Aisling

by Nicole Delacour

  There were some truths better left unsaid, and Jess had held her tongue with the world, but the Aisling had seen everything. He had been there through everything. The idea that he didn’t understand grated on her. “Ever since I can remember – I just – you don’t get it. I have been waiting - I will always be waiting for a fight that isn’t coming. Is this because of you? How much of this is you?”

  “Enough,” he admitted. She nodded, but he continued, “More good than you’d like to believe and less bad than you’d like to blame me for. You can’t hold a grudge for what’s done.”

  “It’s not a grudge, but if it were, you’d deserve it,” she griped before standing. “I have no idea where we are – did he just stop in the middle of the street?”

  “We needed off. We got off. Let’s just keep moving,” the Aisling replied.

  Chapter Four

  Jess broke the uneasy silence as they followed the bus route on foot. “Who was the first one of your reflectors to find out you were separate from them?”

  “Polemy – ruler of Thebes,” he answered without pause and shifted to what appeared to be an older man though his lack of features made it rather hard to tell.

  Huffing, she kicked at the pavement. “Sheesh – haven’t you ever been someone unimportant?”

  Here, he did pause. After a moment, he whispered, “I was supposed to be you.”

  Jessica stopped and glanced down at her shadow. He stared back with invisible eyes. “You’re saying this to someone who hasn’t had food today and has been trekking without any true idea of direction all for the sake of getting these flecks of stone to some supposedly destined hiding place to prevent the layers of reality from collapsing due to gateways opening up! I hardly think that qualifies as unimportant.”

  Shadow shoulders shrugged. Holding up his hands in mimed placation, he explained, “I said you were supposed to be. All importance that you have is my fault. I’m sorry.”

  “You should be. Some of us would enjoy the comfort of knowing we would die in our sleep of old age rather than hiking through who-knows-where for the sake of a talking shadow.” She scoffed and trudged forward despite her legs protests.

  Her shadow trailed behind for a moment before running to catch up to her. It was no longer an older man’s shadow but a young man with curls. Glancing down, Jessica noticed that the nose was straighter and the legs leaner and longer. Her temper held her tongue, and she stormed onwards without commenting on the change.

  “I know that it seems cruel, but the reality is you were the perfect reflector to hide with due to the absolute mediocrity of your fate,” he said in an attempt to appease her. When she failed to reply, he continued, “I know it’s difficult to understand. Importance is such a strange concept for humans. There’s so much – well, it would be difficult to explain to your kind. I am not judging importance the same way you are. You never were supposed to do anything grand that would keep your name known for longer than your lifetime. No books, no prestigious awards meriting actual attention, but you were someone. I know it means little to you. You weren’t important to the world, but you were important to someone. To several people, you mattered.”

  Doubt crept through her in time with curiosity. The last year had left her feeling utterly insignificant, and each reminder of her supposed unimportance only removed any confidence she’d rebuilt in the interim. On her tongue, the question hung like an anchor made of lead. If she dared ask it, he might give away his life. Even if he sounded honest in his answer, Jess wasn’t entirely certain she’d be able to believe him.

  With little else to talk about, she asked despite herself, “Like who?”

  “Tom Conrad ,” he replied. The name verged on the edge of her memory almost completely forgotten. She hadn’t spoken to Tom since high school. “He’s going to president one day, and he will work to pass an act that ensures that in times of economic crisis, foreign aid will be reduced instead of having domestic programs reduced. Cassie Williams will go on to be a singer in some of the most popular post-modern musicals, and she only started to sing as a result of your asking her to join choir with you.”

  Cassie was someone she wouldn’t soon forget. Friends had been a difficult territory for Jess. The Aisling ought to have known that. There were too many things he should have realized, but he seemed blind to her mind and apathetic to her circumstances. Her supposed best friend at ten years old had become the star of all the school musicals and promptly ditched her. Not before she’d asked out Jess’s first crush. He’d said no, but the whole affair still stung.

  “And I bet you neither will remember me when they’re giving their speeches about how amazing they are,” Jess retorted and walked faster in a futile attempt to get away from the Aisling.

  “Well, yes – but it doesn’t mean you haven’t changed them and several unimportant people’s lives for the better. In fact, you were so influential to Samson Tam’s life that he ends up never marrying because you humiliated him at the junior prom.” As the words passed between them, the Aisling realized how far from comforting his words were. Giving up the charade, he huffed. “You humans are so difficult! Important, unimportant – what does it matter? Do you know that Aislings rarely are important? No one remembers us when we retire to be vegetation! In fact, as far as I know, I’m the only important Aisling there has ever been!”

  “And you wonder why the outer layers want to kill to get here! Being important matters! Going through your life only to find out that nothing you do matters is one of the most destructive experiences ever!” she yelled storming onwards.

  He remained silent for barely a second before he could suffer her words no longer. “Being important is exhausting. Until those stones are protected – completely and permanently protected, I will never rest. I will never be at ease. I have committed some of the greatest atrocities my kind has ever known. Every taboo, I’ve done. I killed a barely aged Aisling. Each and every order I was given, I did without pause because if I didn’t make those choices, take action and do what needed to be done, someone else would suffer in my place! Importance is relative and pointless. We cannot afford your emotional outbursts. Everyone is listening. You might think we’re alone, but the grass, the trees, and every rock here have a shadow. They might be sleeping, but the Keys could stir them.”

  Jess stopped and touched her hand against her chest where the stones sat. She knew it wasn’t the time or place to argue. This was the adventure she had always dreamed about, and though her dreams and her mind were shaped by a shadow, she wouldn’t let the Aisling ruin the adventure. For now – if at no other time, she was incredibly important. Quests weren’t always chosen, and those who wished for peace often found themselves dragged into journeys they couldn’t imagine. The stories all said so, yet the reality was quite different. People desperately sought excitement. Adventure rejected people.

  “I have spent all my life with thoughts in my head that aren’t my own. You put them there. You’re the one that makes me constantly feel like I’m not enough. You make me feel like I’m constantly failing. No matter how good I am, I can hear you. I know that I’m nothing like each and every one of those guys – the who’s who list of generals and kings who put you in this position. Don’t you get it? They helped you put me in this position. Why didn’t you get the last one of them to put these worthless things away? Why do people always wait until something evil pops up before destroying the one ring? You knew where these were. You don’t have the excuse that they ran away. You always had them.” Jess didn’t want to cry. Not for the first time, she wondered if her embarrassment at crying was his fault. He seemed uneasy and tried to lean forward as if it would encourage her to shut up and keep going. “You killed me. You don’t get pity because you killed every part of me that was me. I’m not who I was supposed to be. When this is done, I will be famous because I will kill each and every person you just told me I helped.”

  She didn’t wait for a response. Though Jess couldn’t outrun her shadow, th
ere was no reason not to try. Her thoughts had always been morbid. Fighting frustration at social expectations had been a chore for as long as she could remember. Another corruption of her personality she was rather certain it had caused. Killers weren’t important, but somebody always remembered them after they were gone. The what-ifs and the ingraining of their names in history if not in society’s mind made them famous. They weren’t important, but psychopaths were remembered.

  “You won’t kill them, Jessica,” he called up at her gruffly.

  “Do you think I’m not capable? Everyone trusts me as you so kindly pointed out. The first one will be easy. The second and third might be difficult, but Tam was a recluse even in high school. He shouldn’t be too difficult. You shouldn’t doubt what I’m capable of,” she raged though she did slow to a jogging pace and then a stomping walk.

  “You are more than physically able to kill however many people you feel would suit” His voice changed again, and the Aisling shifted into a dark shadow of a tall man. The shade’s legs were still long, but the hair was shorter, and his nose was flatter to his face. “You are not ordinary. You can do anything, but you won’t. You put rules on yourself because you think you’re something bad that needs to be contained. You won’t write it in your books. You won’t let the villain win even when you want him to.”

  “People want a happy ending. Bittersweet might sell, but no one wants to watch everyone that’s good die,” she whispered though she could certainly name authors who had grown to success without listening to such a guideline.

  “You won’t be famous. You won’t be important because you won’t be. It has never been that you can’t be. Deep inside, you’re too afraid to be anything but invisible.” The lightless form of his hand fell upon her shoulder. If a chill ran across her skin, she refused to attribute it to his touch any more than his words.

  “How Noble of me! I’m going to save the universe, but no one will remember,” she cried, and when he didn’t answer, she glowered at the ground. “Are you male? You keep shifting. What even are you?”

  Though Jess could not be certain, she felt his eye upon her. With a sigh, he admitted, “I’ve never had a chance to consider. I suppose I am male if I am what I was originally created in the image of, and I have been only men until you. Male – he, I suppose.”

  “Fantastic.” Jess rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I have a dude for an Aisling.”

  “You’re the one who asked for a gender assignment,” he retorted.

  “I didn’t ask for gender; I wanted to know biological sex!” The question caused her shadow to pause. “You have – parts don’t you?

  “Certainly, but I can change them to any form I’ve previously been assigned. I was assigned to you, so I could be either male or female. For Aislings, there is no biology. We do not reproduce in that manner, but as I said before, if you must – I am he.” Leaving the statement without further thought, her shadow turned and turned around to look at something or for something. He no longer paid her any mind.

  The road stretched forwards and another crossed to the side. After longer than the predicted seven hours, they had almost reached Camp Greenwood. The shadow spun around her feet like the hands on a clock before stopping in the direction of a medicine plant trail that crossed into the back forest towards the back area of the cleared property. He split from her feet and ran along the fence before nodding and returning as she walked towards the parking lot and the entry way towards the largest mess hall that stood before the entrance to the trail. The weeds stood tall on either side of the wooden posts. She remembered the red hue though it had dulled in comparison to the warm hue it had previously seemed. Despite the years, the underlying feeling of returning home remained though she had avoided Camp Greenwood since last summer.

  The internship had started as a summer project to keep busy and help her graduate on time. Inevitably, the experience had become something more. Though she had felt a bit of an odd man out without the innate emotional connection or clear cultural connection, the people had made her feel at home. Returning seemed wrong under such maddening circumstances. With no intention of being noticed, she trudged through the parking lot and up towards the mess hall. She could see someone in the garden on the far right of the cleared field, but they were far enough in the corn to not be able to see her clearly. She didn’t dare to glance at the center as she passed into a narrower area where tall grass hid her better from view. No one called out, so she could only hope that she had not been seen.

  Coming up to the mess hall, she cursed softly beneath her breath. The doorway was unlocked and open letting a familiar voice roll out. “All the kids put together a kit to take with them when they go home at the end of the month.” It was Gabe. His low baritone described the same details over and over again day after day without ever sounding bored or even slightly tired of the information he gave the interested parents. “Depending on what activities they pick, they can put in paintings, sculptures, leaves, poems…”

  Jess slinked around the side falling out of range to properly hear him speak. Coming to the back, she noticed the white cart sat waiting with the keys near the ignition. Racing the old machine down the paths, Gabe had taught her how to drive the golf cart. Whatever weight had rested on her shoulders had almost disappeared then. The world had shrunken since those days. If someone said they were a century before, Jess might have believed them.

  “It won’t fit on the trail,” the Aisling whispered. “Just keep going.”

  Jess stared, wondering why exactly it was out on such a nice day. “I always wanted to take it off road.”

  He scoffed. “The field is off road.”

  “You know what I mean.” Though she said that, Jess couldn’t be sure the shadow understood much of anything. “This would be awesome on the hills.” She turned and kept walking towards the trail.

  When she was a few feet down the trail but still in view, a voice called out to her, “Jess?”

  “Don’t turn around,” he whispered from her feet. “He’ll know – too many questions, or worse, none but he’d know.”

  Jess continued forward refusing to look backward or respond. With determination, she maintained her pace as if she had no idea that he was addressing her, yet Gabe tried again. “Wait a minute, Jess?”

  Passing the first outcrop of trees just out of Gabe’s view, she ran. If Gabe had moved to follow, she’d never know. Perhaps he wouldn’t believe what he’d seen. She hadn’t been acting strange if she wasn’t herself. Maybe he’d just forget her like everybody else. Maybe his Aisling knew – hated hers – would chase them. A paranoid piece of her mind had been given a voice in her shadow which made it all the more convincing. She ran more for the reality that she hadn’t been capable of facing Gabe in the best of circumstances than for paranoia’s sake. There was no way she could do explain when her world was a whirlwind fit to perform in Cirque du Soleil

  Chapter Five

  “We’re close,” he whispered.

  “We’re lost,” she replied glowering around the trees and down at the stream which cascaded over the rocks ahead. Stumbling down the rest of the slight hillside, she walked across the rocks following the current. “Do you even know which direction we should be heading in?

  A humming gurgled up from the water. “Down.”

  “There is no down,” Jess retorted. “I’m not digging through who-knows-what to get to some tiny cave. There better be a human-sized entrance.”

  The gurgling sound amplified the further downstream she moved until it resembled a heavy rain. A tiny drumming echoed through the air. Once a tiny stream, the water became a roaring river. Jess stopped and stared forward at the obvious fall a little over fifty feet ahead. Trees which had leaned over the edges of the rock path drew apart unzipping to reveal the rushing flood.

  “Down,” he repeated smirking up from the serpentine trails around her. The streams combined ahead.

  “Peter Pan’s frustration with his shadow suddenly makes so
much more sense.” Jess glanced behind before focusing her attention completely on the challenge before her. “I’m assuming down the cliff face is just fine.”

  “Of course – going straight over a fall would be ludicrous.”

  Turning, she leapt back towards the shoreline. “It better not be a sheer drop. I suck at rock-,” her ankle twisted inwards as she landed on the curvature of one of the large rocks tumbling backward. Jess caught herself in a crouch and stood glancing down at her shadow. “If I crack my head open, it’s your fault.”

  “Understood.”

  “Brilliant.”

  The earth trembled. A small quake sent Jessica skidding across the rocks backward towards the falls. When the earth settled, she stood. Another vibration sent her stumbling then falling backwards into the deceptively deep river. Beneath the surface of the water, flickering lights twisted the shadows lapping over and around her pulling Jess deeper into the water and further downstream with the help of a tremendous current. Though she would have been able to stand with her head above the water line, she could not get her feet beneath her. Jess struggled to reach the surface to breath, and when she finally broke to the surface, she drew in a gasping breath.

  “Jess!” he screamed as they tumbled over the side of the waterfall.

  His words echoed, but she couldn’t tell where he had gone as she fell feet over head. A glimmer of a man in the thundering flood caught her eye, and she reached out only to be stopped as her arm made contact with something that pulled her behind the water.