“Meaning what, he doesn’t respect you and won’t listen to an order from his new alpha?”
Hayden straightened his body even as his lips thinned. “Meaning I’m not Damien and I have to prove myself. Maybe you haven’t noticed, Tess, but I’m barely holding this pack together. Most of the shifters here have never truly accepted me. They only listened to me because I had Damien backing me up.”
Tess sank in her chair. Lost. She never felt so lost in her life.
“I promise, I’ll talk to Blade again. Maybe I can reason with him. In the meantime, I’d like you to shower and let Pryce take you to town.”
“Shower. Town. X-ray. Human.” She wanted to cry, but couldn’t. She was all cried out, at least for the moment.
Hayden attempted a smile. “You’re welcome to stay in this house as long as you want.”
“I don’t know.”
“Or you can go to Aloe’s. Or Frank’s, when he rebuilds that is. Or maybe Blade’s. Wherever you want, Tess. Practically everyone has offered you a place.”
“You mean the guys.”
“I mean the entire pack knows what happened to Damien, and why you, Frank, and Blade left. And they all saw the shape you were in when you returned. You’re one of the pack, Tess. Shifter, human, somewhere in between. It no longer matters to them. You’re one of us.”
“I don’t know what to say to that. I’m still kind of numb.” She had tried for so long to become part of the pack, and now they’d accepted her. Without Damien, it held little meaning.
“You don’t have to say anything or do anything right now, except take time to heal, to accept.”
“Is that what you’re doing? Accepting?”
Hayden slid a cup of coffee in front of her and then some silverware.
“I’m not sure what I’m doing, in more ways than one. I’m trying to hold this pack together, keep it safe from the WSSO, and avoid a war with my asshole brother. It’s keeping me busy, which is probably what’s keeping me sane. If I think about Damien too long and everything I could have done to prevent this, I’ll slide into a black hole.”
“You couldn’t have done anything to prevent it. That was for me to do.”
“Was it? You had a sound reason not to blood-bond Damien. I saw this coming for a long time, but still, I didn’t push him to find another. I held out hope.”
“Hope? For Damien and me?”
“Yes.”
There was nothing to say to that. She had been hanging onto that same hope, even as she’d pushed Damien away.
Hayden squeezed her shoulder. “I know he wouldn’t want either of us to blame ourselves. We’re only human, so to speak.”
“Some more than others.”
“Was that an attempt at a joke?” he asked.
“A poor one, I guess. I don’t know what I’m doing, Hayden. I feel so hopelessly lost right now.”
“Take it one step at a time, I guess. Want to start with breakfast? I’m making pancakes. There’s a ton of pancake mix in the pantry here. Never knew Damien loved pancakes so much.”
She smiled. “He said it was his second favorite late-night snack.”
“Okay, then,” Hayden said before mumbling about hoping Damien had washed down the table. The pan sizzled as Hayden poured the batter.
When he lifted the bowl to ask if she wanted any, she shook her head. She wasn’t up to eating. Hayden flipped the pancakes, sneaking an occasional glance over his shoulder. He had questions. They all did.
“Go ahead. Ask.”
“What happened out there?” Hayden shut the stovetop and slid into the chair across from her.
“Long story short, he shifted back. I don’t know what I did or said that ultimately worked, but after I talked to his wolf for a while, he changed back. And then—” She swallowed hard to hold the emotion back. “I blood-bonded him, or at least I started to.”
Tess placed her left wrist, bound by the blue, plastic cast, on the table. She faintly remembered Pryce in her room removing a splint and putting on the cast. One of the shifters had gone to town in the middle of the night, to get the supplies Pryce needed for her. He had a growing inventory of medical supplies just for her and her slow-healing, non-shifter physiology. Maybe she had ties here after all, but still, without Damien…
“He wasn’t expecting the blood-bond. He fought it, fought me. Shifted back and ran. It was stupid and desperate…” Her voice hitched as she recalled her desperation.
“You tried. That’s what matters.”
“I failed, Hayden. Trying means nothing in the end.”
Hayden headed back to the stove, stopping behind her as if he wanted to say more, but instead he returned to cooking breakfast. Thinking about what had happened hurt worse than her broken wrist or the bruises on her body and especially the bonding scar on her palm. She ran her fingers over the plastic cast that covered her wrist and palm. Of all the scars on her body, that would be the one that would haunt her, reminding her of how she had failed, what—who—she had lost.
“I’m heading back to bed for a bit, okay?”
“You have a home here, for as long as you want it. We’re your pack, now. We can formalize it whenever you’re ready.”
She tried to smile, she really did, but there was nothing inside of her to give. She nodded and headed up the steps. Maybe tomorrow the situation would look better.
* * *
Tomorrow came and went, as did the next day and the next. Life didn’t look better, though her legs, arms and wrist had begun to heal. Blade drove her to town. The doctor—the one for humans—said the bones in her wrist were already knitting and that she really shouldn’t have waited so many weeks to have it examined, just in case it had needed surgery. She would have corrected him and said it had only been a few days, but what did it matter in the end? She would heal, and Damien would still be gone.
Over the course of the next several days, the bruising on her legs and arms cleared more quickly than she expected. This new body of hers, human-but-not as she tended to think of it, was so confusing at times. She finally took a shower. She was getting ripe to the point of not being able to stand her own smell. It was a wonder that none of the shifters complained, given how strong their sense of smell was.
Visitors came and went. She turned them all away, except Trent. She wasn’t sure why, but she knew it would anger Damien if she had Trent, of all males, up in her room.
The time to be angry with herself was over. Now, it was time to be angry at Damien. She would do just about anything to keep him alive in her thoughts, even make him angry at her.
“I’ve got to go,” she told Hayden three weeks after she had failed to save Damien. Sitting there, feeling angry at everyone, including the one person who wasn’t there to argue back, was fruitless. She needed to move forward, to find a purpose to live for.
“You’ll come back when you’re ready, right?”
“Sure,” she said, to make Hayden feel better, all the while knowing she’d never come back. From the expression on his face, he knew it too. There were too many memories here, good and bad, most of Damien.
“Would you run with us tonight, before you go?”
“Run?”
“It’s a blood moon. The pack would expect you to be there. You’re one of them, now. They’d want to say goodbye, Tess.”
“I think I should slip out, no big goodbyes. There’s nothing to celebrate.”
“There’s always something to celebrate.”
“Whoever said such a stupid thing?”
“Damien.”
And then came the tears, the ones she thought had dried up days ago. “I’m too slow for the pack,” she said between ragged breaths.
“The run isn’t about speed.”
She knew that, but damn, why was Hayden making this harder than it already was?
“The teens have challenged the adults. They want you with them,” Hayden added.
“I’ll slow them down.”
“They’re th
e ones insisting. Didn’t Trent tell you? I saw him go up to see you earlier.”
“He told me.” She sighed. She didn’t want to disappoint the kids, and it would be nice to see the pack run again as one, one last time. “Fine.”
Just like that, she got suckered into running with a bunch of shifters. Almost fitting, considering that was how she met most of them when she arrived all those months back. She would make Damien proud. He had always enjoyed the Running of the Moon because of how it brought everyone together, made them more than a pack, a family. She would run one last time, for Damien.
* * *
Except for patrols, babies, and children too young to shift, the entire pack gathered by the lake an hour after sundown. Hayden gave a rather uplifting speech, dedicating the special run to Damien. She nearly lost it right there, especially when all eyes turned to her. Aloe put an arm around Tess. She didn’t shove Aloe away this time as Tess knew the shifter was the only support holding her up. As for all those eyes on her, they held no anger or regret, only compassion.
Tess suddenly felt the weight of what it meant to be one of them. They mourned alongside her. Perhaps they couldn’t know the depths of her pain, but they too had lost. She wasn’t in this alone. Funny how it had taken an innocent challenge by a bunch of kids to realize what had been around her for quite some time.
This pack, these shifters, had accepted her as one of their own, despite the fact that none of them had ever seen her shift and never would. No longer shifter, but still part of a pack. The responsibility, the relief, was overwhelming, but in a good way.
The red moon overhead seemed fitting, highlighting the significance of the run, as well as the loss of Damien. Hayden shifted. His white wolf stood on the rocks above the pack, stretched out, tail high and proud, waiting for his pack to follow his lead. In a wave, with the weakest ones last, the shifters turned from men and women to wolves of all colors and sizes. Hearing the painful cries of those with less strength still made Tess wince. Less so now though. They didn’t hesitate to shift. Ultimately, all of the wolves stood as tall and as proud as Hayden’s.
Unlike the last time, when the alpha—Damien at the time—had bounded off the rocks and begun the run, the teens charged ahead, determined to outrun the adults. Some of the younger ones took off, others waited for her.
They were supposed to run together. Oh well, kids would be kids. She started running, before Hayden and the other strong shifters. And somehow tradition reversed, with the weakest going first, leading the pack, followed by the strongest wolves, and Hayden bringing up the rear.
It felt good to run. Really good. Freeing in fact. Her legs seemed to have an energy they hadn’t had in a long time. Even her lungs had acclimated to the cool air and higher altitude, allowing her to breathe more efficiently than ever before. She listened to a few howls here and there, but for the most part, only the sounds of hundreds of paws striking the ground could be heard for miles around. The pack ran in silence, enjoying the run, the togetherness, and sheer delight of moving as one.
A few of the stronger adult wolves approached to her right and left, but they seemed to be of like mind, holding back and allowing her and the kids to maintain the lead. The kids jockeyed for position, with some body-slamming going on to throw off competitors’ gaits and take the lead. Of course, those who started the body-slamming got to be on the receiving end as well. The younger teens weren’t the least bit shy about body-slamming the much bigger and older teens, though they tended to bounce off the largest ones.
Tess laughed. She didn’t know why, but she laughed watching them be themselves. If nothing more, that was the lesson she had to take away from this place. Life went on, no matter what, and she needed to be herself, to live life to the fullest, and never give up.
Her view changed slightly, when she entered the bend alone. A momentary flash of a wolf charging from her right wasn’t enough time to avoid being body-slammed and sent rolling down an embankment. The embankment wasn’t very steep, more annoying than dangerous, but she was losing precious time in the run, not to mention the fact that she had landed in a ton of leaves and twigs. Tess quickly brushed herself off and shook the leaves out of her hair. She didn’t want to miss the run. Not this one. Plus, she had to find whoever had body-slammed her and give a little payback, even if it was a kid.
“I thought I’d never get you out of there.”
Tess completely lost the ability to think or move at the sound of his voice. Her heart leapt into her throat. She had to be dreaming or having some mental break. Damien wasn’t there, that wasn’t his voice behind her. It couldn’t be.
“You’re not real,” she said out loud, without turning around. If she turned around, she’d see an empty forest, or worse, some hollow vision of Damien. She wasn’t ready to say a final goodbye. Oh, God… She smelled black licorice.
“Hello, Sweetness.”
Tess spun around. Damien was standing there, alive.
Thought left her as she ran into his open arms. Muscles locked around her, cocooning her as Damien’s nose burrowed through her hair to the base of her neck, and he inhaled deeply. Tess nuzzled Damien, breathing in the scent that had faded from her memory all too soon.
“Your wolf?” she asked, her hands shaking as she cupped his face.
“Under control, thanks to you.”
“You shifted back to wolf form. I saw you.”
He ran his fingers over her eyelids, cheeks, jaw and lips, touching every part of her as if he couldn’t believe she was there. She understood the feeling, all too well. His fingers moved down her neck to her shoulder, eliciting a heat that made her want to melt into him, but she needed answers and to know if he was here to stay. His hand stopped when he reached the plastic cast on her wrist. The frown that overtook his face pulled at her heart. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Tess. When I’d realized you’d blood-bonded me, I was desperate to get away.”
* * *
DAMIEN
Tess eased out of his arms, her eyes cast downward. “Oh,” she said as the excitement faded from her voice.
He still couldn’t believe he was here, with her. It was a miracle that she succeeded in pulling him back. For days, he shifted between wolf and human, his wolf side so incredibly strong. Fear overwhelmed him when he realized she had blood-bonded him. His wolf would not stand for it, but in the end, his wolf didn’t have a choice. The bond had given Damien the edge, the power he had needed to permanently control his wolf.
His Sweetness had placed herself in mortal danger for him, and she had been hurt in the process. Even now, she seemed unsure of herself.
“No,” he said, pulling Tess back into his embrace. “You will not walk away from me, again. There’s been too much of that.”
“But you —”
“You misunderstood, Sweetness. When you blood-bonded me, it scared the hell out of me because of what my wolf intended to do to you. You threatened his ability to control me, and I wasn’t sure I could contain him long enough for you to get away. That’s why I broke free and ran. I never meant to hurt you, but I had seconds at best. Then I gave into my wolf and shifted. It was the only way to ensure he’d leave you alone, to give him what he wanted—control. I didn’t give up, Tess. I couldn’t, not when I knew you’d come back for me. I had faith in you.”
“Me?”
“You wouldn’t have taken that risk unless you believed it would work.”
“I wasn’t sure. I was desperate.”
Damien grinned. “You believed.” He had known all along that blood-bonding her was the right choice. But she had to believe, or at least hope, that it was right, or it never would have worked. That’s why transfusions of blood never helped weak shifters. There was more to a successful blood-bond than a mere mixing of blood.
“I thought I’d killed you, Damien. I was sure of it, especially when I didn’t feel a bond form.”
“The bond is there, Tess. I had to close it until I had control of my wolf.”
She tilted her head back, her face a mixture of confusion and worry. He ran his hand over her cheek. Such soft, lovely skin. “I didn’t know if my wolf could hurt you through the bond. But the bond—your love—was what I needed to take control ultimately. You saved me, Sweetness.”
She laid her head against his chest. “I was so scared for you, Damien. So lost. Please don’t hide from me ever again.”
He leaned down and kissed her, long and hard as he opened the bond. Her eyes widened, and she pushed off against his chest. Then a smile as big as the sun emerged on her face.
“I can feel the bond, I can feel—” She bit her lip and in the softest voice said, “I can feel you, Damien.”
“Nothing can come between us now,” he said, leaning in for another kiss.
She dodged the kiss. “Your ability to shift, your senses, are they…” Tess inhaled a deep breath. “How much damage did I cause?”
He showed her his right palm where she had cut him. Slowly, she dragged her finger over the faint scar.
“It’s been three weeks. It should be gone by now,” she said, frowning.
“I’ve been healing from many wounds.”
“And shifting?” She gritted her teeth, her fear easy to read both in her face and through the bond. She was afraid she’d turned him weak, doomed him to a lifetime of painful shifts. The bond would take getting used to.
“Once I overcame my wolf, shifting was really slow. I don’t think I’ve ever appreciated how much weak shifters suffer every time they shift.”
He hadn’t completely healed, but he would. The energy-draining battle with his wolf had merely caused a delay.
He grabbed her by both arms until she met his eyes. “There was no permanent damage, and even if there had been, it was worth it to be bonded to you. After my wolf finally settled, the rest came as naturally and easily as before. I shift as fast as ever.”
“Really?” Bright, hope-filled eyes caught him.
There was only one way to prove it. He shifted. Bones and muscles moved and elongated, some snapping to reform and provide the extra bones that wolves have. The process was seamless, fast, and ended with his fur emerging. Her eyes widened even as she sank her hands into the nape of his neck, fell to her knees, and hugged him.
Damien’s Dilemma Page 35
