I don’t even know where that blunt part of her personality comes from. Certainly not me and Ivy, maybe it’s from her Uncle Grease. That fucker lets it all hang out.
“I know I haven’t been around much, sweetie, but I’m aiming to be better.”
She shrugs, looking down at her paper as if it’s all the same to her. I know that it isn’t. I know that she’s been upset with me for some time.
I wish that I could ease all of her fears and worries, but the cold fucking truth is that even I don’t know what will happen between her mother and me.
That kills me because in a perfect world I would have Ivy at my side, always. Unfortunately, this isn’t a perfect world, and we don’t always get everything we want.
Opening my mouth to speak to her some more, to try and placate her fears, I’m interrupted when the front door slams and I hear my boys calling out for their mom.
“Where is Mom?” Rosalie asks as the boys come into view.
“She’s upstairs resting,” I shrug.
Reid wrinkles his little nose and I chuckle. “What’s for dinner then?” he asks.
“Mom should have something frozen in the fridge, I can just bake it,” Rosalie states as she starts to walk toward the refrigerator.
Wrapping my hand around her shoulder, I don’t let her walk toward the fridge. “Let’s order takeout, maybe stop by Carlotta’s and get some desserts for later?” I ask with a smile.
The boys cheer, but Rosalie looks at me warily. I wait for her to speak and when she does, it makes my stomach twist. “Mom won’t eat takeout, Dad. She won’t eat any desserts either,” she whispers. “She’s afraid you’ll say she’s fat again.”
My eyes widen at her words, unbelieving that Ivy would tell her such a thing. “Where’d you hear that, Rosalie?”
“I’m not dumb. Besides, I heard you tell Tinker all those months ago, and then Mom started her crazy gym stuff and eating clean. It wasn’t hard to figure out. She’s happier now though, with herself at least,” she points out. She’s way too mature for her age, and I don’t like it.
I pull her against my chest and just hug her. “Mom knows that I didn’t mean that, sweetie. Your mom has always been the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on,” I murmur.
Rosalie tips her head back and looks at me straight in the eye. “Then why aren’t you ever around?”
She asks me the million dollar question and fuck, I want to give her that reassuring lie. I want to make that obvious ache in her heart go away—but I can’t.
“You’ll understand when you’re an adult, sweetie.” I lie. “Now, maybe you can take something out that Mom would want, and we’ll do a Carlotta’s run and eat it in the car so we don’t tempt her?” I ask, giving the boys a wink.
They cheer and dance around. She gives me a small smile and nods once in obvious approval. I know that I’ve not won my daughter back by any means, but at least she gave me a smile—I’ll fucking take it.
Chapter Nine
IVY
I wake up to the smell of coffee. West is standing next to my bed holding a cup in his hand. It’s from the local coffee house and I’m surprised to see him there.
I sit up and attempt to comb my fingers through my messy hair. West shoves the cup toward me and I wrap my hand around it, bringing it to my chest as I continue to keep my gaze on his.
“Taking the kids for the day,” he announces.
Blinking I bring the cup to my lips and take a sip. “To do what?” I ask curiously. I can’t remember the last time he took all of the kids anywhere, let alone for an entire day. It’s probably been years.
“Dunno, yet,” he shrugs. “That gonna be a problem?” he asks defensively.
I shake my head. I don’t want to piss him off, and I’m glad that it seems as though he may have really turned over a new leaf. I hope that he has. I hope that whatever his issues were, that he’s working on them and that we can work together.
He lifts his chin and takes a step back. “I called the prospect to come by and watch you for the day. You need to go anywhere he can follow behind you or whatever.”
“Can you tell me why we need twenty-four-seven protection, West?” I chance to ask.
West sighs and looks down at his boots, not answering me immediately. Once he’s gathered his thoughts he lifts his head. “It’s precautionary, Ivy. Nothin’ to really worry about,” he lies.
I know it’s a lie, I can tell by the way he won’t meet my eyes. I should demand more, but right now I feel like we’re just too delicate for that. Instead, I give him a nod and a smile.
“See you tonight,” he murmurs as he turns around.
I watch him walk out of our bedroom and I feel a sadness wash over me. I’m sad that this is what our lives have resulted to. I can’t talk to him and he feels like he can’t be open and honest with me as well. It hurts. So much.
Taking another sip of my coffee, I’m surprised when my cell phone starts to ring on my nightstand. I groan at the name flashing but then I decide to go ahead and answer. I’ve been avoiding everybody for far too long.
“Hello,” I murmur.
“Holy shit, she’s alive,” Mary-Anne cries.
I almost laugh. I’ve been the one avoiding and being a bitch, so I don’t. “Hey, I’m sorry about being absent.”
“Lunch today?” she asks.
I agree immediately.
Maybe I should unload some of what’s happening onto Mary-Anne’s shoulders and see what she thinks. She’s been married to her roughneck for around the same amount of time as I’ve been with West. She announces the diner in town and the time before she ends the call. I only have a few hours to myself so I decide to finish my coffee before I get dressed for the day—in silence.
Once my drink is consumed, I head toward my master bathroom and start the water. Glancing in the mirror, I notice my hair and I smile. I love the new cut and color. It makes my body transformation complete. I don’t think that I’ve ever been so happy with the way I’ve looked before. I just wish that the rest of my life was as together as my appearance.
West always made me feel beautiful, but I never really thought of myself that way when I was alone and facing the mirror. Things are different now. I’m different now. I’m discovering that I’m much more comfortable in my skin. I feel good about myself and I’m happy with me. I can only hope that soon, I’ll be happy in my relationship with my husband as well.
After I’ve showered, straightened my hair, and applied my makeup I decide to put some clothes on. The diner is just a greasy spoon, so it doesn’t really matter what I wear.
I opt for a pair of my new distressed skinny jeans, and an off the shoulder peach body suit. Slipping my feet into my gold sandals, I grab my phone and shove it in my purse before I head downstairs.
Opening the front door, I’m startled at the sight of Derek standing just beside it. I shouldn’t be, West told me he’d be here. “Hey, babe,” he rasps as his eyes slowly travel every inch of my body. I feel like he can see through my clothes and the idea is exhilarating. It shouldn’t be—but it is.
“I’m going to the diner, West said you had to follow me?” I squeak.
His lips tip up in a small smile and he winks. “I’ll drive your rig, hand me your keys.”
I do as he says and place my keys in the palm of his hand, though I’m not sure why I’m going to allow him to drive my car. He curls his hand around the keys and shifts them to his other palm before he presses his hand on my lower back. I shiver at his touch and tip my head back to look up at him.
“Let’s get goin’, babe,” he murmurs.
I’m dumbfounded by the way his heat feels against my back, and by his soft tone when he speaks to me. I’m surprised by Derek. He helps me into the passenger side of the SUV and I watch him jog around to the driver’s side before he climbs inside.
“I thought your man was going to be with you all weekend?” he asks as soon as he starts the engine.
All thought
s of how warm Derek’s hand felt on my back disappear. I gulp as I turn to face the window, watching the trees in my front yard drift by as he backs down my driveway. “He decided to spend time with our children.”
“And not their mama, too?” he questions. I shake my head. “Everybody at the club knows there’s something up between you two, Ivy. I don’t know much because I’m nobody, but I have eyes. You look fucking miserable, babe,” he murmurs as his hand wraps around my knee and gives me a squeeze.
I bite the corner of my bottom lip. “When you’re married, you go through ups and downs. You go through rough patches,” I whisper.
He snorts. “Yeah, pretty sure this is more than just a fucking rough patch, babe.”
I open my mouth to say something, but he pulls into a parking spot. I shouldn’t be surprised by how short of a drive it was since I only live about five minutes from the diner, but I am.
“You think about how he treats you, how he’s gone from you and doesn’t give a fucking shit how you feel about that. Think about that and tell me it’s just a fucking rough patch. Then think about what it would be like to be with a man who thinks you’re fucking gorgeous. Who thinks you’re down-to-earth, sweet, and kind. Who would worship you.”
I blink at his words, staring woodenly as he ambles out of the driver’s seat of my car.
What the hell just happened here?
Derek pulls my door open and gives me a wink when I look up at him wide-eyed. I hold my breath when he leans in a bit closer and presses his lips against my ear. “What I wouldn’t give to see those wide brown eyes staring up at me with awe as I make you come, Ivy.”
I whimper. There’s nothing else I can do. I feel strange, and turned on, and dirty all at the same time. I’ve never felt this way in my entire life. Derek chuckles as he takes a step back and I slide from the SUV and hurry past him into the diner.
My eyes frantically search the restaurant and I let out a sigh of relief when I see Mary-Anne sitting in a booth. I hurry toward her and my steps falter when I realize that not only is Genny with her, but so is Cleo, and my sister-in-law, Serina.
“The gang’s all here,” I mutter as I slip into the booth.
Serina grins. “Not really, we figured whatever was up, you wanted to keep low key, so we only invited the needs-to-know, gang,” she quips like the smartass she can be.
The waitress appears and asks for our drink orders. I order water, not planning to stray from my diet, even though I really want to down a Coke right about now.
Mary-Anne announces that we’re ready to order, too. I don’t bother listening to anybody else’s order because I know that it will just make me want junk food. I order a side of cottage cheese, a side of fruit, and grilled chicken breast.
“You’ve really taken this healthy lifestyle thing to heart, haven’t you?” Mary-Anne asks, scrunching her nose up.
“I think you look fantastic, not that you haven’t always, but you know what I mean,” Genny announces.
I give them all a fake smile and when I do, Cleo’s eyes widen. “You’re going to need to start from the beginning,” she whispers.
My bottom lip starts to wobble and I mentally curse myself when it does. I suck in a deep breath and then I tell these women, who are my closest friends in the world whom I’ve been avoiding—everything. Down to West’s new desires, which are still confusing to me because he hasn’t really explained what he wants in detail yet.
“Oh, Ivy, why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Serina asks as she wraps her arm around my shoulder and gives me a hug.
I sniffle. “I’ve been so embarrassed,” I admit.
“Please, I think you’re handling things much better than I would. Plus, we’re all sisters, there’s absolutely nothing to be embarrassed of,” Genny says.
Taking the napkin off of the table I blot beneath my eyes, trying not to smear my makeup, though it’s probably a fruitless endeavor. “What do you want, Ivy? It sounds like there is a lot of West’s desires and personal issues in what you’ve told us, and not much about you,” Serina points out.
I didn’t always like my sister-in-law. She was a whore who my brother decided to claim, and I couldn’t understand their dynamic, especially their very open, and in public, sex life. Over the years we’ve become closer, and I’m so grateful to have her.
Once I let my judgments go, I found out that she’s a great person. She’s had her issues in the past, but when she came here, she truly did it to start anew and I couldn’t be happier that Barry claimed her as his own and then married her.
“I found my new job, and I’m excited to start tomorrow. I feel like that’s a step in the right direction. I love going to the gym, and made a couple new friends there.”
“But those are all things that have pretty much nothing to do with your relationship,” Mary-Anne points out.
My eyes glance down as our food arrives, and after the waitress leaves, I exhale. “I love my husband. I’m in love with him, but it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done because he doesn’t open up to me. He disappears for days at a time. He’s got this whole new kinky thing that he’s suddenly into, and he’s been hiding it from me,” I whisper.
“Would you do that with him, would you want that with him?” Cleo asks before she takes a bite of a French fry.
I think about her question for a few minutes as I stab a piece of honeydew melon. Would I want that? Would I want a man other than my husband touching me? Would I want the attention of two men on me at once? I can’t deny that it sounds kind of sexy. An image of Derek crosses my mind, would I mind if it were him and West pleasuring me together? I don’t think that I would.
“It’s something you both have to enjoy, Ivy. It could make or break your marriage, trust me. There are special couples that can pull this off, Barry and myself included, but even we have boundaries. We communicate them, and often. Personally, I think you guys need to work on your communication before you start to play,” Serina advises. She isn’t wrong. We desperately need to communicate with each other before we do anything else—no matter what that is.
The rest of the lunch is spent focusing on everybody else, and I’m grateful to be able to spend time inside of my own head. I don’t know what will happen in the future, a future that I thought I had all planned out.
The rug has been pulled out from beneath me, but I’m willing to readjust my life. I just hope that it’s with West because, at the end of the day, I love him with my whole heart.
CAMO
I watch the boys as they practice their archery, wondering how they got old enough that I don’t have to help them with it anymore. Rosalie sits next to me on the bed of my pickup and plays on her phone.
She hasn’t said one word to me since I brought them all out here to the woods. Her fingers work fast on the screen of her phone and I want to rip it from her hands and throw it across the forest.
“Mind puttin’ that shit down?” I finally ask. Her eyes widen and she looks up at me but doesn’t put her phone down. “Who are you talking to?”
Her eyes slide away from me and I can already tell that I’m not going to like her answer. I can only imagine who it is, and I have a feeling I already know. She’s had a crush on Bailey Duhart for far too long. At fourteen, although he’s only a few months older than her, he’s also far too mature for her.
I’ve seen him come into the clubhouse with a few of his older sister’s friends. He’s not my kid, and those girls aren’t mine either, but I’ll be damned if my thirteen-year-old baby, has anything to do with a kid that’s already sexually active.
“Bailey,” she admits. I’m surprised when she fesses up to the truth. “We’re just friends,” she lies.
Maybe he’s telling her they’re just friends, but he’s got a little pecker and my daughter is as beautiful as her mother.
I grunt. I feel the need to tell her that he’s nothing but a little prick, that he’s been with other girls but then I look down at her wide, innocent eyes and I don’t
. The last thing I want to do is make her cry, I have a feeling she’s done enough of that lately, and I’ve been the cause of every single one of her tears.
“You’re still young, don’t hitch your star to anyone quite yet,” I murmur.
“Daaaad,” she giggles. “We’re just friends.”
I wrap my arm around her shoulders and bring her closer to my side. I’ve fucked up with her lately, with all three of my kids. Ivy was right. Then again, Ivy’s usually right about shit. I’m just not always smart enough to listen to her.
I should apologize to my daughter, my sons, and I should get down on my knees and apologize to Ivy. What I should do, and what I actually do are two different scenarios.
“Wanna do a little target practice?” I ask.
Rosalie looks up at me with surprise. “I hate archery, Dad,” she admits. I smile because I know that.
“My handgun, sweetie. All women should know how to use a gun, and I think you’re old enough,” I murmur.
I watch as her mouth forms a huge smile, the likes of which I haven’t seen in a fuck’ve a long time.
Chapter Ten
IVY
Mary-Anne wraps her hand around my bicep as we leave the diner, stopping me from continuing on toward my SUV while all the other women go on their way. Turning around to face her, I look at her in question. Her eyes flick behind me somewhere before they settle back on me.
“Be careful, Ivy. Shit may seem bleak right now, but you’re still very much claimed,” she warns. I open my mouth to respond but she gives me a small smile and interrupts me. “That doesn’t mean that I don’t get it, or that I’d judge you, at all.” Without another word, she walks away from me.
Turning around, my eyes clash with Derek’s. He’s leaning his hip against my car, his head turned, and his eyes on me. His lips tip in a cocky little smile as I approach him.
I don’t know what he’s doing or what I’m doing but I feel different around him. He’s not just one of West’s brothers, or maybe it’s me that’s changed? I don’t know, but I want this man’s touch.
Notorious Devils MC Complete Collection: BoxSet Page 181
