“Ready?” he asks, giving me a wink as he pushes off of the car.
I nod, afraid to speak and climb into the passenger seat. Neither of us says a word as he drives back to my house. I should feel guilty for the thoughts running through my head about this man, but I’m finding it harder and harder to feel that emotion.
Once we pull into the driveway, I’m surprised to see that West’s truck is parked in its usual spot. Glancing at the clock on the dash I notice that it’s well after four in the afternoon. I can’t believe that I spent over four hours with my friends. I really should have gone to the gym for an extra session, but I think that I needed this time with my girls. I’d been avoiding them for far too long, and I shouldn’t have.
I’m appreciative that Derek didn’t say anything to me on the way home. After our conversation on the way to lunch, I’m not sure that I can handle much more from him. Sliding out of the car I walk toward the front door, Derek’s boots sounding behind me as he follows me up the porch and into the foyer.
“Hey, Mom,” Remi calls out from the sofa. He’s watching The Sandlot on television.
Reid’s head pops up from the floor and gives me a toothy grin and wave. “Hey boys,” I smile back at them. “What did you guys do today?”
“We practiced our archery. I’m pretty much the best at it,” Remi announces with a shrug.
Derek laughs behind me and I can’t help but chuckle as well. One thing about Remi is that he lacks humility, I love and dislike that quality in him all at the same time. He is definitely his father’s son.
“I got to do some target practice with Dad’s handgun,” Rosalie announces from the top of the staircase.
She has this goofy smile on her face and my heart leaps inside of my chest. I haven’t seen her happy, truly happy, in a long time. It’s absolutely stunning.
“Wow, it sounds like you guys had a really fun day.” My voice almost cracks at the end of my sentence.
They did have a great day, and while I’m extremely happy that they did, I’m also a little sad that I wasn’t there to witness it. I feel Derek’s fingers trail down the back of my arm and I turn my head to look at him. He gives me a sad look, something akin to pity and I hate it. He called it earlier. He said it like it was and he was right. What about me? Why wasn’t I invited on their adventure?
“I ordered the kids pizza so you didn’t have to cook,” West announces as he walks into the living room.
I lift my eyes to him but he doesn’t come any closer to me, in fact, he stays all the way on the other side of the room. I watch as his gaze sweeps down my body to lift to mine again. He shows zero emotion, no heat or anything. It’s as though he’s just looking at a stranger rather than his wife.
Derek clears his throat behind me and West’s eyes shift to him. “If it’s cool, I’ll go ahead and head out.”
“Be back around ten,” West states.
Derek murmurs his agreement. I feel his presence leave from behind me, and then the door closes gently. Be back around ten. The words repeat in my head and I feel disappointed all over again. My husband is a fucking dick, and he’s growing into an even bigger one by the freaking day.
Ignoring West since he has everything under control and has made it clear he doesn’t want much to do with me right now, I walk upstairs. I make my way to Rosalie and catch her hand before I walk past her. I give her fingers a squeeze, and she tips her head to look at me. “Love you, sweetie,” I whisper.
“Yeah,” she nods.
I don’t say anything else, releasing her hand, I continue toward my bedroom. I have my first day at work tomorrow, and the only thing I want to do right now is go to sleep. When I’m asleep, I can forget the emotional disaster that is my life.
The sun is still very much out, but that doesn’t stop me from changing into a nightgown. It’s one of my favorites, a navy soft cotton with spaghetti straps and lace at the short hem and along the sweetheart neckline.
The bedroom door opens and I don’t even turn around to see who’s there. I know who it is, I can feel his presence anytime he’s in a room.
“You going to bed?” he asks, sounding surprised.
Inhaling deeply, I exhale before I turn around to face him. “Yeah, I’m going to bed.”
His brows tug together in confusion. “It’s not even five, Ivy. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I want to pull my hair out and scream in frustration. “Nothing, West. Absolutely nothing,” I deadpan.
West runs his hand through his overly long hair. My eyes trail his fingers and I know I’m pissed at him but he looks sexy as shit right now.
My spine straightens at the thought. I’m lusting after my husband only hours after I’d been lusting after another man. What the hell is wrong with me? What is wrong with us?
“Rosalie wrote down the kids’ after school schedule for me. You don’t have to worry about any of that. What time do you get off work all week?” he asks.
He ignores the elephant in the room, the huge suffocating elephant, and it pisses me off even more. Of course, I’m horrible at communication just as much as he is, so I ignore it as well. “I get off at six-thirty,” I murmur.
West’s fingers dance from my shoulder down to my wrist before he tugs me against his chest. I place my hands on his chest for stability and tip my head back to look into his eyes.
Without a word, he smashes his lips against mine and forces his tongue into my mouth. I welcome him, lifting my arms and wrapping my hands around the back of his neck. My breasts ache and I arch closer to him, feeling them rub against his hard chest—doing little to actually ease the ache.
“I should walk away, right now,” he murmurs as he nibbles on my lips.
I hum in agreement, lowering my hands to unbutton his pants. West takes a step back. I press my lips together, assuming that he’s going to leave but he doesn’t. He removes everything he’s wearing, stripping himself completely naked. Curling my fingers around the hem of my nightgown I pull it off and toss it to the side.
West tugs my panties down and then his mouth is on mine again. His tongue fills me as we fall backward onto the mattress. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I rip my lips from his and let out a long moan when his cock fills me to the root.
He doesn’t allow me to adjust to him, he rears back, his hands spanning my waist and he fucks me. I allow him, arching my back with each downward stroke, grinding his pelvis against me. My breath hitches each time. I feel my body climbing toward my release, my hips lifting on their own.
“Come, Ivy. Fuck, baby,” he chants as sweat beads on his forehead. “Give it to me,” he growls.
My eyes involuntarily close and I do as he’s demanded. I give it to him; my body reaches its climax and I come. I don’t make a noise. It’s too much, but he feels it. I know he does, he groans and slams into me a few more times before he stills and fills me with his release.
Then, immediately his weight is off of me. I open my eyes and watch as he quickly dresses. My heart sinks. He’s doing it to me again, fucking me and leaving me. I watch as he turns away from me. I can’t let him just walk out the door, so I call out his name. Sitting up on the bed, naked and his release leaking onto the sheet.
With his hand on the doorknob, he turns just his head and watches me.
“Bye, then,” I whisper.
“We’ll get this sorted, Ivy,” he announces. I nod, not believing a word he’s said. “Trust me, baby. We will get all of this sorted. Give me this week, and swear to fuck, we got this.”
He doesn’t give me a chance to respond before he opens the door and walks out, promptly closing it behind him. I want to believe him, but he hasn’t given me a whole lot of reasons to trust in him lately. I quickly pull my nightgown back on, refusing to be even more vulnerable than I already feel.
Changing the sheets, I quickly climb into bed, curling up into a ball, I close my eyes. I’m just so emotionally drained. This week I’m going to focus on the kids, work, and me. I’m
going to try my hardest to just put West completely out of my mind. Fucking asshole.
The alarm sounds way too early. I push the stop button and force myself to stand. I shuffle to the bathroom to take care of business then shuffle to my closet and quickly dress in my gym clothes.
Once my hair is up and my eyes are less bleary, I pick out an outfit for my first day of work and quickly pack a bag with my makeup and toiletries.
It doesn’t take me long to get the kids up and moving on my way downstairs. This week they’re all eating at school so I’m thankful that I don’t have to pack any lunches.
I make them each a quick breakfast of toast and jam with scrambled eggs, and have it plated and ready to go by the time they arrive downstairs.
This morning, I also called the school and set up the bus to take them rather than me every morning. They leave my house a little earlier than I would if I were driving them, but it will shave off at least thirty minutes for me in the routine.
“Now don’t forget Dad’s going to pick you all up from school, okay,” I try to announce cheerfully.
Remi and Reid show their enthusiasm by cheering, but Rosalie just nods and gives me a small smile. When their food is finished, I hear the bus brakes out front, and I hurry them out of the house. Reid gives me a big hug and a sweet kiss on my cheek before he runs off. My baby is still my baby boy, and I’ll treasure it for as long as I’ll have it.
Rosalie just waves, and Remi gives me a chin lift because he’s just too big to hug his mama these days. I watch them load on the bus and I realize that they are what’s important to me, not that I didn’t already know that.
However, I’ve been preoccupied lately and that needs to stop. I’ve been so busy trying to do everything, to be everywhere. I can’t do it anymore. One day, one moment, one activity at a time and that’s all I can do—with or without my husband.
“You going to the gym this morning?” Derek asks. He’s standing next to my front door.
I jump and let out a scream, not having realized he was there, which only causes him to laugh. “You scared the shit out of me,” I scold.
He grins and gives me a wink.
“Yeah, let me grab my bags,” I mutter, still pressing my hand to my heart.
I walk into the house and bend over to grab my duffle bag full of clothes and my morning routine supplies. When I stand, I feel something hard against my back. Derek’s hand slides around to press against my stomach.
“Derek,” I whisper.
His lips skim the back of my neck and I suck in a breath. “Will you whisper my name or whimper it when you come, Ivy?” he asks, his warm breath fanning my skin and causing me to break out in goosebumps.
His hand slides up my stomach and wraps around my ribcage, his thumb gliding back and forth on the underside of my breast.
I press my thighs together and pinch my eyes closed at the sensation. Then I feel his hard length run along the crack of my ass. My exercise leggings are too thin because I can feel every freaking inch of him beneath his jeans.
“I think you’d scream my name, wouldn’t you?” he rasps as his teeth nip the side of my neck. “Now step away from me, Ivy, or we’ll find out right now exactly what you sound like when you come.”
Moving quickly, I take a step forward, breathing heavily as I turn around to face him. Derek has a grin on his lips and a twinkle in his eyes. He looks like he’s enjoying riling me up.
I should tell him not to touch me again. I should be calling West, but I don’t. I like it too much, and to be honest, the bad girl inside of me wants to know what it would feel like to have him make me come. Maybe I would scream?
CAMO
I walk into the clubhouse to check the new schedule. I know that I’m on rotation to do a pickup from Humboldt soon, but I can’t remember what day exactly.
Hopefully, that doesn’t fuck with my promise to pick the kids up from school this week. I turn to head toward MadDog’s office where I know the schedule is posted when Grease calls out my name.
I let out a frustrated sigh. I have no desire to talk to my brother-in-law today, but I walk toward him anyway. He looks fucking pissed and I have no idea what’s crawled up his ass, but I have no doubt that I’m about to find out.
Grease stands and glares at me, his face set hard and body tight. “You haven’t fixed your shit. I just found out you’ve got a fucking prospect watching my sister, my niece, and nephews, at night while you hang out here? What in the actual fuck?”
“Ivy and I are taking the week to think, not that it’s any of your fucking business what happens in my marriage,” I growl.
Grease shakes his head. “I made this shit my business, Camo. I’m the only father my sister has. It’s my duty to protect her, even if it means protecting her against her husband. You know what? Fuck it,” he states, throwing his hands up.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
He takes a step back and pins me with his glare. “Fuck it, if you don’t know what you have, and you’re willing to toss her away? She’ll find better,” he shrugs.
“Like hell she will. Ivy’s claimed, divorced or not, she’ll always be my Old Lady,” I growl.
Grease snorts. “Yeah, you can keep thinking that all you want. Truth of the matter is, any man on this earth would be lucky to have her. You better start working on keeping her. I know my sister well enough to know that, no matter how much she loves you, she’ll only take so much.”
He turns and walks away from me, leaving me stunned and pissed off because he’s right. I walk away, abandoning my mission of looking up my schedule and head toward the clubhouse gym. I need to work off some of my anger.
As soon as I walk into the workout area, I go directly to the punching bag. I can hear the weights being dropped, signaling that there’s another person in here but I have one focus, and one focus only—beat the shit out of this bag.
Reaching back, I slam my balled-up fist into the hard bag. I relish in the bite of pain. I do it again with the other fist, and then again over and over until sweat breaks out over my entire body.
I hit the fucking bag until I can think of nothing else. I pound my fists against it until thoughts of Ivy, of what I want from her and know I shouldn’t, until all the guilt that’s been piling up on me just vanishes.
“You done?” A deep voice rumbles through the room.
Dropping my hands to my sides, I turn my head to see MadDog standing in the middle of the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest.
I lift my chin to him but don’t verbally answer his question. “Grease is fuckin’ pissed with you, Camo. Good fucking God, you’ve made a mess of shit, haven’t you?” he asks.
Scrubbing my hand over my face, I answer. “He’ll get over it. He’s just pissed that Ivy isn’t happy right now.” I shrug.
“Boy, you’re a mess. Don’t you see how good your life is?” he asks.
I don’t answer him.
I’m getting tired of these know-it-all fucks telling me what my life is like. They don’t know shit. They think I don’t know how good of a woman Ivy is? They think I don’t appreciate her? They don’t know that it’s me trying to protect her from myself. They don’t know fucking shit.
“You know, Fury’s mom was a damn good woman. I didn’t always treat her right, but that didn’t mean that I lacked respect for her or loved her any less. People would say that by me fucking around on her, that it wasn’t true. I beg to differ though,” he murmurs.
“Nobody knew that there were things I wanted. Things that I didn’t feel comfortable asking my wife to do, things that I shouldn’t have wanted her to do. Who knows, maybe if I would have said something then what we had would have been different.
“However, I have a feeling the people that we were at the time, it wouldn’t have mattered, we still wouldn’t have ended up together. Mary-Anne is who I was meant to have in my life. Is Ivy who you were meant to have or is there someone else out there that you think could fulfill all of what you need
?”
MadDog doesn’t stay a second longer, he turns and walks away leaving me alone with his words of wisdom. Fuck. Just thinking about what he’s said makes me feel sick. I couldn’t imagine loving another woman as much as I love Ivy.
Will my desires ruin us? Then I think, haven’t they already?
Our relationship isn’t completely demolished yet, but I’m doing a fine job of chipping away at it—every second, of every day, piece by piece.
Chapter Eleven
IVY
I thought that my first day at work would be exhausting, but I didn’t realize it would be—exhausting. Derek is waiting by my SUV when I finally drag my ass out of the dentist’s office. I don’t notice anything out of the norm until I see something in his hand.
“Here,” he mutters, shoving it at me.
“What?” I look down and then smile when I see that it’s an iced coffee. “Seriously?”
He shrugs but doesn’t say anything else before opening the door for me to climb inside. Once I’m settled in the vehicle, he asks me how my first day at work was. I don’t go into too much detail, but I tell him that it was mostly learning how to work the phones, and then how to enter appointments into the computer system.
I bite on my straw while I suck the caffeine from the cup. It feels like heaven entering my body. I barely had time to eat today, I was so crazy busy and nervous.
After my workout session with Chad, I quickly dressed and hurried to the office, all while Derek drove me. I try not to even think about Derek, or the way Chad’s brows rose when he saw him walking into the gym behind me, or when Derek decided to work out with me the entire time. I wanted to talk to Chad so badly, but with Derek acting as my shadow, I didn’t get the opportunity.
“Same routine tomorrow, Ivy?” Derek asks as he drives us toward my house.
I suck back more of the iced latte he gave me and hum my agreement. He chuckles softly as we pull into my driveway and I’m surprised to see West’s pickup parked in its spot. He usually only leaves it out when he drives it around. Otherwise, it’s in the garage.
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