Love & London: The love story 2021 needs. Heartbreakingly beautiful and hilariously funny!

by Ellie White

  "I'm sure you are sorry but where was this attitude two weeks ago when I begged you not to push me away? That's the part that hurt me. You promised me you wouldn't and you did it anyway." I close my eyes while I try to compose myself. "Remember when you asked me to give you space and I did? For two whole weeks, I gave you space when you probably didn't deserve it," I say, unable to keep my eyes from filling up when I look at him one last time.

  Finally, I gather enough courage to step out of his hold. His shoulders are slouched, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

  "I'm tired of it all, Jake. I'm tired of your mood swings and never knowing where I stand with you. I need a break from it all and maybe you should use the time to decide how you actually want me in your life."

  I walk away, tears stinging my eyes but I am determined not to let him see me cry over our argument.

  This time, he doesn't follow me. Instead, he lets me go.

  I hear lighter footsteps running up behind me. "Maggie, wait," Laura links her arm through mine when she catches up and we walk back to my flat together in silence. She doesn't push me to talk about it or ask what was said.

  She waits for me in my living room as I have a long, hot shower to try and warm up again. It's not until I change into my 'Do you even golf' T-shirt and sit down next to her on the sofa with my legs tucked beneath me that the first tears fall. She still doesn't speak, just moves me so my head is in her lap and strokes my hair gently, letting me cry until my tears dry up.

  ***

  I wake up early the next morning, still on my sofa with Laura. I apologised to her for my breakdown, thanked her for staying with me and put on my best smile to convince her I was okay. Then, as soon as she left to go to work, the smile slipped, my chest caved in and I crawled into bed.

  I'm so grateful for my best friend being here but I wished, more than anything, that I could talk to Philip. Philip always knew what to say when I was sad, he always knew what I should do when I had a problem. He always supported me, no matter what.

  Would he know what I should do about Jake? Would he support my decision? Or would he be disappointed in me over the way things have turned out between us? That's the thing about losing someone you didn't think you could live without. You constantly think about the 'ifs'. You yearn for their answers that will never come, pine for their opinions and long for their advice.

  "I know it's been a few weeks since I spoke to you. I thought I was doing better, I thought I was moving forward. It was what I wanted but I need you, right now. I need to know, what should I do?" I say as I curl up into a ball under my duvet.

  Philip doesn't answer me. He never does. He can’t. He isn't here anymore.

  It's just me, left to face my problems by myself.

  I don't want to be alone.

  ***

  It's been four days since our fight in the rain and I have made the best attempt to avoid Jake. He didn't try to call me and just sent me one text message that shattered me all over again. I left it un-answered.

  Jake: Maggs, I miss you. x

  For the entirety of yesterday and all this morning, we've both had separate, back-to-back meetings to catch up on things we had put aside to work on the Stephenson’s pitch so I haven't physically seen him, Until now, when he stands outside of our office on Tuesday lunchtime.

  He walks in and closes the door behind him, something we only do when we don't want to be overheard.

  "Maggie, can we talk?"

  "Is it work related?"

  "You know it's not."

  "Then no. I have a lunch date I need to get to," I say as I stand from my chair. He quickly moves to slide between me and my desk, blocking me from my handbag.

  I stand with my arms crossed, staring at him. Why is he doing this to me? Why is he torturing me like this?

  "Laura is running late. Sasha asked me to tell you," he says, grinning at me with his eyes glimmering in the light.

  "I had to endure the silent treatment from you for two whole weeks. Why should I let you off so soon?"

  He leans against my desk, propping himself up with his hands on the edge. Yes, I notice he's tensing his muscles at me; he's literally pulling out the big guns in an attempt at getting me to talk to him. It's working; I can feel my anger at him melting away just like it did the other night when he looked so vulnerable in the rain.

  Two can play at this game.

  "Okay, let me ask you one question," I say, coming so close to him that I'm now standing between his legs. He lifts his hand to rest on my side, his thumb dangerously close to grazing my under boob. I lean forward and arch my back so my boobs push into him. I'm close enough that my mouth is level with his ear, one hand gripping his muscular shoulder and the other winding around his back.

  Lowering my voice slightly, I continue. I can already see the goosebumps on his neck and the hairs on the back of my own stand up. "Think back to Friday night and the opinion you had on my sex life. What would you have said if it was you I wanted to sleep with? Would that have been okay with you?"

  "I, uh.. Shit, what?" he whimpers and stutters, caught off guard. His Adam's apple bobs in his throat and his fingertips dig so hard into my ribs that it almost hurts. Jake Mills is nervous and maybe a little turned on.

  I know I am.

  I grab my bag from behind his back and straighten up while he is momentarily distracted. He clears his throat as I pat his cheek, thoroughly pleased with myself, before I move away from him. He doesn't move from the spot I leave him in.

  "That's not fair," he shouts as I leave our office, waving at him behind me. "I can play dirty, too, Maggie. You may have won this round but, believe me, you'll be talking to me again by the end of the day."

  Shit. I'm actually sweating at his threat.

  ***

  When I return to my office after lunch Jake, is nowhere to be seen but, sat on my desk, is an orange and pink gift bag that reminds me of Bassets Fruit Salad Chews, my favourite sweets. I pick out the card that’s buried inside and slowly slide it out of the envelope. I smile as I see the familiar writing.

  I'm a shithead, some may even say an asshat.

  I let out a small laugh at the sentiment and take another look in the bag. I pull out a gift box and open it. My chest fills with warmth when I pull out a brand-new pair of white sand shoes.

  "I've missed that smile, Maggs," he says quietly as he closes the door behind him.

  He doesn't come any closer. Instead, he stands awkwardly with his hands stuffed in his pockets like he does when he's nervous.

  "Thank you. I’m impressed that you got the right size," I say as I go to him. "The bag kind of makes me want some sweets though. You know they're my favourite," I say with a smile, letting him know that his thoughtful gift is appreciated.

  He skips over to his desk and pulls out a huge jar with a big pink and orange bow. "I knew you'd say that so I got you this, too." I open the jar and see a mixture of Fruit Salad and Blackjack sweets.

  "You really do know how to soften me up, don't you?" I say as I walk towards him and pull him in for a sweet cuddle, having to stand on my tip toes. Finally, he has realised the way to break me down is to be himself. I take a step back again and put the jar down on his desk.

  "I am sorry, Maggie. Please, say you forgive me. I didn't mean it when I said we needed space from each other. I don't even know why I said it, I regretted it straight away. And I lied about that date, I made it all up. I guess I didn't want to seem like I was pathetically alone when you seemed so happy."

  I take it all in, not really understanding why he would lie about having a date. I don't ask him why he was outside of my flat either, although I'm desperate to know. I don't think he's ready to tell me.

  "I do forgive you but, please, don't do that to me again. We're supposed to be friends - best friends, even. Best friends don't shut down and push each other away for no apparent reason."

  "I promise. I've missed you so much," he says, pulling me towards him again and wrapping his strong
arms around me. I feel safe and warm again and all the tension that was between us feels like it had just been a bad dream.

  I know things between us have changed on my part and it's something I need to deal with myself but I have already decided not to let that change anything between us or the work we do together. I just need to stay strong and keep the promise that I made myself, that I would lock those feelings up inside like everything else.

  "I missed you, too, Jake," I say as he buries his face in my neck. "And, as a celebration of us being friends again-"

  "Best friends!"

  I smile at the correction. "Best friends… I'll let you cook me dinner tonight because, quite honestly, I've missed your cooking."

  "Ah, you're using me for my cooking skills," he says with a chuckle, the brightness restored in his eyes. "I would be honoured."

  CHAPTER TEN

  The following Saturday, I was woken up by the incessant buzzing of Jake ringing my doorbell. I groan as I pull myself out of bed, checking the clock on my way past.

  Just like the last time we argued and made up, we fell back into our usual stride again; eating dinner together most nights, texting and speaking all the time, playing games of pool that get more and more sexually charged as the weeks pass.

  "So, I know it's early."

  "It's 8 am on Saturday. I thought that, when you told me not to work weekends anymore, I'd at least get a lie in or something."

  "Has anyone ever told you you're cranky when you wake up?" he says, walking past me to my bedroom. "I know we don't have official plans today but I need you to spend the day with me," he says making himself all too comfortable, resting his hands behind his head as he lazes on my bed before pressing the remote that lifts the TV from the base.

  "Okay... Why?"

  "I can't say. It’s a surprise but just trust me here, I know you'll love it. Get ready and we'll leave when you're done."

  "Where are we going?"

  "No more questions. Get ready," he says, getting up to steer me into my bathroom.

  "Okay, okay!"

  It takes less than an hour from me getting ready before we make it to our surprise destination in Greenwich. Jake has brought me to the Royal Observatory. Our parents planned to bring us all here as kids but, the day we were supposed to come, my brother woke up with chicken pox so we had to cancel. Every school holiday that followed, Mum would promise she would bring me here but things always got in the way. Eventually, I grew up and we never got around to doing it.

  It's a chilly day with a little wind but at least the rain has held off - so far. We talk as we take a slow walk-through Greenwich Park towards the steep hill leading up to the observatory. When we eventually reach the top of the incline, we make our way to the entrance where Jake produces the tickets he had pre-booked for us.

  The lady on the ticket desk welcomes us with a friendly smile, hands me our map and show timetable which Jake immediately takes off me and shoves into his pocket.

  "We don't need this; I've already got it all memorised. I thought we could start with the Meridian Line."

  "Lead the way then, Mr Tour Guide."

  "Put one foot here and the other there," he says, indicating to either side of the stainless-steel line built into the floor as he faces me. "You are officially in two places at once"

  I smile at him. "Just like in ‘A Walk to Remember’."

  "I have no idea what that is."

  "It's a book by Nicholas Sparks. They made a movie with Mandy Moore. It was good."

  He just looks at me blankly.

  "Mandy Moore's character has terminal cancer and she falls in love with a boy called Landon. Basically, she has this bucket list and one item is to be in two places at the same time. Landon takes her to the town line and, when she puts a foot either side, she is in two places at once. It's so romantic."

  "It sounds tragic."

  "It is. She dies in the end. Someone usually does die in a Nicholas Sparks book so you should expect it but it doesn't make it any less heart-breaking."

  He smiles at me softly, making me feel ever so slightly flustered.

  "So, tell me about this line then. I suppose you've been studying," I say, cocking an eyebrow at him. I know he will have read every piece of information he could find online; he likes to be the fountain of all knowledge and this is the perfect time to show off.

  "Of course, I have. This is the Meridian Line. It's nought degrees longitude. It's the main line that runs down the centre of the earth like the equator but vertical. Right now, your left foot is in the Eastern Hemisphere and your right foot is in the Western Hemisphere. At night, there is a green laser that marks out the line across London. It should be dark by the time we leave so we'll be able to see it."

  "That's pretty cool. Here, I'll take a photo," I say, pulling my phone out to take a photo of our feet straddling the line. He’s wearing his worn-out Vans and I’m wearing my new, white sandshoes.

  I look up to find him smiling down at me again.

  "What?" I ask. His smile is contagious.

  "Come on, let’s go to the planetarium. There's a show starting soon."

  ***

  We spend the afternoon wandering through the observatory, visiting their different exhibits and dropping in and out of planetarium shows about the Solar System and the Milky Way. We talk about the new facts we learn and Jake laughs hysterically when I voice my frustrations about Pluto's declassification as a planet.

  As we walk around, he puffs his chest out, proudly reciting facts he's learnt in preparation for our day out and it is the cutest thing I've ever seen. I could listen to him for hours, just talking about the Great Equatorial Telescope or the famous Harrison Clocks. We stop for lunch on the terrace of the Parkside café, looking out over Greenwich Park. The sun finally broke through the clouds and you can Central London in the distance.

  "Shall we head back into London and get some dinner somewhere?" I ask after our final planetarium show, the voice on the speaker announcing that they are closing soon.

  "Not yet. Let’s just wait 20 minutes so we don't get stuck in the crowd. There's nothing worse than hundreds of people cramming onto the tube." He suddenly seems distracted as he types a quick message on his phone.

  "Yeah, okay, makes sense."

  We take a seat on a wooden bench outside the planetarium and Jake is unusually fidgety when, finally, a man wearing a Royal Observatory polo shirt approaches us.

  "Hey, man," he says to Jake.

  "Hey, Carl. How’s things? How’s the family?" They exchange a manly shoulder-clapping hug.

  "I'm good, Stace is good. She's pregnant. Our third kid."

  "Sounds like a handful."

  "Yeah, but it's so worth it when they smile at you with their cute, little dimples and tiny teeth and stuff," he replies with a chuckle and a smile. "Who would have thought I'd turn into such a soft, family man."

  "This is Maggie, James' sister," Jake introduces us. "Carl lived in the same uni halls as me and James."

  "Ah, you're 'Crazy Carl'?" I ask with an understanding grin. I've heard many stories about Crazy Carl over the years from James. He got the nickname during their first freshers’ week when he tried to jump his skateboard over a Nissan Micra. He ended up fracturing both wrists but insisted it was worth it because he got a cool nickname and the video was played on ‘You've Been Framed’. Apparently, he did a lot of crazier stuff over the years but, looking at the ‘family man’ in front of us, the only thing that seems crazy to me is that it's the same person.

  "I haven't heard that name for years. I assume your brother told you all about the mischief we used to get into?" He laughs, unlocking the door to the planetarium door next to us.

  "Something like that. You're a bit of an urban legend in our house," I say with a grin.

  "I would like to say it's all lies but it's probably all true," he says, nudging Jake. "Everything is ready, man. You can head right in. I'll give you a call next week, get a lads night booked in before the ba
by arrives."

  Jake stands aside to let me through as he thanks Carl and I give Jake a suspicious look as I look around the room. The night sky twinkles on the domed ceiling above us and there’s not another guest in sight.

  "Okay, so I might have done a thing," he says.

  "You might have done a thing? Does that include booking the planetarium after hours?"

  "Okay, so… Yeah, I did a really big thing," he says with a sheepish grin. "And I hope you like it so sit down and enjoy."

  He leads me to a reclined seat in the middle of the circular room where we sit down in the big, theatre chairs and lean back to watch the night sky move above us. The image starts to move, showing the night sky in all its glory and zooming in on various planets, stars and constellations. We sit quietly together, watching the show, listening to the serene music. Neither of us break the silence; we just enjoy the calm sounds and the bright images of space.

  The show we watch is different to the other shows we've sat through today; there is no commentary and a lot more astronomical jargon used when pointing out stars and constellations. I don't really understand most of it but it doesn't ruin the experience. I have always felt something so calming about watching the stars. Whenever I was stressed out about school, exams, or homework, I'd sit in the garden and look to the sky. Even if it were a cloudy night, I'd sit out there for hours, willing the clouds to move so I could see.

  I would always feel refreshed, as though room had been created in my brain so I was finally able to sort through my thoughts and find the answers I needed.

  I wonder if I'll find the answers I've been searching for here.

  Philip had a small telescope that we would take out to his tree house on clear nights. He loved everything about space; he had mountains of books and magazines on every subject and dreamed of studying the night sky at the Royal Observatory as a career one day. He was always so passionate about it, yet I'd forgotten all about it until now, as I sit here and think about how much he'd love this.

  I look to my left and Jake has his eyes trained on the screens. He doesn't notice me looking at him or, at least, he doesn't react to it until I take his hand in mine, entwining my fingers through his. He squeezes my hand with a smile and I turn my attention back to the ceiling.