Stars Over Alaska
Page 21
Levi cleared his throat and sent her a desperate look as she escaped the office. But Leslie shouldn’t have to stay and explain herself to Mrs. Powell. Obviously she felt guilty getting caught by her former mother-in-law-to-be, but Mrs. Powell had made it very clear that Leslie wasn’t part of their family anymore. She’d never wanted Leslie in their family, yet she adored Levi.
So, this was all on him to explain.
* * *
LESLIE’S DEVASTATION HAD reached an all-time high. This was by far the worst thing that could have happened. Her ex-fiancé’s mother catching her and Levi in a compromising situation was a thing of nightmares. Levi had looked guilty as shit and she knew they both should be. Things had gotten out of control. She’d allowed them to get out of control. This was on her.
But she’d sensed her presence in the office would only make things worse. Mrs. Powell had never liked her, so it would be Levi who would reap the woman’s disappointment. Damn, why had she put him in all of these tough situations?
She hovered near the door frame of her bunk room to listen, out of sight.
“What are you doing?” Selena asked, getting up from her bunk to join her.
“Shhh...”
“That was unexpected,” she heard Mrs. Powell say carefully.
“Yeah...for me too, honestly,” Levi said.
Unexpected for him too? Which part? Getting caught or getting physical with her? Most likely both hadn’t been planned. They certainly hadn’t on her end.
“What is she even doing here?”
Was Alaska off limits to her now? Leslie’s irritation grew. She’d never given Dawson’s mother any reason to dislike her. If anything, she’d helped keep Dawson’s head on straight at times, forcing him to study and take his academics seriously when all he wanted to do was play sports and cut class. She’d helped him graduate. When he’d fallen in with a rougher crowd in high school, with Levi’s help, she’d pulled him back and made him realize he couldn’t throw his life away for a few stupid choices. Of course, the Powells hadn’t known anything about all of that. To them, their only son could do no wrong.
“There was a security risk to her client in LA,” Levi said.
Leslie winced, but it was too late now. Mrs. Powell had seen her. He needed to tell the woman something.
“Yes, I heard about the cabin and I saw her on the news.”
Her disdain was evident. She’d condemned Leslie already without having any idea what was going on. As usual.
“Leslie needed my help and it’s a confidential situation I couldn’t talk about. With anyone. She’s not guilty of anything they are accusing her of in the media,” he said.
“You believe that strongly enough to put your own career on the line?” Mrs. Powell asked, her tone a fraction more threatening than concerned, which made Leslie’s blood boil. She could be rude and dismissive to Leslie, but Levi didn’t deserve that.
“Who is this woman?” Selena whispered, looking ready to barge into the office and set her straight herself.
Oddly enough it made Leslie feel a little better. “Our mutual...friend, Dawson’s mother,” she whispered, stumbling over the word friend. She didn’t need Selena knowing more about the situation than that.
“I believe in Leslie,” Levi said and Leslie felt her conflicted heart grow even more confused. He was such an amazing guy and her unexpected attraction to him had only magnified in the last few days, but could it be more than that?
He’d always been the one she could count on. He’d always made her laugh. He was smart and handsome and hardworking... Oh God...
Mrs. Powell’s appearance had given her a very real reason why they shouldn’t even be thinking about it, yet here she was realizing that maybe she did have feelings for Levi. Ones that might go a lot deeper than she ever could have thought possible. Years ago, she’d dismissed any feelings she thought she had once he’d made it clear that they were just friends, but obviously things had always been far more complicated than she’d realized.
“That was sweet of him to say that,” Selena whispered.
“So you two are together now?” Mrs. Powell asked.
Leslie held her breath as she waited for his answer. Selena seemed to be holding hers as well. What would Levi tell her? What did he think was going on?
Levi’s sigh was loud but his voice was respectful and gentle as he said, “Again, I’m not sure that’s something I want to discuss with you.”
Was she disappointed or relieved? He didn’t owe Mrs. Powell any explanation. Still, she’d have appreciated some clarity as well. From his viewpoint.
“Well, I’m not sure I can move past it and forget what I just saw,” Mrs. Powell said, sounding disappointed and on edge.
“Understandable.”
“I mean how are you supposed to be the face of this foundation when you’re...having relations with my dead son’s ex-girlfriend?”
Fiancée, actually. Damn, Mrs. Powell’s unacceptance of her still stung and she hated that she was still letting the woman get to her. She didn’t need or want her approval anymore.
But Levi still might.
“This is all very new,” he said. “Things are very complicated right now. I’m not entirely sure what’s going on between Leslie and me.”
“Well, from what I witnessed, it’s unacceptable.”
Levi was quiet and Leslie held her breath. For what she wasn’t sure. She didn’t know what she expected him to do. Mrs. Powell and this foundation meant a lot to him. She knew his loyalty to Dawson ran deep. She could see his conflicted heart when he looked at her with affection in his eyes. Besides, Dawson had never stood up for her—for them—she couldn’t expect Levi to.
He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry this came out the way it did and that you feel the way you do, but Leslie is important to me.”
Her heart raced.
“And she was important to Dawson,” he continued. “I’m not sure I’ll ever understand why you refuse to acknowledge that...but I’m sorry to say that your opinion of her is wrong—it always has been and it won’t affect how I feel about her.”
“So, you’d walk away from the foundation, all the work we’ve put in together, all the great work this foundation would do to raise awareness and help others? You’d give all that up...for her?”
No...please don’t do anything rash, Levi. Her heart was ready to explode in her chest from the way he’d stood up for her. Dawson had always just ignored his mother’s disdain, had told Leslie not to worry about what his mother thought. She’d never known where she actually stood with the woman or if Dawson’s unwillingness to stand up for her was because he really didn’t care what his mother thought or if he’d never held Leslie in high enough regard to fight for her, to walk away from his family if they didn’t accept her.
The way Levi was prepared to.
“I don’t want to,” she heard him say. “And I don’t think I need to...but that’s up to you, Mrs. Powell.”
A long silence followed and Leslie swallowed the lump forming in her throat. This had to be so hard on Levi. Feeling as though he’d let Mrs. Powell down and having to choose between something he was passionate about or defending Leslie.
The sound of Mrs. Powell’s shoes in the hallway had Leslie moving farther into the room, out of sight as she passed the bunk room door. A second later the front door closed and she released a breath.
“Wow. I can’t believe Levi just did that,” Selena said, admiration in her voice.
Neither could Leslie. What the hell had Levi just done? Choosing her over the Powells and the foundation. She’d expected to feel happy that someone had put her first, but her stomach only churned. Her anxiety peaked and she couldn’t define the source of the uneasiness washing over her.
What if Levi had just stood up for something that could never really happen?
CHAP
TER EIGHTEEN
WHAT A COMPLETE shit show.
Despite knowing he’d done the right thing, Levi was destroyed by the sight of Mrs. Powell’s disappointed expression as she’d walked away. This foundation meant so much to her. It meant a lot to him too, but he couldn’t just ignore the fact that he was more in love with Leslie now than he’d ever been and he wasn’t prepared to lose her.
Or let anyone devalue her ever again. Not even someone as important to him as Mrs. Powell.
Leaving his office, he searched the cabin for her. She must have overheard the conversation and he needed her to know that this decision regarding the foundation wasn’t her fault in any way.
He scanned the living room and kitchen, but didn’t see her.
“She went outside with her phone,” Selena said, appearing in the hallway behind him.
“Is she okay?” A heads-up about what to expect would be appreciated.
“Mostly confused I think, but what you said in there meant a lot to her. I could tell,” she said.
He nodded before heading outside. He heard her voice at the back of the cabin and slowed his pace, listening to the one side of her telephone call.
“Yeah...that’s good to hear. Thank you. I, uh, couldn’t have survived this without you,” she was saying.
His chest tightened. Eoghan? Her co-worker. She’d said there was nothing serious between them, but her tone now as she thanked the guy suggested otherwise. Levi had always taken a back seat to his best friend, but he’d be damned if he lost Leslie to some guy in LA he knew she didn’t have real feelings for.
She had feelings for him. Fear was preventing her from admitting it. He could sense her attraction and affection growing the more they were together. It had become more than physical for her too. They’d been friends for so long, they knew one another, trusted one another, mutually respected one another. All of that, combined with the intense sexual chemistry they had, made for the basis of something real.
“We will head back tomorrow,” he heard her say and he felt the kick to his gut. She was leaving. He’d always known she would and she’d given him the heads-up that it would be soon, but he couldn’t help but think that Mrs. Powell’s appearance was the cause for her decision right now. No doubt any guilt or second-guessing that she’d been repressing the last few days being with him was all coming back.
She disconnected the call and he cleared his throat and took several steps toward her, not wanting to startle her or let her know he’d been listening.
She turned and he searched her face for any indication that there was still a hope for them, that she hadn’t started rebuilding the walls he’d fought to tear down, but there was none. “Hi,” she said. “Um, I’m sorry about all of that.”
“Hey, none of that was your fault. You okay?” he asked, reaching out to touch her arms.
She folded them and he slowly let his hands fall away. Body language spoke volumes and hers said they wouldn’t be tearing the clothes off one another again anytime soon.
Ever?
“Yeah. Fine.” She coughed. “I just spoke to Eoghan. They have the guy being charged on several accounts—harassment, breaking and entering... Selena should be safe to go back.”
He nodded slowly. “So, you’re leaving.”
“Tomorrow morning, we will head back. There’s no point in staying any longer.”
Ouch.
“I mean, it’s a long drive and it’s time to face the music,” she said in an attempt to soften the blow a little too late.
It was a long drive and she did need to get back there, but he knew the real reason she was suddenly so eager to go. “Look, I’m sorry about Mrs. Powell,” he said quickly.
She held up a hand to stop him. “It’s fine. Actually it’s not fine that I created this problem between you two.”
That’s what she thought? Of course she’d internalize it and use it as a reason to back away from him. “You didn’t. I needed her to know how important you are to me, and it may not have been the way I would have liked her to find out but I’m glad that it’s out there now.” Keeping his love for her a secret all these years had gotten him nowhere. She knew the truth now and he was no longer hiding it.
“I appreciate you standing up for me, but it really wasn’t necessary,” she said. “This foundation is important and I really hope that you two can work this out...after I’m gone.”
He swallowed hard. So that was it. She’d gotten a reminder of the biggest reason of all that they shouldn’t be together and she was using it because she was afraid of what they had. She was running away again. Denying how she felt and pushing down the feelings was her way of dealing with issues when things got too hard.
He reached for her hand, but she stood firm. “Leslie, I know that everything has been one big mess...but somehow within all of that, we’ve reconnected. More than that, we’ve connected in a different way. I know you feel this too and I know it goes deeper than just the physical.” He’d felt it in her kiss, in her touch, in the way she looked at him. She couldn’t fake passion like that.
She shook her head. “I should never have crossed that line with you.”
“Because you don’t care about me or because you think that us being together is wrong?”
She sighed. “Does it matter?”
“Absolutely, it matters. I know how I feel about you and it’s enough to walk away from...” This was going to really terrify her, but he refused to hold back the truth. “Well, just about everything.”
“Levi...”
He ignored the warning note in her voice and pushed on. This might be the only chance he’d have to say everything he needed to. And if she still walked away from him, he’d have to live with that, but at least he’d know he gave it everything. “Leslie, I’ve loved you for so long, never ever thinking there could ever be a chance for us. And as much as I miss my friend and would give anything to have him back, the reality is he’s not coming back. But I’m here and you’re here and I know we have something special.”
She looked torn as she listened. He was putting it all on the line and he desperately hoped she wouldn’t turn away from him. From his love.
“All I’m asking is that you don’t shut me out again. You don’t leave and never look back.” Because that would break him more than anything else. “I’ve waited a long time for my friend to find her way back to me and I’m not sure I can lose you again.”
She took such a deep breath it felt as though she were sucking in all the air around them. “Levi, I’m not sure how I feel. I know that I misled you and I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry I dragged you into all of this.”
Was she not hearing anything he said? He didn’t care that he’d put his career at risk. He didn’t care that she’d complicated the hell out of his life. “Leslie, you can’t say you don’t have feelings for me.”
She stared at him for a long, excruciating moment and with each second his confidence in her, in them, slipped away.
She lowered her head, her gaze on the ground. “I’m sorry, Levi. I never meant to hurt you,” she said as she moved past him quickly and disappeared inside the cabin.
Levi shut his eyes, feeling all his energy drain from his body, all the fight leaving his soul. He was open, raw and vulnerable and unlike before when he’d held it together by holding it all inside, he had no idea how to mend this new version of his broken heart.
* * *
IF SHE COULD leave that night, she would. The faster she could get out of there, put some distance between herself and Levi and the million emotions clouding her judgment, the better.
What had she been thinking being with him? Giving in to her attraction? Pushing aside all consequences and living in the moment often led to regrets and mistakes. He was neither but unfortunately, without reassurance from her, he was bound to feel like both.
Damn.
He’d said he was ready to give up everything for her.
That terrified her. Because what if she wasn’t ready to do that for him? What if she wasn’t ready to let herself be fully committed to someone ever again? Keeping her guard up had helped her ignore the ache in her chest, helped her forget what it was like to be in love with someone. To be vulnerable to heartache again wasn’t something she was ready for.
Going into the living room, she heard Levi’s truck engine revving outside and fought every urge to go after him. This was for the best. They both could use some space right now.
“Where’s Levi going?” Selena asked, eyeing her carefully.
“I don’t know,” she said. She swallowed hard before saying, “But good news, they’ve arrested and charged a man they believe is your stalker, so we can head back to LA.”
Selena looked both relieved at the news and disappointed. “There’s no need to leave right away. My touring schedule is already messed up. I could call my team and let them know where we are and that we will head back in a few days.”
Leslie knew how desperate Selena was to get back to her life and yet the star was putting Leslie’s feelings and her relationship with Levi first and an unexpected lump rose in her throat. She forced her expression to remain neutral as she said, “No need. We’ll head back in the morning.”
“You sure?”
No, but unfortunately it was the only decision she knew how to make right now. She had no idea what to do about Levi, but she could do what she knew best—finish the job of protecting her client and hope she could get her life back on track.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t sure it was possible to go back to the life she’d been living now that she’d gotten a glimpse of what could be a better one.