The Shadow of a Dream

by Molly Lavenza

  “I do. Can I ask you a question, too?”

  My voice sounded stronger than it had back home, deeper and more resonant. I was pleased that my determination to discover more about this realm and how I was to fit in when there was another me somewhere was made clear.

  “Wait, I’ll answer any questions you have, just don’t . . .”

  “I would be pleased to tell you what you wish to know,” the girl shook her long mane of hair slightly as if to dismiss Declan’s protest as she spoke over his plea.

  For a moment I was torn between listening to his warning and taking the opportunity to learn more from this frightening creature, but then my curiosity won out.

  “Why do you call him Prince Declan?”

  Declan looked down, avoiding her stare as well as my question. Why was he hiding his identity from me? He hadn’t told me anything about himself, except that he had been looking for me in the human realm for a long time.

  Why had a faerie prince left his own world to search for a changeling girl?

  Tinkling laughter interrupted my thoughts and I returned my attention to the lux, who began to clap her hands with delight.

  “How do you not know the one with whom you travel? Faerie is a dangerous place for one as valuable as you. You shouldn’t allow yourself to be led by a stranger.”

  Valuable? Her answer didn’t make any sense, and more importantly, didn’t truly answer my own question. I leaned forward a little more, as if seeing her more closely could explain away my growing confusion, which had only multiplied since we came upon her.

  “Your hair, pretty one . . . is that gold I see?”

  The lux’s dainty hands flew to her flushed cheeks and her mouth fell open.

  “Oh, Prince Declan. What a naughty boy you are. Wait until she finds out . . .”

  “Go away! You’ve caused enough trouble by delaying us,” Declan suddenly yelled, “and there’s no doubt that you’ll bring about more once we’re free of you!”

  He grabbed my hand and surprised me but jerking me away, although I surprised myself by not stumbling as I followed behind him, leaving the lux in a fit of laughter that only abated when she threw words at us instead.

  “Trouble?” she called out, her sparkling voice becoming nasty as she continued, although she wasn’t coming after us. “You don’t know what trouble is, you arrogant princeling!”

  Chapter Twenty Three

  “You seriously have a lot of explaining to do!”

  I was surprised that neither of us were out of breath after Declan kept my hand tightly in his for a long time, racing us both out of the woods and into a big, floral meadow. I was uncomfortably reminded of my vision, which was still my own secret. Would telling him change anything between us, or the future itself?

  “I know, and in my haste to get you into Faerie I’ve neglected to tell you so much.”

  At least he admitted it, I considered as we came to a stop by a creek full of cattails, their fluff bursting from their seams. This world wasn’t so different from the human one, except that it was incredibly perfect and clear, like it had been created, a living work of art.

  “Why did she call you a prince? Who is this she who won’t be happy to hear about me? And why did she say I was valuable?”

  It wasn’t all of my questions, not by a longshot, but those were the ones based only on our interaction with the lux. Declan’s face was flushed when he turned to face me, and I wanted to push the damp, dark curls from his face so I could see his expression better.

  “There are more important things you need to know before we get to the center of Faerie. I can’t completely prepare you for who and what we’ll see, but you should know who and what you are.”

  As far as I could surmise, I wasn’t human, but that didn’t really give me much insight as to what I was. Did being born in Faerie mean I was a fairy, or fae, or was I another sort of creature, like the lux?

  “Why did you say that I was the hope of Faerie? How could I be so important? Was that why the lux said I was valuable?”

  This new string of questions seemed to push Declan away, and he released my hand to wander towards the creek. A sudden rush of wind brought a wave of beautiful white birds over us, and as they cleared the sky three of them fell, landing in front of me before I could move away.

  “It’s true!”

  “She’s here!”

  “Thank you, Prince Declan!”

  All three birds bowed and chirped before me, and I frowned, looking down at them before I shifted my gaze to Declan. He shook his head, but I wasn’t sure if it was to warn me to stop with the questions while the birds were present or to shake off the birds’ appearance.

  I wondered if these beautiful winged creatures bore fangs like the lux, or bore ill will towards Declan as she had.

  In a flash of white glare, the birds carried themselves up and away without another word, leaving me speechless. The entire event had taken less than a minute, and I was both surprised and sad at not having a chance to respond to them.

  Nothing about them had seemed threatening or sarcastic, and I hoped that their comments had been honest and true.

  “Does Prince Declan have anything to say for himself?” I asked, my own tone less playful than I intended. He looked off in the distance to where the birds had disappeared in a flurry of upbeat calls to each other.

  “It’s true, I am a prince. But it’s also true that my memory is faulty.”

  What did he mean, faulty? He had seemed so sure of himself, and of the need to bring me here. Or rather, the need to convince me to come here of my own free will, since I was the one who had the key to the realm as well as the ability to use it.

  I had both all of these years, with no clue as to the real cure for my physical ills.

  “Faulty?”

  He was quiet after his revelation, so I wasn’t sure how to ask about either his royal status or his memory.

  “Declan?”

  With a hand over his eyes, he turned his face up towards the sun, and a warm breeze rustled through his hair. I felt it lift my own hair, now soft and smooth against the back of my neck, and tousle the golden strands over my shoulder. The lux had been excited when she noticed the color of my hair, no longer a bland dark blonde like dirty straw. What did gold hair mean in Faerie?

  “I’ve been searching for you for so long, and my memories of much more than my mission to bring you home are faded, although there are missing pieces that I believe were taken from me before I was sent to the human realm.”

  Although he had told me that he had looked for me for a long time, it just now occurred to me that I thought he was my age, because he looked like a high school student, but if he spent years trying to find me, that couldn’t be the case.

  “How old are you?”

  He shook his head, but kept his eyes turned away from me.

  “I’m not sure. Does it matter?”

  I frowned, pouting a little. It didn’t take me long to realize that no, it didn’t matter, but what did was his emotionless response. Was he worried about how I would react to this news, both about his age and his memories?

  “Not really. I just don’t understand what’s going on.”

  His smile was clearly forced, but at least he looked at me when he answered.

  “I know, and there’s a lot that I don’t either, but that is because my memories must have been tampered with before I left to find you.”

  He walked back to me slowly, his eyes never leaving mine.

  “And now you’re here, and I mean to take you to your rightful place. Once you’re there, I hope to discover who took my memories and why. Perhaps they can be returned.”

  I stared. Rightful place, something else I had heard him say earlier, with no context to figure out what he meant. I hesitated to ask, understanding that his own thoughts were intent on the loss of his memories.

  Before he could take my hand, I reached out for his.

  “Let’s go then, to this rightful pla
ce of mine. Maybe you can tell me more about it along the way.”

  His grip was tight, yet there was something plaintive about it, as if he was the one looking for reassurance now. Everything he had done that day was to earn my trust and protect me from harm, but he had just shown me a side to him that revealed his own weakness and need for support.

  It drew me in to trust him all the more.

  “As far as being a prince goes, all I know is that I am one, but not from this part of faerie. There is more than one kingdom, and sometimes we are at odds, or so I recall. But this one is where you belong.”

  That didn’t seem to make sense, but I waited for him to continue rather than say it out loud. We followed the clear stream that was lined with cattails until it opened into a small lake, where picture perfect water lilies dotted the surface.

  “I know that luxes have only evil intent, and that I was asked by someone with power to bring you back here. I know that time works differently here than in the human realm, and I know that dreamseeing is a mark of a changeling. What I know the most, however, is that being your guide and protector is the most important role I’ve ever had in my life. I can’t imagine anything will surpass this in worthiness in my future.”

  It was quite a speech from the boy who had been reluctant to share any information with me all day, and it took me some time to wrestle with the words in my head as we stood by the lake together, side by side.

  He really didn’t remember much, just enough to know that he had to find me and bring me here. No, he needed to take me somewhere within Faerie to the one who had asked for him to retrieve me, or rescue me, in the first place.

  Was this the person who had switched me with the real Hope when we were babies? Why would they steal her and leave me in her place just to bring me back years later?

  “Do you feel them watching us? All of the creatures who have waited for this day, they can sense your return.”

  The shift in conversation was unexpected, and I wasn’t sure what he meant until I took a deep breath and cleared my head. The wind carried a far-off tune, a springy melody that spoke of joy and expectation, and there was movement in the bushes and the forest that remained at our side.

  Whatever was watching was pleased, and if what Declan said was true, it was up to me to fulfill their hopes, although I had no idea who I was or why so much depended on me.

  Chapter Twenty Four

  He was right. Since we had left the lux behind, all I felt was warmth and acceptance, a boost to my barely existent self confidence. The birds, their arrival both unpredicted and glorious, were beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

  Declan had succeeded in distracting me momentarily from my questions, and the look on his face, somehow both ashamed and thrilled, stopped me from continuing my pursuit of information. I wished I had pen and paper to take notes, both of my questions and the few answers I was gathering along the way.

  My memory wasn’t that great, but now that I wasn’t in the human realm, maybe I would have no trouble remembering everything I wanted to know.

  But Declan’s memories - would his loss of them make him unable to answer some of my questions? He obviously knew enough about me and about his quest to find me and bring me here, but beyond that?

  Would we meet more creatures along the way to wherever we were going who could share more about this world and my role in it?

  Time was of the essence, I knew, and as Declan kept his thoughts to himself while we walked over a thin wooden bridge, the shimmering lake beneath us, I decided to venture a question that had nothing to do with him.

  Bright flickers of light shone beneath the water’s surface, now that we were closer to the middle of the small lake and the water lilies no longer covered the water itself. Because the wooden planks that made up the bridge were thin and few, Declan and I took our steps across close together, our hands still entwined.

  I wasn’t sure if my desire to keep his hand in mine was because I had never been able to hold hands with someone before, or if it was personal, the warmth and security of his skin pressed tightly to my own creating feelings that were entirely new to me.

  When the girls at school talked about complicated relationships, they had no idea.

  Would I ever see any of them again?

  “Why are we in a hurry? You’ve said that we don’t have much time, but you never told me why. Is there some kind of trouble here that we need to help with?”

  The bridge narrowed further, and Declan stopped walking, allowing me to step ahead of him. Our hands fell apart, and I had to stop myself from reaching back to grab his, not wanting to lose touch with him. He slid his arm around me, guiding me to keep moving in front of him as he left his hand on my back.

  “Your birthday is only nine days away.”

  What did that have to do with anything? I hadn’t remembered that, and was immediately wondering if Corrie and I would end up at the movies, watching whatever was showing that night, and finishing the evening at home with my parents, who would have some new concoction of dairy and gluten-free confection for us to sample.

  Corrie always acted as if the pseudo-cakes and cookies my mom baked or purchased tasted fine, but since they were bland and textureless in my own mouth, I knew that she, who was used to the real things in a variety of flavors, must have been disgusted by them.

  Would time here in Faerie be slow enough for me to be back for my birthday, or was I even going to go back at all?

  I stopped and turned to him, our bodies pressed close together as he hadn’t expected me not to continue walking.

  “What does my birthday have to do with this? Will I spend it here, or at home?”

  He shook his head as his hand trailed over my shoulder, his fingers touching the tips of my hair.

  “I shouldn’t take such liberties, not with you, but I can’t stop touching you. It’s incredible to have you here, just as it was when I found you. You just don’t know what this means to all of us. What you mean to me.”

  That was no answer, but I was mesmerized by the emotion behind his response. I leaned into him, not sure if he would mind if I kissed him or if I even knew how, but stopped myself. I wanted answers, and even if Declan wasn’t purposefully trying to distract me, I had to redirect us both before we kept going, either by walking forward on the bridge or just giving in to my desire.

  “You’re right, I don’t know. I don’t know who I am or why I’m here. Why is my birthday important? What will happen then that made it necessary to get me here right now?”

  He gazed at my hair as he held the ends up to the sunlight. My mother used to buy all kinds of conditioning products in an attempt to smooth out all of my split ends; what would she think to see it now, silky and golden as it draped over Declan’s skin?

  Without looking at my face, he explained, haltingly, what exactly my eighteenth birthday held in store for me.

  “If you had remained in the human realm, you never would have awakened on your birthday. Changelings can only survive under human circumstances until their childhood is over.”

  Shocked, I stepped back, creating enough distance between us for my hair to fall from his touch.

  “How long have you been searching for me?”

  He shook his head, finally allowing his gaze to drift back to mine. I glanced down, wary of our tenuous footing over the water, but he seemed unconcerned.

  “Since you were switched with the human girl.”

  I didn’t want to ask how old he was, and maybe he didn’t even remember. But it was a little creepy, staring at a boy who seemed so close to me in age but clearly old enough to be sent on an errand to a different realm to rescue a baby born almost eighteen years before.

  “What is it?”

  Declan’s question surprised me, and I realized that I was frowning.

  “Really, Declan? Where do I start?” I shrugged, then waved my arms up over my head. “Even when I get answers, I still don’t understand what is happening. Why me, and where
is the girl who is the true Hope?”

  My stomach curled in on itself as I realized that if my death in the human realm at the age of eighteen was a certainty, would the human girl I was meant to impersonate die when she reached that age as well?

  I shifted my weight a little to move backwards, but a sting around my ankle held me back. Something jerked at my leg, and Declan grabbed at my arms.

  “Don’t move!” he commanded, his voice loud as he kicked at my foot.

  No, he wasn’t kicking at my foot, he was stomping on what was wrapping itself around my ankle.

  Once I saw it, I couldn’t look away, and the screams that began to churn in the air around me only fueled my terror. It took me a few moments to realize that the screams were my own.

  A long-taloned claw was reaching out of the water, but the body to which it was attached was far enough beneath the surface to remain out of sight. The size of the claw, though, was large enough to make me glad I could see no more of it, as it was horrifying enough.

  Worse, the sharp ends were digging through my jeans, and for once, I was glad my mom bought the heavier, store-brand ones to keep me warmer than the more stylish, more expensive ones my classmates wore.

  “Pulling away only increases the tension, so try to calm down. Take a deep breath, and relax. I won’t let you fall.”

  That possibility hadn’t occurred to me yet, and as much as I wanted to offer him a sarcastic thank you for giving me the idea, I kept my mouth shut, both to let him stay focused on removing the talons from my leg and to hold back my screams.

  Declan’s arms held me close, but there was nothing romantic about his embrace. His foot was stomping all around mine, and he randomly lifted it to kick around my ankle.

  “For every one of us in Faerie who is pleased to see your prize, there are a dozen who know of your failure, Prince Declan.”

  The lux we saw earlier, or one that looked almost exactly like her, materialized at the end of the bridge, blocking our exit. Her lips were bright red, the color smeared over her chin as if she had recently eaten something that spilled over from her mouth.