Damien’s Dilemma

by Cohen, Julie K.

  “You’re getting at that age,” Hayden said, not mentioning Damien’s earlier comment.

  “I’m only thirty-one. Your alpha was forty-five.”

  “Going feral is a younger shifter’s issue. You certainly can’t go by what happened to Logan. I’m not even sure he was going feral. Crazy, yes, but not necessarily feral. He panicked and with so few unmated females in the pack, he charged into a blood-bond without considering the female’s lineage.”

  “Are you warning me not to get involved with Tess?”

  “I’m just saying my uncle got desperate and blood-bonded a weak shifter. All he saw was tits and ass and her ability to manipulate the unmated males. He mistook that for strength. Within a day of the ceremony, he declined, becoming more unstable than ever. He didn’t lose his control to his wolf, so much as his sanity. I know that’s rare, but it’s a blood-bond. No guarantees, especially when bonding to a weaker wolf. My point is you’re getting restless. As is Blade. You need to blood-bond a female who will settle you and your wolf.”

  “There are plenty of unmated females in our pack, but all I can think about is Tess.”

  Hayden sucked in a breath. “Blood-bonding a human would be disastrous, for any alpha, but if she’s telling the truth, and she isn’t human…”

  “Nothing about her is shifter. Not her ability to heal, smell, or hear. Plus, she wouldn’t shift for me.”

  “And if someone told you to shift after months in a dog cage, could you? For that matter, would you even try? It’s like a dog being told to perform.”

  Damien winced at the image of her in a dog cage, being treated like a dog. Even if she was a shifter, she was alone here, with shifters she didn’t know. Trust went both ways, and after what the WSSO did to her, trust might not be something she could muster so easily.

  “Honestly, Damien, I’m wondering why you’re trying to disprove she’s a shifter instead of giving her the benefit of the doubt. I know I wasn’t a fan of her staying here, but she’s done nothing to make me question her character. What do your instincts tell you about her? You either trust her or you don’t. It’s as simple as that.”

  “I trust her,” Damien said, without hesitation. Then he thought about her face, her voice. There’d been no deception there, and yet he’d treated her as if she were some crazy human. “If she were shifter, we should at least be able to smell her wolf. I truly don’t know what to make of it.”

  “I’m guessing she doesn’t either.”

  Damien’s heart sank. Hayden’s words suddenly made him see the frightening possibility that she was a shifter who couldn’t shift, whose nature had been… hell, suppressed. World Shifter Suppressor Organization. Fucking WSSO had finally done it, found a way to turn shifters into humans.

  “They suppressed her wolf,” he said, knowing in his bones that’s exactly what had happened. The lab, the cage, the fact that she had figured out Damien and his men were shifters without anyone telling her or shifting in front of her. Most of all, she had looked crushed when he called her human.

  Like a brick to his gut, Damien realized the damage he’d caused. Not only had he essentially called her a liar, he had challenged her to shift. If she had tried to shift and couldn’t… Hell, he was adding to her trauma, and he’d let her run off, alone and upset.

  Damien stripped out of his shirt and pants and then shifted. He shook his head, letting Hayden know he wasn’t to follow.

  Hayden picked up Damien’s clothes and tossed them to him. “Shifter or not, she might not be ready for your hard-on when you find her.”

  Yeah, he had it bad for her, even when he had doubted her story. One issue at a time, though. First, he had to find her. With his clothes clenched in his teeth, Damien ran after Tess.

  She had never hurt anyone, it wasn’t in her nature, yet he had stood there like an ass, hurling insults, doubting her, challenging her to shift when she couldn’t, through no fault of her own. If another shifter had questioned his identity as a shifter, he’d have done more than punch the bastard in the face.

  Her scent, as enticing as ever—and as wolf-free as the day he’d found her—led him down the path toward the lake that many of the wolves in his pack used for bathing. On the ground, he saw only human footprints, no paws of a wolf. If she truly was a shifter, it changed everything. He could have a blood-bond and more with Tess. For the first time in a long time, Damien was thrilled by the prospect of a blood-bond.

  As her scent grew heavier on the ground, excitement and need roused his wolf. This was almost like the hunt at the end of the blood-bonding ceremony, except he wouldn’t be claiming her, at least not today. Today he was an alpha who needed to console and apologize to a courageous shifter who needed his help, not his questions and skepticism.

  A tree had fallen on the main path. Her footprints led away from the lake, now. She pushed through the woods, off trail, without any sense of where she was. Again, he was thinking of her as human, assuming that she would not be able to find her way back. He needed to stop underestimating her, or he’d never have a chance to earn her respect.

  Damen’s wolf found her, sitting on a rotted log by a stream, crying as she tossed small rocks in, one after the next.

  “Go away,” she said, her voice filled with anger and hurt. He’d done that, hurt her deeply.

  He dropped his clothes on the trail and stayed in wolf form. Shifting meant having to talk to her, and he wasn’t quite ready for that. Finding the right words in a situation like this wasn’t his strong suit. Hayden always knew what to say. Damien did better with a good, old-fashioned challenge or putting someone in his place. Neither of which would work with Tess.

  His wolf, however, could appease her, maybe even coax her wolf out of hiding. If nothing more, even if she didn’t speak to him, he’d sit with her, watch over her and make sure no one bothered her. She needed someone on her side. He should have been there for her earlier, instead of doubting her, daring her to do something she couldn’t do. For now, he’d offer his wolf, and in time, if she could find it in her heart to forgive him, he’d shift back to his human form.

  * * *

  TESS

  Tess sensed the wolf’s presence behind her as she stared off into the endless woods. She swiped her tears away as the beautiful silver wolf with thick fur and a broad, muscular body lumbered past her. She had memorized those soulful gray eyes days ago.

  Damien.

  His muzzle pushed up under her arm, trying to worm his way into her good graces, or at least her lap. She lifted her arm enough for his head to poke through and rest on her thigh. A wolf acting like a dog. He was belittling himself before her.

  “Is this an apology?”

  His ears twitched back. She resisted running her hand through his fur. He was hard to resist and quite frankly, she wasn’t sure she wanted to. Except he needed to understand how deeply he had hurt her.

  “You know, this is something dogs do.”

  A low snarl rumbled against her leg. That was Damien all right. But still, he remained in wolf form, content to rest on her leg.

  “So that’s it? You’re going to let your wolf fight your battles for you?”

  The wolf tilted his head, no doubt wondering what she was thinking.

  “I’m mad at you.”

  The silver wolf began licking her hand. The rough bumps of an otherwise soft tongue tickled her palm, enough that she almost broke into a smile. With a slight nudge of his muzzle under her hand, her hand landed on his back.

  “Either you want me to pet you…” She couldn’t help thinking of how intoxicating an idea that would be if he were in human form. “Or you want me to shift.” She ran a single finger from the top of his head down the length of his back. He cozied up to her, clearly enjoying her attention. She scratched behind his ears. His wolf tilted his head back, leaving his neck prone.

  She froze. He trusted her? No, if he trusted her, he wouldn’t be asking her to shift. He nudged her hand, more forcefully this time. She almost laug
hed at his impatience, until she thought about what he was asking her to do.

  “You’re waiting for me to refuse to shift. More proof that I’m a liar.”

  “I never intended to call you a liar or to make you feel bad,” he said, now crouching before her in human form, utterly naked.

  She had never seen anyone shift as fast as him. And he hadn’t shown any indication of pain, a clear sign of how powerful a shifter he was. She always had a slight twinge here or there when she shifted.

  “I thought maybe if my wolf appealed to your wolf, it would help.”

  “You believe me?” She really needed him to believe her—not that she understood why, just that it was important. If he didn’t, she’d leave; it was as simple as that. It didn’t matter if her life was in danger. She wouldn’t stay here if they didn’t believe her… if he didn’t believe her.

  Damien thrust his hand through his hair. “I was wrong, Tess. We barely know each other, but still, I should have believed you. You’ve done nothing to make me question you.”

  “Except lie,” she said, releasing a deep breath. This had been her fault as much as his. She hadn’t told him the full truth of what she knew. “I gave you reason to question me. And I want to shift...”

  “But you can’t?”

  She had tried, but had she scared off her wolf? She’d been going over it in her head. “I tried, but I think I blocked my wolf.”

  “Blocked?”

  “I’m afraid, Damien,” she said, fighting back the tears that seemed to pour out of her like an open faucet every time she thought about how she had failed.

  “Of the pain? It’s something a weak shifter has to learn to ignore.”

  “You think I’m weak?”

  “I didn’t say you were weak.” He shut up, noticeably clamped his mouth closed. “I don’t always think before I speak, or so I’ve been told.”

  “Hayden?”

  He raised an eyebrow.

  She shrugged. “You think with your heart more than the others, Damien, which is why it hurt so much when you didn’t believe me. Had it been Hayden who’d called me a liar, it would have been easier to take. He tends to absorb information and plays with it in his head, strategizing. Callen on the other hand…” she shuddered. “He comes across as laid back, but he watches the world with a cold, detached manner.”

  “You’re a contradiction,” Damien said as he crouched in front of her. “You’re quick to analyze my pack, but you don’t seem to know a shifter can smell from a mile away.”

  “A mile? Really?” She thought about that for a minute and wondered what that would be like. “My pack’s rather weak when it comes to scenting.” She plastered a smile on her face, so he wouldn’t see how sick she felt. “Who knows? Maybe it’s all that Southern heat and b.o. I mean, who wants to smell armpit b.o. 24/7 in the Florida sun?”

  He laughed. “Regional differences, I suppose. I have a cousin who moved to Europe. He says over there some of the shifters see an animal’s heat signature at night, like having built-in night vision goggles.”

  “As long as they can’t see through my clothing like Superman. It’s bad enough wearing a bra that’s too small on me.”

  “I can remedy that,” he said as a few of his fingers slid under her blouse along her collarbone, creating a tingling that felt so good. One finger dipped below her bra strap, gently easing it off her shoulder.

  As she pushed the strap back in place, gray eyes remained fixed on her, like she hadn’t deterred him in the least. That determination of his, combined with that lustful glint in his eyes, made her thighs clench.

  “You talk to Hayden as if he’s your second,” she said, trying to distract him. “Yet he doesn’t seem as strong as Callen.”

  With a simple grin, Damien settled himself beside her on the log, with his naked thigh touching her, not by accident she suspected. No, he hadn’t given up on her yet. That made her smile inside.

  “Hayden’s strong, in other ways, though he’s a good fighter, too.”

  “Just not as good as Callen.”

  “Don’t tell anyone, but sometimes I wonder if I’m as good as Callen. Though I have taken him.”

  “Then what makes you think—”

  “Callen doesn’t put his all into fighting me. I think he’d rather I come out on top. It’s just a hunch though.”

  “Is that why you chose Hayden as your second, so Callen would be less of a threat?”

  “Hayden’s the bigger threat, but not in a fight. He’s smart, focused, strategic, loyal. There’s no one better to lead.”

  “Besides you.”

  “I guess,” Damien said, with a slight chuckle, like he questioned himself. That alone struck her as odd. Damien always seemed so sure of himself.

  “They’re family to you, aren’t they?”

  “They’re the only family I have left.”

  “You, Hayden, and Callen are brothers?”

  “Not in the conventional sense, but close enough to the real thing. My siblings and parents are gone. Hayden’s had my back for eight years now, even before I took over as alpha. And I grew up with Callen.”

  “Eight years? Hayden’s from another pack?”

  “As is Blade, but he’s only been here six years. I had just become alpha. Offering Blade a place here was one of my first decisions as alpha after appointing Hayden as my second. The shifters in my pack accepted Blade fairly easily. And yet Hayden, who arrived two years before Blade, still struggles for acceptance.

  The shifters here can take a while to warm up to lone wolves. They accept some into the pack easier than others, and I haven’t quite figured out why that is. Regardless, we don’t push good shifters away, Tess, no matter what their issues.”

  “I’m not looking for a home here. I have a pack.” Not that she planned on going back to it, except long enough to say her goodbyes. “Wait. You think I have issues?”

  “We all have issues. Right now, yours are wrapped up in what those humans did to you.”

  “You don’t like humans very much, do you?”

  “Not really. Never met a good one.”

  “That’s a shame. There are a lot of good ones out there.”

  He stared out into the forest. “I’ve lost family to them.”

  Family. More than one relative, from the sound of it. An angry mob had murdered her mom at an anti-shifter rally. Her mom hadn’t even been there to protest. She was getting off work, walking home when someone pointed out that she was a shifter. It was one of the reasons her pack had left North Carolina. They wanted to go someplace where no one knew who they were, what they were.

  “I think most of us have. But that doesn’t mean we should isolate ourselves.”

  He raised a brow, and she could guess what he was thinking.

  “Okay, fine. It’s not like anyone knows we’re shifters back home. But I have human friends, teachers, customers at the diner. They’re good people.”

  “Until they find out you’re a shifter, then you better be prepared to defend yourself and those you love.”

  “If you hate humans so much, then why did you rescue me?” she said as she rubbed the scar at the base of her neck. Her skin felt tight, and her scars were pinching something fierce today. Nerves, probably.

  Gently, he pulled his hand away from her neck. She tensed as he kissed the scar. His lips were warm and tender against her skin, sending shockwaves of need through her. It was as if he didn’t see the scar, as if he saw beyond what the humans had done to her. If only she could do the same.

  “Human or shifter, you didn’t deserve what they did to you. I couldn’t let it continue or leave you there to die.”

  “My being a shifter changes things for you, doesn’t it?”

  He raised a brow.

  “I mean, you took it personally when you thought I was lying about being a shifter.” The fact that he hadn’t believed her still hurt, but she understood it. The WSSO had broken so much in her that she wasn’t sure how much of her wolf
was left, if any.

  “You thought I was just another human mocking you and your kind.”

  “Maybe. I’m not sure.” He sighed. “I don’t like being lied to, and—”

  “And now you believe me, even though I haven’t shifted?” She didn’t try to hide the doubt in her voice.

  “I couldn’t reconcile the facts. I know it’s not an excuse, but I’ve been a bit on edge lately, and I suppose the situation got to me. If I’d been calmer, better focused, I would have been more open-minded.”

  The fact that he was humbling himself before her, admitting he’d been wrong when as alpha he didn’t have to. It was as if her opinion mattered to him, even though in the grand scheme of things she was just a broken shifter.

  “Human, shifter, it shouldn’t matter what my genes are, Damien. I would hope you’d like me for me, regardless of whether I can or can’t shift or scent from a mile away.”

  “Maybe you should give that speech to the WSSO.”

  “And you think no one has? You’re wrong. There are good people out there, just as there are bad shifters. Good and bad don’t choose sides. Only humans and shifters do.”

  Damien released a deep breath as he considered her words. Why she was unloading all of this on him was another question entirely.

  “Your wolf isn’t gone. Once a shifter, always a shifter. Wait and see.”

  She stifled a cry. He’d nailed it on the head, seeing past her bravado right to the heart of all her fear.

  “I’m not wrong,” he said, those gray eyes of his conveying such certainty she almost believed him. Damien walked back down the trail, giving her a view of his backside. It was a nice distraction, one she would appreciate under normal circumstances. But not here, out in the fresh air with the scent of pine needles and the sound of wind kicking up the dried leaves on the forest floor. She hadn’t been in a forest like this since she was eight. It was peaceful, beautiful, perfect, and a constant reminder of what was missing. The sound of her wolf howling.

  “You don’t know what they…” She took a deep breath, pushing all the horrid memories behind her. Damien was trying to give her hope, but hope wouldn’t return her wolf. “What if you’re wrong, and my wolf’s gone?” She couldn’t bring herself to face him. Seeing pity in his face would crush her, and there was only so much she could handle right now.