Immortal Matchmakers, Inc.

by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

  She led him away from the table toward the center of the room where everyone could see.

  Oh, the horror. He looks like he’s going to strangle the woman.

  Facing Andrus, the woman urged him to follow along by placing her hands on his hips while the other patrons began clapping. Andrus stood there, no hip action whatsoever as he watched the woman dancing in front of him encouragingly.

  He glanced over at Sadie with a scowl.

  “Oh, come on, Andrus. Give us a little dance.” Sadie placed her palms together in the prayer position. “Pleeease?”

  Andrus’s large chest expanded with a breath, and then he held up his index finger and walked over to the corner of the room where the woman’s sword rested against the wall.

  Oh no. What’s he going to do with that?

  He returned to the woman. “I’m afraid this is the only dance I know besides a waltz.”

  He turned away from her and balanced the edge of the sword on his head. Then he carefully squatted with a straight back and folded his arms over his chest. Holding his torso almost completely still, keeping the knife balanced, he began kicking his legs, doing that Russian dance—she didn’t know the name. The crowd and belly dancer clapped along as he threw out his arms and kicked while keeping that sword steady. Then he stood, placed the sword between his teeth and bent down into a handstand. He walked across the open spot of the floor and then swung his legs over his head and landed on his feet.

  Sadie realized her mouth had been hanging wide open the entire time. Seeing Andrus, this huge tank of muscles, laughing and doing some crazy Russian kick squat dance was downright hysterical.

  Everyone clapped as Andrus took a bow and then returned the sword to the dancer.

  He strutted back to the table, thoroughly enjoying the attention from every woman in the room. He truly was a hot man.

  Grinning from ear to ear, he sat across from Sadie, gloating.

  “Show off.” She laughed.

  “It was either that or show you my uncoordinated hip rolls. I did not want you to feel uncomfortable.”

  She lifted a brow. “Really? You strike me as a man who knows lots of hip moves, but maybe those are more of the back and forth kind—not the side to side.”

  “You assume correctly.” His smile melted away into a lusty gaze that sizzled from across the table. “I’m happy to show you, if you like,” he said in a deep, sensual bedroom voice.

  She wanted to say no and that it was not a good idea. He was practically spoken for, and she was beginning to fall in serious like. But then, if in a few days’ time he’d be off the market, did she really want to pass up the chance? After all, the man was perfection in the physical department and there was no denying now that she may be interested to see how that hip action coordinated with the rest of his hard, chiseled body. Then there was all of the other stuff about him she was beginning to more than just like—his fearlessness, the way he tried to hide his soft underbelly, his sense of loyalty.

  God, I so fucking want him.

  She was about to speak when he began laughing.

  “Dear gods, woman, don’t look so horrified. It was merely a joke.”

  She gulped. “Oh. Yeah. Of course.” Her voice had come out all shaky, so she took her glass of wine and threw it back. “But that’s too bad because I would’ve said yes.”

  His laughter crashed and burned and several long moments of silence passed before he spoke. “You realize that there can’t be anything between us. I’ll meet Charlotte and want no other.”

  “Yeah, I know,” Sadie said.

  “And you don’t care?”

  She made a little shrug. “I wouldn’t say that. But how can I resist having you for a night after you showed me that dance move?” She winked.

  “Check!” he yelled for the waiter.

  ~~~

  Cimil sat at her desk, pulling on the roots of her red hair plus one gray. “This can’t be right. It just can’t be.” She was hearing and seeing so many strange things from the dead, none of it making any sense.

  It seemed that being banished and having her powers removed was a bigger obstacle than she’d anticipated. She could still commune with the dead, as that was more of a skill than a power, but she could no longer get inside their heads, which was how she pieced together events from the future. The pool of souls, where the dead hung out until they decided if they wanted to come back for another spin in a people suit or move on to rejoin the cosmic soup of energy, existed in a place beyond the confines of time. But the dead were practically useless to her if she wasn’t able to sift through their Mount Fuji-sized pile of memories with a mere blink of an eye. And without her ability to bend the Universe to her will—okay, it was really more of a nudge—she could no longer persuade or change the outcome of events. Things were now taking on courses of their own. Completely random, unpredictable chaos. As opposed to my awesome predictable chaos with an evil cherry on top. This is not good.

  If she didn’t find some way to intercede, everything would begin falling apart—Zac would go bonkers, the world would probably end up back on a collision course to the apocalypse again. And dammit! They’d just gone through this. It had been so close, ninety percent of the sea turtle population had abandoned ship and returned to their planet.

  Without even offering to take me along. Damned sea turtles.

  Cimil’s cell phone began playing “You’re the Best” from the Karate Kid soundtrack. “Yo, baby. Wassup?”

  “Gah-rarar-garrr-kah-kah-rarrr…”

  “Really?” Cimil pinched her brow. “Godsdammit. Can’t a quasi-evil goddess ever catch a break?”

  “Rarrr…”

  “I know, right?” She chuckled. Those Maaskab. Such a riot with their dark humor. “Okay. Just keep an eye on the woman Sadie. I’m going to have to go over there and stop them.”

  “Gah,” he replied.

  “Yep. Catch you later. You’re still on for Sunday, yes?”

  “Rarrr. Kak. Rarrr…Bleh.”

  “Excellent. The kids love it when you babysit. Oh. And they asked you to bring some actual cash this time. Playing poker for human thumbs is getting old now that they’re past the sucking phase. Thanks, babe.”

  She ended the call, shaking her head over the news she’d just received from the Maaskab. How am I going to fix this?

  And she’d never be able to get anything done if she had to rely on actually talking to people and reasoning with them instead of using her powers. And depending solely on her network of immortals and immortal-friendly humans to keep tabs on everything was extremely inefficient when one was trying to manage a few million variables at once.

  I need powers. Even if I must steal them from another immortal. Hmmm…maybe she could barter with that Maaskab. At the moment, he was so desperate to find a gal, he’d agree to almost anything. Even babysitting my evil children.

  For the moment, however, she needed to stop Andrus from making a huge mistake.

  She glanced at her watch. “I hope I get there in time.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Sadie hardly spoke a word to Andrus during the drive back to the safe house, but the atmosphere in the SUV was tense. Sexually tense. Then they’d passed the security gate, parked, and practically ran to the front door. The moment they got inside, Andrus slammed the door shut, locked it, and stared at her with a hungry gaze.

  God, she was already wet for him. The anticipation had been more arousing than any foreplay ever. She just wanted him to take her. Hard. Right there on the floor.

  “What’s the matter?” she said, waiting for him to kiss her or touch her or do something.

  “I’m remembering what you said about liking it when a man takes his time with you.”

  “Oh that.” She chuckled nervously. “I was just kidding around.”

  He shook his head from side to side. “Yes, but if it is going to be one time, I want to savor the experience.”

  What? No! No.

  “Sure.” She
shrugged, trying to play it cool.

  He stepped forward with a feral look in his eyes. “I think I’m going to lick you from head to toe. Then, after I make you come two or three times, I’ll fuck you hard and sweet.”

  Gazing straight up into his turquoise eyes, she stuttered, “Ha-ha-hard and swe-sweet?”

  His lips curled up on one side, forming a wicked little smile. “Oh, yes. Two or three times. Immortal style.”

  “Uh. Okay. That’s sounds nice,” she said in a faint voice, trying to breathe. “Or…”

  “Or?” He reached for her waist and pulled her body against him, his heat, hardness, and smell enveloping her senses in a blanket of gripping lust and need.

  “Or,” she said, reaching up to slide his jacket off his broad shoulders while keeping her eyes locked onto his. “You could reverse the order.”

  “Mmmm…I like that idea.” He bent his head to hers and the flurry of sparks and kisses and touching went off like a bomb.

  His lips and tongue were on her mouth and neck and back again while his hands went to work pulling down the shoulders of her dress, leaving her in just her black strapless bra and lace thong. He stopped only for a moment to appreciate the view, but his little sexy growl indicated he was pleased by what he saw.

  Meanwhile, her hands just weren’t moving fast enough. She slid off his tie and tore open his shirt, sending buttons flying and giving her access to those hard pecs, rippling abs, and smooth light olive skin. She gripped his shirt by the collar, peeled it down, and allowed her fingertips to soak in the sexy terrain of his masculinity; meanwhile their tongues slid, their mouths sucked, their teeth scraped.

  The moment she went for his belt, he scooped her into his arms and carried her to her bedroom. He threw her onto the bed, and she giggled with a bounce.

  Andrus stood at the foot of the bed, that fierce, hungry look in his eyes burning through her as he undid his belt and tossed it to the floor. Slowly, he unbuttoned his pants and lowered the zipper.

  When his pants fell to the floor, she gasped. Andrus stood entirely naked in front of her, his massive, thick erection jutting out.

  “Holy shit,” she said. “That thing really is huge.”

  He shrugged proudly.

  “Come here.” She motioned with her index finger.

  He got on the bed and began crawling towards her. He then reached for her thong and slid it down, his eyes glued between her legs.

  “Let me see you,” he demanded.

  She opened her thighs, watching the expression on his face as he stared at her most intimate spot. Just having his eyes on her pushed her so close that one little touch would set her off.

  He reached his hand between her legs, careful not to touch her throbbing bud. Instead, he gently brushed his fingers over her folds and then circled her entrance. Panting hard, she threw back her head, her body screaming for him to be inside her. “Oh God.”

  “Do you not mean, ‘oh demigod’?” Andrus slid his finger inside her, groaning as he found her wet and ready. He slid another in and then pressed his thumb on her c-spot.

  She felt her body cave to the need and let go, releasing the euphoric tension. She moaned and tossed and turned her head as he massaged and pushed and withdrew every sinful pulse of pleasure from her core, spurring repeated contractions with tiny flicks of his soft, wet tongue over her bud.

  After what felt like ten minutes of solid orgasmic pleasure that left her speechless and breathless, she reopened her eyes and gazed at a smugly triumphant Andrus.

  “That was only one orgasm. I have five more to deliver,” he said.

  Okee dokee! “Do you really think you can?” she said coyly. Of course a man like him could, but challenging him seemed like the optimal way to get him to try just a little bit harder.

  “Oh yeah. I most certainly can.” He looked down at his twitching erection and gripped it just below the head.

  Her entire portfolio of sexual images could not compete with this.

  In a deep, slow, gravelly voice, he said, “I’m going to fuck you so hard that every part of your body will taste my cum.”

  Oh, yeah. He must be reading my mind. Except that…

  “Wait,” she said. “Did you bring a condom?”

  He flashed the classic “deer in headlights” expression. “No. Did you?”

  “No.”

  “Well, why the hell not? You’re the female.”

  What the…? “Meaning?”

  “It’s your responsibility to care for your body.”

  Oh my gods! Really? “So you have zero responsibility in the matter?” she fumed.

  “I am a male. We are genetically predisposed to spread our seed to as many females as possible—not that I have, but it does cement the roles and responsibilities question.”

  She wanted to kill him. Kill. Him. “Andrus, while I completely get that you are from another time, you also weren’t born under a rock. It takes two to tango, and the last time I checked, we are both adults.”

  “Yes, you being the one with the…” he flicked his hand in the direction of her womb, “with the field. While I come equipped with the plow.”

  “What the hell does that mean?” she seethed.

  “It means that if I were a farmer, I’d carry a shotgun and gun down anyone who tried to sow my field without my permission.”

  She blew out an angry breath. “Get out.”

  “What?”

  “Get. Out.”

  “Are you saying you should not care for your field?” he asked.

  “I’m saying….get out!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, covering her naked body with a sheet.

  “Fine. I will.”

  “Fine!” She watched him gather his pants and head for the door, that muscular, smooth bare ass taunting her as he left.

  “What the fuck!” Andrus said, stopping in the doorway, his palms flat against something invisible. “Godsdammit. Minky, have you been here the entire time?”

  Who the hell was Andrus talking to? There was no one there.

  “Where’s Cimil?” he added.

  “You rang, baby?” A redheaded woman pushed her way past Andrus inside the room and looked right at Sadie sitting up on the bed, wrapped in a sheet. “Please dear lords of all things holy and garage-sale related, tell me you did not sleep together.”

  Bob looks so different as a woman.

  “No, but what business is it of yours?” Sadie asked, before remembering she was speaking to a real live deity.

  “Yes, Cimil,” Andrus said, holding his pants over his groin. “What business is it of yours?”

  Cimil, who wore black leather shorts and a white tank with a man’s six-pack printed on it, shook her head with frustration, squeezing shut her bright turquoise eyes. “Gods, what did I do to so deserve this from the Universe?”

  “Cimiiil?” Andrus growled.

  She threw down her hands. “You can’t be with her, Andrus. This isn’t a trick from the old Cimil fun factory of evil delights, okay?” She then pointed right at Sadie. “And you, young lady, cannot fall in love with him. He is not your destiny.”

  Sadie slid from the bed, holding the sheet around her body. “I’m sorry. I get that you are a very ancient and divine creature, but nobody tells me who to fall in love with.”

  “I do!” Cimil barked. “I do. Because Zac and I are stuck in the mortal world until we’ve paid our dues! And we need every mate-match we can get before Zac goes psycho. Also, it is the Universe’s will to have you love another, Sadie.”

  The part about their paying dues made no sense, just like her statement regarding who she was supposed to love.

  “Love another? Like who?” Sadie asked. “Another loser like Tim, who’ll attack me and make me forget? Or that other guy who stalked me for two months until he disappeared? Andrus is the only man I’ve ever met worth loving, so don’t tell me what I’m allowed to do.”

  Cimil shrugged. “We can’t all have happy endings. But Andrus is destined to h
ave his. With another woman. And you, little Sippy, cannot get in his way.”

  “She doesn’t even want him. How does that make any sense?” Sadie argued.

  “Cimil,” Andrus stepped in, “leave us for a moment.”

  It then dawned on Sadie what she’d just been saying. Oh my God. I am falling in love with him.

  Cimil huffed. “Fine!” She threw up her hands. “Don’t listen to the goddess who’s been in existence for seventy thousand years and has single-handedly brought the world to the brink of extinction and back more times than she can remember. Wait. That didn’t sound right. What I meant was—”

  “Out!” Andrus barked.

  Cimil turned and stomped out of the room, closing the door behind her. “Asshole.”

  “I heard that!” Andrus barked.

  “Good!” Cimil yelled back.

  Andrus looked at Sadie. He didn’t at all seem to mind or notice the fact his bare ass was hanging out. Of course, this was the man who’d proudly showed her his junk the second time they’d met.

  “Did you mean what you said?” he asked.

  Sadie sat on the edge of the bed facing him. “I don’t know.”

  He sat next to her, still holding his wadded pants to his groin. “I like you very much, too.”

  Her heart melted. “You do?”

  He turned his head and looked down at her with his shimmering turquoise eyes. “Yes. Which is why I am going to leave before this goes any farther. I was kidding myself thinking we could have sex and it not mean anything. And I find myself wanting you more and more with every second that passes.”

  “At least you’ll get over it once you meet Mrs. Wonderful,” Sadie pointed out.

  “Perhaps. But right now, the only thing I’m thinking about is you and that you do not deserve to be hurt. Falling in love with someone who is taken is torture.”

  “I just don’t understand how a free man isn’t free to decide who he wants to be with.”

  “Maybe you have a point…Maybe I should not go,” Andrus mumbled, as if thinking aloud.