should pass, and we will go to the house where you reside.”

  The very thought of standing unsupported and walking that half mile was nauseating. If Declan didn’t watch out, he might end up with what little I had eaten today all over his shoes.

  “I’ll tell you everything, and after showing you this, I truly hope you will be better prepared to believe me.”

  I sat back on my heels, trying desperately to gain my equilibrium, or what little I originally had. There was nothing I could say in response, even if I could speak while focusing on taking even breaths and not vomiting up my lunch.

  “We need you, and you need us. To remain here in the human world is to sentence yourself, as well as your human counterpart, to a certain death.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Now he had my attention, and it wasn’t for his charming tone or polished words. Death didn’t actually seem like such a far off notion, not when I was fighting for each breath I managed to intake and expel.

  Human counterpart? It was true that he had made comments several times over the past few hours that mentioned humans, as if the two of us were not included in that category. At this point, however, I wasn’t as concerned about that detail as I was about the dying part.