Absolute Shopping Addict- Volume 1

by Way Woo

  The island’s response to his presence was immediate: it began with a low rumble, and graduated into full-on shaking as the ground itself began to move.

  As the earth shook, the field of grass began to rise, and a low-pitched cry resonated across the island.

  Jake couldn’t see the source of the cry, as he nearly lost his balance as the field of grass began to rise, and the more it rose, the more bits and pieces of the meadow around the field of grass began to crumble off, revealing tree roots that were fused to the giant turtle’s shell.

  When the field stopped rising, a shock wave rippled throughout the isle, and the chunks of meadow began to slough off more rapidly.

  And thus, was the Cherry-Shell Snapper, the second boss monster set to invade Brino, began to awaken after its long slumber, sensing a feeble presence trespassing on its territory...

  ***

  As the gigantic turtle stirred from its sleep, the rocks and soil falling off its form began to arrange themselves into vaguely human-shaped rock monsters… all aiming for the interloper on this island.

  “So…” Jake said, hefting his sword, his attention focused from the source of the shaking to the monsters currently making their way towards him, “you’re the welcoming committee?”

  The many rock monsters, who would have taken out an adventurer in Brino on their own, charged.

  “Pay up!”

  Unwilling to let the rock monsters dictate the pace of this fight, he intercepted the first group of monsters himself, taking out his first enemy with a vicious slash from his Swiftstone Sword, and turned to the next group of enemies.

  “REALLY pay up!”

  A wide swing ended up pulverizing several monsters made of stone, thanks to the massive weight of Jake’s weapon.

  “Pay up…”

  Swing, and another monster was bisected easily, despite its body being made of rocks.

  “IMMEDIATELY!”

  A larger rock monster tried to swallow Jake in one bite but got a mouthful of Swiftstone before the slash downward cut it open from jaw to hip.

  “Who’s going to be the holiday gift?”

  For all of Jake’s power and the weapon he carried, he was killing monsters so fast that they were considered mercy kills.

  “Who’s the attendance incentive?”

  A clump of monsters simply ceased to be when Jake leaped into the air and brought his sword down onto them, letting momentum and gravity do his work.

  “What’s the overtime going to be?”

  Another rock monster leaped, and this time Jake didn’t bother with any drama and met it in midair, reducing it to gravel with several slashes

  “Why are YOU the promotion bonus?!”

  A different-colored and more fearsome rock monster was the last one among the wave of monsters Jake took care of, crushing its head with the flat of the Swiftstone Sword as if he was pounding a melon with a sledgehammer.

  “This is not enough!“

  Another wave came, and he was ready.

  “I need more money!”

  In charged the monsters.

  “I’m going to sing while I work! So open your ears and listen well!”

  Taking a stance, Jake went after the first monster and began the battle anew.

  “It’s CASH! The thing that makes my world go around!”

  “It’s like a Mona Lisa painting with surround sound!”

  “Because money rules the world everywhere you go!”

  “I get the money, when I do I reign, rock and roll!”

  He continued spitting rhymes to an imaginary beat, evading attacks easily and pulverizing the enemy monsters his sword couldn’t crush into powder.

  And as soon as the second wave of monsters petered out into a goblin every few seconds, Jake ran out of things to rhyme about.

  “Wait a second…” he said to himself, backhanding a rock monster with the flat of his sword, causing it to collapse into pebbles flying by, “let’s run it back!“

  Jake’s stance relaxed.

  “That flow wasn’t too hot.“

  The next wave of monsters was coming to get him.

  “Let’s make the next one spicy!”

  In Jake’s mind, when he lost his groove, he also lost the fabulous ways he was hunting the monsters on this island.

  “If you want experience, I got bullion; gain a few levels while I buy you out, son!“

  And Jake was once again flowing his lyrics to an imaginary beat, slaying the monsters coming at him in waves, an unstoppable whirlwind of death wielding a very powerful sword.

  It was the compulsion placed onto this island’s monsters, to defend the biggest monster here: The Cherry-Shell Snapper.

  But it served no purpose as wave after wave of monsters were thrown at Jake, who disposed of them with glee, his grin growing wider with all the points he was gaining from hunting these monsters.

  He could almost smell the scent of cherry blossoms from where he was at, though an ordinary adventurer would only smell the blood and guts of the enemies he had slain.

  if I keep this up, this skill set will be mine in no time at all!

  It was then – right after the next wave of monsters Jake put down – that an incongruous sound made itself known in the battlefield.

  “Moo,” the sound came again, and Jake had to turn to see what was making that sound. A cow’s moo, on this island?

  The unfamiliar sound lulled him into relaxing for a moment and then...

  Jake’s knees buckled as a concentrated wall of what could best be described as wrongness flowed through the island.

  “What’s this?”

  His vision began to spin and his head began to feel like it was two sizes too small for his brain as another ‘moo’ blasted him nearly off balance, Jake had to stab his weapon to the ground and lean on it, just so he wouldn’t fall over.

  And, through eyes narrowed with nausea, Jake could see a pure-white cow slowly walk onto the meadow.

  “Moo,” and whatever it was nearly bowled Jake over.

  it was here that Jake finally realized the reason why they called it the Island of Delusion.

  ***

  It was only now that Jake realized that he may have bitten off more than he could chew, as he was only able to work with such a grueling pace was because of his proximity to Brino, where he could rest for the minimum amount of time before going back to hunting monsters.

  He could easily make the claim that out of all the adventurers in Brino’s 11th tutorial area, he hunted the greatest number of monsters.

  His motivation was simple enough: shopping.

  To avail of the latest deals in the Hero Shop, Jake had hunted tirelessly and continuously, only returning to Brino to heal his wounds and remove his fatigue.

  It was also the reason why he didn’t just turn and run when the Werecrocodile came calling.

  “Damn it...” Jake cursed, his breath coming out irregularly while the wounds from the previous waves of monsters were beginning to add up.

  Nowhere to rest and recuperate in my condition.

  And now this cow shows up.

  This is kind of like when I accumulate interest because I can’t pay back the loan.

  All these monsters’ attacks on me are snowballing.

  Shit…

  Jake gripped his weapon in near desperation. Even when he fought the Werecrocodile, he did not face such a situation before…

  I hope the afterlife has a good online shop too… wait a minute, why the fuck am I thinking that way?

  Another moo, and Jake had to scream out in pain as the sound ravaged his eardrums and removed his ability to balance himself.

  “First the moo, then the charge,” he muttered, looking through the corner of his eye and reading the monster’s information.

  It was called a Banshee Bovine, and its population was centered around the Island of Delusion.

  Its attack pattern was simple and its movements slow when not in battle, but that was not what made it d
angerous.

  When aggressive, it would first cry out to stun its enemy… and then it would make its way over, mooing every now and then to keep its enemy stunned.

  Then, at a certain distance, it would lower its head… and charge.

  The attack known as the Banshee Bull Rush was something that would tear the unprepared adventurer to pieces if it hit.

  And Jake, due to the magic defense books he bought earlier, was able to ward off the worst effects of the Banshee Bovine’s cries, but got a wound on his side for his trouble.

  This is not good, he thought. I need more magic defense.

  His first idea was to save up for tomes that provided magic defense, but as soon as he opened up the Hero Shop, a notification appeared.

  [Are you having a load of bull on the Island of Delusion? Is buying the Cherry Blossom Set surprising you with its udder difficulty? Banshee Bovines getting you in-cow-herent? Well, look no further as we have an offer for you, so that you don’t have a cow while you’re on the Island of Delusion! We have a diamond ring for sale: not only does it feature fine craftsmanship in a bezel setting, it also increases your magical defense by 3!]

  Just in time! Jake thought, and silently said a prayer of thanks for the people working on the Hero Shop.

  It was a perfect time to introduce an appropriate item, and it showed that the Hero Shop was very good at acting during moments like this. You could say their business acumen was like catching lightning in a bottle.

  [You can purchase this fine piece of jewelry for the low, low price of 7000 points!]

  Holy – that’s cheap!

  Even cheaper than a tome for raising magical defense!

  Jake looked at the item details on the Black Label Hero Shop and couldn’t help but sigh.

  So bright and beautiful…

  So radiant…

  Diamonds weren’t worth anything in Nohas, but Jake didn’t care.

  Even its reflection off a mere image is enough…

  It only took the item details for Jake to gather up his willpower – if he could actually hold onto the ring and slip it around his finger, he knew he’d be able to handle anything else coming at him.

  Sweet sexy thing, bring that box to me, baby I’m in the mood to wrap you ‘round my finger… Jake crooned to the image. Just you wait! I’ll have you from the Black Label and around my finger, and I’m not going to die trying! Fuck it, you’re ending up on my finger and that’s a promise!

  ***

  Here was a golden opportunity for Jake to find out if the song was true.

  Men grow cold as girls grow old

  Jake’s scattered mind was beginning to find its focus as he held out the Swiftstone to ward off the effects of the Banshee Bovine’s cries.

  And we all lose our charms in the end

  He never had a chance in his life to ever hold onto such a valuable and priceless piece of jewelry like that.

  But square-cut or pear-shaped

  “If I can get a ring like that around my finger, those cows and that snapper could have their way with me and it wouldn’t be a wasted life,” Jake whispered. “Celebrities get rings like that for engagements or weddings. Not salarymen in other worlds with giant swords hunting monsters.”

  These rocks don’t lose their shape

  Jake’s clouded eyes returned to its usual sharpness as his obsession with shopping had given him enough power to withstand the Banshee Bovine’s vicious cries, and when it charged, Jake evaded the attack easily.

  “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend!” Jake sang, before brandishing his Swiftstone Sword at his tormentor, not really caring that he wasn’t a girl, he just wanted to wear that damn ring. “Now come on, you loudmouth! Time to turn you into a pile of hamburger!”

  With its primary method of dealing with enemies removed, the cow lowered its head and readied itself to charge again.

  Episode 17

  ***

  The man lay face down in the dirt.

  I’m tired.

  In a pool of his blood… mostly.

  It’s tough.

  He could barely lift up his head.

  How long have I been doing this?

  Slowly but surely, though, he did.

  Let me close my eyes for a moment.

  The man raised his head slowly, painfully, and as his head tilted upward, tiny gouts of blood appeared around his neck and shoulders.

  Just give me a moment.

  But despite his state, a glow of determination still shone from his eyes.

  Because each time the monsters and Jake Smithson’s own fatigue and negative thoughts brought him down, he just had to look at one thing.

  Amazing.

  His eyes greedily drank in the sight of the diamond mounted on the ring on his finger.

  Okay, moment over.

  Merely looking at the ring caused Jake to get his mind back together, smiling as he gradually and agonizingly hauled himself up to his feet.

  It was like seeing a marionette with its strings cut in reverse.

  The small gouts of blood going out of him, the bloodstains on his clothes and his wounds all made for quite an eerie sight, compounded by the smile of pure joy he was wearing.

  At this point I’ve hit the wall… everything I earn, I immediately spend. Am I doomed to this salaryman like existence once more? Jake asked himself, considering the facts of his situation.

  First, I bought a turtle ship and a diamond ring: grand total, twenty-two thousand points.

  After that though… the expenses started piling up.

  Consumable healing items.

  Guess you could say I’m running on hopes, dreams, and the infinitely refilling stocks of the Hero Shop right now.

  And my point accrual has slowed to a freaking crawl.

  How long will it take until I purchase the Cherry Blossom manual?

  A week? A month? A year?

  But… every time I see this ring, all of that goes away.

  Shopping addicts had a way of lying to themselves: they fixate on the latest trinket they buy and ignore all other concerns.

  Jake Smithson was a lot like those people.

  I’m no girl but this diamond is proving to be my best friend on this island, he added, noting that the increased magic defense it gave him empowered him enough to withstand the Banshee Bovine’s cries, and in turn hunt them down for minimal injury.

  He had passed the meadow the Banshee Bovines called home and into what looked like a desert, where more wonderful surprises awaited him.

  Jake barely made it ten steps into the desert when a stinging pain suddenly flared up on his shoulder.

  He turned his head to see a snake wriggling as it tried to find a purchase on his neck.

  Would have hurt if I didn’t buy those Physical Damage manuals, he thought. Shame I have to put this one down – looks exotic.

  The sudden appearance of the snake was no big deal to him, as he calmly snapped the snake’s neck with his free hand and threw it back into the hole in the sand where it came from.

  Another couple of steps later, Jake realized that the sand viper clinging to his neck had some sort of skill where it could hide from prey and then pounce.

  One cracked sand viper neck later, he was once again on his way, thanking his physical defense and the fact that the sand viper used this camouflage ability to contend with other presumably venomous snakes in the desert.

  To his relief, the only other sand viper attacks on him came few and far between after that.

  It did look a little disturbing that whenever Jake pulled out the sand viper clinging to his neck, a small gout of blood would burst from where the sand viper sank its teeth into him.

  These critters may not be venomous, but they sure have a hell of a bite to them. What a pain in the neck, Jake thought as he nonchalantly cracked the neck of yet another sand viper before tossing its dead body away.

  Normally, people would react in a panic from a snake attacking like that or leaving gaping wounds like
that.

  But then again, Jake wasn’t quite normal, because due to his improved stats, he could just grab the snake biting onto his neck, and with a simple bend of the wrist, break the sand viper’s neck and discard it like no one’s business.

  He had gone for about fifteen minutes without any sand viper attacks, until he realized that he could make a lot of points by just letting the sand vipers attack him and dispose of them after he retaliated.

  I’m making a good rate of points gained compared to the consumables I use now, Jake thought. Sand vipers don’t give as much points as I like, but they’re easy enough to bait and kill, so that’s good.

  The wounds they leave behind are kind of gross, though, but no arrangement is perfect.

  Compared to when I first got here, I’m now getting the hang of this place – speaking of which, I’m sure I’m at the middle of the island – where’s the Cherry-Shell Snapper?

  Unbeknownst to Jake, he had already spent the good chunk of several hours heading to the heart of the Island of Delusion, with the monster he was targeting still nowhere in sight.

  Maybe I should start wandering randomly?

  The forest bordering the desert looked ominous, and Jake made his way there, thinking he’d have a heck of a time cutting down the underbrush and the smaller trees nearby to move around easier…

  But that was when the scenery changed before his eyes.

  Not even fifty feet in, the underbrush thinned out, revealing a clearing with a gigantic tree in the middle, surrounded by roots that were as thick as tree trunks and as numerous as its leaves.

  Jake’s awe quickly changed to determination when he knew that this place was the center of the Island of Delusion.

  Okay, if this is the center… where’s the boss monster? Where’s the Cherry-Shell Snapper?

  I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be here, wandering around and looking for adventurers to attack. You know, like in those online games.

  No Snapper here.

  No monsters, either.

  Okay. If the Snapper isn’t here… it might be near the shores if it’s not smack dab in the middle of the island. The river will most likely be my next destination.

  His disappointment written on his face, Jake turned away and was about to take his journey to the other half of the island, when something very interesting caught his eye.