Secret Whispers

by V. C. Andrews

  “Whenever you see something you’ve seen many times before but now with someone you care deeply for, or love, it does become fresh and new.”

  “Love?” I asked softly. Dare we use that word so soon? I wondered.

  He shrugged. “A good test of that is just what you said. When you’re in love with someone, you suddenly see everything through her eyes or his. It’s as if you share your bodies, your minds, and your very souls.”

  “That’s quite poetic for a business major,” I kidded.

  He laughed. “You’re too clever. No, those aren’t my words. I read them but never forgot them in the hope that someday I’d have good reason to use them.”

  “And now you have?”

  “Wouldn’t have said them otherwise,” he replied, sipping his coffee and focusing his eyes on me. “Am I going too fast?”

  “Only if it has an end,” I said.

  He smiled, rose, and leaned over to kiss me. “Then I’m going too slowly,” he whispered.

  I did wish I could freeze us forever in the rest of the day. Everything we did, although I had done it before, now seemed special. We went rowing on our lake, and later Mrs. Dobson prepared a picnic lunch for us and we spread a blanket at one of the high spots of the Heaven-stone property, enabling us to look out at the forest and rolling hills to the west. We talked for hours, as if we had to reveal as much to each other as possible in the quickest possible time. Exhausted by our own enthusiasm, we once again fell asleep in each other’s arms and then walked back to the house slowly, holding hands and moving like two people in a wonderful dream, dreading awakening.

  As if we knew we were candles burning at both ends, we agreed to some time alone after which we would get ready to meet my father and Lucille for cocktails and dinner. It wasn’t until I looked at the framed picture of me and my mother that Lucille had given me that I thought at all about Cassie. I was too content, too happy, to permit a single dark thought even to show its shadowed face. But I did think of questions to ask her.

  Oh, why didn’t you let me have a romance like this, enjoy a promise like this, Cassie? Why didn’t you love me enough to want happiness for me, too? What had I done to you? How twisted and painful your soul must be, trapped in that iron coffin of envy. You were in it even before you died.

  Before she could respond, I rushed to shower and wash my hair and then fill my thoughts only with ways to make myself even more attractive for Ethan. There would be no image in my mirror besides my own, and my ears would shut themselves to any words that did not come from my own lips.

  Refreshed and dressed, Ethan and I went down to meet my father and Lucille, who seemed as happy and buoyed by their relationship as Ethan and I were by ours. The music, laughter, and clinking of cocktail glasses gave me the feeling Daddy and Lucille were as young as Ethan and I. We were like two couples double-dating. I couldn’t remember Daddy as carefree and silly, and Lucille couldn’t have been any nicer to Ethan. Daddy and Lucille had heard some feedback on the way the store’s employees had reacted to Ethan and me. I suspected some of it had come from Uncle Perry. It amused them that we had been seen as the prince and princess of Heaven-stone. For me, the only sour note was the joy Lucille seemed to take in how much our employees trembled.

  “Your father and I think you two should visit every store in the chain,” she added. They both laughed. I saw that Ethan enjoyed it, too, but for me, it was as if a wonderful orchestra playing a symphony had hit a sour note.

  “Fear isn’t the same as respect,” I said. My heart skipped a beat. It wasn’t something I would say. It was Cassie. She had found an opening through which to poke her head.

  Everyone stopped laughing.

  “How did you manage to bring up so sensitive and humble a daughter, Teddy?” Lucille asked, her face masked in a cold smile.

  Daddy just looked at me. I knew he wanted to say something nice about me, but he was caught between pleasing me and offending Lucille.

  “Daddy never looked down on his employees,” I said, “but maybe it was also the influence of my mother.”

  If I had set off a bomb in the room, it wouldn’t have had more of an effect. Lucille turned away and looked at her watch.

  “We should think about leaving for the restaurant.”

  “Absolutely,” Daddy said, eager to move on.

  Ethan looked from one to the other, resembling a man on a tightrope, afraid to lean in any direction.

  “Should we all go in my car?” Daddy asked.

  “Why wouldn’t we?” Lucille replied for everyone.

  When we got into Daddy’s car, she seized the moment again, this time turning the conversation to Ethan, using her questions like searchlights on his past. After a while, I thought it was more like a job interview. It continued even at the restaurant. And then, on the way home, she asked him when he intended to leave.

  “I’d like to stay longer, but I think I’d better get back tomorrow to see how things are with my father.”

  “As you should,” Lucille said.

  I was quiet because he hadn’t said this to me, and I couldn’t help resenting that he had replied to her without first discussing it with me.

  “Well,” Lucille continued after the long pause, “of course, it’s really Semantha’s decision and not ours, but Teddy and I would like to invite you back for our wedding.”

  “Thank you,” Ethan said. He turned to me, and I looked away, tears now coming into my eyes. That had been going to be my surprise tonight after we had gotten home.

  No one spoke. They were all waiting for me.

  “I already had Ethan’s invitation made out and ready to give him tonight,” I said.

  “Oh, I’m sorry, honey,” Lucille said. “I upstaged you. Forgive me, please.”

  “Semantha is not that kind of a girl,” Daddy said. He glanced back at me and flashed a smile.

  Suddenly, Cassie was there beside me. I felt her put her hand into mine. She leaned over to whisper in my ear.

  “Being first isn’t as important as being right,” she prompted.

  Like some ventriloquist’s dummy, I repeated it. Silence can somehow sound like thunder.

  Lucille turned and smiled at me. “You’re absolutely right, Semantha. That’s very true. I am sorry I spoiled your surprise.”

  “It’s not spoiled for me,” Ethan said, putting his arm around me to draw me closer to him. When he did that, Cassie disappeared. “If you want me here,” he whispered, “I’ll come back.”

  “Of course I want you here.”

  He kissed me softly, and I leaned against him. No one spoke for the remainder of the trip. Lucille phrased another sort of apology when we entered the house. At this point, mostly for Daddy’s sake, I made it sound as if it was all about nothing much and she shouldn’t worry. The four of us parted at the top of the stairway. Daddy kissed me good night and said, “Thanks for being understanding.”

  I watched them go to their bedroom and then caught up with Ethan.

  “You can be tough when you want to,” he said, and quickly added, “I like that.”

  “Come in,” I said, opening my bedroom door this time. He followed me in, and I handed him the wedding invitation I had waiting for him on my vanity table. “I was going to give it to you as soon as you told me you were leaving.”

  “Thanks. I spoke with my mother today after we had come in from our picnic and decided I should get back there for a while. I hate leaving you, so I delayed saying anything.”

  “I am happy they wanted to invite you, Ethan. I suppose I would have felt uncomfortable about it if I had given you this and then told them and not felt they were pleased about it.”

  “I’m glad they like me, but how you feel is far more important, Semantha.”

  He kissed me and then began to move toward making love to me.

  I hesitated. “I’m really tired, and you’ve got a journey tomorrow,” I said.

  “Sure,” he said, and smiled. “It’s not like I’ll be gone too lo
ng.” He gave me a quick good-night kiss and then paused at the door. “I’ll wake you if you’re not up for breakfast.”

  “I’ll be up.”

  “Sweet dreams,” he said.

  I was still staring at the door after he closed it. I knew it would only be moments, and I was right.

  Cassie was there.

  “Nothing is as simple as it seems,” she said. “Especially when it comes to men and Lucille. You can’t shut me out, Semantha.”

  I didn’t argue, but I didn’t agree. I went to bed and tried to think only about Ethan and our wonderful time together. I guess I was a lot more tired than I thought. I was asleep only moments after I lowered my head to the pillow, and I slept much later into the morning than I had anticipated. When I woke and saw the time, I shot out of bed, afraid that Ethan had already left. I was nearly dressed and out when he came to my room, laughing.

  “How long have you been up?”

  “Hours,” he said. “I came in to wake you, but you were sleeping so soundly I couldn’t do it. I had time anyway, so I joined your father and Lucille for breakfast. I checked on you twice, finished packing, and now I’ve returned.”

  “I’m sorry, Ethan.”

  “It’s okay.”

  From the way he was beaming, I knew there was something more he wanted to tell me.

  “What is it?” I said. “You do look like the cat who swallowed the canary.”

  “Your father offered me a good job at the local Heaven-stone Store.”

  “What sort of job?”

  “Assistant manager,” he said. “I have to say, I think Lucille had a lot to do with it.”

  I knew he was waiting for my excited reaction, but it was as though Cassie were replicating herself all over my room. First she was in the right corner nodding, and then she was in the left. She was directly behind Ethan and then next to him.

  “Aren’t you pleased?”

  “Yes, of course I am. When would you start?”

  “Right after the wedding,” he said. “I’m kind of excited about it. It’s like getting a promotion before you even begin.”

  “Is it really what you want to do, Ethan?”

  “What sort of a question is that? A managerial position in the Heaven-stone Corporation? I know at least a dozen MBAs who would die for this.”

  “Then I’m really happy for you,” I said.

  He looked at his watch. “I’ve got to get on the road. My suitcase is in the car. I hate to rush out, but I need to make this early flight. There’s a lot for me to do back home now.”

  I brushed back my hair. “Okay, let’s go down.”

  “Your father and Lucille left a little while ago.”

  “Of all the mornings for me to oversleep.”

  “There’ll be plenty of mornings for us, Semantha.” He took my hand, and we descended the stairway. Mrs. Dobson stepped out of the kitchen when she heard us to tell me she had put up everything fresh for my breakfast.

  “I’ll be right there,” I called back, and followed Ethan out to his rental car.

  “I’ll be driving back in my own car,” he said. He took my hands into his and kissed me softly. “I know things have been difficult for you, Semantha. I hope I can bring some happiness into your life. I know you’ve brought it into mine.”

  “Thank you, Ethan. I’m sorry I don’t seem as excited as I should. Everything just seems to be happening so fast.”

  “Tell me about it. My head’s spinning.”

  “Just drive safely, Ethan.”

  He kissed me again and got into his car. After he started the engine, he rolled down the window and blew me a kiss. I watched him drive away until his car was out the front gate and gone.

  “How much of all that do you believe, Semantha?” Cassie asked.

  I didn’t reply. I turned and went back inside to eat my breakfast. Daddy called later to tell me he and Lucille had forgotten they were attending a charity event in Lexington. I waited for him to tell me about his hiring Ethan, but he didn’t. He just apologized for having to be away another night and day and my having to eat alone. I told him I was fine, and then he was drawn to deal with another important phone call and had to hang up. I wondered if he had ever had a phone call that wasn’t important.

  The house was so quiet now that Ethan was gone. He had truly come in like a wonderful ray of sunshine, sweeping me up in the warmth. Doris had already gone into the guest bedroom and begun redoing it. It wasn’t long before it looked as if no one had been in it.

  Later, after I had some lunch, I wandered out to the pool to read. The monotonous sounds of the landscaping machinery droned me into a daze, and I dozed off and on until some heavy dark clouds moved in from the northwest and the breeze grew stronger. I could feel myself sinking into a depression and, like someone falling into a dark, deep well, struggled to grasp and claw at anything that might keep me in the light.

  Apparently, some sparrows had built a nest in the eaves of the cabana. Maybe because the breeze was coming from that direction or maybe because they were finally old enough, I heard the pleas of baby birds crying for something to eat. I watched as their mother made frequent trips to and from the nest to feed them. She was tireless, and they were seemingly insatiable. It captured my attention for a while, and then out of it was born a thought I had never dared think.

  Instantly, I rose and hurried back to the house to change. Mrs. Dobson heard me going up the stairs and called up to tell me her plans for dinner.

  “Oh, don’t bother tonight, Mrs. Dobson,” I said. “I’m going out.”

  “Oh? By yourself?”

  I smiled. “Yes, Mrs. Dobson, but don’t worry.”

  She nodded, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t. I smiled to myself and hurried on to dress. Twenty minutes later, I was down and out to my car. I sat there for a moment hesitating, my fingers trembling before starting the engine. Would I regret doing this? Would Daddy be enraged?

  “Do it,” Cassie said. She was sitting beside me. “Stop worrying about what everyone else will think. Damn it, Semantha,” she continued when I still hesitated. “Haven’t I instilled any Heaven-stone courage in you at all?”

  I looked at her and then started the car.

  “Satisfied?”

  “We’ll see,” she replied, folded her arms across her breasts, and sat back.

  I drove away from the house, down the driveway, and out the gate slowly—too slowly for her, I was sure—but as I continued to the highway, I sped up.

  “I have no idea what I’m going to do when I get there,” I muttered.

  “You’ll figure it out,” she told me. “With my help, of course.”

  Close to an hour later, I turned off the highway and followed a road I had driven many times before in my dreams. It was quite a beautiful rural area, with elaborate farmhouses and corrals. Behind the fenced-in landscapes enclosing lush rolling hills, I saw mares and foals grazing. Some lifted their heads and looked at me cruising by. The spindly-legged colts that scampered at their mothers’ sides looked so fresh and new I imagined they weren’t more than weeks or months old. Their curiosity about me brought a smile to my otherwise nervous face. It was as if nature was working to bring babies and infants of every kind to mind.

  My mind now centered on only one.

  I slowed down as I approached my mother’s cousin’s property. Royce and Shane also had a farm where they raised thoroughbreds. I had never been there, but I had always known exactly where it was. I slowed down and pulled over to a wide, clear area off the road just across from the driveway. I shut off the engine and sat, unsure of what I would do next or why I had even come.

  Over the last few years, I had read a number of stories about this exact situation, a situation in which a married couple adopt a teenage girl’s child. Most of the adoptive mothers voiced the same fear, that someday, somehow, the biological mother would lay some claim to her child and they would be in some jeopardy of losing the child they had brought up as their own. No matter
how much or how well their attorneys reassured them that their written agreements were ironclad, they lived with the nightmare. Some court, some judge, something, would negate it all in favor of the biological mother. What was stronger than blood, after all?

  It didn’t matter that it wasn’t my intention to go there to ask for my daughter back. My presence would surely bring a firestorm of hysterics to my father’s doorstep. Right now, the ranch house looked so peaceful, idyllic. My knocking on that door was surely the farthest thing from their minds. And what did I expect would happen when my four-year-old daughter set eyes on me? Did I really believe that there would be some recognition, that she would somehow sense that I was her mother?

  “I don’t know what I’m doing here, why I came,” I muttered.

  “Of course you do. There’s a Heaven-stone in that house,” Cassie reminded me. “And she doesn’t even know she is.”

  “I can’t do this. Daddy will hate me.” I spun on her. “That’s what you want, isn’t it? You want Daddy to hate me. You’re jealous of our new relationship.”

  She laughed. “What new relationship? Lucille Bennet shines so brightly in his eyes that he can’t see anyone or anything else. You have no one but the child in that house.”

  “I have Ethan,” I said

  She gave me that condescending Cassie smile.

  “I do!”

  She shook her head.

  “Damn you!”

  I had gone to start the car again when I suddenly saw Shane and Royce step out of the house. Royce was holding my daughter’s left hand, and Shane was holding her right. I was too far away to see much detail in my daughter’s face, but I saw that she had my golden brown hair and it was nearly down to her shoulders. I remembered Daddy telling me that they were naming her Anna.

  “That’s your flesh and blood. That’s a Heaven-stone,” Cassie whispered.