“What? Oh. Yes, yes. This is absolutely fabulous. I haven’t had better in any restaurant,” he said. “We have a jewel in the kitchen.”
Lucille beamed and patted his arm. “You deserve no less, Teddy, and I’ll make sure it continues.”
“She’s looking after me in every way possible,” he declared, and leaned over to kiss her. “Take note, Semantha. Nothing’s changed when it comes to men and women. One way or another, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
They laughed. Ethan looked grateful that there were no other questions about his gambling, and then he went on to describe some of our touring. The trip and the jet lag began to catch up with me, and I started drifting off. Daddy was the first to see it.
“Semantha has that glassy, far-off look. Don’t worry about the time difference,” he said. “You sleep until you’re back to yourself. Same for you, Ethan.”
“Oh, no, sir. I’m anxious to get back to work. I’ll be up and at it with you two tomorrow.”
“Well, I’d probably be the same way,” Daddy told him.
He couldn’t have made him happier. Any way Ethan could be like my father was obviously an accomplishment. Any daughter who loved her father as much as I did should be happy to see that in her husband, I thought, but something about it bothered me.
I sat thinking about it for a moment until I heard Cassie whisper, “Maybe he’s trying too hard. Maybe he’s stroking Daddy’s ego just to get what he wants. Maybe he’s a phony.”
I had a terrific urge to rage back at her but held myself in check, knowing full well what such an outburst at the table would do to the rest of them. I’ll deal with her later, I thought.
“I am tired,” I confessed, surrendering my knife and fork. “I’m even too tired to finish eating.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Daddy said.
“No, dear, go get your rest,” Lucille added. “I’m sure Ethan will follow shortly.”
“I will, only I’m with Dad here,” he said, calling my father ‘Dad’ for the first time. “I’m not leaving any of this rack of lamb.”
Daddy nodded and laughed.
I stood up so abruptly and ungracefully, swaying for a moment and having to put my hand on the table to stop the room from spinning, that everyone turned to me.
“You all right?” Daddy asked.
I took a deep breath. “Fine. Just tired. I’ll see you all . . . when I see you all,” I said.
I felt their silence behind me as I walked out of the dining room and to the stairs. Cassie was waiting for me at the foot.
“You’re losing it,” she said as I turned to go up.
“Losing what?”
“The battle,” she replied.
I hurried up ahead of her. Even though I did it, I knew that slamming the door in her face wouldn’t matter. She didn’t speak, however. She simply sat there watching me prepare for bed. She rose and walked over to the bed when I slipped under my blanket. I kept my eyes closed, but I could feel her staring down at me.
“I don’t want to hear any more about it right now,” I said. “And I want you to stay out of my dreams.” I opened my eyes and glared up at her.
“Your dreams are simply the truths you don’t want to face. You were always cowardly, Semantha.”
“I was not!” I cried. “You were the cowardly one. You did the cowardly deeds!”
I wanted to say more but suddenly realized that Ethan had quietly opened the door and was standing there gaping at me.
“Who are you talking to?” he asked.
“What?”
Cassie smiled.
“Oh, was I talking? I fell asleep so quickly. I must have been dreaming,” I said.
“And how,” he replied, closing the door. “Are you all right? You looked like you were going to faint at the table.”
“Yes, I’m fine. I’m just exhausted.”
“I’m just too hyper,” he said. “I’m going to change into something more comfortable and talk to your parents for a while longer.”
“She’s not my parent,” I corrected.
He shrugged and smiled. “A stepmother is still a parent.”
“Not for me,” I said. “I had only one mother. Lucille is my father’s wife. She is not my mother.”
“All right. Don’t get upset. It will keep you up. Get some sleep.”
He went to his closet.
Cassie stood there, nodding with that self-satisfied smirk on her face.
I turned my back on her and closed my eyes tightly. I lunged at the darkness, embraced it, and fell asleep rather quickly. When the darkness brightened and fell back, I saw myself walking slowly toward my cousin’s house. My daughter was outside playing in a sandbox and talking to a small doll. She was pretending to be the doll’s mother.
“I won’t forget you,” she told her doll. “Never, never, never.”
Then she looked up at me and asked, “Who are you?”
“I’m your mother,” I told her.
She shook her head. “No, you’re not,” she said.
“Yes, I am,” I told her, drawing closer.
“No, you’re not!” she screamed, then grabbed her doll and ran back to the house.
“Wait!” I shouted after her. She didn’t turn around. I began to sob.
“Semantha,” I heard. I felt myself being shaken. “Semantha.”
I opened my eyes and turned to see Ethan leaning over me.
“What?”
“I just got into bed and heard you crying.” He touched my cheek. “Tears. You were really crying,” he said. “Why?”
For a moment, I was very confused. What time was it? How long had I been sleeping? It took me another moment to realize we were home and not still in Monaco.
“I don’t know,” I said. “Bad dream, maybe.”
“Oh. Do you remember it?”
“No.”
“That’s good. Who wants to remember bad dreams?” He kissed my cheek. “You’re just overtired. Me, too. Good night,” he said, and turned away.
For a while, I just lay there looking up at the darkness.
“You’ve got to go get her and bring her home,” Cassie whispered, “before it’s too late.”
I closed my eyes again. By the time I woke up, Ethan was long gone. I had slept so deeply I had not heard him get up and get dressed, and he hadn’t attempted to wake me. It had not been a restful sleep for me. I wasn’t rested, but I rose, showered, and dressed and went down to get some breakfast.
No matter how I tried to distract myself, I couldn’t get my dream out of my mind. I could feel Cassie hovering over me, sticking close to me, following me everywhere I went. I went all over the house, then outside for a long walk, and then back up to our bedroom. She even followed me into the bathroom. Her voice was echoing. I put my hands over my ears.
“Christmas trees!” she cried. “She has Heaven-stone blood, and she’ll never know it.”
By early afternoon, I felt as if I would go wild and run through the house screaming, which would surely frighten the De Stagen sisters to death, as well as Gerad. Ethan called to see how I was doing, but I didn’t speak to him. I let the answering machine pick up. He said he would call again later. Finally, feeling as if I had ants crawling up and down inside my stomach, I rushed out of the house, got into my car, and drove to the Normans’ ranch.
I parked on the road just a little ways down from their driveway and got out. Walking toward the house made me feel I had entered my dream. I half expected to see my daughter playing outside with her doll in that sandbox. At first, I saw no one, and then off to the right, I saw Royce Norman returning from one of the horse corrals. My daughter held her hand and walked beside her, and in her arms she carried a doll similar to the one that had been in the dream.
Royce slowed down as she saw me approaching. Instinctively, perhaps, she pulled my daughter closer to her.
“Hello,” I said.
“What are you doing here?” she asked sharply. It occurred to me that I
might have been in her nightmares, that she might have often dreamed I would come.
“I wanted to see her,” I replied, nodding at my daughter.
“You were not supposed to come here . . . ever,” she told me. She knelt down and scooped my daughter into her arms. “Please leave this instant.”
“She’s my daughter,” I said.
“No, she’s not. Not anymore, not ever. Now, get off our property. I’m calling my husband, and he’ll be calling your father.”
“Anyone looking at her could see she’s a Heaven-stone,” I said. I felt a little like a puppet, mouthing Cassie’s words. “You’re deceiving yourself if you think otherwise.”
Despite how Royce was attacking me, my daughter kept her eyes on me. She’s fascinated with me, I thought. Yes, Cassie’s right. She knows who I am. In her heart, she knows. The bond of blood is too strong to be denied by any legal papers or courts.
“Couldn’t I just hold her, talk to her for a few minutes?”
“Are you crazy? Get out!” Royce shouted, and ran past me toward the house.
I didn’t run after her. I stood watching, expecting my daughter to turn around and look back at me. She did, and that made me smile. I lifted my hand to wave. Royce bounded up the steps and rushed into the house, slamming the door. I heard her lock it as well.
“What hysteria,” Cassie said. “I can’t imagine a woman like that bringing up a Heaven-stone. She’ll probably get away from this place as soon as she’s able. We’ve got to do something.”
Yes, I thought. We’ve got to do something. There were many cases concerning women who mistakenly gave away their children and then got them back.
“And few had the power and financial stability of the Heaven-stones,” Cassie reminded me. “You’re married now, too.”
Yes, yes, I continued to think as I walked away. I didn’t quite reach my car before I heard another vehicle racing down the road. The driver hit his brakes, and the tires squealed as he pulled up alongside me. It was Shane Norman. He leaped out.
“It is you,” he said, standing with his hands on his hips. His face was flushed and his eyes were wide with disbelief. “Why did you come here? Why did you frighten Royce like that?”
“I didn’t frighten her. I came quietly and asked only to see and speak to my daughter.”
“Anna is not your daughter, and you were specifically forbidden to make any direct contact until she was eighteen. It’s written clearly in black and white. Does your father know you’re here?”
He stepped closer, threateningly.
“She’s my daughter,” I said, turning away and walking to my car. He didn’t follow. He stood back watching me. I opened my door, and then I turned back to him and said, “She’s got Heaven-stone blood. She’ll always be my daughter.”
“You’re crazy!” he shouted. “You stay away, or I’ll call the police.”
I got into the car and started the engine.
“You did well,” Cassie said. “Don’t worry. We’ll win in the end.”
I drove home. The emotional roller coaster exhausted me. I went directly to the bedroom to lie down. Not long afterward, the phone rang, and I heard Daddy leave his message. It was curt, full of rage.
“Call me immediately, Semantha. Immediately!”
“Ignore him,” Cassie said. “He’ll calm down.”
He didn’t. I remained in bed for the rest of the day, dozing on and off, but much later, when I heard his familiar footsteps pounding on the hallway’s tile floor, I braced myself. He didn’t knock. He burst in and stood there for a moment. Then he closed the door softly and approached the bed.
“Why did you do that? You frightened them both, and after all these years.”
“I just wanted to see her, to hear her voice. She looks a lot like me—like Mother, in fact.”
He simply stared down at me for a few moments. Maybe he realized I was right, I thought hopefully, but that wasn’t it.
“What got into you? To do such a thing now, especially? You’ve just recently gotten married, started yourself off on a whole new life. To bring back that mess, that horror, now? Ethan’s beside himself with worry. Lucille is calming him.”
“If he really loves me, he should understand,” I said. My lips began to tremble. Tears glistened in my eyes. “You should understand, too. You’re my father. You should know me better than anyone can. You should feel my pain, too.”
He bristled. “What nonsense is this? What pain, Semantha? We solved a horrendous situation. You were so young. Your entire life could have been ruined, and we found a wonderful couple who could and wanted to raise her well. Besides, you violated a legal agreement. They have the right to sue us. At the least, they could get a court order forbidding you to come anywhere near that property and that child, and something like that could make the newspapers and television. You’d be putting not only us into a scandal but the Normans and the little girl!”
Cassie whispered in my ear.
“That’s Lucille talking and not you,” I said.
He looked as if he would explode. His shoulders swelled, and his cheeks puffed as his eyes widened. I couldn’t remember ever seeing him this enraged, and I was sure neither could Cassie.
“How could you say such a terrible thing? Lucille talking? Why, all that woman is doing right now is calming down your new husband, pleading with him to be understanding. Yes, she’s worried about the Heaven-stone name, but that’s important for you and Ethan as well as for us. You should thank your lucky stars we have someone like her here now, someone who can think coolly. As a matter of fact, it was Lucille who went to the phone and called the Normans. She’s the one who got them calmed down, too. I was far too angry to speak to anyone.
“This is a betrayal of me, of what I did for you,” he continued. “Why would you even think of going there without first discussing it with me? Cassie would never have done such a thing.”
“Cassie would never? Cassie told me to do it,” I said.
He blinked rapidly and wiped his forehead. “What? What did you say?”
“Cassie told me to do it. She said my daughter has Heaven-stone blood and will never be anything but a Heaven-stone. One way or another, she’ll come back to us.”
“Cassie was gone by the time you gave birth. She knew nothing of the arrangements, Semantha. You’re not making any sense. I don’t know what’s gotten into you or who put such ideas into your head, but you had better put a stop to this right now. And another thing,” he said “I’m going to arrange for you to see Dr. Ryan again. You obviously should continue with your therapist.”
“That’s Lucille talking again,” I said.
He glared at me and then walked out and slammed the door behind him.
“Well,” Cassie said, “from that reaction, you can readily see we are almost too late.”
Even so, I couldn’t help but sob. Ever since I could remember, I had hated Daddy’s being angry at me. He never had to punish me. All he had to do was show he was upset, and that was punishment enough for a daughter who so craved her father’s love. When anger was as intense as his was, forgiveness cowered in a corner, too frightened even to show its face. It was like waiting for the fallout of a nuclear explosion to pass.
“Get a hold of yourself,” Cassie snapped.
I took deep breaths and started to get out of bed when the door opened again. This time, it was Ethan. He closed the door and looked at me with what I thought was worry more than anger or confusion.
“What made you do such a thing?” he asked.
“I’ve never stopped thinking about her, Ethan. No matter how you or anyone would like it to be, a woman can’t have her child growing inside her and then cut herself off completely from her.”
“But . . . according to your own words, she was the result of a date rape. And besides, your father had solved the situation for you. Why would you dredge up all that now? We’re going to have our own child soon. You’ll be a mother again. There must be hundreds, th
ousands of young girls who were like you and who were grateful someone had found a way for them to go on and have a normal young life. I don’t know,” he said, pacing. “Maybe your father’s right. You probably should go back into therapy now.”
“Therapy won’t change anything.”
“Yesterday wasn’t the first time I heard you talking to yourself or someone else who wasn’t here, Semantha. You need a little help. I’m not the only one who’s heard you doing that, either.”
He plopped onto the cushioned chair.
“What do you mean? Who else?”
“Your roommate told me about your conversations with no one else in the room.”
“When?”
“After I met you,” he said. “She called me. I knew she was only trying to keep me from seeing you. She was jealous. So I disregarded anything she told me. That’s really why I was so upset with what happened at the motel.”
“And why you didn’t come to my graduation? It really had nothing to do with your father’s illness, then?”
“Partly,” he admitted. “Look. I love you. I just think you need some more therapy. It’s no big deal. Half the country is in therapy, and the other half needs it.”
“Who told you that—Lucille?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know why you’re on her case so much, Semantha. That’s probably another topic for your therapy, but the truth is, Lucille has been in your corner from the start. I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for her.”
“What does that mean?”
“Nothing,” he said, and immediately took on the look of someone who had stepped into quicksand.
“No. You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t think you had a reason to say it. Why did you say that?”
“Look,” he said, standing. “This discussion is just getting us deeper and deeper into a mud hole. Let’s just calm down and do what we can to restore things. We’re off to a wonderful new start.”
He started for the door.
“I’ll go back down and tell your father and Lucille that we had a good conversation and you’re seriously considering returning to therapy. You take a hot shower or something, get dressed, and we’ll have another one of our wonderful gourmet dinners and get everyone settled. What’s done is done, but it’s over with, and that should be that.”
Secret Whispers Page 28
