Something Like Hope

by Kris T. Bethke

  Lucas went quiet and I didn’t push. I knew it was strange for him that my father knew the truth about us. Mom was still in the dark, but only because she had a habit of speaking before thinking. She’d never intentionally betray Lucas’s confidence, but she might accidentally say something. All I needed was for a rumor to start, and the Internet would pick it up in a heartbeat. I wasn’t willing to risk that until the point Lucas and I got really serious. If we did.

  “Tell your dad I said hi back next time you talk to him.” Lucas’s voice interrupted my musings. I could barely contain the grin. That was a huge step forward for him, and I did a little fist pump and a silent dance in triumph.

  “I will,” I said softly, touched beyond words that he’d said it. I was coming to know his noises, and the one he made just then meant he was uncomfortable. I searched around wildly for a topic change. “Hey. Aren’t you supposed to be taping the interview with James Corden?”

  “Already done,” he said, and I knew I wasn’t imaging the relief in his tone.

  “How’d it go?”

  “Good. Really good. You should watch it when it airs. He’s funny. And a nice guy, too.”

  “Yeah, I definitely will.” I took a long drink of my cooling coffee. It was the perfect temperature now. “What did you talk about?”

  “The show,” Lucas answered deadpan. I laughed, and his deep chuckle joined in. “We talked about how I started on the show and my character. Talked about the serial killer storyline, and how great it is we got Culpepper joining the cast.” He stopped for moment, and then his voice was much softer when he added, “You.”

  “Me?” My heart started to pound.

  “Well, you know, your character. And the relationship with Dan’s. About how it was time this kind of storyline was on mainstream television. About how you and Dan are not in a relationship.” The last was said with a bit of a growl

  I sucked in a breath. “Lucas—”

  “Don’t worry, baby,” he interrupted. “I kept my jealousy in check. No one will know a thing. Besides, you’re mine. I don’t have to worry about that.”

  “No,” I responded softly. Good God, I loved to hear the possessive tone. “You don’t. Lucas?”

  “Yeah?”

  “When are you coming home?” I realized what I said and quickly amended, “Back. When are you coming back?”

  There was a pause, and the silence made me worried. I tried to come up with something, anything, to make it better, but Lucas spoke before I could. “Soon. I’ll be home really soon, baby.”

  I nearly whimpered at his words. Oh God, I was falling for him. Hard and fast. I wanted him with me right now. I wanted to hold him and show him how much I cared about him. Instead, I pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Good. That’s good.”

  “Why?” he teased. “You miss me?”

  I could only give him the truth. “You know I do.”

  “That goes both ways. Hey listen, Aaron. I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

  I had to tamp down the disappointment. I wasn’t ready for our conversation to end. But if he had something else going on, I couldn’t be selfish. “Yeah, sure. Call me later, if you can.”

  “Count on it.” And with that, he was gone.

  I locked my phone and then tossed it on the coffee table. Now that I had both hands free, Optimus jumped off his perch on the window ledge and ran over, talking as fast as he could. He immediately crawled into my lap and started kneading my thigh with his great big paws. I put my hands in his fur, rubbing hard because I knew he liked it.

  I should have known that my heart would get tangled up in this.

  “Well, fuck,” I said, loud enough to startle the cat. He looked at me with his big greenish-yellow eyes and let out a weird sort of growling meow. I nodded. “Yeah, I hear ya. Lucas and I are going to have to have that talk. You know the one. Where we figure out where we’re going with this whole thing. And we’re going to have to have it sooner rather than later.”

  Optimus settled in, his purr growing louder as he made himself comfortable. I decided to take that as an agreement rather than him just getting some loving. All right, so maybe I was just projecting my hopes on the cat, but I wanted someone to be in favor of my decision. I knew talking to Lucas was risky. He’d never given any indication that he wasn’t as serious about our relationship as I was, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t run for the hills the minute I started talking about the future.

  The fact was, I wanted to be with Lucas for as long as he would let me. And I was hoping beyond hope that it was for the long haul.

  I was so lost in contemplation that the knock on the door surprised me and I jumped. The cat was not amused and jumped down while telling me off. I ignored him in favor of answering the door. I couldn’t imagine who it would be. The outside door locked automatically, and no one could get into the building without a key or being buzzed in. I wasn’t expecting anyone, and I barely knew my neighbors. Someone must have the wrong apartment.

  I peeked through the peephole and then scrambled to get the door unlocked and pulled open. There was no mistaking the face on the other side.

  Lucas was in my arms the instant the door shut behind him, holding me so tightly I could barely breathe. I squeezed him back just as hard, loving the feel of him in my arms. Breathing was overrated anyway.

  “You’re here,” I murmured into the skin of his neck as soon as I could draw enough air to speak. “How are you here?”

  “Missed you too damn bad.” Lucas’s voice was barely more than a growl. “Caught the first flight I could after I was done instead of waiting until tomorrow.”

  “Yay,” I breathed. I was so happy to see him it felt like my chest would burst. “God, I missed you.”

  “Baby, you have no fucking idea.” Lucas’s hands skimmed up my back and then gripped my head firmly so he could slant our mouths together. I melted under the onslaught, letting him direct the kiss. He was aggressive, biting at my lips and sucking on my tongue. I held on, whining and whimpering. Had it really only been four days since I’d kissed him? It seemed like so much longer.

  Lucas’s hands moved once again. Though he didn’t break our kiss, he worked his fingers under the hem of my T-shirt, and then gently raked his nails against the skin of my stomach. I had to pull back and suck in a breath, my entire body shivering at the sensation. I needed more. More skin, more touches, more everything. I fisted a hand in his polo and yanked, starting to walk backward.

  “Bed,” I demanded, tugging him along.

  “Fuck yes,” he agreed fervently. But instead of moving in that direction, he grabbed my hips and pulled me to him. I could feel the length of his cock as it ground into my stomach, and another whine escaped my throat. His chuckle was dark and dirty. He tugged my thigh until I got the picture, letting him lift me up until I could wrap my legs around his waist.

  I wasn’t that much smaller than he was, but he spent a lot of time in the gym, and he had no problem holding me up as he shuffled the eight or so feet to the bedroom. I used my newly acquired height to my advantage, kissing him hard. I was so intent on what I was doing, I didn’t even realize we’d made it until he dropped me onto the bed. Since I wasn’t about to let go of him, he followed me down, his weight pushing me into the mattress.

  “Clothes need to come off,” he rumbled.

  He was right, so I reluctantly released my hold. I sat up as he stepped back and pulled my shirt off before flinging it away. His shirt was gone by the time I was done, and he was toeing out of his sneakers at the same time he unzipped his jeans. I was about to kick off my slippers so I could get my own pants down, when his hand on my ankle stopped me.

  “You can leave the slippers on.” His eyebrow waggle should have been seductive, but it just made me laugh.

  “No,” I protested, mirth in my voice. I yanked out of his hold. “That’s just weird. You worry about your own clothes.” The slippers came loose with a few well-practiced kicks, and then I
wiggled out of my pants before dropping them to the floor. When Lucas reached for me again, I batted his hands away, turned over onto my stomach, and then crawled up the bed on my hands and knees. I grabbed the lube from the nightstand and dropped it on the bed, before I rested my forehead on the pillow, leaving my ass in the air.

  I heard Lucas’s sharp inhale seconds before his heat covered my back. He kissed my neck, my shoulders, and all along my spine. He stopped at the top of my ass, his hand gripping my cheeks and pulling them apart. I felt his breath an instant before his tongue touched my pucker.

  “Wait,” I pleaded. I hadn’t had a shower since this morning, but even more than that, I was already hard and dripping. I’d never last through a rim job. I wanted him in me. It felt like it had been years instead of days. I needed him. “No playing round. Please just fuck me.”

  Lucas bit down gently on my ass cheek, and his laugh reverberated through my body. “It’s called foreplay, baby.”

  “Don’t want it. Not today. I want you in me. I want you to fuck me fast and hard.” My voice was deep and dripping with lust and desperation. I barely recognized it. I didn’t know I could sound like that.

  Lucas took me at my word, barely making time to get the condom on and get me lubed before he was sliding inside. He went slowly, drawing it out, but he didn’t hesitate and he didn’t stop until he was balls-deep. I sighed and wiggled, trying to accommodate his girth and not clench up until the burning passed. Lucas waited for me patiently, his hands rubbing along my back and sides. It took another minute before I was ready, but as soon as I was, I thrust back against him even though he couldn’t get any deeper.

  He didn’t move for another few excruciating seconds. Then his hands clamped down on my hips. He pulled out slowly and then slammed back in.

  I howled.

  Lucas’s grunt sounded satisfied. He set a hard pace, his thrusts measured but powerful. I grabbed the sheet in my hands and spread my legs a little more. I pressed my face against the mattress, whining and whimpering with each thrust. Lucas knew what he was doing, and though it took him a few tries, he found my prostate. I practically screamed, and Lucas responded with a shout of triumph. The pressure, the speed…It was all perfect. I knew if I could just get a hand on my dick, I’d come. But if I let go of the bed, Lucas would end up pounding my head into the wall.

  My orgasm was just out of reach, and I needed it so badly. Each push against my prostate sent a shower of sparks through my blood, my cock was so hard it hurt, and it leaked constantly. I was so ready to shoot, even my balls ached. I gave a frustrated cry.

  “What do you need, baby?” Lucas asked, his breath coming in harsh pants.

  “Touch my dick,” I gasped out. “God, fuck. Please, Lucas!”

  Lucas didn’t hesitate. He slid one hand across my pelvis until he could grasp my leaking cock in his fist. He squeezed tightly, then started stroking hard, in counterpoint to his thrusts. It took only seconds for my balls to draw up and empty their load all over the sheets below me. Lucas kept pounding, drawing it out, until finally he shoved in hard one last time and roared.

  I collapsed, and Lucas followed me down, staying inside me. He was still hard, and he lazily circled his hips, making tiny thrusts, while I shuddered and jerked in his arms. It was all too much. I was on sensory overload. And yet, I didn’t want him to stop.

  “You think if I keep this up, we can go another round?” His voice was seductive in my ear, and his breath ghosting on my cheek made me shiver. I pulled his arm around my chest and kissed his palm before I pressed it to my heart.

  “Maybe later we’ll go for another round,” I slurred. I was fucked out, and my voice was hoarse from screaming. “After a nap.”

  Lucas’s laugh shot through my whole body, and my ass clenched around his cock, making us both hiss.

  “You got it,” he said. After another moment, he gently pulled out. I didn’t have to look to know he was removing the condom, and the wet splat signaled that he’d missed the garbage basket. That was going to be fun to clean up later.

  Lucas wrapped me in his arms, pulling me in tight, and I sighed and snuggled until I fit against his body just right. He nuzzled the sweaty hair at my temple and then dropped a kiss there. A comfortable, sated silence stretched between us. I hated to break it, but there was something important I had to say.

  “Lucas?”

  “Hmm?”

  I took a deep breath, and then chickened out completely. There would be plenty of time to have the conversation we needed to have. I didn’t want to ruin our glow. Instead of bringing up the future, I gave him another truth. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  He kissed the back of my head, and his voice sounded sleepy when he murmured, “I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

  Chapter 11

  Brandon Culpepper did not make a scene when he stepped onto the set for the first time. In fact, I wouldn’t have even know he was there except for the excited whispering going on around me. I turned in the direction of the pointing and staring, and found myself looking at one of the most beautiful men I had ever laid eyes on.

  His hair was so black that when the light caught it there was blue sheen, and it fell in soft waves around his forehead and ears. His eyes were a startling light blue, icy and warm at the same time. His gaze flicked nervously around the set, and his tongue darted out to lick his plump, pink lips. His skin was so pale it was practically translucent. Even from where I was, a good twenty feet away, I could see the faint blue lines of veins at his temple and in his hands as he lifted them to push back his hair. He was gorgeous, flawless, and clearly very nervous.

  He was also a lot shorter than I expected.

  I’d seen a few things he’d been in, and his presence on screen was electrifying. Brandon had a true gift, and he was able to take any character and bring them to life in a way that left me breathless. And a little jealous. He’d found a niche playing bad boys, miscreants, and criminals, his angelic looks so at odds with the deeds of his character that the portrayal was astounding. I knew we were lucky to have him, and even though we only had eight episodes left to shoot, I made a silent vow that I would learn all I could from him in the time we had.

  The entire cast and crew were gathered once again at the bullpen set. I thought it was pretty great that we were all coming together to give this special guest star a warm welcome, even though it wasn’t our norm. But this was different. Guest stars usually appeared for an episode, or maybe two, before they were gone again. Brandon would be with us for weeks as we shot the final episodes.

  I was even happier to see Dan approach Brandon and introduce himself. Dan had a certain charm about him, and he could put anyone at ease. I stared, blatantly watching as Dan worked his magic, and the tension in the smaller man disappeared. Before too long, Brandon was actually smiling, though it was small and tentative. But even that much transformed his demeanor. To be honest, if I hadn’t seen the parts he’d played with my own eyes, I’d never believe this sweet and innocent-looking man could pull off badass as well as he did.

  “Mine.”

  The growl was barely audible and directly in my ear. I didn’t even fight the smile. I turned just enough so that I could see Lucas out of the corner of my eye, still not taking my gaze off Dan and Brandon.

  “You calling dibs?” I teased.

  Lucas’s growl was not just for show. I envied that he could make that noise and thrilled every time he did it. “You. Are. Mine.”

  I finally gave Lucas my attention. He was tense, and I wanted to touch him so I could reassure him. But that wasn’t permitted here. Instead, I nodded jovially. “That’s true.”

  Lucas’s gaze narrowed as he studied me and his voice dropped even lower. “Then stop looking at the new guy like you want to eat him.”

  I snorted out a laugh. Brandon was was on his way to becoming a legend, and Lucas had reduced him to “the new guy.” Once again I thought that I shouldn’t find his jealousy hot, but I so did. I grinned.
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  “Looking and appreciating is one thing. But”—I leaned in just enough so there would be no chance of anyone overhearing—”the only touching goes on between you and me.”

  Lucas blinked, his dark blue gaze wide. “We can look?”

  I laughed so hard I had to sit on Rourke’s desk or risk falling over. I nodded and then looked up at Lucas. “Looking is just fine. We have eyes, don’t we?”

  I watched his face as he thought that over. Finally he nodded once. “Don’t look too hard.”

  “I promise,” I vowed, trying to rein in my mirth. Lucas gave a satisfied smirk as he leaned his hip against the desk. Apparently that appeased him. I didn’t think I had to extract the same promise from him. He was very focused in his affection, and for that I was grateful. Now we just had to have the talk I’d been avoiding for the last two days and everything would be good.

  “Hey, Lucas?” I asked, and I tried for a smile when he turned his attention to me. “Listen, I was thinking—”

  “Listen up, people!” Marc Bergman’s voice rang out, interrupting me. I tried not to let my sigh of relief be too noticeable. Almost instantly, the ambient noise ceased as every last person gave the show runner their attention. He was once again standing on the captain’s desk. “Thanks. First, I want to give a warm welcome to Brandon Culpepper. We all hope your time with us is enjoyable, and I know we’re going to make some fantastic TV together.”

  There was a round of applause and Brandon, who was now standing close by, with Dan right behind him, turned a startling shade of red. He lifted his hand in a wave and nodded, taking the accolades with a shy smile.

  “Unfortunately, that’s not the only reason we’re here,” Marc continued when the noise died down again. “As I’m sure you’re all aware, we’ve gotten a shitload of publicity over our upcoming season. With just about two months left before the season airs, we’re glad for it. But I’m sure you also know that a great deal of it has been negative. Especially in regard to the Geary/Cates storyline. There are influential groups that are calling for our cancellation. The network is behind us, so that’s not going to happen. But right now, that’s the biggest buzz and while there is a lot of support from the fan base, there are a great many detractors as well.