“You want to get married some day though, right?”
“Some day, but only to someone special. I won’t marry just anyone as though I’m desperate.”
“The bishop’s fraa says it doesn’t matter who you marry. She says as long as you’re both in the community, it’ll work out.”
“That’s okay for her to say because she’s already made her choice. I’m not marrying someone totally disagreeable just to be married. There is no way I’d do that.”
“That’s what I thought you’d say. That’s why I ran all the way to tell you. Mamm said you’d be at old Molly’s house.”
“Denke, and now that you’re here you can come with me while I’m visiting.”
“Who are you off to see now?”
“I’m off to see Lorraine’s son, Nathan.”
“What? Nee, Violet, I’m not going with you to see him, and no one else would want to. He’s a backslider and hasn’t been to a meeting in two years or more. Don’t worry about him.”
“Stop it, Willow. He’s a friend. We used to go to schul with him.”
“He’s not my friend. You know what Dat says about us being around people like him.”
Violet shook her head at her younger sister. She had such a different attitude to things than Violet did.
Chapter 3
Violet was taken aback by her sister's response. This wasn’t about who was, or who wasn’t, a member of the community. The young man’s mother had died. Surely everyone needed comfort at a time like this. Besides, he hadn’t been shunned and there was nothing to prevent her from stopping by to see him.
“Willow,” she said, and then paused, thinking how best to express her disappointment in her attitude. “He’s a human being and he would be grieving more than anyone else in the community. His mudder just died, and as far as I know he has no one to help him through this time.”
Willow stood, saying nothing. It was clear to Violet that Willow wanted nothing to do with Nathan Beiler. Her silence was evidence of Willow not wishing to enter into a disagreement with her.
“I’m going there right now. You can either come or stay, but I’m going. He’s staying at his mudder’s haus and he’s most likely staying there by himself.” Violet knew that last bit would make Willow feel obliged to go with her to save her from the possible scandal of visiting the young man alone.
Willow looked down at the ground and shuffled her black boots around in the dirt. “All right, I’ll go with you, but I’ll not say one word to him, not one word.”
As Violet and Willow set off arm-in-arm, Violet tried to understand the unwillingness in Willow to visit Nathan.
No one knew why he had stopped going to the meetings, and the young people’s outings, too. He’d cut all contact with the community and its members. It was said that his mother had tried to convince him to return, but he’d refused.
A few minutes later, they entered the yard of the Beiler house. It looked all closed up; the windows were shut and the curtains were drawn.
“Seems there’s no one at home,” Willow said, turning to leave.
Violet ignored her and continued up the porch steps toward the front door. She knocked, waited, and then knocked again. A few moments later, the door opened.
Nathan had opened the main wooden door, but he left the screen-door locked between them. Violet got the unspoken message that he wasn’t interested in speaking to either of them.
“Can I help you?” he asked.
It was hard to see him through the screen. “Is that you, Nathan?”
“Yes.” He unlocked the door and flung it open. “Yeah, it’s me. Hi, Violet.” He looked over at Willow and then back to Violet.
This was not the boy she’d remembered; Nathan Beiler was now a man and, surprisingly, he was a handsome one—gone was the tall gangly boy she remembered. His shoulders were wide and his build was solid; his eyes were the same soft brown she remembered, accentuated by thick dark eyebrows and lashes.
Violet realized that Willow truly intended to remain silent, and that meant that she’d have to be the one to do the talking. Violet cleared her throat. “Hello, Nathan. We’ve just come to offer our condolences and to let you know that your mudder will be missed.”
He looked again at each of them in turn, before he let out a heavy sigh and lowered his head. “Thank you. I’m sure my mother would’ve appreciated you both coming by.”
His voice had a slightly different tone to it and possibly that might have been because he wasn’t speaking in Pennsylvania Dutch.
“We would love to sit down with you. Is that possible?” Violet glanced behind her at Willow and was annoyed that she was still silent and standing so rigidly. Even though Willow had not wanted to come, Violet thought she was making her dislike of Nathan far too obvious.
“I’m sorry. I’m kind of in the middle of something,” Nathan said.
“Okay, I understand. Let me know if we can help with anything. I think that Valerie is looking after some aspects of the funeral.”
“Yes. Valerie’s been a great help.” He nodded.
“Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you need help with anything.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you remember where we live?”
“Sure. I haven’t forgotten where you live, Violet.”
She gave an embarrassed giggle. “I thought you might have forgotten.” Since it was a small community and everyone knew where everyone else lived, of course he would remember.
“Thanks for stopping by,” he said, a little too pointedly.
They said their goodbyes and then the girls left.
When they were far enough away so Nathan wouldn’t hear, Violet glanced back at the house before she reprimanded her sister. “You could’ve hidden your disapproval a little better. You know he noticed, don’t you?”
Willow shrugged off Violet’s harsh words. “It was obvious that he didn’t want us there. You dragged me there knowing I didn’t want to go. I had no reason to pretend that I wanted to be there.”
“Willow, he’s just lost his mudder. People do things that they wouldn’t normally do when they are experiencing great pain. It is our job to help him; we’re doing Gott’s work.”
“He isn’t like this because she died; he’s always been like it. He always stayed by himself and didn’t socialize with anyone. He thinks he’s better than us.”
Violet stopped in her tracks. “He’s not been shunned, Willow. He never got baptized. He’s still welcome at the meetings and at the gatherings. I don’t know why you’re being so mean.”
Willow stormed off ahead, her long brown dress swishing along the roadside with every step while Violet followed some distance behind her. Glad to be alone, Violet took the chance to sort through her thoughts.
She wondered how she would have felt if her last living family member died, especially her beloved mother. She knew, without a doubt, that it would be tough; she felt the pain and loneliness that Nathan must’ve felt.
While Willow had taken the right-hand fork in the road and was now a miniature figure in the distance, Violet kept to the left where she would run into Valerie’s house. Valerie was an old family friend and had become her confidant.
As she approached Valerie’s house, Violet saw her outside, saying goodbye to a visitor who was leaving in a buggy. It was Ed Bontrager. She knew it was him from his black horse who had one white sock on his right front leg. Ed was a widower and Valerie was a widow. They spent a great deal of time together, and Violet was certain that anytime now they’d announce their wedding even though neither one of them had ever admitted to any kind of relationship with the other. Violet had heard a whisper from her Aunt Nancy that Valerie and Ed had been sweet on each other before they’d each married different people. Violet had never asked Valerie any questions and neither had Valerie offered any information about why she and Ed hadn’t married each other way back then.
She walked on toward the house and when the buggy passed, Ed smiled and gave her
a wave. She waved back and kept walking up the driveway to Valerie, who was waiting for her outside her house.
“Hello, Violet. It’s a nice day for a walk.”
“It is, but I’m through with walking. I’ve done far too much today. Much more than I thought I was going to do when I started out.” Violet gave a little giggle, trying to distract herself from her aching leg muscles which were sending off little pings. They always did that when she walked a great distance.
“Come in and I’ll fix you some meadow tea.”
“Denke.” As soon as she walked into the house, she inhaled the aroma of something that was cooking. “Have you been baking?”
“I’ve been making some things for Lorraine’s funeral—cookies and such.”
“Is everyone coming back here after it?”
“I was going to talk to Nathan about that. I stopped by to see him this morning and he wasn’t there.”
“I saw him just now.”
“Where was he?”
“At the haus. I went there just now with Willow.”
“How was he?”
“He was okay, I think. I don’t know, really. He’s probably depressed. It must be awful for him with his vadder gone and now his mudder. He didn’t invite us in, but I guess I wouldn’t feel like having guests to the haus if one of my parents had just died.”
“The funeral is the day after tomorrow. I’ll go see him later today. I’m certain he won’t mind me having the people come back here after the funeral. He’s a man after all, and he probably doesn’t know the first thing about feeding a crowd.”
“I think you’re probably right. He said you’d been a good help. His haus looked all closed up. He must’ve been sitting inside in the darkness and with no fresh air.”
“I wonder if he was home when I went there earlier. He could’ve been asleep, come to think of it. I knocked loud enough, but if he was a sound sleeper he could’ve slept through it. He gave the funeral director instructions. He didn’t want to have a viewing at his home.”
“Oh. Is there going to be a viewing at all?”
“Jah. The bishop’s having it at his place.”
“I see.” Violet nodded.
Valerie poured out a glass of iced meadow tea for Violet and one for herself before she joined Violet at the table.
“Cheer an old woman up, Violet. You must have something to tell me that’ll brighten my day.”
Violet gave a little giggle. Valerie had just had Ed there. Hadn’t he brightened up her day? Maybe the rumors about them weren’t correct. “Did you know that Mamm and Aunt Nancy are plotting to get me married off?”
“Nee, but it doesn’t surprise me. Who are they planning to marry you to? Do they have a man in mind?”
While running her finger around the rim of the glass, she said, “That’s something I don’t know. Willow overheard them this morning talking about it. They’re going to write out a list.”
Valerie laughed. “That cheers me up. I’m glad you told me.”
“It might sound funny, but what if they put pressure on me? That’ll make my life miserable.”
“I can understand that. Do you want me to talk to them?” Valerie asked.
Violet gasped. “Nee. They don’t know that Willow heard. She’s already been in trouble for eavesdropping before. I’m not too worried about it.”
“Jah, gut. I wouldn’t worry about it either. Just stand your ground. Tell them how you feel. It’ll happen when it happens. You’ll find love when it’s meant to happen.”
“Okay, I will stand up to them.”
Valerie laughed. “That’s the way. Do you want to come with me to see Nathan this afternoon?”
Violet shook her head. “Nee denke. I’ve already seen him once today. He might think I like him if I go back there again.” Violet sipped on the sweet, minty, cold meadow tea. “I’d like to help you where I can with the funeral and everything, though.”
“I’d appreciate your help. You can certainly help me on the day. I’ll be able to find plenty to keep you busy.”
“I’d like that. Keeping busy away from Mamm and Aunt Nancy. They’re probably scheming that there will be a lot of outside visitors coming to the funeral.”
“Possibly,” Valerie agreed.
* * *
That night, Violet knelt by her bed and said a small prayer for Nathan, before she climbed in between the sheets covered by her warm quilt. She could not help but wonder why Nathan had chosen not to attend the gatherings or the singings. All young people in the community loved the singings. Neither had he attended any volleyball days or ice-skating in the last two winter seasons. She was certain no one else in the community besides Valerie was making an effort toward him.
* * *
The next day was the day before Lorraine’s funeral and Violet decided to write Nathan a letter. From her letter, she wanted him to know that he was not alone and that someone was there for him. She was taught to help others, and that is just what she planned to do. When she finished the short letter, she decided to put it under his door and hurry away. She didn’t like the idea of more walking and when she was nearly halfway to his house, she saw young Toby Yoder.
“Hey, Toby.”
He was no relation to Hezekiah Yoder, her uncle. There were many Yoders in their community.
Toby saw her and ran over. “Jah, Violet.”
“Would you do something for me?”
“Jah, anything.”
“Would you take this letter to Nathan Beiler’s haus and see to it that he gets it personally?”
“I sure will.”
“Denke.” She was just about to hand it over when she pulled the letter back toward her. “And no peeking.”
The boy smiled. “I get the picture.”
“I will bake some cookies and bring them to the next Sunday meeting.”
“No need to do that. I like doing things for people.”
“And I like baking cookies for people.”
The boy laughed. “Okay, denke. I do like cookies.”
“I thought you might.” Violet handed the letter over and the boy took off running.
“Denke, Toby.”
He didn’t answer and Violet watched him run, wondering where he got all the energy from. She was glad she didn’t have to walk that extra distance and back again.
Chapter 4
“Gott, please give me the strength and courage to get through this, Amen.” Nathan prayed as he did every morning.
He was grateful that Valerie and Violet had both visited him the previous day and he could feel God was showing him that there were people in the community who cared about him.
He held his Bible in his hands and sat down on his bed. Looking around the room in the house that was now solely his, he could find little reason to rejoice. Prayer normally made him feel better, but nothing made him feel happy since the death of his mother. He hadn’t appreciated her enough when she was alive and now he had no one. Even though he was a grown man, he felt like an orphaned child with no roots to anything or anyone. He’d miss her on his daily visits to her and he didn’t know how he hadn’t noticed she’d been so ill.
When his father had lost his way some years back and had fallen into drunkenness, the community abandoned him and he’d been shunned. That meant Nathan and his mother could no longer eat their food at the same table as Dat. That did nothing to stop his father’s drinking and only created more tension in the household.
As far as Nathan was concerned, the people in the community were only supportive when it pleased them, and in his eyes, that did not represent what a Christian should be. To them, his father had sinned, and that made him less than worthy to be one of them. It was for that reason that Nathan decided that he could no longer be a member of the Amish community. He preferred to worship alone, in his own way. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, he often thought, as there is no one who is perfect.
He could see from the way that Violet had looked at him that s
he’d pitied him and he didn’t want pity. He wanted Violet to see him in a far different light. As for her sister, Willow, she could barely look at him and he wondered if that was what was in store for him at his mother’s funeral. Would they all be staring at him, looking, and judging?
They all thought he was the lost sheep and he allowed them to think it. The possibility that they could be at fault was absurd to them, so it must have been him. Nathan had told his mother he’d not left God, he’d only left the community, but she couldn’t understand and thought they were one and the same thing.
Still, he had to admit that it was good of the bishop to offer his home for the viewing before the funeral, and Valerie to offer the use of hers afterward.
He replaced his Bible and stood up when he heard a knock on his front door. It was a boy he knew from the community, one of the Yoder boys, and he’d grown taller. Nathan was both confused and surprised. Visits from people in the community were out of the ordinary, but perhaps to be expected until after his mother’s funeral was over.
“Can I help you?” Nathan asked.
The boy handed him a letter. “Violet asked me to give this to you.”
Cautiously taking the letter, Nathan thanked the boy and he turned and walked away.
She was just here; why would she write? Curiosity got the best of him as he quickly opened the letter.
* * *
Dear Nathan,
I know that you are going through the most difficult time of your life, but I want you to know that God will help you through this if you allow him. He said, “Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you.” He can give you the comfort you need through this and help you to heal.
You haven’t been to the meetings in a long time, but I’m encouraging you to come. We’re your family and can help you in any way you need. We are here for you.
I’m going to be helping Valerie with some of the arrangements, so I’ll be speaking to you soon.
Your friend,
Violet
Amish Violet Page 2
