by Brad Fraser
DAVID
So much easier than small talk.
KANE
You designed this place yourself.
DAVID
You can tell?
KANE
Of course.
CAROLYN
Why’s it called Mary’s?
DAVID
My silent partner Mary Riley put up most of the money so she got naming rights.
CAROLYN
So you came back to—open a restaurant?
DAVID
I was looking for something to do.
CAROLYN
What happened to that fabulously successful place you had in New York?
DAVID
Everything goes out of style eventually. I’ve opened three other restaurants since then and now I’m right back where I started.
KANE
At least you’re not a waiter.
DAVID
Really.
KANE
It’s good to see you.
CAROLYN
Yes.
DAVID
Oddly—it’s good to see you guys too.
KANE
Of course we wouldn’t have come by if Maddy hadn’t come in.
DAVID
We probably would’ve run into each other sooner or later.
KANE
Small world.
DAVID
And dying.
CAROLYN
Fate.
DAVID
You’re well?
KANE
Yes.
DAVID
Are you happy?
KANE
What?
CAROLYN
Of course.
KANE
Yes.
CAROLYN
We’re a happy family.
DAVID
Good.
CAROLYN
Are you single these days?
DAVID
Yes.
KANE
I’m surprised.
CAROLYN
You’re such a catch.
DAVID
Still sampling the worms.
CAROLYN
We’d like to have you over for dinner.
DAVID
Really?
KANE
Yes.
CAROLYN
What better way could there be to say the past is behind us and we’re all moving on to a new future? Come on. For old time’s sake.
DAVID
Are you sure?
KANE
Of course.
CAROLYN
Say yes.
DAVID
Okay.
Lights rise on MADISON and ROYCE in the kitchen. She’s packing up her laptop. He’s getting more food from the fridge.
ROYCE
Got any weed?
MADISON
Just a real long roach in my bag.
ROYCE
I could really use a toke.
MADISON
Why don’t you have any?
ROYCE rubs his fingers at her indicating no money.
I’ll see what I can do.
KANE and CAROLYN enter.
Hey.
ROYCE
What’s happening?
KANE
Your mother just invited David McMillan to dinner.
MADISON
Really?
CAROLYN
Yes. Tomorrow.
MADISON
Why the change?
CAROLYN
Because you’re absolutely right. What your father and David had has no bearing on our lives now. This dinner will prove that to everyone.
MADISON
Works for me.
ROYCE
Night.
KANE
Night kids.
MADISON and ROYCE exit.
CAROLYN
Does he still make your little heart go pitter pat?
KANE
He seemed.
CAROLYN
I know.
KANE
Not as.
CAROLYN
Intimidating.
KANE
Angry.
CAROLYN
But still.
KANE
Yes.
CAROLYN
He looked awfully good for fifty.
KANE
Tonight we should go for that quick bit of.
CAROLYN
Oh yeah.
A light rises on DAVID on his cellphone.
DAVID
He looked so—middle-aged. I warned him when we broke up time works differently in the straight world. And I hate to say it but she’s held it together better than he has. Come on. That’s a long time to hold a grudge and—honestly—now that I’ve seen them I think I got the better deal.
Lights rise on the kitchen. MADISON is there, checking the pots on the stove. ROYCE enters.
MADISON
There’s pâté in the fridge and some rice crackers over there.
ROYCE
Pâté?
MADISON
The pinky grey stuff that looks like ass barf from a sick dog.
ROYCE
I love that stuff. Where are they?
MADISON
Changing. Again.
ROYCE
Did you hear them last night?
MADISON
The fucking neighbours heard them.
ROYCE
Why are you dressed like a slut?
MADISON
Because I’m a slut.
ROYCE
I can see the tops of your aureoleos. (or-ee-ole-eos)
MADISON
Then look elsewhere pervert.
KANE enters.
KANE
Well?
ROYCE
What?
MADISON
Better.
ROYCE
Did you get your hair dyed?
KANE
Just covered the grey and got some highlights.
CAROLYN enters.
CAROLYN
Ta da.
ROYCE
Christ.
MADISON
Okay I’m just like whoa.
CAROLYN
I got a mini makeover. I couldn’t help it.
ROYCE
This is weird.
MADISON
Really.
KANE
Maddy that shirt is not appropriate.
CAROLYN
A little cleavage is fine but.
KANE
I know you have a lot of other nice tops.
CAROLYN
That don’t make you look like you’re lactating. Change it.
MADISON
I have a right to express myself.
KANE
Listen to your mother.
MADISON
Style Nazis.
MADISON exits.
ROYCE
Is this alright?
KANE
You combed your hair.
ROYCE
Thinking about taking a shower too.
KANE
Don’t get crazy.
CAROLYN
We can start moving the serving dishes to the table.
ROYCE
CAROLYN
Thai Moroccan fusion.
ROYCE
Concept food.
CAROLYN
Be nice. I spent all day.
The doorbell rings.
KANE
I’ll get it. I’ll. Got it.
KANE exits.
ROYCE
What’s with him?
CAROLYN
Nerves.
KANE
(off) Hey come in.
DAVID
(off) Thanks. How are you?
KANE
(off) Great. Thanks. Right through here.
DAVID
(off) Lovely place.
DAVID and KANE enter.
KANE
I’ll give you a tour later.
DAVID
Hi.
CAROLYN
Welcome. You look wonderful.
DAVID
So do you.
DAVID and CAROLYN double cheek kiss stiffly.
CAROLYN
This is our son Royce.
DAVID
Hello Royce.
ROYCE
Hey.
DAVID
Fabulous kitchen. Very smart. The dining room is a thing of the past.
ROYCE
That’s exactly what Dad said.
CAROLYN
Drink?
DAVID
What are you offering?
ROYCE
Jim Beam. They bought it special.
CAROLYN
Ice?
KANE
Lots just a splash of water.
DAVID
He mixed about two million of them when—back in the day.
CAROLYN
Kane?
KANE
Beer.
ROYCE
Me too.
CAROLYN
I don’t.
KANE
A beer’s fine.
DAVID
Where’s Madison?
CAROLYN
She’s changing.
ROYCE
Into someone less slutty.
DAVID
Why?
ROYCE
I saw you on the Net.
DAVID
Ah.
CAROLYN
Royce mentioned you’d done some—movies.
DAVID
Nothing worth discussing really.
ROYCE
Porn’s completely legit. Don’t be hung up.
DAVID
I’m not.
KANE
Royce.
DAVID
Carolyn let me give you a hand with those drinks.
CAROLYN
Here you go.
DAVID takes two beers and hands them to KANE and ROYCE.
DAVID
Gentlemen.
KANE
Thank you.
CAROLYN
And this is for you.
DAVID
Aren’t you having anything?
CAROLYN
I made myself a Singapore Sling.
ROYCE
There’s a time vortex in our fridge.
DAVID
Royce tell me all about yourself.
ROYCE
What nothing no.
DAVID
What high-school stereotype do you fall into?
ROYCE
Angry outsider with a gift in cyber.
DAVID
Computers?
ROYCE
Are my bitch.
DAVID
I guess there’s no point in asking if you’ve got a girlfriend.
KANE
Royce’s shy with the girls.
ROYCE
They don’t like me.
DAVID
There must be nerd girls that fancy you.
ROYCE
A couple. They’re not very hot though.
DAVID
A satisfying sexual life is all about sliding standards. Just wear a condom. And if they’re really unattractive take drugs.
CAROLYN
We’re generally not quite so candid with our children.
DAVID
He conducts himself as an adult. I assumed you spoke to him like one.
CAROLYN
Not in that particular fashion.
ROYCE
My friend Sigfreid’s dad has a twenty-two. We used it to go shoot some seagulls once. Have you ever hunted?
DAVID
Once or twice. Not really my thing.
ROYCE
It’s kinda old school but I like the shooting.
MADISON enters.
MADISON
Don’t start without me.
CAROLYN
Madison.
KANE
That wasn’t much of a change.
MADISON moves to the counter to pour herself a drink.
MADISON
Best I could do.
KANE
You remember David.
MADISON
Of course.
DAVID
I think you all look wonderful.
CAROLYN
Really?
DAVID
A very handsome family.
CAROLYN
Everyone just help yourselves. So how is being back?
DAVID
Alright.
KANE
A lot of your old gang still around?
DAVID
No.
KANE
Why not?
DAVID
Between substance abuse and AIDS they’re all pretty much drunk crazy or dead.
MADISON
That’s sad.
DAVID
It’s all just exposition now.
KANE
When’s the restaurant opening?
DAVID
Two weeks. And we might actually be ready.
MADISON
Got all the staff you need?
CAROLYN
Now.
MADISON
Kidding.
DAVID
I told you.
MADISON
Why would they possibly object to you giving me a job?
CAROLYN
It’s an—unhealthy lifestyle.
DAVID
Unhealthy lifestyle?
KANE
How is it?
DAVID
Delicious. Sort of Thai Moroccan.
CAROLYN
You’re very good.
MADISON
Have you been single since you and my dad broke up?
DAVID
I’ve had—a few relationships.
CAROLYN
Anything that lasted?
DAVID
Six years is my record. One was a very well-known movie star but I can’t tell you his name or we’ll all be killed.
CAROLYN
Everyone’s so surprised that you’re back. Someone at the opera said they thought you’d retired somewhere warm a very rich man.
DAVID
I wish. My restaurants all did well. For a while. And I was rich. For a while.
ROYCE
What happened to all your money?
DAVID
I
spent it on my cat.
KANE
Mr. Nippers?
DAVID
Yes.
CAROLYN
You know this cat?
KANE
I bought him for David when we moved in together.
MADISON
A little gay cat child. How touching.
DAVID
Sweet Mr. Nippers had a kidney infection thyroid condition and bowel dysfunction that cost me thousands of dollars the last ten years he was alive. Trying to keep a floundering restaurant afloat while medicating your cat eight times a day is no picnic.
CAROLYN
Much easier than children.
DAVID
And thankfully cats die at the same age most kids really start to resent their parents.
MADISON laughs.
MADISON
Too true.
DAVID
And what are your long-term goals Madison?
MADISON
To never wear earrings that are too big for my face.
KANE
Maddy’s good at so many things she always has trouble deciding.
CAROLYN
We think university might help her.
MADISON
Mother stop.
KANE
You’ve outdone yourself on dinner dear.
ROYCE
Not bad.
MADISON
She doesn’t do this for just anyone.
ROYCE
Let alone the guy who useta do my dad.
KANE
Royce.
CAROLYN
Maddy have a bit more to eat.
MADISON
I’m not hungry.
ROYCE
She hardly ever eats.
MADISON
It’s discipline not anorexia as the fat people are implying.
DAVID
I got that.
MADISON
It’s quite inspiring the mature way you’ve all handled this reunion.
KANE
How else could we react?
DAVID
Times are different now.
MADISON
I bet a lot of people were freaked out about it at the time though.
KANE
You could say that.
MADISON
Is that why your parents disowned you?
Pause.
KANE
Yes.
DAVID
Those people with the nice paintings disowned you?
KANE
Pretty much.
ROYCE
Why’d you tell us they were dead?
KANE
It was.
MADISON
Easier?
KANE
Yes.
CAROLYN
Unfortunately we never got the chance to repair that rift.
KANE
There was no repairing that rift.
CAROLYN
They would’ve forgiven you.
KANE
Never.
CAROLYN
In time. If they’d met the children.
KANE
You didn’t know them.
MADISON
They sound like horrid people.
KANE
They were.
DAVID
