by Brad Fraser
Kane I’m sorry.
CAROLYN
I could’ve made them understand.
ROYCE
Understand what?
CAROLYN
That Kane’s whole thing with David wasn’t real.
Pause.
DAVID
Real?
CAROLYN
Did I say that?
DAVID
Yes.
CAROLYN
I didn’t mean real—
DAVID
Good.
CAROLYN
It just wasn’t—you know—like with a man and woman. It was different. That’s what I meant. Different. Isn’t that right?
KANE
What?
CAROLYN
It was different.
KANE
Everything’s different.
CAROLYN
Kane wasn’t really gay. Not that that invalidates your relationship in any way. But he has a family now so I guess that proves something right?
KANE
Carolyn.
CAROLYN
This isn’t coming out the way it’s supposed to.
MADISON
Then why don’t you stop?
Long pause.
KANE
Who wants seconds?
DAVID
I should go.
CAROLYN
I didn’t mean to offend you.
DAVID
I’m not offended. I still have work to do tonight.
KANE
Okay.
DAVID
Thank you so much for dinner.
CAROLYN
It’s what we’d do for any old friend.
Short pause.
DAVID
You know Madison is right. If we’re such good old friends there’s absolutely no reason I shouldn’t hire her at the restaurant.
MADISON
You serious?
DAVID
Show up for training at two tomorrow.
MADISON
Thank you.
DAVID
You’re welcome. Thanks again for the terrific dinner.
DAVID exits.
ROYCE
What just happened?
MADISON
I got the job.
CAROLYN
I will not allow it.
KANE
It’s a bad idea.
MADISON laughs and clears the table.
MADISON
I got the job. I got the job.
A light rises on DAVID at the restaurant on his cell.
DAVID
How old are you? Perfect. I’m—forty. You like older guys. Good. What’s your name? I’m Ted. Are you alone Jacob? Good. What are you wearing? Great. So tell me what you like Jacob. No. We don’t have to have phone sex. I guess I’m cool to just talk if that’s what you want. Sure.
Lights rise on CAROLYN, dressed for bed. She’s brushing her hair in the mirror. KANE is changing into his pyjamas as they speak.
CAROLYN
Talk her out of it.
KANE
You know how that works with her.
CAROLYN
Nothing good will come of it.
KANE
Well if you hadn’t been so.
CAROLYN
What?
KANE
Outspoken.
CAROLYN
I didn’t mean for that to come out like that. I just—he was the one with all the excitement and glamour.
KANE
It wasn’t that exciting or glamorous. You don’t know what it’s like playing second fiddle to someone all the time.
CAROLYN
Is that why you married me?
KANE
Honey please.
CAROLYN
There’s a look in your eye. A place you go sometimes when you think no one’s looking. I know you’re thinking about him. I’ve always known.
KANE
You’ve got to let this go.
CAROLYN
It’s not something I ever understood. It doesn’t seem like you. To do that. With a man. It just doesn’t seem real.
KANE
We made a mistake. Inviting him here. Let’s admit that and get on with it. We don’t have to see him again. Madison might even hate the job.
KANE kisses CAROLYN.
CAROLYN
You’re absolutely right. I’m sorry.
KANE moves closer to her.
KANE
I have an idea for how you can make it up to me.
Lights rise on DAVID at the restaurant going through the reservation book. MADISON enters in waiter gear.
MADISON
You wanted to see me?
DAVID
I hear your training’s going quite well.
MADISON
Who knew you had to know so much to be a waiter?
DAVID
This job hasn’t created a rift at home has it?
MADISON
Everyone seems to be getting over it.
DAVID
Good. We’re opening tomorrow night and I just—I want you to know that you’ll be judged like any other waiter.
MADISON
You mean you’re not going to cut me any slack just because you gave me the job to piss my mother off?
DAVID
I wouldn’t have put it quite that way but sure.
MADISON
I’m going to be very good.
DAVID
You’d better be.
MADISON
Just watch.
MADISON exits. Light rise on the kitchen. KANE, CAROLYN and ROYCE setting food on the dinner table.
CAROLYN
Dinner.
They sit and eat in silence for a longish moment.
ROYCE
Sigfreid rimmed me last night.
KANE
Son please don’t say rimmed at the dinner table.
CAROLYN
Thank you Kane.
ROYCE
I thought personal sexual revelations over dinner are what we’re all about.
KANE
Royce.
CAROLYN
I liked it so much better when you were obsessed with Warmonger.
ROYCE
That was before my childhood had been shattered. At least now I understand why I’m so weird.
CAROLYN
Somewhere there are a whole bunch of girls just waiting for a boy like you.
ROYCE
Never invite me to that party.
CAROLYN
You’ve got to stop putting yourself down.
ROYCE
I’m just beating everyone else to it.
KANE
It won’t always be like this.
ROYCE
Right. I’m still the ugly geek they all laugh at.
CAROLYN
Who laughs at you?
ROYCE
Forget it.
KANE
Is it really that bad?
ROYCE
No.
KANE
If there’s a serious problem you need to tell us.
ROYCE
No serious problems. Everything’s fine.
Pause.
CAROLYN
Have some more carrots. I made way too many carrots.
ROYCE
No
.
ROYCE exits. Pause.
CAROLYN
Carrots?
KANE
No.
They eat in silence. A light rises on DAVID at the restaurant, eating. MADISON enters.
MADISON
Eating alone’s a drag.
DAVID
I’m used to it.
MADISON
Good night.
DAVID
Things look promising but we won’t really know how we’re doing for a few months. Where have all the waiters gone?
MADISON
Comfort for last call.
DAVID
Not joining them?
MADISON
The bar’s fun once in a while but I don’t like to make it a habit.
DAVID
You’re too young to be so responsible.
MADISON
What do you do when you leave here?
DAVID
Meet with Mary think about what needs to be done tomorrow watch the news.
MADISON
You don’t go to the bars?
DAVID
I used to. Every night for twenty-five years. All over the world. It was wonderful. But these last few years. Over forty and you’re invisible.
MADISON
Don’t you even like drive around and pick up men on the street or cruise the parks or bathrooms or whatever?
DAVID
That’s not really my scene.
MADISON
So you just watch the news?
DAVID
You sound disappointed.
MADISON
We could go meet the other waiters for a drink.
DAVID
I’m bushed.
MADISON
You sure?
DAVID
Positive. Thanks for asking.
MADISON
Good night.
MADISON clears the table quickly and exits. Lights rise on ROYCE in his bedroom, on his computer. There’s a knock.
ROYCE
What?
KANE enters.
KANE
Turn the computer off.
ROYCE
Dad I’m.
KANE
Off.
ROYCE turns the computer off.
You have every right to be confused.
ROYCE
I’m not confused. You’re the popular guy who gets to have sex with everyone.
KANE
It wasn’t all about sex.
ROYCE
Oh right. You loved him.
KANE
Does that bother you?
ROYCE
Why would I care?
KANE
Because I’m not the man you thought I was.
ROYCE
I got over that when I was thirteen.
KANE
I don’t understand why you’re so cynical. We’ve tried to understand. Helped where we could.
ROYCE
I know.
KANE
But lately it’s like you have to ridicule everything I say. Fudgepacker this and buttboy that and he rimmed me. It’s getting old.
ROYCE
I’m just kidding around.
KANE
It’s not funny.
ROYCE
I don’t get it okay. I just don’t.
KANE
It’s not as simple as they make it sound Royce. Not for everyone. Some people respond to members of the same sex some respond to members of the opposite sex and.
ROYCE
Some are bi. I know the score. Jeez Dad.
KANE
Even saying bi is a simplification. It’s not about labels it’s about individuals. Does that make any sense?
ROYCE
No.
KANE
Sometimes people meet and whatever they share goes beyond sexuality.
ROYCE
Sounds romantic.
KANE
I’m not going to go around acting like I’m ashamed if that’s what you want. Love sex all of that. It’s not so easy. You’ll see someday.
ROYCE
Doubtful. Does Mom have any deep dark secrets we don’t know about?
KANE
No.
MADISON enters.
MADISON
Party?
KANE
I was just heading to bed.
MADISON
Everything okay?
KANE
Fine. Night.
KANE exits.
MADISON
What’s with him?
ROYCE
He’s still worried we hate him.
MADISON
Do you?
ROYCE
He’s Dad.
MADISON
Doesn’t mean it’s easy to get used to.
ROYCE
Whatever how was work?
MADISON flashes ROYCE a wad of bills.
MADISON
I’d say pretty fucking good.
ROYCE
Nice. Man do I need a job. Or a life. Or a shot to the head or something.
Pause.
MADISON
What’s the baby brother bummed about?
ROYCE
Fuck off.
MADISON
Royce.
ROYCE
I keep having dreams about finding my family hanging in the basement with their throats slit and their intestines pulled through wounds in their bellies. And sometimes when I’m watching TV by myself I start crying and I don’t know why and the show’s not even sad or whatever.
Pause.
MADISON
Are you trying to come out to me?
ROYCE
No.
MADISON
It’s alright if you are.
ROYCE
I’m not. Now get out.
Lights rise on DAVID restocking the bar, on the cellphone.
DAVID
Marcelle I need another two cases of the Zinfandel you sold me last week. Yeah I sold out. If you ate here once in a while you’d know why. Next time you’re in talk to me and we’ll book something for you—on the house. Great. Two cases.
ROYCE enters.
Hey.
ROYCE
Madison done yet?
DAVID
She might be a while.
ROYCE
Thought I’d give her a ride home.
DAVID
On a Friday night?
ROYCE
Yeah.
DAVID
That’s tragic.
ROYCE
Yeah what’s up with you?
DAVID
This is my life.
Pause.
Do you want a coffee or something?
ROYCE
I’m fine.
DAVID
I have to finish restocking the bar.
ROYCE
Can I give you a hand?
DAVID
Thanks. It’s okay.
Pause as ROYCE watches DAVID work.
ROYCE
Why’d you do that shit on the Net?
DAVID
The porn?
ROYCE
Yeah.
DAVID
I was—proving something.
ROYCE
What?
DAVID
That AIDS didn’t have the power to ruin my sex life.
ROYCE
Who were you proving it to?
DAVID
Myself. Everyone. I don’t know. It was a pretty messed-up time. Honestly I needed the money.
ROYCE
They pay you a lot?
DAVID
I don’t think your mother would approve of this conversation.
ROYCE
That’s why I’m having it with you.
DAVID
You’re the computer dude. You’ve seen worse.
ROYCE
Oh yeah. Chicks with dicks guys with pies pop on top K-9 brown-eye. Everything.
DAVID
I guess finding out about me is nothing compared to—whatever it was you just said.
ROYCE
I dunno. Like some stuff makes sense now.
DAVID
Such as?
ROYCE
He was never like other dads.
DAVID
No?
ROYCE
Too creative and smart. And he’s into antiques and shit. Fabrics. He loves fabrics. But he’s not femmy. Most guys like that are femmy.
DAVID
Is he a good father?
ROYCE
In a boring good-father way can I have a job?
Pause.
DAVID
It would be—awkward with Madison here.
ROYCE
Why?
DAVID
I can’t have outside—family—issues creeping into work.
ROYCE
Sure.
DAVID
Besides.
ROYCE
What?
DAVID
You’re too bright. Bright busboys are always a pain in the ass because they know how much their job sucks. Why don’t I go see what’s keeping your sister?
ROYCE
Okay great thanks.
DAVID exits. A light rises on MADISON in the kitchen making pancakes. CAROLYN is at the table drinking coffee and reading the paper.
MADISON
Two or four?
CAROLYN
Two. Your father will want four and Royce will have six but only eat five. I can’t believe you’re doing this after getting in at three thirty-seven.
MADISON
I thought it would be nice.
CAROLYN
What do you do after closing?
MADISON
Hang out for drinks and talk.
CAROLYN
With who?
MADISON
The other waiters staff whoever.
CAROLYN
David?
MADISON
Once in a while.
CAROLYN
Dad’s assistant quit.
KANE enters.
KANE
She’s going on some reality show and they need to rehearse for two months.
MADISON
Reality’s not what it used to be.
KANE
Interested in the position?
MADISON
